Make me love you
by FallingArtist
Summary: What if Lexa had to fight yet another war? What if Clarke ended up in the Ice Nation? And what if Lexa is exactly going to fight the Ice Nation? How about a group of rebels in Ice...who would become their leader? You can guess...
1. Weakness

**Chapter One: Weakness**

Clarke knows she should feed her body. She just can't bring herself to do so.

Not yet.

She doesn't know if she will ever heal. She doesn't feel like she could right now. Before taking care of her body she needs to take care of her soul, if she still has one. She's been thinking about this since she left the Ark. Could she be herself again? Could she ever be whole again? The only answer she has are the screams of all those people in the Mountain.

She saved the children. She actually did. She made Cage let the children out. They're at the Ark now, her mother is taking care of them. Or at least she hopes so. She doesn't know for sure. She just left. She couldn't take it anymore. She killed all their parents for the safety of her people, but she can't face them. Those innocent eyes that only seek protection and love. And all she has is destruction and death.

One day she had sought love too. But those days seem so far away in the past now. She can't think of a time when she wasn't like this. A leader. Someone who kills people and is followed because of that. She can't remember the times when she was innocent just like those children. But she does. And it's even worse now.

She thinks about when her father was floated, back on the Ark, and she had been caged for things she hadn't even done yet. She killed those children's parents. Most of them were innocent. Not as innocent as their sons, but still. And she killed all of them. She starts thinking that maybe it would have been less cruel to kill the children too. But she couldn't kill them and survive with her decision, so she condemned them to live with the people who killed their parents.

Clarke reaches the water with her hand, splashing away the imagine of her face. Sometimes when she looks at herself she sees grey and green eyes that stare at her. Victory stands at the back of sacrifice. She remembers that. But those eyes said so different things to her heart. She can't stand the thought of them.

She sits there near the river for a long time before standing again and going back to walk. She doesn't know where to go. Sometimes she thinks she's just waiting for something to kill her. Free her from the weight that every night rips her chest open. But she doesn't deserve that. Even death is not enough, she deserves to suffer the way she is now, maybe worse. But how could be worse?

She's alone, in the middle of nowhere, too far from who used to be her people, and she doesn't belong anywhere, not anymore. The life she had dreamed of, the life on the ground full of surprises and new things to discover; that life was gone. Lost in pain and war, drowned in blood and betrayal.

* * *

She has trained all day long, denying her body any rest, only wishing for the clung of the swords to cover the screams of her heart. She feels herself bleeding inside and she takes a bit of relief by seeing real blood streaming down her arm and hip. At least that blood she can touch. The blood that drowns her heart she can't touch nor see, she's not able to stop it, and it's cold. Her body feels a little warmer now that blood is running on it.

But those wounds also remind her that she's alive, while she'd like anything but being dead, like her heart.

No, what she really wishes is not death, but just being a normal girl, a warrior like the others. Someone who could choose their heart. Someone who could be special, but not because of a title, not because of the heritage of a spirit. She wishes she weren't the Commander.

But at the same time she can't forget what she's able to give to her people. She knows that the smiles of the children in Polis are always been worthy her role. But now? Will she smile back at them? Can she still doing that? Can she pretend she's as strong as always, able to protect her people from anything?

She feels weak. She expected to feel broken, to feel pieces of her heart stabbing her soul, and she does. But she also feels weak. This scares her more than any war could.

She chose with her head, she did the right thing for her people. She saved her people, no one more of them died. She pushed her feelings aside. She should be strong for having done that. Feelings are weakness. Love is weakness.

Then why does she feel weak?

She remembers feeling strong with Clarke at her side. She remembers feeling proud at every step the skygirl made forward in the path of leading. She remembers the longing. She longed to protect her, to speak her name, to have her, to kiss her.

This last memory steals her breath, she feels suffocated by the pain, by what is lost. Clarke's said "not yet". Lexa could have had her, one day. She could have the girl who fell from the sky with her right now. She could have her arm brushing against her own while the two make their way to the tent.

Instead she was alone. And she was losing herself at each step.


	2. Whatever made you strong is now ash

**Chapter Two: Whatever made you strong is now ash**

She wakes from another haunted sleep. There are some excited talking out of her tent. The sun didn't rise long ago, but she can hear her warriors awake outside. They're speaking of something, some of them whispering, some almost yelling.

A moment later Indra announces herself and comes inside her tent. She's serious like always, but Lexa can tell that she's torn between relief and worry.

" _The Mountain has fallen,_ Heda _._ "

 _Clarke. Clarke. Clarke._

It's all Lexa can think about. _The Mountain's fallen. Is Clarke alive? Clarke could be alive. She could be injured._

 _She could be safe. She won. She could be dead. But no, because she won. Clarke won even when you left her. You left her._

 _Clarke hates you._

" _The Sky People won._ " is all she says.

Indra nods. " _The scouts saw the Sky People alive in Camp Jaha. They spared the Mountain's children, the scouts saw them in the camp too._ "

Lexa wants to ask if Clarke was with them. Clarke has to be with them. They're alive, so she has to be alive too. But she can't ask it directly. So instead she tries " _The Sky Princess isn't as weak as we thought._ "

She has to swallow the shiver in her voice. She waits in pain for Indra to say something. Anything that would confirm that Clarke is alive. That she's safe.

But what Indra says next breaks her.

"Skai Prisa _was not among them,_ Heda _. The scouts didn't see her anywhere in Camp Jaha_."

Lexa can feel her heart bouncing out of her chest. She can't breath. She's suffocating. She feels her eyes watering. But she can't cry in front of her general. She can't cry at all.

 _Maybe she's just injured and so she's inside the medical area of the Ark. No. Clarke's dead. And you're the one who killed her. Just like Costia._

" _Tell the scouts to keep watching. I want Camp Jaha controlled. After all, we did betray them. They could seek revenge._ " But the only reason she orders this is because if there's only one possibility that Clarke's alive and that she was just out the sight of the scouts, she has to know.

"Sha, Heda."

Lexa dismisses Indra and tries to get dress. Her hands shiver, her head feels dizzy and she can't think properly.

 _Clarke. Clarke. Clarke. Dead._

As soon as she's dressed she storms out of the tent, she tells her guards not to follow her. She goes straight into the woods and she doesn't stop walking until she's sure that no one will accidentally run into her.

And there she breaks. Tears stream down her cheeks and neck to her collarbone.

 _Love is weakness._ If only she hadn't thought that. If only she had let her heart decide, now she would be strong. They would have rescued their people together, and win together. And now she wouldn't feel so weak, so poor, so pathetic.

 _You did what you had to do. You made the right choice for your people. You're not weak. This pain you carry so that your people won't feel it. You're strong for feeling this pain instead of your people._

But no matter how hard she tries to convince herself, no matter how well she knows the voice of the Commander is right. She feels weak. She knows the Commander is strong. She knows the Commander did the right choice. But she feels weak. And now not even the spirit of the Commander is making this better. Not even the words of the Commander's spirit inside her can make her feel anything else but pain. And weakness. She lost. The Commander won. But maybe even the Commander lost. Because if she's this weak, how can she be a strong leader?

She wants to scream. She punches a tree instead. She can't risk someone hearing her. But she needs to let the pain out. But it's just so much. So much. Too much to throw it away by hurting herself. But she doesn't stop.

She needs something to think about. Anything but not the pain that is tearing her apart. She can't see for her eyes are blinded by the tears that just won't stop falling.

After some time she falls to the ground, she curls up there and she sees blue light eyes. One moment they're smiling at her, the next one they become cold, first angry, then empty. She shuts her eyes closed, she tries to push the images away, but they're hunting her. Blond hair. Eyes like the sky, sometimes like the sea.

When it seems like the memory, the image of the sky girl is hurting her physically, she gets on her knees and she goes back hitting the tree with shaking hands.

She doesn't know for how long she's been there. There's blood all over her hands. She probably even broke a finger or two. Her eyes ran out of tears at some point and all she feels is dullness and emptiness. She can't hear anything, her eyes see nothing, her mind has gone blank, and suddenly a strong, firm hand grabs her wrist, stopping her next punch at the tree. 

She doesn't want to look up. She knows who's standing beside her. There's only one person at the camp who would dare grabbing her like that. She doesn't bow her head even if she'd like to. She just keeps her eyes trained on the tree. She needs to calm down.

The hand is cold around her wrist. She would like nothing more than being able to reach for it and hold on to it. But she can't. She's Heda.

Indra doesn't talk at first. She waits for Lexa to stand up and ready herself to be the Commander again.

Lexa knows she should get up. She tries to get herself together. When she thinks she failing, she calls the Commander spirit and she hopes that her mask still works.

It does.

The Commander is on her feet and her face shows no emotion, no feeling, nothing but a little, almost invisible, crack. You could notice it only if you knew where to look.

Indra sees that. But she says only "Heda, _you should get ready to go to Polis_."

The Commander nods. She clears her voice to be sure that it won't break. " _I'll leave tomorrow at down._ " Her voice comes out husky and low, but it doesn't shiver.

Lexa is in the war tent. She's been discussing with Indra over the matter of the Coalition. She's tired. She can't think about politic. But she's glad to have something to occupy her mind with.

The Mountain Men are no more a threat. She learnt from the scouts that Clarke managed to spare the children, but children are no enemy, no matter who their parents were. Now, without a common enemy, will the Coalition still stand? She's not sure about it. There will be leaders who won't keep the alliance with all the twelve clans now.

Some clans will go back planning attacks to other lands. Old threats will show up again. And both the Commander and Indra have a particular clan in their mind.

She doesn't sleep much that night. Tears falling again in the silence, hidden by the darkness. The Sky Princess takes possession of her dreams. Sometimes Clarke would accuse her, sometimes she would tell Lexa how much she hates her. But sometimes that night Clarke would look at her with sad pure eyes, without hate, almost with sweetness while telling her that she understands. And sometimes Clarke kills her, Lexa doesn't fight, instead she welcomes the death.

One time, however, Clarke looks at her with sadness but love and she whispers "I wish you weren't the Commander". That time Lexa wakes up crying, fighting the scream that is almost out of her mouth.

When she calms down a little, the dim light from outside tells her that the sun is ready to rise.

Before it does Lexa is out with some guards and they're starting their journey to Polis.

It's hard to leave all behind. But she has to. And she tries her best to leave there also her heart.

 **A/N: So...of course when Lexa and Indra talk they speak Trigedasleng, but I figured it would just be easier for everyone to read the English translation directly.**

 **I perfectly know that the Lexa of the show would not break like that...which is why my Lexa does. God, she's human after all!**

 **English is not my first language (I live in Italy), so I'm sorry there will be some mistakes...**


	3. Only worthy of war

**A/N: I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian (yes guys, Italian is my first language, so I guess I chose that so it is easier for me to handle it). And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts. **

**I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.**

 **Leave a review if you like it!**

 **Chapter Three: Only worthy of war**

The leaders of the Coalition are around her. Lexa's sitting on the throne at the end of the long table. Everyone is talking at once, and for a while she just let them.

Of course they had already heard about the falling of the Mountain, and also about the betrayal. Some were concerned about the Sky People, some others were disappointed they didn't get their revenge over the Mountain Men.

" _We should go find the sons of the Mountain_ " the voice caught her attention and she sits more upright in her throne. Was someone suggesting they take their revenge on some _children_?

" _They're children. They're not involved in this._ " Luna speaks before she has the chance to.

" _We can't have their parents, we should go for them!_ Jus drein jus daun" the voice replays, and this time Lexa focuses her eyes on the man who the voice belongs to.

It is Adon who's speaking, the leader of the Cloud People.

" _We are not taking revenge on children. They have nothing to do with their parents' actions. The matter is not to be discussed further._ " The voice of Heda is strong and clear. And no one dare questioning her. Though Adon seems more and more disappointed.

" _What about the Sky People, Heda? They will seek revenge for your betrayal._ " the one to speak now is Aima, the leader of the Blood Clan, and she makes it clear with her tone that she disagree with the Commander decision back at the Mountain.

" _The Sky People culture is different from ours. They won't try anything against us. Even if they sought revenge, they know they couldn't win. Anyway my scouts watch them carefully and report regularly to me._ "

Lexa's never liked the young woman of the Blood Clan. She seeks war as if it were her favourite game and she's actually very good at playing.

Fixing her posture, Lexa tells the leaders about the grounders saved from the Mountain. She answers every question that comes up and wait until the subject is finally over.

She's about to end the meeting, when a voice calls out.

" _What of the Coalition? Shall our alliance stand now that we no longer have a common enemy?_ " Amhràn is the one asking. He's the leader of the River Clan and the alliance has been a very good thing for his people. They are not as strong as many other clans and having the protection of the Heda allows them to focus on their trading, which is a pretty rich one. But, without the alliance amongst the clans and with the Commander, they could soon become an easy target.

Lexa sighs under her breath. She planned on bringing it up later, not now.

" _We will discuss of that later. We will have a meeting in a few days. Now let us eat and rest properly. War is over for now. The Mountain Men are not a threat any more. Let our people go back to their family and celebrate the peace we're witnessing today._ " She speaks with diplomacy, suggesting that the peace could and should last, suggesting they should not break the alliance, for the sake of their people.

She knows it won't be that easy to keep the clans together. But neither it was easy to bring them together in the first place, still she did. She really hopes her efforts won't have been for nothing.

Some of the leaders still are disappointed, some others seem content with just giving their people some little time to remember what peace is like. Lexa acknowledges this, but doesn't show to care.

She announces that the meeting is over and slowly walk out without waiting for other questionings.

Outside the war tent she can see people celebrating the coming back of sons and brothers. It's thank to her if so many came back. It's thank to Clarke that they will never fear the Mountain again. The Sky girl saved her people even more than she did, and she thanked her by betraying her and leaving the girl and her people to die.

She feels uneasy in her stomach. She worries she's going to vomit. She disgusts herself.

Clarke is probably dead. No. She surely is dead. And Lexa killed her. Now she feels so weak she doesn't even know who she is anymore. But she's the Commander, and her people need her to keep the peace. The Alliance can't break.

She doesn't know how she will keep the clans together, but it's important that she does. Or the Ice Queen will come back for the south lands. She has always wanted to conquer the clans of the centre and the south. The only thing stopping her right now is the Coalition.

Lexa worries the Ice Queen will not let the Alliance stand. She always said they have no need of the other clans. They have strong allies and they have the strongest army. And as much as you don't consider the Storm Nation that's true. The Trikru are the only one who seems to be able to fight and handle her army.

The Ice Nation and The Tree Clan are the bests. But Lexa is not sure that they will be able to stop Ice this time. If the Alliance breaks, many clans will ally with the Ice Nation. And if the Queen manage to take the Storm Nation on her side, Lexa won't win, that's sure. The Storm Nation never ally with anyone in particular. They're part of the Coalition, and very rarely some merchants come from the far away land and trade with the clans, but it's never by orders of the King. It's never something that interests the whole Nation.

The King is quite indifferent about what happens within the other clans. However Storm Nation is not far enough to be out of their trading ways and political matters. The Storm Nation allows to the clans to come trading in his land, but doesn't seem to be personally interested in doing the same. In time of war sometime they decide to take a side. But it doesn't happen often. Though every time they join the battle, they win.

As far as Lexa can recall they have never been bested in war. So that's the clan that worries her the most. If they ally with the Queen, the fate of the south lands is sealed.

When Lexa takes a look around and sees how happy her people seem to be, she feels warm for an instant. Then she sees two people hugging in front of a house. The woman is squeezing the man so hard he's probably not breathing. Then they laugh and kiss. She takes his hand and walks him inside. Lexa can see his eyes bright and she thinks he has tears of happiness in them. Will she ever know what tears of happiness are? Will she ever feel it?

She thinks about how she could have celebrated the victory with Clarke. Taking the blonde to her favourite place, showing her Polis, riding with her to the ocean. She bets Clarke has never seen the sea.

Lexa thinks back to that time she found Clarke sketching on a little notebook. It was evening and no one was around. She scolded her for being without guards. And the Sky Princess replied her guard was right in the tent next to her.

It was soon after Finn's death and Lexa didn't start a conversation, but she did take note that Clarke seemed very good at drawing.

Maybe she could have drawn the ocean too. Maybe she would have enjoyed doing so. No, Lexa was sure she'd have enjoyed it. She's sure Clarke would have loved the ocean. But now. Now everything was lost.

Lexa dreamed about showing her some beautiful waterfalls too. And there is a lake she loves so much, that is simply perfect at sunset. But now she can't have any of it. She can't have Clarke.

 _Not yet. Not anymore. Never._

 _Victory stands at the back of sacrifices_.

The Commander spirit may be right. But a human, a warrior, even a commander can only live if their heart is beating. And she's not sure hers is beating properly.

But she chose that. She chose to betray her love. And now she can see it. She's only worth of war.

* * *

The heat coming from the little fire is soothing. Clarke is grateful for the warmth. After all those days in the freezing cold she has started to forget what being warm means.

She doesn't know how much time's passed since she left Camp Jaha. Since she took down the Mountain. Since she became a monster who kills innocent people. She still sees Maya's death. And Jasper broken by her hand. She killed his love, who was not only innocent, but who even helped them. And she killed her. She's no better than Lexa.

The thought of Lexa hurts more than any other. Clarke wonders why. They are so similar. She did the same thing Lexa did. She betrayed people who helped her, she killed them. She only saved the children, for cowardice.

 _But you had no choice. Lexa had._

She desperately wants to believe that little voice of her, but she can't. She's a monster.

 _Just like Lexa. Just like Lexa. Just like Lexa._

Another voice.

 _Maybe that's why you like her. She's so similar to you. Maybe that's why she kissed you. She knows you two are the same._

She wishes she could at least believe this one. But she's not like Lexa. Lexa's strong. She lets people die, she kills whoever she shall for the sake of her people. Lexa is strong enough to do it properly. She is strong enough to sacrifice her heart to her mind.

Clarke can't even do that. She couldn't have betrayed Lexa. Ever. Maybe she actually is weak.

And now there's this girl who's opened her door to Clarke, who's taking care of her and offering her a place where she can sleep in a real bed.

How long has it been since she last slept in a bed? Since before the Mountain. The last time she was with Lexa.

Great. Lexa is everywhere. In her mind. In her recent past, in everything she recalls of this war.

She pushes everything aside, she tries to stop thinking about anything that regards the past. She turns her attention to Aeryn who's coming back into the room.

She's short and thin, her hair is almost white and her eyes reminds Clarke of a frozen lake that's thawing under the sunlight. Her skin is pale, even more so than Clarke's. Her lips draw Clarke's attention, they look like the one of who had been in the water for a little too long. There's a shade of blue or sort of in them.

She's beautiful.

She's carrying two plates full of food and she's soon out of the room again. She looks at Clarke just for a moment and she smiles.

Clarke tries to smile back and she wonders what this girl would do if she knew who Clarke is and what she has done. Surely Clarke wouldn't be in her house if that were the case.

When Aeryn comes back the second time, she brings two cups and a canteen. She then gestures for Clarke to sit down at the table and sits herself.

Clarke slowly moves to sit with her and she's unsure of what to do. The food is obviously for her but she waits for the girl to gesture again before starting to eat.

It's damn good to finally eat something cooked properly. She has been eating fruits and whatever she found, and some meat when she managed to kill little animals. Now the taste of this amazing, very common, food is heaven.

She tries to contain herself not to scare the girl by being a messy eater. But she's smiling at Clarke and lightly nods.

When Clarke is finished eating, Aeryn fills her cup with other cold water and then starts to talk.

"Non sei di qui, Daire. O sbaglio? Conosci la mia lingua, ma la tua pronuncia è troppo incerta perché sia la tua lingua madre." _You're not from here, Daire. Am I wrong? You speak my language, but your pronunciation is too shaky for it to be your mother language._ The girl's voice is kind and she speaks slowly so that Clarke may understand better.

Daire. That's how Clarke said she's called. She feared that telling the girl her real name could have brought attentions if someone in the village had heard of the Sky People. And she doesn't know if Clarke could be a common name among the grounders, so she chose a name that belonged to one of Lexa's warriors.

Clarke knows their language because she studied it on the Ark. It's a language of the old world, like English is. It is called Italian. Or at least it was. Clarke knows it was spoken in a country called Italy, but this can't be it. She can't be in the lands that once were Italy. It is too cold. As far as she know it was never this cold in Italy back in the old times. Even if winter is already started. However it is possible that some languages had survived in different places than the ones where they were born.

But Clarke can't say this. She can't tell the girl who she is. She can't even tell her she's one of the Sky People. Luckily her clothes are enough of a mess not to be recognised as weird. What can she say? She doesn't know about other clans well enough to make up a story.

"Vengo dal sud. Mia madre mi insegnò la tua lingua quando ero bambina. Diceva che mia nonna veniva da qui." _I come from the south. My mother taught me your language when I was a child. She said my grandmother came from here._

Clarke tries to lie in the most general way possible. A relatives who came from here is a good excuse to come here herself, and could explain her blond hair and blue eyes.

She feels bad for lying to this girl who is being so nice to her.

Aeryn smiles at her.

"A che clan appartieni?" _Which clan do you belong to?_ She's asking without malice or suspicion. She seems to believe Clarke.

"Nessuno. Non più. Ti prego di non chiedermi di parlarne." _No one. Not anymore. Please don't make me talk about it._ Clarke tries to show how nervous she is so that it's easier for the girl to believe it.

" _Don't worry. I won't ask if it makes you uncomfortable. Do you have somewhere to go?_ " Aeryn doesn't break from Italian and Clarke doesn't even know if she speaks English. But it's okay, she can avoid telling the girl she speaks it, so she won't understand that English is her mother language. Clarke doubts any clan has English has first language. So speaking it would quickly give her away.

" _Actually I don't. I was kind in a hurry when I left, and I just hoped I'd have found something once being here. However where is_ here _? Which village is this?_ "

Aeryn tells her they're in Cristallo, a small village in the Ice Nation not far from the border.

Clarke suspected to be in the Ice Nation, but knowing that for sure was different. She's only heard bad things about this place. Maybe it would be better to leave as soon as possible. But would the other clans be better, after all?

At least this is a small village far form the capital, so it should be okay to stay here for a while.

Not long after that their conversation ends and Aeryn gently shows Clarke where she can sleep. It's a very small room, but it's surely warmer and more comfortable than the frozen wood.

Clarke thanks her again and the girl leaves after greeting her goodnight.

Clarke thinks that this girl wouldn't last a second in a war. She trusts too easly.


	4. Melting Ice

**A/N: I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian (yes guys, Italian is my first language, so I guess I chose that so it is easier for me to handle it). And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts. **

**I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.**

 **Leave a review if you like it!**

 **Chapter Four: Melting Ice**

Clarke wakes up as she hears the little noise of the door being opened. She has come to be very sensible to any sound and she's immediately on alert. She reaches under the pillow for her gun, but remembers she's in Aeryn's house, so it could be her and it wouldn't be nice to point a gun at her host.

However it's not Aeryn. A little girl is looking into the room. The door's just inches open and two curious eyes are staring at her.

Clarke can't say what time in the morning it is, because in winter darkness is not even a good clue to say if the sun is up.

The child doesn't draw back when she sees that Clarke is staring right back at her. Clarke tries to smile at the little girl, so that she knows Clarke will not hurt her.

"Buongiorno", Clarke says.

The girl smiles widely and opens the door a little more while greeting her good morning too.

Clarke doesn't get the chance to say anything more, because a man steps in behind the child and pulls her back. He sends her away and then turns to Clarke.

Meanwhile Clarke has stood up. She wears a dress Aeryn gave her last night and she feels slightly uncomfortable because it would make her movements more difficult if she had to defend herself.

"Aeryn!", the guy has turned again, now facing the still dark alley.

Clarke looks at the pillow and considers taking her gun out. But this man is calling Aeryn and it doesn't seem like he's going to do anything before the girl arrives.

The man shouts some more until Aeryn comes into view.

She seems surprised to see him and not pleased that he's standing in front of Clarke's now full open door. She smiles apologetically to Clarke and greets her good morning.

Again the man talks before Clarke can.

" _Who the hell is she? Mawiyah said she's a stranger and you're hosting her._ " he doesn't low his voice. He probably doesn't know that Clarke can understand him.

" _Calm down, uncle. She's Daire. She comes from the south, she needed somewhere to stay._ " Aeryn's voice is calm but firm.

" _And so you thought it would have been wise to take her into your house? She's a stranger! And for the time being any stranger is a possible danger. You cannot trust people this easily! You're endangering not only your life, but also your sister's!_ "

At this Aeryn doesn't answer, but she doesn't back off neither.

The man shouldn't shout like that and probably shouldn't give a show like that in front of the _dangerous stranger_ , but he's still right. Clarke too thought that Aeryn shouldn't have trusted her like that, though she was grateful the girl did.

"Mi dispiace causare problemi, signore. Posso assicurarle che non ho alcuna cattiva intenzione nei vostri riguardi, anche se lei ne dubita giustamente. Sono arrivata da poco dal sud e non conosco queste terre. Avevo bisogno di una mano e sua nipote è stata tanto gentile da offrirmi aiuto. Ha la mia parola che non le farei mai del male." _I'm really sorry to cause you trouble, sir. I can assure you I have no bad intentions, even if you doubt it of course. I've just arrived from the south and I do not know these lands. I needed help and your niece was so kind to grant it. You have my word that I would never try to hurt her_. Clarke tries to soothe him by speaking his language and assuring him of her good intentions. He looks at her surprised, not expecting a girl from the south to talk their language.

" _You speak our language. How is that?_ " The man looks at her suspiciously.

" _My grandmother came from here._ "

It isn't easy for Clarke to convince the man, Eber, that she's not a threat. But eventually Aeryn manages to make him go.

When her uncle is gone, Aeryn takes Clarke to have breakfast with her sister.

Clarke finds out that the little girl who woke her, Mawiyah, is Aeryn's sister and she's seven years old.

The child is a bit shy at first, but she's soon telling Clarke everything about her job in the village. She helps the healer together with another girl a bit older than her, and she wants to be an healer herself when she grows up.

Mawiyah also tells Clarke about her friends and how once they escaped the soldiers.

Clarke smiles, thinking she's just talking about some kid's prank. But then she sees that Aeryn's turned serious and she shoots a glare to her sister.

" _And if you do it again, you'll be in a lot of troubles._ "

Mawiyah lowers her head, but then adds " _They were wrong and unfair. We did well._ "

It's just a whisper, but Clarke can hear the sadness and the fear mixed with pride that fill the kid's voice.

She looks at Aeryn for some sort of explanation, but the girl shakes her head dejected " _You will see._ "

They finish their breakfast and then Mawiyah leads Clarke outside and through the village.

* * *

At first Clarke doesn't understand what she is meant to see, but soon she starts to realize that not only the houses are poor, but also that the people are not happy. She sees old people sitting behind windows made of Roman glass. As they work at some clothes or common item there's just sadness and sorrow in their eyes.

As they pass almost everyone looks at Clarke with mistrusting and worry. Clarke sees that some of them, usually the younger ones, wears bandages and they seem a bit wounded. Clarke thinks they're hunters, but Aeryn voice explains otherwise.

" _Some of us still try to fight the soldiers. And they're lucky to be alive._ " she seems to be keeping herself from speaking further, so it's Clarke who asks.

" _Why would they need to fight the soldiers?_ "

The way Aeryn looks at her fills Clarke with sadness. " _They come here and take our things, our food, our dignity. Sometimes our bodies._ " she looks ashamed and scared.

" _The Queen, she doesn't say anything? She just lets them?_ "

" _She doesn't care. And maybe she's the one who orders this in the first place._ " the girl is whispering now. Like if she feared that someone could hear her and tell the soldiers next time they come.

Clarke feels rage filling her veins. " _Is it like this everywhere in the reign?_ "

Aeryn nods slowly. Mawiyah has a dark look on her face and she bows her head.

They remain silent for a while. Clarke keeps looking around. Some houses are made in wood or stones. A little child runs out of a house and a man runs after him, calling him and telling him to come back. The child laughs and doesn't stop until the man reaches him and stops his son by hugging him.

She also sees kids working, but no one playing.

Mawiyah gently takes her hand to lead her away from the little main road. They step into a small street and the child doesn't let go of her hand until they're facing a building a little bigger than the houses. Aeryn tells her the healer lives here. His house and his medical room are all one.

Mawiyah seems eager to start the work day and Clarke offers her help.

" _I'm a healer too. I bet you'll find my ways a bit different, but I could help._ "

Aeryn looks at her surprised, but she seems happy that Clarke has told something more about herself. Mawiyah takes her hand again, enthusiastic. She almost runs inside the house, dragging Clarke with her.

The healer is a kind man who appreciates Clarke's offer. Clarke knows he doesn't trust her, but she thinks they will get along well and he will understand that she really means no harm.

He's tall and thin, his eyes are grey and warm. He looks like a very good person. And even if Clarke has learnt the hard way never to trust anyone, she kind of likes him. He's name is Asher.

They haven't been there for long before another girl, a little older than Mawiyah, comes in and joins them. She's the other kid who helps the healer, Ianthe.

Clarke learns that Ianthe is an eleven-years-old child whose parents have been killed by the soldiers. She now lives with her aunt and she works all day long with the healer. She's never tired of working and Clarke understands why.

Every time the girl would stop long enough to close her eyes memories of her parents would come to her and she would feel the pain all over again. Ianthe just tries to keep her mind occupied. As Clarke does.

Asher tells Clarke she can come and help them whenever she wants or feels ready. Clarke thanks him before Aeryn is leading her out again.

As they go on walking through the village Clarke can't help but think at how poor it looks like. She wonders if it's just Cristallo or if the other Ice villages are also like this. Aeryn answers her unspoken question when she sees Clarke eyes settling on a boy without an arm.

" _Ice is not like our grandparents remember it anymore. The Queen doesn't care about her people, she exploits us and abuses us. She takes our belongings and she lets her soldiers do whatever they want. If someone of us tries to defend themselves or the people they love, the soldiers punish them or sometimes kill them._ "

Clarke clenches her fists.

" _There isn't a place that is safe from them. All villages are poor and people struggle to live, or survive. In_ Cristallo _it's not even that bad. Being near the borders means soldiers come less frequently. Sometimes they come once a month, sometimes less. But there are places where the soldiers go and tyrannize every week or few days. Those are the villages nearer to the capital. In them misery is everywhere._ "

Clarke can see that talking about this causes Aeryn pain and she hesitantly reaches the girl's arm with her hand.

Aeryn smiles shaky at her and Clarke wonders who the girl lost to the soldiers' hands.

But Aeryn starts walking again and shows Clarke the rest of the village.

They meet other people and Clarke is introduced to them.

* * *

Lexa has failed.

The Coalition is broken.

Half the clans has sided with the Ice Queen against the standing of the Coalition. Four clans have confirmed their alliance with the Heda. The others haven't spoken, they've just voted against the Coalition.

Lexa doesn't know where those clans' loyalty stands. But she's almost sure they'll ally with the Ice Nation.

The Storm Nation and the Moon Clan have sent a general instead of the leaders, and they couldn't form alliances without their leaders' consent. However Lexa knows they do not stand by her side.

The Ice Queen smiles at her before leaving the tent. Lexa feels rage building up inside of her and she feels failure falling upon her.

Lexa slowly makes her way out of the tent. What should she do now? She had fought for the Coalition to stand. She had sacrificed so much for peace and alliance with the other clans.

Costia. She died. She died and Lexa gave up avenging her death to seal the peace that signed the beginning of the Coalition.

The people she had to kill, just like Gustus. They are all dead for nothing. The alliance is broken. Everything Lexa did for it is now ash.

She walks through the city, she looks at her people who just now have found peace. How can she throw them yet in another war so soon? Will they ever know peace for more than a few months?

She never will. She knows it. She doesn't deserve peace. But her people do.

She sacrificed Clarke to give her people peace. And now, that too is for nothing. Clarke died for nothing. Lexa killed her heart for nothing. Nothing.

She can't take it. She betrayed Clarke for her people, she chose her people instead of her heart, and now, not only she's lost any chance at being happy, but her people won't even get to live that peace.

She tried. She tried to be a great Commander. She tried to listen to the spirit. But now she even regrets that. If Clarke were there, maybe she'd tell Lexa a way to fix things. Maybe with Clarke's help, she could have found a way to keep the Coalition together. The sky girl's power at convincing people was extraordinary.

But now she will never have that again. Clarke will never again be there for her. She will never be there with her. With Clarke, Lexa felt like maybe, just maybe, she could have been a good person even being a ruthless commander. But now, what is she?

A warrior. A war machine. Nothing more.

She wonders if Clarke could have loved her, had she been given the time to. There's a stubborn voice in her head that keeps saying she already started loving Lexa. But what if it were true? That only would make things worse.

She fights the need to run away and let herself cry. Her people need her, she can't walk away. There will be a war soon, and her people need her in full strength.

Once again she has to leave her heart behind. She can't settle in thinking about her feelings and her sorrow.

 _Forgive me, Clarke_. She thinks before turning in full Commander mode and storming into her throne tent summoning her general.


	5. Friends and Allies

**A/N: I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts. **

**I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.**

 **Remember this celebration of the Ice Nation, I will bring it up again eventually.**

 **Chapter Five: Friends and Allies**

Tansee enters the tent after announcing herself and looks up at her Heda sitting on the throne.

" _I require a meeting with our remained allies._ " Heda's voice is firm and cold. All her willpower focused on keeping her mask in place.

"Sha, Heda." Tansee bows her head and exits the tent, calling some guards.

The first to come is Luna. The leader of the Boat People is not just an ally to Lexa, but a dear friend. This time, anyway, Luna doesn't receive the greeting she was expecting.

" _Are you okay,_ Leksa?" she asks, concerned about her friend's demeanour during this days since her return to the capital.

" _I need to discuss our alliance, with all of you._ " it's the formal answer.

Luna seems to understand that something's wrong, but she doesn't ask further. Instead she slightly bows her head and tells Lexa that her loyalty will always lay with her. She's her ally in peace, and she's her ally in war.

Lexa does feel a bit relieved by her friend's statement. But she's also concerned. Here's another person who trusts her and cares about her enough to die for her. And she'll be ready to sacrifice her too. The Commander will be ready to sacrifice her.

Lexa has to focus on her duty, she can't even think about friendships. However she should stop seeing Luna as more than an ally. She always looses the people she loves.

The other leaders arrive not long after Luna and they all stand around the war table.

The meeting is very brief, for everyone just confirms their alliance and loyalty to the Heda. And that's enough for now, but Lexa knows she will have to ask them about war. She has to ask them if they will fight with her, if they will send their warriors to die for her. She has to ask them if this is an alliance of peace, or an alliance that stands in war too.

She doesn't know if everyone will be ready to die in another war so soon after the Mountain. Neither she can ask them now, for she can't be sure and has no evidence that a war will start and the Ice Queen will come for the South.

While the others make their way out of the tent, Luna stays where she is, waiting for Lexa to actually look at her. But her old friend is distant and absent. There's no Lexa in the room, only the Commander. And Luna can't be friend with the Commander. So she leaves her Heda be. For now.

* * *

She's helped the healer the whole day. For once she didn't have to take care of bleeding life-threatening wounds. Just some minor wounds people got from hunting, or some common illness she will have to learn. Ice people seem never to get a cold. But they have other illness Clarke has never seen before.

One woman came in with a little boy in her arms. He was very pale and passed out. His heart was beating very slowly, too slowly to get enough blood to the organs.

Asher told her it wasn't so rare for children to born like that. Some of them die before spending an year on this earth. Some live, but they still need help sometimes. This boy wasn't in danger, but they needed to get his heart to beat faster.

He explained her that before the bombs their lands weren't so cold. After the people who lived there, just like the animals, developed some characteristics to survive. Slow heartbeat is one of them. Their eyes and their skin are pale, because they adapted to the mild light of the sun.

They also tended to a woman who suffered a illness Clarke knows well. It's a kind of fever very strong, the malaria. If it's not cured it can bring to death. But luckily Clarke knows how to treat it.

Asher told her the woman had been bitten by a mosquito right before the winter. He told her that mosquitoes have adapted to the cold and they have a little fur, but in winter they go to the south where it's kind of as cold as it is in the Ice Nation during summer. But when they come back in spring or summer, they bring illness of the south. And Ice people are not accustomed to them as people of the south lands.

He watched in awe as Clarke took care of the woman, making her feel immediately better. She told him that the woman will heal in a week or so, if they keep treating the malaria as she did. Both Asher and the woman thanked her and he asked her to teach him. She gladly agreed.

Maybe that was a good start in the path of trusting each other.

* * *

Now she is at dinner with Aeryn. They are outside, in the middle of the village. Once a week the people gather together to eat dinner in company. Young hunters went hunting with older ones that morning and food has been cooked during the whole afternoon. Aeryn helped cooking it, while Clarke tended to the hunters' wounds.

It feels good. Doing something all together. The whole village worked for the others, everyone did something and helped. Aeryn tells her it used to be a custom in the whole Nation. Elders tell stories about how this days where organized in the capital. How great the feast was, how loud and happy the celebrations were. Now villages which can afford it still do it once a month, little of them do it once a week, some others do it once a year, some don't do it at all. Sometimes it's the misery that stops them, sometimes it's the Queen, sometimes people are just too full of sorrow and pain to even remember those times when they would have gathered together and talk, help, live.

This makes Clarke very sad, but she's also happy that Cristallo is one of the villages in which this festivity still happens. Mawiyah tells her this is her favourite day of the week.

They are poor and scared. Soldiers come and takes all they have sometimes, they take their happiness away. But this people don't give up. They stick together and go on. They help each others. No matter how much the Queen wants them to mistrust each others. The Queen and the soldiers want the people to be apart from one another, so that they'd be weak and lonely, not a threat for her power. They try to get people to betray their family and their friends. Sometimes they manage to do so.

But this people around her don't give up. They are strong. They may be hurt, sad, scared, poor, and they may not be so strong, but they are together.

Clarke misses this word. Together.

She would love to be a part of some _together_ one day. But could she?

She doesn't deserve that. She suddenly realize that these people are just like the innocents she killed. They may be under a cruel Queen who has done terrible things to other people, but they have no fault. She would have killed them.

 _No, it was different. You couldn't save them. You tried. You saved the children. You couldn't save the others. These people you could have saved. If you were fighting the Queen, you could have killed her without killing these people._ But that voice can't win. Clarke can't forgive herself. Not now. And she thinks not ever.

Just as she can't forgive Lexa. Not yet. Not ever.

And that's when someone sit down beside her. Clarke has been sitting between Aeryn and Mawiyah since she came there with Asher. He sat down at Aeryn's left and Ianthe sat at Mawiyah's right. In front of Clarke, on the other side of the long table there are people talking and whispering while occasionally glancing at her. Now Mawiyah has gone to talk to her friends before dinner actually starts and this guy takes her place.

" _You're Daire, right?_ "

Clarke nods slowly. She doesn't remember Aeryn introducing him any time yesterday or today.

" _I'm Wit. I wanted to thank you for helping my mum. Asher was trying to cure her since before winter started. But she never got better. Now she is and we have you to thank for it._ " The boy's eyes are so sincere and kind, Clarke can't help but be kind right back. He is the first who starts a conversation with her among the people of the village.

" _I'm a healer, like Asher. So it's my job to help people._ " that sounds so wrong. She doesn't help people. She kills them. She kills innocents. There was a time she really believed that. She really wanted to help people. And now. Now she is not even worthy of their presence beside her.

" _But you're not from here. It wasn't your job to help us. But you did. I'm grateful for that._ " he pauses before adding " _They say you come from the south. Why did you come in this freezing land?_ " He's testing her. He wants to know if she's lying. He keeps looking at her intensely, but she can see that it's not mistrust, it's more like wanting to be sure. Like if he knows all too well that the best looking people can be the worst enemies.

" _My grandmother came from here. I wanted to see the lands I belonged to._ " She tries to convincing in her lying. She doesn't deserve this boy's kindness. She doesn't deserve Aeryn's friendship. And neither Mawiyah's trust. And still, he is kind. And Aeryn treats her like a friend, while her sister, not scared at all anymore, seems to trust her as if they had always knew each other.

" _Well your eyes do say that. But they're not pale like ours. They look full of life. And pain._ "

This shocks Clarke to the heart. This guy, who knows nothing about her, can see so well inside her. How does he do that? She wants to question him, to say it's not true, but he senses her discomfort and changes the subject, not giving her time to contradict him.

" _I'm one of the hunters. They're bringing the meat, I hope you'll like it._ " he says with a grin.

And he's right. Kids around eleven and twelve are carrying plates full of food. People stop chattering and cheer the coming kids. When all the food has been brought, and it's a lot more than Clarke expected, everyone makes place for the kids to sit between them and they start to eat.

Aeryn explains her that they mostly eat meat because it's hard to cultivate in their lands. They can have fruits and salad only in summer and if they're lucky in spring.

" _But we do have some berries and special fruits!_ " Mawiyah comes carrying a bowl full of blue berries. On some of them a mild frost is still visible.

" _You're right, little one. And we're also very good hunters and cooks! So our meal should be amazing. But_ _Daire_ _will tell us about that, won't she_?" Wit joins the conversation and smiles at the three girls, looking at Clarke expectantly.

She takes a piece of meat in her mouth and can't stop the appreciative moan to escape her mouth. She hasn't eaten like that in what feels like a lifetime. Her last amazing cooked meal has been with Lexa. But she pushes that memory away, desperately not wanting to ruin the moment.

Wit has a triumphant smile on his face. " _I knew it. I'm a great hunter._ " he claims jokingly " _And Aeryn is an amazing cook._ "

Aeryn laughs and shakes her head. Mawiyah giggles and Clarke feels a pang in her stomach. Even thought everything they've been through, everything that threats to ruin their lives, they can smile, and laugh, and almost being carefree.

Clarke tries to laugh along, but what comes out sounds more like crying. Wit looks at her knowingly, stopping to laugh, but she doesn't want him to stop. She wants him to show her that you can find a laugh in time of sorrow and desperation.

" _Wouldn't you be_?" she addresses Wit jokingly. " _Anyway guys, this really is amazing._ " She then throws a berry in her mouth and adds " _And your berries are delicious too, Mawiyah!_ " and gives the child a very little, surprisingly honest smile.

And they laugh again. The kid smiling contently. Clarke at least tries to keep that little true smile on.

" _So, what is that we're actually celebrating_?" Clarke thinks all of this should be more that just a custom. People seem happy. Almost. They seem...full of passion. But passion for what?

" _We celebrate our families and friends._ "

" _We celebrate our country and the strength we have together._ "

Aeryn and Wit answers together. Clarke looks at them confused. " _There isn't something in particular that it is celebrated with this festivity?_ "

" _Fun!_ " Mawiyah almost yells.

" _We celebrate the safeness we have in this very moment._ " Ianthe joins in.

" _We celebrate the ones who are not here anymore, and the one who are._ " Asher smiles knowingly at her.

" _We celebrate the times when our people were happy and safe! When the Queen was fair and kind._ "

" _We celebrate our friends._ "

Other people have now joined the conversation and they all have something different to say.

" _We celebrate the courage of standing up for who we are._ " the girl is so serious Clarke wonders how much she means that. She seems to be talking about more than just this day. And Clarke sees how the girl's gaze holds Wit's for a moment, her eyes warning him.

" _We celebrate peace among us._ "

" _We celebrate love._ "

And finally Clarke thinks she understands.

* * *

After dinner Mawiyah runs to her friends and Wit insists to take Clarke around the fire that someone has just lighten.

Clarke sits with him and he introduces her to the others. She can see that they don't trust her, but they're kind and welcome her in the conversation.

They talk about winter, about the danger and beauty of this season. Some of them tell Clarke about how the land will be completely covered in snow and white will be everywhere. Everything will be enveloped by the white cloak of the snow. And ice will make its way in the village, on trees and rocks, sometimes inside the houses.

She doesn't know how to feel about it. She read about cold winters on the Ark, but how will it feel to actually be there? They talk with awe and regard, but they also warn her that winter can be very dangerous. They tell her most of them are adapted to the freezing weather, but the ones who aren't easily die if they're not careful enough.

She's still thinking about the beauty they have tried to describe. She'd like to see that. She has already seen snow when she entered the Ice Nation, but she knows they're talking about something more. Something breathtaking, she can see the rapture in their eyes.

They change the subject and she doesn't say anything for a while because they're talking about personal things she obviously doesn't know about.

She lets her eyes wandering around and she notices Aeryn talking with her uncle. They seem to be having an argument. Clarke guesses she's the reason of it again. She considers going to her, but she decides against it. It'd probably just make things worse.

She keeps watching them until Aeryn walks away, leaving her uncle behind who seems quite uncomfortable and maybe ashamed. Clarke doesn't know what has been said, but she will have to talk to the girl later. She's sorry to cause such a fight between them.

Some minutes later the serious girl of before joins the group near the fire. She shoots Clarke a wary look and keep watching her through the fire. It's like she's on alert and she doesn't want to let Clarke out of her sight.

Clarke learns her name is Malaya and the girl is a hunter like Wit. She looks more like a warrior than a normal hunter. She move as a warrior, she looks like she has full control of the situation and is aware of her surroundings.

Though the girl does talk and joke and smile. But at the same time there's this gravity that never leaves her.

She could remind her a bit of Lexa. But Lexa never laughed or joked like that.

When Clarke starts to feel a bit uncomfortable with Malaya, she leaves to find Aeryn.

The girl is talking to a guy not far from the table they sat at for dinner. But Clarke is intercepted by Mawiyah before she can reach the pair. The child wants to introduce her to her friends. Clarke complies and she meets several boys and girls, the youngest are the same age as Mawiyah. She can see they are pretty close. They seem to be an actual group of friends and not only some kids who play together. Clarke isn't even sure they actually spend time playing. Most of them work. Some as baker's or butcher's boys, some has helpers in the kitchen. One of them helps the healer like Mawiyah and Ianthe.

They call Mawiyah Little One, because she's the youngest of all of them and the most kind and friendly. Ianthe tells Clarke that actually there's a new kid among them who's younger than Mawiyah, but everyone loves Aeryn's sister and they still call her that out of affection.

Clarke spends some more time with them and they tell her about their works and the tasks they are assigned. She likes it. People talking to her like if she wasn't a stranger. But it breaks her heart a little to realize how much this kids already know about the dangers of the world. About death and pain, about violence and sorrow. It breaks her to hear them talking about the soldiers and what they do. And they do not talk with the scared little voice of children being put in front of the cruelty of life. They talk with the resigned and grave voice of an adult.

But then they tell her how they're sure one day they will put the soldiers in their place and stop their barbarities. How they will defend their village and people, they're little siblings and family. There is so much passion and fire in their speech that Clarke doesn't know if she should feel proud, hopeful or sad. They will probably see their dreams of freedom crushed and torn into pieces. Clarke wishes she could change that. But she obviously can't.

They talk a lot and ask Clarke questions about her land and her friends. She tells them what she can without having to lie.

Then it comes a question she wasn't expecting.

" _You won't hurt us, right? You're not with the Queen, you will not betray us, right?_ "

The one who spoke is a boy. His voice is little and full of shivering hope.

Clarke feels her heart skipping a beat.

" _I won't. I promise. If the soldiers come when I'm here, I'll stay by your side._ " she vows.

The kids' eyes light up and everyone gives her a full, bright smile.

It feels good.

* * *

Lexa is heading for the training area. She needs to keep her mind occupied. But suddenly Luna steps in beside her and halts her.

The Commander looks at her waiting for the other leader to speak.

" _What's wrong,_ Leksa _? What happened?_ "

Luna's question sounds so stupid. Doesn't she know perfectly what happened? There's going to be another war. Soon. They need to be ready. The Ice Queen...

" _You are not okay. What is it?_ "

And now it hits her. Luna's not talking as a leader, but as a friend. She's talking about Lexa, not the Commander. She's talking about her heart. Her heart that refuses to beat correctly. Her heart that won't let her go with what she did. Her heart that keeps trying to take on her mind.

" _I'm fine, Luna. We have to be ready. The Ice Queen is surely going to fight us. She'll come back for the south lands._ " she pretends she still doesn't know what Luna's talking about. She pretends she hasn't got a hole in her heart so big that is blinding her mind too, absorbing her like it did with her heartbeat.

" _You are not. You can fool them. You cannot fool me. I am your friend,_ Leksa."

" _There is no time for friendships. There is only time for war._ "

Luna shakes her head. " _I heard you lost Gustus. I am sorry._ "

Lexa looks away, but keeps her face stoic and composed. She feels guilty for not thinking about him as much as she should. She only thinks about Clarke and so little about the other people she lost. She thinks about Costia too. But Clarke is the one who truly hunt her sleep, her heart, her wake, her mind. Clarke is the one who will not leave her alone, the one from who she can't find peace. Clarke is the only one she can't forgive herself for leaving to die. She kind of betrayed Costia when she pushed her death aside to form an alliance with the Ice Queen. But she came to term with that. She even forgave herself. But now. Now she can't forgive the Commander, and neither Lexa. If when Costia died she felt like a part of her died too, now she feels void, she feels empty, she feels like death would be a relief and life is a torture, she feels like her life means nothing and it's made of nothing.

" _It is not Gustus. This is not about Gustus. Oh,_ Leksa. _Who?_ " Luna has noticed the look on the face of her friend. Lexa may thinks her mask to be unreadable, but she knows her better than her friend thinks.

" _What are you talking about?_ " Lexa looks at her surprised. She tries to hide that she's also a little scared that Luna has understood.

But of course Luna sees that too. She shakes her head again, not sure if she should insist in this conversation. Lexa seems really uncomfortable.

" _I have to go. Be ready. I will have you prove your loyalty soon. We are not going down, and surely not without a fight._ " Lexa starts to walk away.

" _I've only seen you like this once. And Costia had just died._ "

Lexa stops abruptly. But then she resumes to walk without looking back or saying a word.


	6. Broken love's clear as a crystal

**A/N: I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts. **

**I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Six: Broken love's clear as a crystal waterfall**

That night Clarke asks Aeryn about the conversation with her uncle. She asks if she was the cause of it again and knows she was by the girl's face. Aeryn doesn't want Clarke to think she's a problem, but Clarke suggests anyway that she could move somewhere else.

" _Where?_ " Aeryn asks with a scolding tone. " _And why? I trust you, you seem a good person. Asher thinks that too and you're helping, you helped that woman when he couldn't. I wish for you to stay, Daire._ "

" _Why would you risk so much for a stranger? I could have hurt you, I could be dangerous as your uncle thinks. But you don't seem to care._ " Clarke can't help but question her.

" _I don't know. I just have a sort of feeling about you. You're not that kind of person._ "

And Clarke's chest aches, because she is exactly that kind of person. She is the kind of person who sacrifices innocents. And it hurt even more remembering that she wasn't like that before. Maybe if she had met Aeryn before, the girl could have been right about her and Clarke wouldn't have lied to her and they would have become friends immediately. But Clarke wasn't that girl anymore. She wasn't innocent. She was a murderer.

Suddenly Aeryn's hand is on her shoulder and she flinches a bit. It's been a long time since someone has touched her. But the hand is caring and a bit comforting.

" _I don't know what happened to you. But I can see it's something that has left its mark. You'll find yourself again. And I'm sure you'll get to show me that I was right about you._ "

Clarke looks up, surprised. How does Aeryn know that? Is she so obvious? The girl smiles knowingly. Her eyes are warm and un-judging. This girl is too good for the world. It will crush her sooner or later. Clarke tries to nod and the gesture is unsure, but Aeryn's hand is still on her arm and it almost feels good.

Almost.

Asher tells her about how the Queen took power. How she wasn't meant to be Queen. The former Queen had two children. Kyr was the Prince who should have inherited the throne. Tecla was the second child, the little sister.

" _Kyr was beloved by all the people and by his mother. He was kind and fair. Even more so than the Queen. His mother was ruthless and severe, but still fair and righteous. He was gentle, loving toward his people, strong and fierce in battle. He was the perfect King for our Nation. He was ready to die for us. I still remember one of the little few times I saw him: he saved a child meeting the arrow that would have killed the kid. He then killed the archer without the ghost of mercy, but he was ready to throw himself in danger for a common child without significance. He was our King at the time, no one would have hesitate. They would have saved the King. He didn't hesitate neither, though._ "

Clarke listens carefully to Asher. She's been given the opportunity to know more about the Ice Nation and she's not going to waste it.

" _He was told that war was glorious and that victory would have made him magnificent. He never believed that. King Kyr always said that only his people could make him magnificent. The safety and well-being of his Nation would have spoken for his virtue as a leader._

" _His mother was a proud and strong warrior. She was always at war and she rarely lost. Our people have always been fighters. It doesn't matter if we're warriors or not, all of us are fighters. And the Queen loved that about her people, but she wanted us to be fighters in war with weapons and strangers as enemies. She was often at war with the south lands. She killed a great Commander of the Trikru, and as soon as Tecla became Queen the next Commander lost her life too. I guess you've heard about that clan. The clan you come from, whatever it shall be, has to be part of the Coalition, right?_ "

Clarke nods her head, without saying anything. She really doesn't want for him to stop. She wants to know more. She wants to know about the Queen.

" _They say the now being Commander is the first who's had a real peace with us. That's not true. She may be the first who's taken all the clans together, but Kyr was the first who reached a peace between the two clans. He was friend with the Commander of that time. They came at peace after the death of the Queen. At first she meant to attack us, but he bested her in a one-to-one fight and asked to talk to her. Or at least, this is what they say it's happened. Maybe he didn't best her, maybe they fought and came to an agreement after a first minor battle. I can't be sure, I wasn't there of course. But what I know is that we had peace. Peace with the Trikru sounded weird, but most of us were happy to finally have their beloved at home._ "

He sounds a great King. Maybe he was too soft to be a king and that's why he died.

Asher seems to read her mind. " _Someone said he was weak for seeking peace. But he was a powerful warrior, he was strong and skilled. Everyone respected and loved him. Except for the people who were disappointed by the humility he demanded from the rich and powerful ones. He was humble. He really was and he cared for his people. He wanted all of them to have what they needed to live. And that means he didn't let the riches be too rich and neither he allowed them to be favoured only because of their belongings and wealth. He was fair. But he had enemies. I could never consider them ones of my same people, but they were. They were of Ice and they didn't like sharing the richness. Tecla's power grew from their loyalties._ "

Asher excuses himself to go check on a patient. Clarke is left with a child crying because of a wound on his leg. She takes care of him while trying to sooth the pain by distracting to him. He asks her if she is the girl from the south everyone talks about.

" _I guess I am._ " Clarke answers with a small tiny smile.

The boy thanks her for the nursing and runs out to his work and soon after Asher comes back and starts showing her some herbs and medicament they use.

" _So how did the Queen take the throne?_ " Clarke asks after a long moment of silence.

" _She killed him. With a deception. She was his sister, after all. They never liked each others, but he cared for her. He trusted her. He knew she was ruthless, even more so then their mother, and merciless, but he trusted her to want, deep down, the safety of their people. She betrayed him and killed him herself. Rich nobles and some_ conti _helped her._ "

"Conti?" Clarke interrupts him. She knows about a person called _conte_ in the past, but she's not sure about what he means with that same appellative.

" _It's how we call the leaders of single villages. Not every village has a_ conte _. The big ones have, usually also the little ones. Or they used to have once, in better times._ _In_ Cristallo _we haven't got any_ conte _._ "

Clarke nods her understanding. _Conti_ she read about were kind of different, but she thinks it could make sense.

" _After the King was dead no one had even the time to take care of who killed him._ _It didn't matter because she took power immediately and though everyone knew she was the murderer, she replaced the warriors with her own guards and forced the army to stand for her. She threatened them to hurt or kill their families. She created a little army on her own, made of the ones utterly loyal to her and an army of soldiers with privileges, mean people who are allowed to kill and take whatever they want in the whole country. They are the ones we are most afraid of. Some of them had nothing, some were criminal condemned by the King, some had been exiled by Kyr, and this is their revenge on life, and on us: the people of the King who punished them bringing justice._ "

Before, Asher's voice has been nostalgic, now it's full of sorrow and vain wrath. He can't do anything, he already does his best. But Clarke can see the pure fury for what happens to his people. People who once have been happy, people like him who have seen a better and safer life, people like the children who may never see it or know the meaning of living without fear, and people like Aeryn who can't remember that life because she was too young, and maybe that's the worst of all. Aeryn has known happiness once, Clarke figures, but all she can remember is sorrow, danger, fear, loss.

" _Our country saw a lot of merciless and unfair queens." he sighs. "But there was always someone ready to fight them. And they always won. Some have tried to fight Tecla and they're all dead._ "

Clarke knows there's nothing else to say and she settles on a respectful silence.

So Ice people were not that bad. Maybe it's unfair to think of them as mean, spiteful people. It does sound that they were to be feared. But do the other clans know about their situation? Do they know how the people live? Or do they only judge on the soldiers they see? Clarke knows it's the last one. She believed Lexa and the Trikru when they talked about the Ice Nation, and she was wrong. Cristallo has shown her they're all wrong.

Then again, is it right to judge on a single village? She wants to believe all Ice people are like Asher and Aeryn, but she can't. And the gun feels heavier hidden under her clothes.

* * *

Lexa paces in her tent. She's spent all day training and Luna's words has hunted her in her sleep. She has to walk out of the tent and go being the Commander. But something bothers her. Something the Heda is not happy with.

Luna saw through her. She knew what's going on with Lexa. She knew Lexa's heart is bleeding and making her crazy. Was Lexa so obvious? Were her feelings showing without her knowledge?

Was the Commander spirit loosing control over Lexa? Was the girl showing?

It couldn't be happening. It was wrong. Lexa was weak. Heda was strong. No feelings could get out of Heda's control. So how did Luna understand that? What did she see?

Lexa feels overthrown by this. Not only she sacrificed her beloved ones and betrayed the girl who woke her heart, now she is also endangering her people by weakening the Heda. Her heart can't affect her when she's the Commander.

What if other people could notice that? What if they already did? Maybe Luna is not the only one who's realized what's going on inside of her. Or maybe they didn't understand as much as Luna does, but they now think that she's weak.

And they may be right in thinking that.

Lexa can't let this happening. She has to be stronger than this, she has to bury her feelings deeper into her soul, where no one can find them.

* * *

Aeryn is leading her god knows where. They've been walking for an hour now and still the girl has shown no intention in telling her where they are heading.

Clarke is lost in the wonders of the almost frozen nature. There's ice on the trees that now surround her, but they often walk through large areas without a single one of them. Those clearings are grey and white for the ice creeping on every blade of grass. Clarke thinks that if she could watch it from the sky it would look like a cloud landed in the middle of a forest. The sun could shine on it painting rainbows on the ground. But the sun is covered by grey clouds, some dark, some light.

She doesn't mind the walk, but she's kind of curious. Aeryn told her she wanted to show Clarke a magical place. It all started from Clarke's admission of loving art.

They were in the village and an old man was painting a beautiful landscape. He explained Clarke that it was the lands surrounding seen from the capital. He told her he had been in the capital when the Queen was not queen yet and they were in peace.

" _Peace is rare_ " he said. Then he started describing how he managed to get a permission to paint from the highest tower of the city. He recounted how he cried when he watch the sight in front of him. It was breathtaking. He spent weeks at painting that beauty. The guards started to know him and they would allow him to stay all day long, without break. There was a young warrior who was intrigued by his drawing and he would take him something to eat for lunch and stay there for a while, watching. The guy never asked anything but to watch. And the man knew he was learning, he was taking in the landscape being soaked up by the sheet and the colours running from the brush to the sky, absorbing the sun light and coming back to settle gracefully in the painting.

Afterwards the man gave the painting to the guy. And from then he painted the landscape again regularly. The one Clarke was looking at was just one of the many. Clarke was fascinated anyway. She asked if the lands around the capital are really that beautiful.

" _They were. All Ice was beautiful. What you could see now are just ruins._ " he answered harshly.

When Aeryn found her she was still watching the man painting. On their way home Clarke told her that she liked painting too. She used to sketch anything that caught her attention and than convey it on paper. Aeryn's eyes lighted up at that and she asked Clarke to go for a walk.

So Clarke is pretty sure Aeryn wants to show her some sight to paint, but she's already seeing so much she would like to draw. She tried to sketch something during her travelling, but her hand just wouldn't work. The blood she saw on it wouldn't let her outline a single leaf. And she sees the blood still.

How can she paint life when her hands have carried so much death?

But Aeryn keeps going and Clarke can't do anything but follow.

Around them the land starts to change. Trees start to take over the surroundings, but they're not packed, never too close to one another. And after a while they seem to step in line, until Clarke sees it. A river. It's not large but it looks a bit dangerous, so full of water and limpid.

The line of trees stop some meters before the water and begin again some meters far from the other bank. At Clarke's left this distance reduces until the trees are enveloping the river and they are all one in the sight.

But what Clarke sees at her right leaves her breathless. There's a waterfall coming from a rise of the ground that starts abruptly. The falling water shines bright like a pure crystal.

Clarke thinks she sees little ice crystals flowing in the stream. They fly down the waterfall and lay down gracefully on the surface of the river. She's captivated by the wonderful sight and doesn't see Aeryn's smile.

The sun comes out of the clouds for a single moment and everything it's perfect. It reflexes on the water and all the little crystals cheer it with twinkles of joy. It's a magical dance of light and shining. Silver and blue take their step on the river, twirling, swinging and running into each other. Under the water other crystals rise to life and show their colours. Red, purple, green and pink, dark and light, transparent and dull. It's a celebration of colours, joy, light and somehow spirits.

Then the sun goes back in its shelter and Clarke wonders if she only dreamed what's just happened.

" _Some of the crystal are piece of ice coming from the mountain in the north. They're not even a thousandth part of what they were before. The river takes them in this show of wonders, taking them to performance with other crystals. The ones you can see on the bottom are minerals. All different crystals like amethyst, chalcedony, fluorite, emerald and many others. We don't know exactly where they come from, but since I know they've always been here._ " Aeryn's voice fills the silence and it's sweet and low, as if it's trying to be part of that magic instead of stopping it.

" _I've never seen anything like this._ " Clarke's not sure she's talking out loud. She's not sure she has control on her body right now. Her eyes are still fixed on the waterfall. The flying lights she has seen on it still boring her mind with wonder.

" _Broken hearts are as clear as crystal waterfalls_ " Aeryn doesn't say anything more, she just hands Clarke a little sketch book and a pencil. She doesn't need to speak further, Clarke understands, but she shakes her head. Tears are threatening to fall and she can't let them. Not in front of the girl. But Aeryn doesn't let go, she holds the book and the pencil until Clarke takes them. And when Clarke finally does she walks away after giving her a smile.

Clarke should stop her, should ask her where she's going. She's not sure she would be able to find the way back to the village. But, foolishly, she trusts her in that moment, completely. Aeryn has shown her something beautiful under imaginations. She has shared this with her for a reason and Clarke knows she has to trust. Aeryn will be back, her time is limited.

She sits down on a little rock right in front of the water and turns to the waterfall.

Two hours later she lets go of the blood, she lets it flow in the water, her hands purified by the crystals.

The first pages of the sketch book are filled with drawings, a little sparkle of magic trapped on the paper finding a new kind of freedom.

Clarke lays down the pencil on the book at her side and stays still, contemplating what she has spent the last couple of hours drawing. It's still beautiful, but the sun hasn't leaned out of the clouds again. She is grateful to Aeryn for taking her there. It was simply amazing and for the first time after a long while she actually sketched something.

Maybe, just maybe, she could be back. Maybe she could do more than existing. Even if that would only be staying in this little village, helping the healer and drawing. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad. Could she do it?

Aeryn comes back when she's lost in thoughts. The girl tries to make some noise so not to scare her when she talks.

" _How did it go?_ "

Clarke ignores the question and instead she asks " _You said that broken hearts are as clear as crystal waterfalls, what did you mean?_ " she's not sure she wants to know the answer to that, but she feels better in this moment. She feels like she can take it.

" _Your heart screams. It's bleeding. When the heart is deadly wound there is no way anyone could hide it._ "

" _How?_ " Clarke doesn't formulate a real question, but she knows that Aeryn understands. _How do you know my heart is wound? How do you see it?_ It's what she's asking.

" _Your hands. The crack in your eyes. They yell your pain. You're so careful when you touch something, like it could break, you keep your touches lightly as if things could suddenly turn into ash in front of you. And your eyes, always looking for more, always searching behind, always alert and never able to stop on a single subject. They seem to need to be aware of everything that surrounds you, and at the same time they search other eyes for disappointment, reproof, judging, even hate._ "

Clarke is taken aback by this. Who is this girl? Why are her eyes so clear and pure that they can see so much? And why does she say all these things in the sweetest tone, with understanding and forgiving eyes?

" _You don't..._ " Clarke tries to deny it, but Aeryn interrupts her.

" _I do. It doesn't matter. You'll be ready one day. It's okay, Daire._ " The use of her fake name makes Clarke go silent. This girl is really trying with her, she really wants to help and she's giving her a lot. And Clarke is lying to her about the easiest things. A name. What could a name do? So simple, so innocent. It would be so easy to tell her real name. What could happen? It's just name. But her name it's dangerous. Her name carries the same death she carries. Her name is the name of a murderer. It doesn't matter if it has once been innocent, if it has once been just a name. It's not anymore.

She bows her head slightly and doesn't say anything more. Aeryn smiles gently and starts to lead the way back to the village.

That night, while they clean up the table after dinner, Clarke asks Aeryn about King Kyr.

" _So he was the first to have peace with the south, right?_ "

" _Kind of. He sealed a deal with the_ trikru _Commander. They were in love. I guess that's what brought us peace, their love for each other._ "

Clarke is astonished. The King was in love with the former Commander?

" _Her name was Sasha. They say she was beautiful and strong. When they were together it was a good time for the villages in the south. The King saw her frequently so he often settled in a village on the border with the Cloud People and wait for her. Then sometimes he was the one to go to her. When he was here in the south of Ice it was a great celebration for us. Our best times._

" _Most of their generals, both of the King and the Commander, weren't happy with this relationship. But they didn't care, they showed everyone how strong they were together. And no one questioned them again. Until... Until Tecla, who's the Queen now, killed her._ "

Asher did say that Tecla killed the former Commander, but the fact that she was in love with Tecla's brother makes things different.

" _What did he do after that?_ "

" _He didn't know it was his sister's order. He hunted down the men who murdered her and killed them showing no mercy, only justice. The traitors weren't only Ice people but also_ trikru _. He demanded their death and demanded to be the one to kill them. The Commander's generals tried to deny that to him and he took the traitors on his own. They didn't die well, but they didn't deserve to. The_ trikru _generals weren't hapy with that and they broke the alliance. But they didn't make any move to attack us or be hostile, because after all they would have killed the Commander's murderer anyway. The King's generals wanted to protect him, asked him to stay in the capital with his personal guards, safe. But he didn't want to leave his people. Anyway that's not what got him killed._

" _He didn't suspect his sister of betrayal, even if some told him he should have. So when Tecla asked him to go with her for a little trip, pretending she wanted to keep his mind off of what had happened, he agreed. She had men hidden in the woods a little far from the safety of the capital. They killed the guard and then her partner fought the King. The King was a great warrior, but the moment Tecla told him that the Commander died because of her, he let his guard down for only a second. An infinitive second that costed him his life and us our freedom. Tecla's lover killed him and died with him because the King's sword did manage to stab his chest before falling at his side. That's what the only survived guard said. But that same guard died a few days later, properly this time, so that no one was left who could tell how things went. The King had no children, so she took the power, her daughter at her side._ "

" _The Queen had a daughter?_ "

" _Yes. From the man who killed our King. And her daughter was just like her. As ruthless, as power-thirsty, merciless and wicked. She died when she was about twenty, the new Commander of the_ trikru _killed her. And the Queen had also another daughter, she had her from another love. She would be about seventeen now. But she died when she was twelve._ "

" _Was she like her mother too?_ "

" _I don't know. She was too young when she disappeared. The Queen sent soldiers and guards looking for her, but they've only found some of her belongings. The girl must be dead, but they probably would have never found the body even if they had kept searching._ "

Clarke is left with nothing to say, because what more is there to be said?


	7. Melt laughs into tears

**A/N: I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts. **

**I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Seven: Melt laughs into tears**

Only a couple of days have passed since the visit to the waterfall and this girl is leading her again towards something Clarke has no idea what could be.

They're walking through the village and entering a part of it Clarke hasn't seen yet. Which is weird because she's walked around the village a lot in the last days.

There are small and sometimes very poor houses and few men and women around. They all look shabby and pitiful. Their clothes are old and torn, but work has done worse on their faces. The misery on them, their tired eyes that don't even look at her as they pass by. These people have nothing and Aeryn walks straight into one of those house, after giving Clarke time to take all in.

Clarke is not sure if she's meant to follow her, but Aeryn lingers for a moment at the door, looking at her and the sky girl walks in behind her.

The house is shattered and ruined by time. There almost isn't any furniture except for the basic one. There's just a mild light coming from the door, but the windows are closed and the room is dark, Clarke is afraid she could bump into something at any time. But there's nothing to bump into. The room is so empty and Clarke can only follow Aeryn, who's heading for a door on the left. While she crosses the room, Clarke can see something like a table against the wall at the end of the room. There's something else, but she can't make out what it is.

When she enters the other room after Aeryn, she takes in the little bedroom. There's nothing but a bed, a chair and a little cabinet. There's a woman lying on the bed. She looks sick. Her skin is too pale even for an Ice woman, her body is too thin, her face is twisted in pain, her eyes are unfocused as they randomly scan the room.

Aeryn tends to her, she takes some clothes from a box on the floor and she damps them in the bowl full of water that's on the chair. Then she starts to wet the woman's forehead and wrists.

Clarke wants to ask what's wrong with the woman, but she figures she'd better not speak. So she just keeps silent and watches Aeryn. She starts to help when she gets that the girl is just doing the same thing all over again, keeping the skin hydrated. Maybe the woman has a fever because Aeryn also keeps changing the cloth on her forehead as to get her body heat to decrease.

When Clarke takes her place in changing the wet clothes, Aeryn gives her a little grateful smile and starts looking for something in her bag. She picks some herbs and walks out of the room.

Clarke looks the woman over and she knows she hasn't long to live. She's already old and, if Clarke is right, she's not strong enough to fight the fever, even with the help of some herbs. Clarke feels suddenly very sad and it surprises her. She didn't think she could feel sadness with all the bad emotions that break her every night and day. Even now that she's not fighting a war, she can't save this woman. Even now that she's no one's leader, she has to look the death in the eyes and even now that she's not responsible for this people, she feels it upon herself anyway. The medical supplies from the Ark could help this people. And the fact that she can't offer that to them kind of makes Clarke feel guilty. It doesn't make sense, it's not her fault. But maybe she's just used to think that is her fault, that is upon her. And so it doesn't matter if that's real or not, she still feels it. As if her being a monster could mean that is acceptable to charge every death on her. Maybe it is.

When Aeryn comes back she has a cup in her hands and she helps the woman drink from it. Clarke knows it's an herb tea meant to help her, but she also knows it won't do much.

When the woman has drunk the cold tea, Aeryn sits on the other side of the bed, helping Clarke with the wet clothes, and they stay like that for a long while.

Some time later they finally get up and the woman whispers something to Aeryn. Her voice is weak and trembling. When they come out of the house, Aeryn just walks directly into another one.

She didn't tell Clarke what their illnesses are, but Clarke understands that she doesn't need to know, because she couldn't do anything anyway, and all Aeryn is doing is offering some kind of solace to people who are dying.

They visited at least ten houses. Some people looked worse than the first woman, some others seemed slightly better, but for none of them there's hope. After some hours they came back to have lunch and neither of them talked about those people.

Now Clarke is wandering in the village alone. She should meet Aeryn near the healer's house in less than an hour. But right now she has time. And she thinks. Memories come back, people who haven't hunted her for a while are there again. Never failing to remember her what she is. She's not worth this people's company.

The innocents in the Mountain are not the ones who are whispering in her head. She sees them every time she closes her eyes, they come to her screaming every time she goes to sleep, they wake her in the morning, they draw her dreams. They are always with her, never leaving her. But for a while, when she was with Aeryn, when she was at the waterfall, they have been her only companions. Now she can see the others again.

People who thank her for what she did, because she saved them, people who walk away from her, people who look at her disappointed, people who watch her with fear, Jasper's voice yelling at her that she's a monster. Her mother asking if it couldn't have been done differently. People accusing her, yelling in her mind. And the words all come from Clarke's heart. Because her heart is the one that most of all hunts her.

And then one person whose voice tells her that she did the right thing. And Clarke can't think about that. She can't think about how similar they are, Lexa and herself. Lexa left her to die and Clarke killed innocents, oh so many innocents. For a moment Clarke wonders how well Lexa knows that feeling. The feeling of being nothing but death, the feeling of being a murderer. Lexa's been a leader for a longer time than Clarke, she must have taken those decisions a lot of time. How could she live with herself? How could she keep going? Clarke wishes she could do that too.

Lexa chose to close up, to bury her heart and feelings. Could Clarke do that? Should she? Would it make things better?

And than she hears it. Something resembling a laughter.

She follows the sound and goes down the small street. Soon she finds herself in front of a little square where someone is laughing, someone is playing, someone is happy.

Children. Clarke can see at least twenty of them. A group is playing with a ball of sort. Some others are chatting and yelling at the ones playing. Then another small group is sparring whit wooden swords.

She approaches this last ones and hears them talking. They've split in two and it looks like four of them are playing as soldiers and two others should be the fighters in the village who dare to try and stop them. The small group that was chatting and witnessing the players is now gathered around the sparring children. Clarke watches as the outnumbered ones defeat the four "soldiers". Their friends cheer them and the four on the ground smile and stand up, talking about how well they perfomed the stupidity and cowardice of the soldiers.

They laugh, fear forgotten.

Clarke looks in a small awe as they perform it all over again, switching roles and joined by other children. They look invincible. She figures they feel strong and powerful. There's joy all around them and Clarke feels overwhelmed by it.

No, Clarke won't close up her heart. She could, but she doesn't _want_ to. She wants this. She wants to see people happy like these children. They are unaware of the death they could witness or in whose arms they could fall soon, too soon. Clarke wants to feel, she wants to let their laughs sink into her heart. She wants them to wake her.

No matter how hard that will be, how painful it will always feel, she wants this, the ability to feel. Maybe it could be worth it. Suffering all that pain and sorrow to be able to feel this children's joy, still. She doesn't want to lose that. And if it means she has to bear all those ghosts hunting her, all the sorrow she caused, if it means death will never leave her alone, well perhaps she can handle it. Or she can't. But it doesn't matter. Better be crushed by your heart's sorrow, then to never feel this things.

What does Lexa feel when she watches the children playing? Does she feel all these emotions Clarke is feeling, or is she only happy for them?

Clarke wants to scream, she wants to run and laugh with them. She's surprised by how affected she is. Just witnessing children playing is making her feel so much. And she can't describe it. So she finds a place where to sit and she looks and she takes every emotion they're willing to give her.

After a while she takes out her sketch book and she starts to draw the children playing. She draws them clean and safe from war and pain, she paints their futures as soft as they should be, as they are now when they're smiling and laughing. She tries to print the careless and the happiness on the paper. War will always be waiting her and them too, but there are places, little moments in life when she can see the sparkle of life. In a world of death and sorrow, between wars and murderers, life still paints smiles on the faces of children. And that's her victory. No matter how hard the hate of men strikes lives, no matter how many wars crush upon innocents, no matter how many monsters violence can create, life will always find a way to paint her joy.

And maybe Clarke should surrender to this. Maybe she should let her ghosts go only for this little while, so that she can help life winning this small battle against death. She should let this light envelope her like it's doing with the children, but she doesn't deserve that. Maybe life has lost with her, she can't let herself be separated by death, by what she has done.

But then a little girl approaches Clarke and bows her head, hands behind her back, like if she's unsure of what she wants to say. Clarke looks at her warmly, trying to push away the thoughts of just a second before. When she looks up the child's eyes sparkle with curiosity and small fear. She asks shyly if she's the stranger who knows their language and Clarke nods slowly.

Other children gather around Clarke, they lose their fright and start to look at what Clarke was doing. They ask what she's drawing and they watch the drawing in awe as Clarke tells it's them. They want to see the other drawings and she lets them, because what could she ask more for her art then to be seen by people who still feel so alive?

They hold her sketch book carefully and with respect. They start telling her their name and asking her to draw each one of them. Clarke tries to memorize every name and she promises that she'll do her best to draw as many of them as she can. She's actually smiling and she laughs at the eagerness of those children.

As soon as the laugh is out of her mouth she falls silent, taken aback. It's the first time she laughs after the Mountain. The first time she actually hears that sound coming from herself again. She feels tears in the corner of her eyes and she has to swallow them back. These children managed to take a laugh out of her, how is that possible? Some minutes before she was thinking that life would have lost with her because she doesn't deserve that, and now here they are, champions of the life, winning.

After a while most of the children go back to their game, some ask her about the place she comes from and she tells them something vague. Eventually only a girl and a little boy are still there, still watching her drawings. They are suddenly serious and they seem lost in thoughts of great importance.

" _You are an artist._ " the little boy says.

But the girl looks at him with confused eyes. " _She's a fighter. Her passion is the leader of many._ "

" _What? What are you saying?_ " Clarke is astonished and she wonders if she understood her correctly.

" _Or it will be._ " then she runs away towards her friends.

The boy looks at Clarke once more and then he's off too, the seriousness in his eyes gone.

Clarke is left there watching them starting to play again without a thing in mind. What has just happened? What did they mean? She can't find an answer, she can't find a sense in their words.

She tries to shake it off as a meaningless thing, but it doesn't leave her mind. It is as if it has settled in the back of her mind and it won't go away until she can fully understand it.

She goes back watching and drawing. She draws many of them, as they requested and she stops when she realizes how she has drawn the two children who were the last ones to leave. They look older in her drawing, they're smiling but there's a solemnity in their eyes she can't understand. They're holding hands, the girl slightly turned to the side, as if she were shielding the younger boy with her body. Who was she protecting him from? They look happy, but so aware of the world they live in. And how is Clarke even thinking this? It's just a drawing. It doesn't matter. She probably was just absently drawing it differently from what she intended on.

Suddenly Clarke senses something. Someone is behind her and she has to calm her new instinct to jump up and face the possible danger. However she can't stop herself by turning swiftly and on alert.

Aeryn smiles warmly at her and Clarke feels herself calming down a bit. Her body relaxes as the girl sits beside her. For a moment she just watches the children with Clarke, but then she turns to the side and looks attentively at the other girl.

" _They're beautiful, aren't they? What do we have more alive then children?_ " her eyes search into Clarke's.

" _They are. I've been here for a while, I must have lost count of time because I didn't realize we should have already met._ "

Aeryn gestures her not to worry and they both go back watching the children, whatever they have to do forgotten. It is nice, thinks Clarke, just sitting there with Aeryn. It feels comfortable in a new way. Or maybe just a way she hasn't been able to feel in a long time. It feels innocent. And normal, common, as if they were just two girls looking after happy children. But those children won't be happy for long, and Clarke is not innocent. And Aeryn, well she's too good for this world. She will just crumble under the pressure of death and fear, pain, loss, sorrow.

But only for a moment they look like a painting. A painting of life. Hope. And Clarke is kind of glad that she gets to be in that painting.

" _They calm me._ " Clarke whispers after some time.

" _They could purify anyone._ " is Aeryn's answer. It sounds like she's meaning more than what the sentence alone conveys. And again Clarke feels like this girl understands her in a worrying way. It is as if she could read Clarke like a book, as if she could see her sorrow and the weight she's carrying. It kind of terrifies Clarke. But it also feels good. She doesn't need to tell Aeryn anything, because that girl already understands what she needs.

No more words are said and after a while they get up and start walking away. But some children catch Clarke leaving and they hurry after her, asking for her drawings of them.

Clarke smiles and shows them what they want. They all look confused and curious about the last drawing. They ask who those girl and boy are and Clarke doesn't know what to say. But the girl and the little boy among the children pull at her sleeve and when Clarke looks at them, the girl nods, the boy smiles widely. Then they walk away, holding hands. A moment later they're back playing looking as every other child. Clarke realizes she doesn't even know their names. All the children told her their names, except for those two. But she doesn't go after them, neither she asks their friends about them. She just follows Aeryn, feeling like their names aren't what makes those children important.

* * *

Her general announces his presence and enters the tent as soon as Lexa grants permission. He says that some guards have reported a conversation between the Ice general and the leader of the Cloud People.

" _It seems like they have an ally in the south._ "

Lexa already knows who it is. Aima was never a peaceful leader. She is always thirsty of war and death. She is unable to live in peace.

Tansee, at her side, hisses. " _The Blood Clan._ "

Lexa nods slowly. If the Ice Queen can attack them from the north while another clan attacks them from the south they won't have any choice but to split forces. And the Blood Clan is a strong ally to have at her side. She chose well her friends in this war. And what is Lexa going to do? If she starts moving troops towards the south, the Blood Clan will become suspicious, and it could also be seen as a hostile motion before an attack.

" _Heda, should I give orders that guards never leave the leaders alone?_ " her general's voice brings her back to reality.

" _Yes. But they have to be more careful than ever. We can't have our allies think we're doubting them, and neither we can have our enemies knowing that we're controlling them._ "

" _I'll make sure they know how to act._ " assures the female general. She then takes her leave and exits the tent.

" _Train your warriors harder, Fern. We have to be at our best._ "

"Sha, Heda" the general bows his head and leaves the tent.

Here they go again. Another war, a new threat from another front. At least this could occupy her mind, instead they can't do anything, there aren't moves to plan and she's left waiting. Thinking. Drowning.

* * *

They had little work that morning. There weren't injured people and the only ones who came to the healer were feeling sick or asking for something for relatives who were badly ill.

Now they're heading to the forest. They've just had lunch and they're going to meet up with Asher and Ianthe. That morning Asher told her they would have gone searching for herbs and asked Clarke if she wanted to come. She eagerly accepted and Mawiyah asked her sister to come too. So here they are, right before the line of trees. Asher and Ianthe are waiting for them and they immediately start the trip.

Clarke knows some of the herbs they're looking for so she doesn't feel totally useless. But she doesn't know the land, so Mawiyah helps her finding places where those herbs could be. The little girl is talkative as always and she tells Clarke a lot about herself.

Suddenly when she's talking about how she got the little tiny scar under her elbow her eyes become sad. She was exited and eager to speak and a moment later sadness washes over her face. Clarke wonders what the cause of it is, but she keeps silent, knowing the girl will tell her if she wants to.

" _My dad said what I'd done was stupid, but he said I was brave and strong._ " the little smile on her face is so not alike her. Clarke can only guess what happened to the man, but she can't ask child.

" _I'm sure he was right. You seem very brave, Mawiyah._ "

The girl looks up at her and smiles widely. " _I'll be a warrior one day!_ "

" _Didn't you want to be a healer just some days ago?_ " Clarke chuckles.

" _Of course! I want to be a healer so that I can help my friends when we fight together! A warrior who's also a healer is stronger!_ "

" _I can't argue with you there, Little One._ " the girl frowns at the nick name, but she sticks out her tongue at Clarke and smiles again. Clarke started to call her that just yesterday when, at dinner, she actually joked along with the two sisters.

After a while Clarke finds herself next to Asher and she takes her chance.

" _What happened to Aeryn and Mawiyah's father?_ " she hopes she's not overstepping the border.

He looks at her for a moment before answering, his voice low and sad. " _Their parents died a year ago. Their father was killed by the soldiers. Their mother got sick after that and died the same year. Their uncle should be the one taking care of them, but Aeryn thinks they're better on their own. She says she can handle it and take care of her sister. The thing is she's never got along too well with Eber and at the same time she knows he has a family on his own he has to take care of._ "

Clarke is surprised but glad he told her so much.

" _Thanks_." and he knows what she means. He nods and gives her a little smile.

They start to head back to the village a couple of hours later. It is a long way, they went pretty far from Cristallo in their research. Mawiyah and Ianthe are chatting in a low voice. Aeryn is silent and seems content with just watching Clarke and Asher as the Ice healer shows the girl herbs and plants. He tells her their name, what she can use them for, if they're poisoned or if they can be eaten.

As soon as they're approaching the village they hear screams, calls for help, crying. People are yelling, and Clarke can hear children crying. She starts to run toward the village, but she's stopped by two strong arms.

Asher is holding her and when Clarke tries to break free Aeryn helps him to restrain her. She tells Clarke to stay still and keep silent. But Clarke can't understand why.

" _They need help!_ "

But they force her to wait in the safety of the trees, the screams piercing her ears.


	8. Take your shot

**A/N: I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts. **

**I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

 **I feel like I need to explain something about the language spoken during leaders' conversation. I guess it could be fine to say that leaders and warriors know their mother language, English and Trigedasleng (since Lexa is the leader of the Coalition), and common people mostly know their mother language and then other languages depending on who they are and what they do.**

* * *

 **Chapter Eight: Take your shot**

When Clarke finally manages to break free she runs toward the village as fast as she can. By the time she reaches it most of the screaming has stopped, children are still crying and hiding behind adults.

She looks around and sees people bleeding, wounded. She stops to help some of them but she just can't help everyone. " _Who did this?_ " she starts to ask almost convulsively. But people look at her as if she's too stupid to be worthy of an answer and she gets it.

Soldiers of the Queen.

She hurries through the village but doesn't see any of them. Maybe they're already gone. Maybe she's too late to help anyone. She curses Asher for stopping her, for keeping her safe. She doesn't deserve to be safe, these people do.

* * *

Lexa has called a meeting with her generals, Luna and Deen. She tells them about the south clan who's allied with Ice. She already knows what she will do, but it's fair that she discusses it with them. Though also everyone of them knows that she will do as she thinks is best. Formality, that's what this is about. And keeping good relationships with her closest allies. And maybe Lexa is also taking every opportunity to get her mind off of painful thoughts.

" _The Blood Clan_ " Deen, the leader of the Horse People, guesses as soon as she speaks about a clan from the south.

" _That is what we think._ " Fern says.

" _What do we do about it, Heda? Should we send scouts and ready an army?_ "

" _Soon. We can not do anything as long as the others leader are still in Polis._ " Lexa answers slowly.

" _I can have scouts on the borders with the Blood Clan in the time that it takes for a messenger to reach my lands._ " Luna offers calmly.

" _It could work, but your scouts will have to be invisible. We can not afford for them to find out. And when the leaders will leave Polis and we will ready our armies, we can not have them find that out either. It could be seen as if we were planning an attack. And we are not. We will not attack first. Our people have just come out of a war, we will do our best so that they will not have to go right into another one._ "

Everyone agrees with her and Luna will send a messenger to her wife to give order that scouts are sent to the borders. Lexa will send scouts herself as soon as the leaders move from Polis.

" _The Fire Clan borders on the Blood Clan too. Should we warn them? Maybe ask them to send scouts as well?_ " Deen asks again.

" _We will warn them. And I think we can ask them to send scouts too._ "

" _I am not sure they will support us, Heda._ " Xenobia, Lexa's general, speaks up.

" _The Fire Clan is always trying to avoid war, they know their territory is not a tempting one to conquer. It would be hard for other clans to occupy it because they do not know how to survive there, they are not used to it. So they do not have to get involved in wars. But if the Ice Queen should manage to win this war, it would get bad for them too. They trade with us, but the Queen would not be as fair. It would be hard for them to keep their way of living, they should go back to the unpleasant life they had before the trade among the clans._ " Avah's voice is heard for the first time since the meeting started. She is a respected and feared general and Lexa knows she speaks right. But she will not force or blackmail a clan into a war.

" _If they think that we can win this war, they will not get involved. If they are not sure about that, they will just wait until it is clear that we are going to lose._ " Eamon, one of Lexa's most trusted generals, says. " _What you say is right, and I think they know it too, but Bry is a peaceful leader. She's strong, but she knows her people are not as strong as her, and she only wants peace for them._ "

He speaks what Lexa herself is thinking. But truth is that she doesn't expect the Queen to stop in front of an unforgiving land. The Queen does not care about lands, not as much as she cares about power. And to get power she only needs people, not every land on earth. Lexa thinks she won't stop at the Fire Clan's borders. She will conquer them and take the people as slaves in her lands. Then she will leave the Fire lands without a second thought. So maybe it's not about blackmailing, it's about making them understand.

" _We will have a meeting with Bry and her generals. It is foolish to think that the Queen will stop at the borders of their clan. She wants the people not the lands. If we can make them understand this, they may fight at our side._ "

When no one seems to have anything to add, she tells them the orders again, as soon as the no-longer-allies leaders leave Polis, they will have a meeting with the other allies, send scouts to the dangerous clans and ready their armies.

When everyone has left, Luna lingers a moment at the opening of the tent. " _We will make it, Lexa._ " she says simply, and then she's out, where she's not only Luna, but the leader of the Boat People, and she's not Lexa's friend, but her ally.

Lexa nods but doesn't even try to convince herself. She feels that this war will be different. And she's not sure they can win. And she feels oh so tired.

But she's Heda, so she straightens her back and starts pacing the tent, her brain working hard going over plan after plan.

* * *

Now she's half running and half walking, taking in the devastation that the soldiers have left behind. She feels anger and rage building up inside of her. She hasn't felt this way in a while, but here it is, back as if nothing happened. Her fierce passion. Her longing to help people, her heart screaming for justice. A small part of her acknowledges it and it feels wrong, because she has no right to talk about justice. But her mind pushes that thoughts aside, she needs to help these people. She needs that rage and that passion. For a moment she even realizes that she missed them.

Her brain is racing to find a way to help. She could use Asher's help, but he's still in the forest, probably for the best. Clarke understands why they hide, but she couldn't do that.

She suddenly hears a terrified scream coming from near. She runs toward the sound and here it is. A soldier.

A girl is on the ground, the man pinning her down trying to get rid of her clothes. He has already ripped her shirt and is now slapping her, telling her to stop fighting or it will be worse for her. She's crying and yelling at him to stop, she's begging him to let her go. But his eyes are cruel and his smile is vicious, twisted.

Clarke calls him, trying to distract him from the girl while she reaches for her gun under her coat. He smiles at her and gestures for her to come closer, he says some obscenities, but before Clarke can place a bullet in his head a sword crushes him down.

The steel cuts his back and then the girl appeared behind him shoves her sword in his throat. Clarke is stuck for a moment. The girl came out of nowhere and she is so graceful with the sword that Clarke immediately thinks about Lexa. The girl has long dark hair and dark grey eyes. She doesn't look like an Ice person, but her skin is indeed pale and white. Her eyes sparkle with a fire that reminds Clarke of Octavia.

But there's no time to indulge in those thoughts because suddenly other soldiers come and the girl turns to fight them. She throws herself into the fight with a fierce fury and never misses a strike. She swings her sword like if it were light as a feather. It looks like a dance, but the dancer is a lethal lion. She kills two of them with little effort, but they're too many. Five to one is not an easy match to win.

Clarke knows that a gun will be hard to explain, but she's not sure about her skill in using swords and knives and she has to help the girl. So she just pulls the trigger.

The girl jolts at the two shots and she turns to see Clarke aiming at her shoulder. Well, slightly beside her shoulder. She jumps to the side when Clarke fires, but then notices the soldier falling to the ground behind her. She looks back at Clarke, straight in her eyes and waits for a moment. Then she runs away, probably looking for other soldiers to fight.

Clarke expected the girl to say something, be scared, attack her, ask for explanation, but she didn't think the girl would have just understood and gone off to some other fights. However it is only better for Clarke. She helps the girl who was being attacked to stand up and searches her for bad injuries. There's nothing that can't wait, so Clarke asks her if she's okay and when the girl nods shyly, probably scared by the gun, Clarke runs after the dark haired warrior.

As she gets near to the south border of the village, she hears screams again. The soldiers haven't left the village yet, they just moved to the end of it. And this time Clarke fights.

The tightens her grip on the gun and aims it at a soldier who's beating a child. The bullet strikes right through his head and he falls dead on the ground. The child looks at her and for a moment there's fear in his eyes, but then Clarke sees something like recognition and he smiles weakly.

"Daire!" he shouts. Clarke forces herself to smile at him and nods. " _You kept your promise to fight the soldiers._ "

Clarke nods again and asks the child if he's hurt. When he shakes his head proudly, she's off again, already knowing who's the next soldier that will be down.

She kills quite a lot of soldiers, but eventually Clarke runs out of bullets. Unfortunately that happens right when she's facing five soldiers fully harmed. She shoots down the first and then her gun makes the feared sound that tells her there are no bullets remained. And four well trained guards are striking toward her. So she picks up the first sword she finds, from the dead soldier, and hopes her short training will allow her to make it out alive.

But she soon finds out that fighting four men all together is not something she can handle. _Here we go, this is the end for the Sky Princess who took down the Mountain_.

She wards some blows off and then she loses the sword. It goes flying out of her hand and there's another one pointed at her throat. _Last thought for...Lexa...no, what the hell Clarke? At least say Mom!_ She tries to get out of the way, but she's surrounded. She doesn't know what to do. But she probably won't have to do anything.

But just when the sword is starting to draw some blood from her skin, the soldier slumps on the ground, a knife in his back. She moves to avoid the sword when he collapses toward her, and while the others are distracted she lowers to pick up his sword. As soon as her upper body is bent towards the ground, another knife cuts the air above her and slams itself into the soldier behind her.

She jumps up and sees Wit drawing his sword and coming to her side. They kill the remain soldiers and take a minute to take each other in.

" _You're a surprise, Daire, aren't you? Didn't know you were a fighter._ " he winks at her, but then becomes serious. " _You have a gun._ "

But there's no time to answer him. " _Behind you!_ " is all Clarke manages to say before the two of them are thrown into another fight.

Clarke and Wit manage to keep each other alive, and not long after their meeting the dark haired girl from before joins them. She looks at Clarke suspiciously, but she doesn't say anything before throwing herself into fighting by her side.

They slowly reach the border of the village and Clarke now sees that there are more people fighting off the soldiers. Most of them are young, she recognises some from Wit's group of friends and she knows that some others are hunters. She didn't expect to see so many of them. They must be at least sixty if not more. Some of them she has never seen in the village, but most are people she has met in the streets or seen around at dinner when the village gathers together.

Clarke spots Malaya some feet away and when the girl sees her she stops fighting for a second, looking Clarke in the eyes. She doesn't trust her. Malaya may be the one who understands Clarke best, she seems to know she's lying. And Clarke doesn't like that. But maybe the girl has just taken a dislike to her. However Clarke doesn't feel good with Malaya staring at her like that and then glancing her looks every time she gets a break from the soldiers.

Wit and Clarke are still fighting together and Clarke notices that everyone seems to be fighting side by side with someone else. The only one who fights alone is the girl Clarke has helped something like fifteen minutes before. She's strong and fast, her movements are ones of a real warrior, though not a trained one, and she doesn't miss a shot. She's beautiful. And terrifying. Absolutely terrifying. Clarke watches her in awe as she strikes every warrior who comes against her. But Clarke can tell she's not been trained as a real warrior. Her fighting is more like pure instinct and power. And she looks angry, bad for the soldiers, good for her friends.

When the girl looks at her again, Clarke has just killed a soldier with the sword of his fellow, there's something incomprehensible in her eyes. Clarke is sure the girl wants to ask her about the gun and she sees that she's unsure if to trust the stranger. But she also looks positively surprised by Clarke's skill in fighting. Which actually is not too good, but the sky girl has had time to learn surviving on her own and has practised with knives. Though swords are not her strong point. But it's going fairly well so far. She would probably be in troubles without Wit at her side, but maybe she wouldn't die even without him.

And of course, she has talked too early. Two soldiers attack her together and Wit is busy with a very big bad looking man. Her sword soon flies out of her hands and she has to be fast at picking up her knives. Now gods help her with fighting two swords with knives. She's doing her best and she actually manages to take a few good strikes, but she has no chances. Those men are big and strong, and she only has two knives. That's not good.

But maybe the fact that they're so bigger than her could be of good use. She may not be as agile as the girl who's still fighting on her own, but she can do it. She starts moving very fast, dodging their blows and slipping away under their arms when they try to catch her. It's way more difficult than she thought and she gets some bad wounds, but she doesn't give up. Eventually she manages to get behind one of them and finally shoves her knife into his neck, just to be sure that he dies immediately before having the chance to turn and hit her. As soon as he's down she has to resume fighting the other one and it's a long fight, but her knife sinks in his chest half a second before a sword goes through it as well.

For the second time today, behind a dead soldiers she sees the young warrior. After a moment of staring at each other, Clarke leans down to take her knife from the lifeless body and when she looks up again, the girl is offering her a sword. When Clarke takes it she immediately knows it's not one of the soldier's swords. It's way more light and thin, but as soon as she tries it, swinging it at a soldier that was approaching her from behind, she finds out that it's sharp and lethal and Clarke likes the weight of it in her hand. When she turns to thank the girl, she's gone, Clarke spots her fighting a few meters away.

Wit is back at her side, asking if she's okay before both of them have to face the Queen's men again.

The battle ceases soon after and the soldiers retire, leaving the village behind.

Most of the fighters are wounded and badly hurt, but all the younger ones are displaying wide smiles on their faces.

" _We made it!_ " Wit tells her shouting happily. " _This is actually only the third time we have managed to chase them away, but we fought very well. Thanks for helping us._ "

" _Who are you?_ " he is interrupted by Malaya, who shoves Clarke backward away from him.

Clarke doesn't get to answer because the girl who gave her the sword is right behind Malaya, she places a hand on the other girl's shoulder and speaks more calmly. " _You have a gun._ " she states and Clarke knows she's waiting for an explanation.

" _Yes. I said I come from the south._ " she starts, looking at Malaya. She knows what she has to say, but for some reason it feels awful to lie in front of this new girl. She lied to the others, even to Aeryn, who she has started to be friend with, so it shouldn't be difficult to lie now. " _I guess you have heard of Mount Weather and the Mountain Men._ "

" _What have you got to do with them?_ " Malaya starts to raise her sword.

" _You've been in the Mountain?_ " the young warrior's sentence is only half a question.

Clarke nods. It's not a lie after all, she actually has been in the Mountain. " _That's where I found the gun and later I figured how to use it._ " okay that's a lie. " _I was not a warrior and the gun has been helpful during my travelling. Meanwhile I tried to work out some fighting skill._ " and this is only half a lie.

" _You have done a good job with that._ " the girl states. " _So you're Daire, right?_ "

" _Yes._ " when will she stop lying?

" _I'm Nyx._ " the name fits her. Her eyes lock with Clarke's and the two don't break the contact for a while.


	9. Shocking news

**A/N: I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts. **

**I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

 **Here we go, finally!**

* * *

 **Chapter Nine: Shocking new**

Malaya drags Nyx back catching her arm. The two whisper for a while and then Malaya leaves looking angry.

" _I'm sorry for your experience, Daire. You're really good at fighting, though._ " Wit approaches Clarke again.

Clarke nods and smiles mildly to him. " _You're not bad yourself._ " When she turns to Nyx the girl is staring at her and for a moment Clarke thinks she doesn't believe her. But then the young warrior nods to herself and says she should go see how the others are doing.

Wit was still talking about the fight and about how great they have been against the soldiers, but when Nyx leaves he tugs Clarke's arm and starts to lead her toward the centre of the village again. " _We should go find Asher, a lot of people need help, and we do too._ "

Clarke looks at her bleeding arm, the cuts that cover her hip, the wound on her leg and she nods, but as soon as they walk into the main street there are just too many people who need help now. So Clarke tells Wit to go find Asher and she stays to start helping. She's tired and needs to wash and bandage her wounds, but these people will be her priority.

There are children injured. Clarke can't believe that the soldiers really attacked harmless children. She tends to them first and most of them are good to go in little time, but some others will need a proper recover period.

Some people are dead and Clarke doesn't have time to deal with their beloved ones who are screaming and crying.

She finally sees Asher an hour later, she's helping a man who has a long cut on his back, luckily it's only superficial, and the other healer is tending to someone down the street. When Clarke walks to him, Aeryn walks in front of her and looks her over, a hand on her mouth.

" _Daire, you're hurt! What are you doing out here? You need to bandage those wounds, they look bad!_ "

Clarke tells her not to worry gesturing with her hand that she will be okay, but she actually starts to feel quite not okay. She really needs to tend to her wounds, but all these people... " _Come with me._ " Aeryn cuts her off.

Clarke is dragged inside the healer's house and Aeryn starts to clean her wounds with a wet cloth. She states that the cut on her leg is not deep, so it will be okay, and Clarke can confirm it herself. " _But for the other wounds, specially the one on you arm, I'm gonna need Asher._ " she stands up and move toward the door. " _I'll be right back._ "

" _Aeryn wait. There are too many people out there who need Asher, and right now. Stay, I know how to tend to these cuts, I'll just guide you. If you're okay with that, otherwise I can do it on my own, don't worry._ "

The girl looks concerned and unsure if she should listen to Clarke, but eventually she walks at Clarke's side again and waits for instructions.

She's good and for Clarke it's easy to direct her. Not half an hour passes that they have already finished. Then Clarke tries to stand, but Aeryn pulls her down again. " _Where do you think you're going?_ "

" _Aeryn, those people need help and Asher can't tend to everyone alone._ "

" _There is no way I let you go out there right now. You fought for them. You've already done enough. Now you need to get some rest, you should move to the bed._ "

" _Aeryn..._ "

" _No. Stop it. You own us nothing and you fought for us anyway. Now you're hurt because of that and I will not let you go and make those wounds get worse. Please. You didn't listen when we tried to make you stay in the forest, and I guess we should thank you for that, but now just take some rest._ "

Clarke knows she's not gonna win this one and there's concern in Aeryn's look so she slowly nods and lets the girl lead her to a bed. When she's lying down, Aeryn covers her to keep her warm and stands.

" _I'm going out there to help, happy? You just get some rest, okay? Try to sleep._ "

The girl turns to go, but Clarke reaches out for her arm. " _Aeryn, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the Mount..._ "

" _Don't worry, Daire. I understand. It must be a very painful memory, I understand why you didn't feel like talking about it._ " she's so kind and open that Clarke is cursing herself all over again for lying to her.

" _Thanks. Really, thanks for all._ "

" _Okay, now let me go help those people you're so concerned about. I'll send Mawiyah to check on you later, fine?_ "

Clarke smiles and earns a beautiful warm smile in return. " _See you at dinner, Daire._ "

Clarke finds herself smiling fondly after Aeryn has walked out of the house.

Mawiyah comes to see Clarke and brings her something to eat, Asher recommended that. And she's not alone. Wit is with her.

" _How do you feel?_ " he asks.

" _Like someone who's being forced to rest while she should be out helping._ " she then adds " _I'm fine, don't worry_."

He smiles. " _Aeryn forced me to rest too. I've just woken up_." he laughs a bit. " _I'm happy to see you're okay._ "

Clarke looks at him and can see that under his clothes there must be some bandages on his arm and chest. " _How are you?_ "

He nods and says he's fine and all in one piece.

" _Yeah, I figured that out when we finished fighting side by side._ " she remembers him.

" _Wit said you were great! Daire you didn't tell me you were a fighter!_ " Mawiyah jumps into the conversation as Clarke starts eating.

" _Well, I guess now you know that someone can actually be both a fighter and a healer._ " Clarke grins at the little girl.

Aeryn's sister punches the air and nods excited. " _Yes! I'll be just like you!_ "

At that Clarke's stomach turns. _No, please, don't be like me. You'll be better, you'll be great._ But she lets it go and goes on eating, the smile disappeared from her face.

" _Nyx would like to talk to you._ " Wit speaks after a while. He looks at her, waiting for her approval before going on. " _She wishes that you two could meet tomorrow. I can come with you, if you want._ "

" _I'd like to meet her too. You still have to explain me how comes there are so many of you that can actually fight that good._ "

He grins. " _I think she wants to tell you herself._ "

They resume to talk about little things with Mawiyah and soon after Aeryn joins them. Asher stops by only to eat something and then he's back doing his work. And that time Clarke manages to go with him. Aeryn scoffs at her and after she will scold her for doing too much and tiring her body, but Clarke knows Asher needs help. So eventually Aeryn will drop the subject and actually go with Clarke the morning after to tend to the injured ones again.

Wit is taking her to the north border of the village. They're walking through the poorest part of it, the one she visited with Aeryn once. But they go past it and make their way toward the forest. Clarke thinks she can trust Wit, but she's actually a little worried about going in the forest to meet the amazing warrior who has well proven herself to be lethal right the day before. If what she saw in Nyx's eyes before the girl left had been mistrust, Clarke could actually be getting herself in trouble right now. She has her gun tucked under her coat, but she doesn't think she could stand a chance against the dark haired girl.

She doesn't have much time to dwell on that thought anyway, because they soon reach a clearing and Wit stops.

" _Don't worry._ " he smiles, probably sensing her distress. " _I promise, you made a quite amazing impression on her._ "

She looks up at him and tries to control herself, she doesn't want to show him how she feels, not about this and not about anything.

" _You seem a great fighter and we don't see a lot of them everyday._ "

Clarke doesn't get to answer, because for the second time Nyx beats her to it. " _I'm glad you came. He's right, we don't see a lot of good fighters everyday._ "

The girl approaches them, leaving the shadow of the trees. " _You said you improved you skill while travelling here. But that can't be all. You're too good, you must have learned before._ "

" _My father was a warrior._ " and Clarke's father was so not a warrior who killed people, but he was indeed a fighter. He would have never gave up the things he believed in.

Nyx nods because Clarke's answer makes sense. " _Why did you help us, though?_ "

And at this Clarke can be a bit more honest. " _I'm sick of death and pain, I've seen enough of them. I wanted to help, I could say I needed to help._ " she looks Nyx in the eyes making sure the girl gets that she's being sincere. " _And your people have been kind with me. It was fair for me to help._ "

Nyx doesn't break eyes contact for a long while and she doesn't speak neither. And when she says something she doesn't talk about Clarke's admission.

" _I bet you're wondering who we are. Wit said you were curious about how we got so many people to fight the soldiers of the Queen._ "

Clarke slowly nods, unsure if the girl is actually going to tell her.

" _I'm a rebel, Daire. We all are._ "

" _She is The Rebel._ " Wit adds. " _She's the first in the village who stood against the soldiers, we followed. She's the best of us._ "

" _One of the bests_." she says smiling mildly.

It's a beautiful smile, Clarke realizes that this girl is gorgeous. She's slightly taller than Clarke and her dark long hair highlights her grey eyes and they're bright and shining. Her skin is pale and her arms look strong. She's thin but her body gives out her fierce power. For a moment Clarke is stunned, but then she gets that Nyx is going on talking.

" _We were only a small group at the beginning, but in four years we grew and now we have about a hundred people who joined us._ "

" _Four years? How old are you two?_ " Nyx can't be much older than her.

" _I'm nineteen summers and she's twenty winters._ " Wit says with a grin.

So Nyx was born in winter, it seems she managed to look like the season of her birth, Clarke thinks. And she was sixteen when she first faced the soldiers, not bad.

" _How old are you, Daire?_ " Nyx asks with an amused smile.

" _Eighteen_ " and then she quickly adds " _springs. Eighteen springs._ "

" _So you're the youngest here_ " Wit winks playfully.

Clarke shrugs and smiles back.

They talk until the sun sets, when Wit and Clarke have to go back. Nyx greets them goodbye and tells Clarke she would like to talk to her again soon, then she leaves into the forest without a sound, silent like the winter. Wit walks Clarke back to Aeryn's house and joins them for dinner.

That night Clarke goes over all the things Nyx has told her. That day she learned that a good half of the rebels live out of the village, in the forest. Though they will probably come nearer the village soon, because in winter is way too hard to live in the frozen forest. She was a kind of leader for them, but she didn't quite like it. However Wit told Clarke that Nyx is great and has been leading them from the beginning doing an amazing job. Clarke doesn't find it difficult to believe. He also told her that sometimes Nyx is bossy and too serious, but he said there is no one like Malaya. And so Clarke got to know that Malaya, Wit, Nyx and some others formed a kind of special team of the best fighters. Clarke could figure how that began. They where all teenagers when they got together to fight for their freedom and they were probably as excited as Mawiyah normally is. And it looks like Wit is still the most excited, though Nyx didn't look the same.

Clarke recognised in her the same weight she knows well. Responsibility. Nyx is probably the one who was most forced to grow quicker. Clarke learned from Wit that the girl has lost both her parents at the soldiers hands when she was twelve and her little brother, killed by the same people, when she was fourteen and she couldn't defend him. The soldiers have taken all the family she had and when a couple of years later they almost killed one of her closest friends she decided that they wouldn't have taken anyone else from her.

They have talked a lot that day and Nyx wanted to meet her again, Clarke wouldn't admit it, but she is looking forward to it. She enjoys Nyx and Wit's company and there is something about that girl, Clarke doesn't know what it is, but she's determined to find it out.

* * *

Indra is watching over the rebuilding of TonDC. It's going well and soon she'll follow Lexa to Polis.

The scouts update her about the skaikru. It looks like they'll make it through the winter. They are taking things out of the Mountain, though and Indra doesn't like that, she knows the Coalition wants the Mountain sealed. Everyone wants it shut down, instead the Sky People are using it for supplies, she figures, and weaponry. She understands why they're doing it, and it's actually clever of them, since it will help them through winter, but her people won't like it, and neither will the other clans.

Too many of their people have died in that Mountain, she wonders if Heda will force the skaikru to seal the Mountain. She's not convinced the Commander will, it would mean start a war, because there is no way the Sky People would accept some kind of deal or an alliance with them again. Not after the betrayal. But the Mountain can't stay open, the grounders will not give up on the matter.

She's directing some of her warriors building a house, when a scout comes to her, he looks torn, like if he were unsure whether he should be happy or worried to tell her the new. She orders him to speak and he says he overheard something from a couple of Sky People.

"They were wondering about where the Skai Prisa could be. It sounds like she left Camp Jaha after destroying the Mountain, but she might be alive." he maintains his face neutral, still not sure if this is a good or bad new. Personally he thinks it's a good one. But his general's face may change his mind. She looks surprised, then annoyed, and at last a shade of respect settles in her eyes. But eventually she seems worried and she dismisses the scout, telling him to keep watching the skaikru.

So the Sky Princess survived the Mountain. She really was stronger than Indra had thought, so the general doesn't think she could be dead now, if she made it through destroying the Mountain alone, she will surely make it through the winter. But the sky girl is not used to their winters, so she may as well die. The general respects her now, but doesn't really care enough to be sorry for her fate. What she cares about however is that she will have to tell Lexa, and she fears her Heda's reaction.

Maybe she shouldn't tell Lexa entirely. After all the Sky Princess might be already dead, so why giving Lexa hope? But she immediately scolds herself for thinking that, she will do her job and tell her Heda what she knows. She's not going to lie to the Commander, that would be madness.

She just hopes that Lexa will be reasonable and that she won't send warriors to search for Clarke or anything like that. But she already has a feeling it won't be easy to deal with the Commander. Indra knows what Lexa's feeling for the sky leader are, but she also knows Lexa needs to put them aside and lead her people.

She'll be in for a long day when she tell Lexa about this. The general sighs and goes back to the workers, she tells them to hurry, she corrects them, she scolds them. She needs a distraction.

* * *

Clarke has spent the last few days getting to know Nyx. She has spent a lot of time with Wit and her and Aeryn has joined a lot too. But lately Nyx and Clarke have disappeared in the forest alone more and more often. Nyx showed her the surroundings of the village, she taught her about the land and the dangers and Clarke learned how to move silently and which soils aren't safe. They also trained together and Nyx is helping her becoming a better fighter, she's helping Clarke becoming a warrior.

Clarke taught Nyx how to use a gun, she told Nyx, Aeryn and Wit about Mount Weather, and they already knew part of the story. When Wit had said that the Princess from the sky took down the Mountain on her own killing all the Mountain Men, Clarke had fallen silent. She hadn't missed Nyx's glare when it happened, but her ghosts were hunting her enough that she didn't care.

Sparring with Nyx was good, Clarke almost felt free. She could let the sword drain her emotions and her sorrow, she could pour her anger and self-hate into the fight and she trained with determination. Nyx said she was improving quickly and she was a fast learner, she was pleased with Clarke's results.

When Clarke and Nyx were alone they didn't talk much, except for Nyx teaching her about something, but Clarke felt as if Nyx understood her. Just like with Aeryn there was no need for Clarke to tell her anything, the girl seemed to know enough. It was good, almost healing.

But Clarke hasn't forgotten the rebels, and Nyx finally takes her to meet them.

They have walked for half an hour or so into the forest. From the trips of the previous days, Clarke can tell they are near a silent river that Nyx showed her, but she can only guess where the rebels could be hiding. The trees are left mute without the wind blowing among them and the cold starts to tighten his grip on the land. The yellow and brown leaves that had fallen are now only a mud under their feet, the colours darken, ready to vanish into a tender white when the snow will come, ready to become more transparent at every blow of the wind.

Only little noises come from the forest, but the trees are calm and their looks are wise. It's soothing, how they have been there for so long before Clarke and they have seen a lot of people being given birth and then death, loving and breaking, hurting and killing, they have been there for so long and have seen so many things that Clarke is just another human being. Not a monster, not more a killer than others are, just an insignificant human being who can't fight the world alone, and yet is trying, desperately, like everyone does.

It's the only place where she can breath. The woods in the south are not like these forests, their silence is different. These trees don't judge her, and there aren't enough little noises around to judge her either. Her life, her problems, her sorrow, her guilt are nothing for those great trees, ancient and strong against the winter.

When they reach a tree that doesn't look very different from the others to Clarke, Nyx stops her.

" _Look up._ " she says calmly. But Clarke can't see anything. So she shrugs and waits for an explanation.

" _I guess it's a good sign that you can't see anything. In summer our homes are the trees. We build little huts on the trees and we live there for the warm seasons, but in winter we can't afford that, the weather usually destroy our small houses and it is impossible to survive up there, exposed to the strong wind and the storms. So we have a shelter underground._ " the girl points to their feet and smiles at the confusion in Clarke's eyes.

" _How? How did you build a shelter underground?_ " Clarke can't believe that these people had the equipment to do something like that. Specially on this soil that when it's frozen must be tough as rock.

" _We didn't. We just found it, it must be from the Old world, I don't know what they used it for, but there are tunnels and rooms down there. It is as if they meant for it to be a shelter._ "

" _Maybe it was, maybe they used it as a refuge from the bombs._ " Clarke replies.

" _Yeah, maybe. However, we live there when the seasons don't allow us to live out here. Up there, where you couldn't see anything, there's a patrol, no one has ever found us, mostly because the soldiers don't really consider us a threat, but we want to be sure. There are other secret exits, but they're dangerous, and we would need time to get there, so it's safer to have someone watching the surroundings._ " Nyx explains, before crouching to the ground and searching for something. When she finds it, she uses the hilt of her sword to knock on the ground with force. But she's not exactly knocking on the ground, because soon someone knocks back, and Nyx gives a last hit with the sword. And then someone pushes open the door on the ground that's right before Nyx's feet. Nyx helps the man opening it, pulling it from the outside.

When Clarke looks down the only thing she can see is a dark pit from which a man emerges. The man looks at Nyx, then glances at Clarke and turns back to Nyx.

" _Are you sure?_ " his voice is a low warning and Nyx clenches her jaw.

" _Yes, I am. Now let us in._ " Clarke has never heard her voice so demanding. It sounds like the young warrior doesn't like to be questioned.

When the man finally retreats inside, they follow, Clarke first while Nyx closes the door. They go down a never ending ladder until they finally reach a floor. They proceed without the man in another dark passage and Clarke tries to keep herself right behind Nyx, afraid of bumping into something. When they finally reach a small hall there are torches hanging on the walls and Clarke feels a sense of familiarity. The walls look like made of the same metal from the Ark.

They are greeted by Wit and another guy Clarke doesn't know. Wit cheers at Clarke for finally being there and Clarke smiles at him while Nyx shakes her head at her friend's excitement.

" _Okay, you'll totally get some shit for bringing her here, Nyx. But we are with you! Most of us are looking forward to meeting Daire!_ "

And maybe that's what ruins Clarke's good mood. Nyx rarely uses her name and Clarke can almost forget her lie. But Wit has just reminded her that she's lying at people who are giving her their trust, they have brought her here and they're risking a lot by doing so, and she hasn't even told them the truth they deserve. But Clarke is afraid of what their reaction could be if they knew who she is.

" _Yeah, yeah. Calm down, little puppy. Does everyone already know that she's here?_ "

Wit shakes his head.

" _Lucky us! Well, I think we should introduce our friends here._ " Nyx looks between Clarke and the other boy who's with Wit.

" _Hi, I'm Chayim. I've heard a lot about you, Daire, Wit wouldn't stop talking. So you're a good fighter from what I've heard...no, sorry, an amazing talented warrior_ " Wit playfully hits his fried on the arm.

" _Oh shut up, Chay! I just said I didn't expect her to be so good._ " Wit complains.

" _Yeah, fine. However, it's really a pleasure to meet you._ " he smiles at her and offers his hand.

Clarke's first instinct is to shake it, but she remembers the grounder's customs. Though she's not sure Ice people have the same way of greeting, so she reaches his arm with her hand, but waits for him to move. And he takes her arm in a strong, but friendly grip. Clarke relaxes and smiles back.

" _Well, it's a pleasure to meet you too, Chayim._ "

" _Good, shall we go now?_ " Nyx cuts in.

" _Yeah, sure. This way, Daire_." Chayim gestures for her to follow him and Clarke glances at Nyx before walking beside him. Nyx nods at her and then settles to walk behind, alongside with Wit.

The passage is tight and mildly lighted by some torches.

" _Turn before reaching the hall._ " Nyx voice reaches them from behind and Chayim calls an okay from over his shoulder.

Clarke feels short beside him, who's the tallest of the four of them but is also quite thin. His hair are very light, not even blond but almost white and his eyes are the colour of the water under the ice. They are so different from Nyx's grey ones, or Wit's mildly green eyes, his look ethereal. They could be similar to Aeryn's, but Aeryn's eyes shine of a bright light, his are dull, but not sad, they're like a crystal of which you can't really make out the colour.

Soon after Nyx's command, they turn right and walk some more before ending up in a very lighted big room. A lot of people are training and there are weapons against or hanging from the walls. Someone notices them and they wave in their direction, but the ones who are fighting don't even spare them a glance. They are all very concentrated and Nyx smiles proudly.

" _This is our main sparring room. Here is where we try to get better, the battles against the soldiers are where we truly improve._ " she says seriously, stilling her look on Clarke near the end of the sentence.

They wait for Clarke to assist some fights, before showing her the rest. A lot of people come to meet the stranger from the south who fought the soldiers with the rebels, but Nyx sends all of them back to training soon after they start to tell Clarke how really good they are, how difficult it is to live like that, how they will beat the soldiers one day.

" _They're fighters, not warrior. They still need to learn some behaviour._ " she tells Clarke.

But Clarke chuckles and tells her they're better as fighters, with their dreams and hopes. Nyx looks at her strangely after that affirmation, but she doesn't say anything.

" _So these are your warriors, huh?_ "

" _These are my team-mates._ " Nyx replies.

Clarke smiles at that, Nyx is a great leader for these people. The Ice girl shakes her head, knowing Clarke's thoughts, and walks away to a door. She opens it and waits for Clarke to fall in step with her.

Next Nyx shows her where they sleep, she points where they eat without taking her inside and she shows her some other passages that can take them near another village. It's amazing how long those tunnels are, they cover a very large area underground. Nyx tells her there are even some tunnels that pass under the village, but only one exit to get there. Only the rebels and one person from the village know where it is. Wit wants to show her, but Nyx says they will take her there after she meets the others. Nyx has gained their trust about Clarke, but she can't just tell her every secret before she even is one of them.

The young warrior really trusts Clarke, but she's not like Wit, she can't risk all of this. Though she already is risking.

There are a lot of people in the hall and they're all looking up at Clarke. There's a little platform in the large room and Nyx, Clarke and Wit are standing there, in front of almost all of the rebels.

Some of them don't agree with Nyx, they say she shouldn't have brought Clarke there, but everyone knows that Nyx had already discussed that with them, and the majority chose to trust the girl who they've been looking at for a lead since the beginning. They chose to trust the one girl who's been their very beginning.

Wit is talking, telling them who Clarke is and what a good fighter and healer she is, how much of help she could be. And some people cheer, some others protest, none of them really affects Nyx, who remains calm and silent beside Clarke. This last one, instead, is nervous and uncomfortable, two voices are fighting inside her and she is torn, she doesn't know what to do. She wants to stop Wit, to tell these people the truth, but she knows she would be in a lot of trouble if she did that.

Her pained expression must be more evident than she thought because Nyx lightly touches her arm and gives her a reassuring nod, but it's not reassuring at all for Clarke. It even makes things worse. She wants to be honest with Nyx, she likes Nyx, she trusts her and she thinks that maybe the girl would understand why Clarke lied.

But Clarke thoughts are interrupted when a voice breaks in.

" _You brought her here even if we didn't all agree! You brought her here and decided to risk the lives of all of us! She is a stranger, and you think you know her just by spending some time with her? You are a fool, Nyx, I thought you were smarter than that._ " Malaya is standing in front of the big doors at the end of the hall. She looks furious and her hands are clenched into fists.

Nyx's expression hardens and Clarke can clearly see her clenching her jaw, like she did when the man at the entrance questioned her, but this time with more force. Clarke knows Nyx respects Malaya and the two girls are even friends, but when it comes to this kind of things, as such as trust or throwing themselves into fights, they almost never agree. Malaya is more rational and logical, Nyx lets instinct lead her more often than the other girl can appreciates. Clarke sees the passion that flows in Nyx and the cold calm that anchors Malaya at her mind. Nyx is calm, wise and her decisions have logic, but there's a fire in her that the girl can't ignore. Clarke has started to love that about the warrior. Nyx loves life, Malaya thinks in terms of survival, Nyx considers freedom more important than survival.

" _She could be an enemy. The Queen could have sent her. She could be just a spy of the soldiers!_ "

" _Since when the soldiers care about us?_ " Wits yells to be heard over the whispering that has now filled the room. People are starting to doubt their own decision to agree with Nyx.

" _We fight them. You know how the Queen likes to handle rebels!_ " Malaya shouts back while she approaches the little stage.

" _As if we were a threat for them! Last time, and let me remind you that Daire was with us, was only the third time we actually won. They don't consider us a threat! They laugh at us._ " but maybe that wasn't the right thing to say, because the other rebels don't seem to take well Wit's truth.

" _If this is the seriousness we put in our fight, of course they laugh! We're not ever able to keep this place a secret! We talk about ourselves at any stranger that shows up in this village!_ " she is now standing in front of the stage and she decides to make her way up, reaching them on it.

" _Enough, Malaya! We have talked about this. If you do not agree with me it's fine, but if you can't respect the decision we have taken all together we have a problem. And that problem is y..._ " Nyx has finally spoken, right in Malaya's face, but she's interrupted by a voice that has been silent for too long.

" _You have the possibility of doing a lot. I saw some of you training, I saw a lot of you fighting, and you can be great warriors if you want to. I am not with the Queen, I am not a spy. I come from the south. I've been in the Mountain, I fought the Mountain Men. And I tell you now that just as we won against the Mountain Men, you can win your freedom back!_ " Clarke's voice gains strength as she gains resolution. She straightens her back, calling back the power she had when she stood against her mother in Camp Jaha, when she faced Lexa for the first time, when she led an army at the Commander's side.

" _Do you want it? Do you really want to be free? Are you really sick of the soldiers? Do you want to take down your Queen and take a hold of your life? Do you want to have a say in what happens to your family? Or are you just here to play? Have you been playing heroes these years or were you trying to fight? Do you carry those swords because you like how they look on you, or do you want to use them to take back what is yours?_ " Clarke looks all of them in the eyes. They look angry, they look ready to cut her head off. Good. That's what she wanted.

" _These lands! Tell me, who do these lands belong to? The Queen, or you? Will you let her have your lives, your families, your brothers and sister, will you let the soldiers hurt the people you love? Because from what I can see you have a great strength but you know not how to use it! You're here, thinking you'll make a difference if you just keep defending this village, but you are wrong!_ " Clarke doesn't notice the way Nyx is looking at her, surprise, pride and adoration written on her face.

" _You can go on playing. Or you can become real fighters! You can take your swords and go back training, laughing and cheering at yourselves for how good you are. Or you can stay and hear me out. You can listen to me and you can be warriors fighting for what they believe in, people fighting for their freedom. What will you do? Stay here as slaves of the Queen with the illusion of being rebels, or will you actually become rebels? I can help you showing your Queen what a real rebellion is, I can help you win! I can stay here with you and guide you to your freedom, be it death or victory. You fight and it won't matter if you survive or if you die, because you have fought for your freedom, and that's enough to be alive. If you're alive your Queen has already lost! If you stay here, in a dream of what you'll never have, she will win._ "

Clarke feels a fire burning inside her and she knows her eyes are shining with flames. She hasn't felt this way in such a long time, it feels so good to be back!

Malaya is laughing, trying to hide her surprise at the girl who just talked like a real leader. " _And you'll be the one leading us? You don't even know what you're talking about. You're not a warrior and you know nothing about real wars. You don't know how to fight battles and surely you don't know how to survive. Should we be enough stupid to listen to you, we would die at the first fight against the soldiers. Who do you think you are? You are no one, and I won't listen to a single more word of yours!_ " she reaches for her sword and Clarke sees Nyx placing her hand on the hilt of hers. The dark haired warrior tenses and Clarke knows she's ready to fight even her friend.

" _I'm sorry Nyx._ " Clarke whispers for no one but Nyx to hear. She then turns to the people.

" _I am Clarke of the Sky People. I am the Sky Princess. And I am the one who, alone, destroyed the Mountain._ "


	10. Sky Princess mode on - Part One

**A/N: I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts. **

**I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Ten: Sky Princess mode on – Part One**

" _ _I am Clarke of the Sky People. I am the Sky Princess. And I am the one who, alone, destroyed the Mountain.__ "

The first who reacts is Wit. He starts laughing loudly and he looks like he's about to choke himself. " _ _That's it! Malaya you're down, there's no shitty come back for that!__ "

Chayim tries to laugh along with him but it's a forced laughter and he glances suspiciously at Clarke and Nyx, the people in front of the stage are conflicted, some wear amused smiles, some other are laughing like Wit, some are just looking up stunned, waiting for Clarke to say it was a joke. Malaya, though, looks ready to murder Wit and she glares at Clarke with furious eyes, probably she doesn't even believe her, she just doesn't like being played around.

But Nyx is looking Clarke in the eyes and she hasn't said a word yet. Clarke can see emotions raging in the pool of grey of those eyes, but she can't give them a name, she's deadly nervous now because she has no idea how Nyx is going to react. One thing she knows: Nyx believes her.

Malaya is the first to catch on to it, Wit is still laughing and Clarke can see her expression changing. " _ _Oh gods, she's serious! She's telling the truth!__ "

As soon as Clarke doesn't contradict her, she draws out her sword and Clarke doesn't know what to do. Looking at Nyx she knows she should have told her first and she regrets waiting, lying and telling everyone like this, it probably has been the worst way to say the truth.

" _ _I've left my Camp after destroying the Mountain because I couldn't bear watching my people, knowing what I had done for them. I couldn't bear to stay there and go on with my life, because I didn't deserve a life anymore.__ " Clarke is interrupted by Malaya.

" _ _I can help you with that.__ " she hisses as she raises her sword.

A second later the loud clunk of clashing swords reverberates in the room. Nyx has her sword pressed again Malaya's and has taken a step forward to stay between her and Clarke. The sky girl can't believe that Nyx is still defending her after she lied all this time.

" _ _Go on__." Nyx's voice is cold and distant, but she's allowing Clarke to explain herself and it's more than what Clarke could have asked for.

" _ _I don't know for how long I've travelled. When I arrived here I was broken and empty. I've survived woods and forests, and I probably was hoping not to survive at all. But here I am. A girl from your village helped me, she hosted me and she gave me time to heal, she didn't ask about what happened to me, she didn't ask me to tell her nothing more than what I felt like telling. She understood and I am sorry I lied to her about my identity. But what would have you done? I didn't know how you would have reacted, I didn't know what you thought about my people.__ "

" _ _Then you surely chose the worst place to tell the truth. We can kill you without effort. And we will.__ " Malaya interrupts her again.

" _ _I know. But I may say something you want to hear. As you can see I am no danger to you, I am alone and without my people, they don't even know where I am. You are fighters and could kill me if I tried anything. I can't be an ally to your Queen, because if you think about it, I wouldn't have had any time to go to her, talk to her. I came here and I stopped here. In the time that passed from the fall of the Mountain and when I arrived here, do you think I could have gone to the Queen?__ " No one answers, but they know she's right. " _ _If anything I could be here for revenge. The Grounders left my people at the Mountain, they betrayed us. But if I wanted revenge, don't you think that I would have gone to the__ trikru _ _? The__ trikru _ _Commander is the one who betrayed me and my people.__ " Clarke knows what she's saying makes sense, but she also knows it won't gain her their trust. Maybe she shouldn't have said anything about who she is.

" _ _As I said, when I came here I was broken. Do you know why? I fought to save my people 'till the end. Like you, I didn't give up. And what I had to do to save them was horrible, it was so horrible that I couldn't stand it. I became a monster and I didn't want to wait for everyone to see it. Sometimes this is the price for your people's safety. Would you be ready to bear it? I took down the Mountain when I was alone, and I can help you take on your Queen. But are you ready for that? Your passion...__ "

" _ _You can help us? Help? You lied to us since the start! Do you really think we would follow you?__ "

" _ _I had to lie!__ " this time Clarke yells back at Malaya. " _ _I couldn't just say the truth, it would have been too dangerous! You wouldn't have trusted me, and I know you don't trust me now, but you did. Some of you trusted me after spending time with me, knowing me and not just what I've done. Now I'm telling you that you have the power to free your people. Your passion is strong and if you know what happened to the Mountain's Men, you know what that passion can do. I loved my people, that's why I was able to save them! For the same reason you will be able to fight the Queen if you rise! Stand up for who you are. Fighting for who you love can destroy you, can tear you apart and make you feel awful, but you won't regret it. If I looked at myself in a glass, I would see nothing but a monster. That's the risk. But, even if I hate what I did, if I had to go back I would do the same again. I couldn't leave my friends, I couldn't let them die, and I won, I hate myself for that, but I would do it again. It killed me what I did, but my love for my friends won!__ "

" _ _So, what are you suggesting? We can't fight the Queen on our own!__ " a voice among the crow rises.

" _ _Don't you think there could be more people like you? You can't be the only ones who are ready to rebel and fight! What I suggest is you form an army. What I suggest is to go and find others, because I am sure there are enough people in these lands who want to stand up for themselves.__ " Clarke feels the rush of power, the exaltation of finally be doing something. She can feel her skin burning and her heart is thumping so fast in her chest.

" _ _And you would be leading us? Why should we trust you?__ " another amused voice comes out of the whispering.

" _ _Because I'm your best chance. I fought the Mountain Men, I came here on the ground knowing nothing about how to survive here and I did, I survived, I destroyed the Mountain alone and I'm telling you that I'm ready to fight at your side! Your choice: stay here and go on playing, or follow me and let's fight!__ " Clarke voice is full of passion, but severe and unforgiving.

Nyx is looking at her with such an intensity, Clarke sees her in the corner of her eyes, and she can see her mind struggling to decide what to do, what to believe.

" _ _Why would you help us? What good would come to you? You would be risking your life for people you don't even know!__ " the man who's speaking looks like a bear, he seems strong and his eyes are not kind.

" _ _I told you. I am nothing after what I did. What do I have to lose? Nothing. But what do I have to win out of this? I could have a reason to fight again, I could get something to live for again. Maybe you think is stupid, but you don't know how it feels like to be broken because you did what you had to save the people you loved. You don't know what it means to die inside in order to fight for who you love 'till the end. If a fight destroyed me, a fight could put me back together, and if not, at least I will not die as a monster, but as the girl I was before, the girl who started the fight that the monster ended. That is what I win out of this. I get to feel like I was before again.__ " Clarke struggles to keep herself together. She didn't plan to say this much, she wasn't going to open up so completely, but maybe it's what it'll take to get them to believe her. They deserve her to be honest for once.

" _ _Yes!__ " the cry surprises everyone. Clarke looks to her left, shocked. " _ _I'm with you. We have to fight!__ " Wit's looking at her excited and then he turns toward his friends. " _ _Who is with me? Who is with me!__ " he gets some cheers, but most of the people is still waiting for something, or someone, before deciding.

" _ _I am with you! If Dai...Clarke destroyed the Mountain, she can totally help us fight the Queen. I'm in!__ " Chayim yells back and steps at Wit's side.

Clarke knows that everyone is waiting for the same person she is waiting for. Even Malaya is looking at that same person everybody is looking at.

" _ _If she were here to attack us, she would want to attack the Queen, surely not a bunch of people she didn't even know about. If she wanted to side with the Queen, she wouldn't be here. She can't be a spy, because, as Wit said we are nothing but annoying to the soldiers.__ " As Nyx speaks Clarke feels some hope growing inside her.

" _ _But you lied to us.__ " and now Nyx is looking directly at her. Clarke doesn't back down, she keeps up with the little staring contest and she lets Nyx see everything she needs to.

The young warrior doesn't smile and her tone is not gentler when she speaks, but she closes her eyes for a second and goes on. " _ _But I understand why. I'm in. We have to fight!__ " she turns to her people as well as her other two friends.

" _ _So you choose to believe her?__ " but Malaya's voice is less accusatory this time.

Nyx looks back at her. " _ _Yes.__ "

" _ _And you really think we should follow someone who doesn't even know us or our lands.__ "

" _ _I won't lead you. Nyx will, and I will help. You don't have to trust me, just let me help. I'll show you I can win your trust.__ " Clarke jumps in.

" _ _Clarke is right, we can't go on playing being warriors. We will become real warriors, we will fight for our freedom!__ " Nyx turns back to her friends and takes some time to watch them in the eyes. " _ _I am ready to follow her. Are you ready to follow me?__ " she shouts at the crow.

The rebels cheer and shout back at the girl they always followed. Nyx raises her sword and Wit follows suit. Malaya shakes her head, but doesn't say anything and she raises her sword anyway, she may not like Clarke, but she does want to fight.

" _ _First we train harder than ever.__ " Nyx says.

" _ _Second, we go to other villages to find more people ready to rebel.__ " Clarke finishes.

The people cheer again and they go back to the training area, more motivated than ever. When they're off the stage, Clarke turns to talk to Nyx, but the girl doesn't let her speak.

" _ _Malaya and I will start organize what we're going to need for this journey. We'll have to send more than a couple of groups and we need to organize supplies.__ " she says. " _ _Chayim you should keep an eye on the training ones, help them and ask Liri to come with you, she'll put them in place.__ "

Chayim smiles amused and she turns to Wit. " _ _You stay with Clarke. Answer her questions, introduce her to whoever she wants, tell her some more about the lands we're going to travel. If you go back to the village, don't use the secret passages.__ " she adds the last sentence after a sharp look from Malaya. Nyx sighs and finally faces Clarke.

Clarke is about to talk again, but the girl cuts her off. " _ _Later. I'll come to you after dinner or something. We need to talk.__ " her voice is still cold, but not so distant anymore.

Clarke knows that Nyx doesn't trust her like she was starting to just that same morning, but even now she feels like the girl understands her. She nods and Malaya takes off, heading to a door without saying a word, Nyx follows her after glancing at Clarke one last time.

When Chayim is about to leave too, Clarke finally manages to speak. " _ _I'm sorry, guys. But I couldn't risk. My first encounter with grounders wasn't so great, so I didn't know what to expect...__ "

" _ _It's okay. You're the Sky Princess! It's pretty cool.__ " Wit smiles at her and Clarke can't decide if this boy is just a god of goodness, or if he's quite stupid in his believing her. She hasn't known him long enough to judge him, but in these last days she has seen that he is actually smart and he doesn't trust anyone, so maybe he's not being naïve, just kind and friendly.

" _ _Yeah, don't worry, we understand why you had to do it. I don't know if I'm more excited or worried about you being who you are. But Wit is right anyway, it's pretty cool, you're kind of a legend among grounders. Voices from the south talked about you as if you were some incredible warrior who could destroy an entire clan without effort.__ " Chayim joins in to support Wit.

" _ _Okay, let's not exaggerate.__ " Clarke replies amused.

" _ _Right. You'll have to tell me how you did it, at least how you found the guts to go inside there alone.__ "

Clarke kind of goes silent at that, starting to remember that day, until Wit's voice brings her back to reality.

" _ _Come on, Chayim, are you stupid? Don't worry, Clarke, you won't have to talk about it. And we know how you did it, you just said it. You lov...__ "

" _ _I was desperate. That's how I did that, guys. Yes, I loved my friends and I was fighting for them. But when I was left alone in front of that Mountain, I didn't know what to do, I just knew I had to save them, no matter the cost. And I did, but it wasn't only love, it was also desperation.__ " she whispers.

Wit's hand carefully comes to touch her shoulder, but before he can say anything, Malaya appears from the door the passed before.

" _ _I forgot something. Your gun, Princess.__ " she spits the title and eyes Wit for a moment, staring at his hand on Clarke's shoulder, but he doesn't back off. However, Clarke detaches herself from his touch and reaches for her gun. It is only fair that she gives it up. Plus, she's running out of ammo and the gun will soon be useless. She hands it to Malaya and the girl take it like if it were a snake.

She turns to leave and stops before the door. " _ _One last thing. Don't ever think that I trust you.__ " she pauses and looks Clarke in eyes, searching for something that she seems to find. " _ _But if you're really willing to risk your like for a bunch of people you don't even know...if you're that stupid, you should go get a sword and start to do your best with it. I know you trained with Nyx. I don't agree. But if you want to survive, you should train as much as you can. Wit can help you, or Liri can kick your ass, as you prefer.__ " then she disappears again and Clarke is left stunned.

Wow, she surely wasn't expecting that. Did Malaya just tried to...help? Has she just said that she's kind of okay with the rebels teaching Clarke?

" _ _Oh. That's new. You totally got her, Princess. She may hate you, but I think she'll come to respect you...maybe she already does. O gods, Chayim do you think that is possible?__ " Wit is amused and shocked at the same time.

" _ _Was that really Malaya? Come on, she couldn't be Malaya. Maybe she has a twin we didn't know about.__ " he laughs, but Clarke sees that she wasn't the only one not expecting that.

" _ _Guys, is she going to kill me in my sleep? Because that is what it felt like.__ " Clarke jokes along, trying to recover.

" _ _Yeah, maybe you should sleep with an eye open.__ " Wit pretends to think about it. " _ _Okay, just keep both eyes open.__ "

Chayim laughs again and Clarke joins him. Well, maybe the all telling the truth thing didn't go that badly, after all they are laughing and joking. Chayim then says he should probably go and he leaves them alone.

Wit tells her to follow him, they're going to have a tour around again, talk a bit about what Nyx said she should know, and then they'll head for the training room.

" _ _Hey Clarke?__ " he calls while he lets her pass through a door before him. Clarke turns around to look at him. " _ _Do you have three eyes maybe? Just to be sure?__ "

She laughs louder this time. Wit is a dork. She likes him, totally likes him.

* * *

The leaders who refused to be allies with Lexa have left Polis and the remained leaders are holding a meeting. Luna has sent word to have scouts patrolling the borders with the Blood Clan, Lexa will probably send scouts herself on the Blood Clan's north border. But they still had to meet the leader of the Fire Clan. Now that the other leaders have left, they have called a meeting with her and the River Clan's leader, but Lexa is not hopeful about it.

Their meeting is not going so well. Lexa asked them who would side with her if a war were to start and the River Clan's leader seems now uncertain. Amhràn says that if the Storm Nation will fight against them, they have no chance. He says that if all the leaders who have left Polis will side with the Ice Nation there is no way they can win.

" _ _And so what do you suggest? Should we surrender?__ " Deen is not someone that you can anger easily, but he cares for his people and he would never back off from a fight when he's fighting for their freedom and safety.

" _ _We should try to come to terms with at least some of them. Maybe we can reach peace again.__ "

Lexa knows why he's saying this. He's not a coward and she knows that if they will have to fight he will side with them, but his people are not warriors. His soldiers are not as strong as Lexa's. He's just trying to spare his people the need to fight and die.

" _ _The Storm Nation accepted the alliance only because all the clans did. The King had no real interest in joining the Coalition, but he had no interest in getting against all the clans either, so he accepted. Now if the Ice Nation starts a war, he will not side with us. He has always been more ally with Ice than us, why should that change now? His lands are far enough that his people will not suffer the war and his army his strong, it will not suffer great loss.__ " Lexa says calmly.

" _ _What about the Moon Clan? We could get them not to fight. They have always been kind of separate from us, they never had any interest in us either and they are mostly a peaceful clan.__ " he's probably talking out of desperation by now, but he manages to keep a façade of control and quiet.

" _ _They also are the closest ally of the Ice Nation. They have always been ally with them. Plus, in order to reach them we should cross the Ice lands, and I doubt the Queen will let our messengers pass.__ " Deen cuts him off.

" _ _Right.__ " Amhràn clenches his jaw and visibly tenses, but he doesn't say anything more.

" _ _There still is a possibility they will not fight. They are ally with the Queen, but Amhràn is right, they are a peaceful clan, maybe they will remain neutral. Anyway, we should be ready to face them too.__ " Luna joins the conversation trying to be diplomatic.

" _ _Luna is right. They hardly leave their lands and try never to get involve in fights between the clans. When was the last time they joined a war?__ " Lexa backs her up.

" _ _Years ago, before the Coalition was created, during the last great war between all the clans.__ " Bry hasn't spoken a lot in the meeting.

" _ _They did not actually fight that war, because that war stopped with the Coalition, they just sided with Ice and protected the Ice lands during the whole conflict. It was before. When Kyr was King, before he sealed the peace with the Commander.__ " Deen corrects her.

" _ _Right. Last time they agreed to help the Queen by protecting her territory, but they didn't come at war with us. They did not get against us as a clan. They never actually followed the Queen in her wars, the last one they sided with was Kyr.__ " Luna goes on.

" _ _So maybe they will not side with the Queen this time either.__ " Amhràn finished, his voice holding the smallest hint of relief.

" _ _Perhaps. But we have to be ready. Even if the Moon Clan will not come to fight us in our lands, we won't be able to attack Ice back if they will be there protecting the Queen's territory.__ " Lexa warns them and then she settles that it is enough for now. She tells them to ready their army and train their warriors, because it doesn't matter if they will win or lose, thy will fight.

Deen and Luna agree with her, Amhràn does as well after a moment of uncertainty, but Bry doesn't. The Fire Clan's leader says they'll remain neutral. Lexa tries to make her see reason, she tells her that the Queen won't stop in front of the hostility of the Fire lands, she tells her that Tecla wants the people, not the territory. But Bry doesn't change her mind.

" _ _I can not afford to throw my people yet in another war if there is the possibility that we will not be attacked. If the Queen attack our lands, we will fight. But I can not send my warriors to defend your lands when it is not sure that they would have had to fight otherwise.__ "

Lexa feels rage building up inside of her. If Bry backs off from the war, they will be four clans against six or seven, they will have no chance at all. But then, would they have a chance anyway? If the Storm Nation fights they probably are already dead. And this thought just makes her more furious.

" _ _What about the Blood Clan? If we are right, and we must be because if it's not them then it could only be you or the Boat People, they allied with Ice. If I recall correctly there is not a great friendship between you and them. Do you think they will stop at your lands? They live in a hostile territory too, sure not as hostile as yours, but still they are used to a hard life.__ " she hopes she can get her to understand that her clan needs to fight. She could feel bad for pushing her so much, but she doesn't have time for that.

Bry looks angry. " _ _I will see how the situation evolves and I will talk with my generals. But for now my answer does not change.__ " she says between gritted teeth. She then storms out of the tent and Lexa calls the end of the meeting.

Outside Indra is waiting for her Heda and when Lexa exits the tent she reports the news about TonDC and she tells the Commander that everything is going well.

Lexa feels some relief at seeing Indra, but thinking about TonDC makes her think about Clarke and she curses herself for her weakness. She can't think about the girl now, but she can't push her out of her mind.

She doesn't want to talk to Indra anymore, she needs a stronger distraction. Every time Clarke comes in her mind, knocking out every other thought, Lexa goes sparring with her warriors. A good fight is always a good escape from her memories and weakness. Feeling the heavy sword in her hand, holding it firmly and swaying it in a lethal dance always manages to ground her and at the same time to take her away from the real word, in a performance of perfection and grace that holds no weakness.

So she tells Indra to go to Fern and he will tell her about everything that happened. Then she's off heading for the training area, again and again. Fighting is the only thing that keeps her from losing herself even more.


	11. Sky Princess mode on - Part Two

**A/N: I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts. **

**I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Ten: Sky Princess mode on – Part Two**

She trained with the rebels for the rest of the day and now she's wandering just out the sparring area. Wit said he would have been right back, he needed to change and then he would have walked Clarke back to the village. So the sky girl is waiting for him watching the rebels getting ready for dinner.

Pretty much everyone looks at her, but no one attempts to talk to her, no one stops, some linger and struggle to contain their curiosity, but they seem to decide it wouldn't be wise to go to her. After all they do know her as the destroyer of the Mountain. And maybe they don't want to anger Malaya even more. Yeah, Clarke thinks that more than because of her reputation, the rebels don't dare talk to her because they fear Malaya's anger.

Clarke thinks back at the training. Liri actually is a great warrior. She's more disciplined than anyone else among these people, as if she had received an actual training to become a warrior. She'll have to ask Wit more about her. Liri didn't show any sympathy for Clarke, but she wasn't against her either. When they fought, the woman chastised her and showed her how to do better, she taught Clarke like she does with everyone else in there. And Clarke really appreciated that, the warrior also said that Clarke would be able to survive some soldiers, but she has a long way before being able to actually fight a battle against them.

Liri always highlights the weak points of everyone and tells them how to improve them, but she also tells them what their strong points are and how to use them to survive in case they still have to generally improve. She knows what each one of the rebels needs to get better, she knows them better than anyone else. So Clarke knows they couldn't have a better teacher.

If Clarke thought that Nyx dances when she fights, well then Liri flies. She seems to floats right above the ground, her movements swift and light. Clarke was amazed by her art. Fighting suits the woman perfectly, the fire in her eyes seems to light up her sword too, and her arms convey a passion well controlled by the experience the warrior seems to have.

And that's it. Passion. Oh yes, Clarke made a beautiful speech about passion, and it wasn't a lie. But she feels like a liar anyway, she took down the Mountain out of desperation. The alliance with the grounders was out of passion and courage, but the final victory was out of desperation. She had to get her friends back, there was nothing else, nothing else mattered, that's why she won. She's no hero, she truly is the monster she told them she became, she gave up her humanity to save her friends.

" _ _Victory stands at the back of sacrifice__. _"_ _ _No! Fuck off, Lexa! Leave me alone__.

But her mind couldn't leave her alone, just like the ghosts of the people she killed or left behind couldn't let her go. No, it's not like that. It's her. __Clarke__ can't let them go. __Clarke__ can't let the monster go, __Clarke__ can't let Lexa go. Why? Maybe because it's better being a monster than not being anything at all. She's void and she's nothing anymore, but instead of embracing her dead existence she holds on to the monster. Anything is better than nothing.

That's why she's here, that's why she has to help these people. If she could find something else to be again, maybe she could let go of the monster. Maybe she could let her past go, without forgetting it and without becoming nothingness. She needs to try at least. But she doesn't deserve to be someone again, and as long as she believes that she doesn't deserve it she won't be able to be anything else than the monster.

But the passion she spoke about...she can't find it anymore. She feels like there's no passion left inside her. How could she tell them about passion when, for her, that feeling, that power is only a memory? She feels hypocrite all over again, but she doesn't get time to tell herself that yet another time, because a girl is approaching her.

She's looking at Clarke with curiosity written all over her face and she's smiling, but it's totally not a shy smile, it's a bright, wide one. Her hair is brown with shades of red and it curls wildly around her face, her eyes are a bright brown and they're shining with a smile.

" _ _So, you're Clarke, right? The Sky Princess.__ " she says it lightly, as if it were just a joke, just a title in a kids game, but she also sounds excited and she doesn't hesitate before coming right in front of Clarke.

" _ _I'm Faith.__ " the girl extends an arm and Clarke grabs it with hers. " _ _I heard what you said, you're right. I've been wanting to fight since forever, but all we do is trying to survive the soldiers and make our people survive as well. It's not enough, we should protect all our people, we should fight for our freedom.__ "

Clarke doesn't really know what to say, this girl looks so young. " _ _How old are you?__ " Clarke can't quite refrain the concern from her voice.

" _ _I'm sixteen autumns.__ "

She's not so younger than her, but Clarke still feels like she's in front of a child. She hopes in a better time a girl of that age could be free from the thought of death and war, from the need to fight, but by now Clarke knows that on the ground even in time of peace you need to grow up quickly and learn to survive. So being almost a warrior at sixteen years old is nothing new. Maybe in other times or in a different village, Faith would already be a soldier or a warrior at someone's command.

" _ _Liri says I would already be a warrior if we were back at when she was young.__ " Faith is open and doesn't seem to care about the fact that Clarke is still a stranger. Clarke is surprised by this, most of the people in the village have been kind to her, but she expected more doubting from the rebels. But yet again Clarke has to remind that these are only fighters, they're not trained, they only fight as they can, they are no soldiers or warriors and they probably know nothing about real war.

" _ _What do you mean?__ "

" _ _Oh, right, you don't know. Liri was...__ " she hesitates a bit but then she goes right back into talking freely. " _ _She was a warrior in King Kyr's army. She has always been loyal to the King and she still is, she always fought the Queen.__ "

" _ _I thought Nyx was the first to rebel in the village.__ " Clarke furrows her brows.

" _ _Indeed. Liri came back to the village after that.__ " this time the girl seems to decide that it's time to shut up about the matter. " _ _But that's not my story to tell.__ "

Clarke can only nod because she really doesn't know what to say, but that doesn't seem a problem for the girl.

" _ _What about you?__ " Clarke fears the questions of the girl, she doesn't want to talk about the past, she will have to with Nyx and the others, but she's not ready to speak about it with everyone. " _ _How is the space? How was living up there? Because that's where you come from, right?__ "

Clarke lets out a relieved sigh. This she can do.

She spent a lot of time with Faith, she told the girl about the space, about how she could see Earth from up there, how it wasn't just as cool as she could think. She told her how she longed to see trees and fields, to feel the wind and the seasons on her skin. She even told Faith about the dreams she had about Earth, and she recalled her first day on the ground, how the first time she walked the earth everything just seemed amazing. " _ _Well, earth is a wonder, but it's not always good and amazing. Sometime is more a nightmare than a dream.__ " the girl said. " _ _I guess I thought about Earth as you think about the sky. Both are much better in our dreams.__ " was Clarke's reply. And then Faith surprised her again. " _ _You know what...all considered I still think that in general it's more a dream than a nightmare. Life is always a wonder, no matter where you are, if you manage to be alive, that's the best thing ever. No matter how much death and pain are there, no matter how many wars break and how many people die, life is worth it. Life is what always matters. Here we're trying to survive, but that is so wrong, we shouldn't survive, we shouldn't even wish to survive. The only thing we should fight for is the opportunity to live. Yeah, it sounds stup...__ " But Clarke interrupted her. She was amazed by the girl, maybe there really is hope for these people. " _ _You are so right, you can't even imagine. But people can't see it, they need to survive before they can live.__ " And yet again that girl proved herself to be a real wonder. " _ _No. That's why life is better. You can die and live even through death. If you live, death can't kill you. If you only survive, your death will actually be the end.__ "

Clarke can't stop thinking about what Faith said. Wit walked her back to the village, Clarke asked him to tell Aeryn she wouldn't be there for dinner, she needed time to think about what to say to the girl. Wit promised he wouldn't tell Aeryn anything, but he told her to hurry up, because soon Aeryn will know from some rebel. Clarke is aware of that, but she can't get Faith out of her mind.

That girl has so much passion for life. She reminds Clarke of herself when she first came down on the ground. The Clarke of some time ago would have totally agreed with Faith, but now she isn't sure, deep down she knows she still believes life to be more important than surviving, but she understands why people need to survive before living. But pretending for a moment that people could put life before surviving, wouldn't it be nice? Wouldn't be nice to put love and life before your very existence?

No, they can't and never will have that. This life is about surviving, maybe there's something after death, or somewhere where they could put life before anything, but not here, not now. There's no time for dreams and Faith will understand that soon as well as Clarke did.

She tries to concentrate about Aeryn, what will she say? How will her host react?

* * *

Indra really needs to get it over with. She will tell Heda that the Skai Prisa is alive and she will trust her Commander's judgement about what they should do with this information. Or, she hopes, what they shouldn't do, because actually they just shouldn't do anything. It's not their business anymore and if the Skai Prisa has survived the Mountain, she'll survive winter and woods. Maybe. If she doesn't, it's still none of their business, the alliance is over, they need to keep an eye on the skaikru in case they seek revenge, even if they probably won't, but their Princess is none of their concerns.

Then why is she still out of the Commander's tent? Well, okay, maybe Indra is a little worried about her Heda's reaction, perhaps she's afraid that Lexa will send scouts to find the Skai Prisa. Just maybe. Surely she trusts her Commander and she blindly believes in her...but she can't get the image of a broken Lexa out of her mind. It's probably better for Lexa to think that Clarke is dead, and Indra doesn't want to think about what she could do knowing that the girl lives.

So, well, maybe (just maybe!) Indra is also concerned about giving Lexa hope when the sky girl could actually die at any moment because of the dangers in the woods or the winter. If Lexa sends someone to look for Clarke believing the girl to be alive and they find the sky girl's body, Lexa couldn't take it and Indra is afraid that this time the break would be even worse. She doesn't want Lexa to be hurt. But Lexa is the Commander and she is her general, so they both need to follow their duty.

That's why she finally announces herself at the Commander's tent, even if she hates the idea of a broken Lexa, even if she knows that for Lexa will be even more difficult to focus on her duty knowing that the girl is alive.

When the voice of the Commander tells her to come in, Indra shakes her head and gets inside as Heda's general.

" _ _The Skai Prisa did not die. She left Camp Jaha after destroying the Mountain__." when she says the words she can see Lexa's eyes shooting up and staring at her without actually seeing her.

The Commander's look is full of pain, relief, concern, hope, fear, worry, guilt, hurt. But Indra can see the little sparkle of a flame that hasn't been there in a while, since the Skai Prisa had been at her side. Maybe the Commander knowing the news isn't a bad thing, maybe something good for their people could come from that little invisible fire.

That is until Lexa speaks and strides out of the tent.


	12. Falling for liars

**A/N: I mostly use the italic for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.**

 **I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

 **I won't update too often for a month or so 'cause I need to study for some exams so forgive me. Also come and tell me about the end of this chapter.**

* * *

 **Chapter Eleven: Falling for liars**

" _I don't know how to tell you this, but I want you to hear it from me and not someone else._ " Clarke starts awkwardly staring at the ground. When her eyes shyly look up at Aeryn they find a warm smile and Clarke's stomach turns, knowing that in a matter of seconds the smile will fall from that beautiful face.

" _I haven't been utterly honest with you and I am so sorry. I couldn't risk to tell you when I didn't even know you. I guess that I still don't know you, but you and your people have shown me so much trust, I'd never want to betray it. When Nyx trusted me enough to take me to the rebels' shelter I felt so bad 'cause I wasn't telling the whole truth. So at one point,_ " Clarke laughs bitterly " _a bad point I might add, I just said that. So, before you find out from others_ " Clarke tries to stop rambling and get to the point, but she just can't help it. She doesn't want to hurt Aeryn, she may be the only person Clarke could get to call a friend in a long time.

" _What's the matter, Daire? You can tell me. You said that you couldn't risk, I und..._ "

" _My name is not Daire._ " Aeryn's voice is so sweet, Clarke can't stand it any longer. But Aeryn's reaction is not quite like Clarke expected it to be. The girl doesn't seem so surprised.

" _Okay, so are you going to tell me your name? I understand if your story is difficult to tell, you're not forced to, we have time._ "

 _But we may haven't got time_. Clarke says quietly to herself. " _My name is Clarke. I come from the people who fell from the sky, I'm the one called Sky Princess._ " It's done. For the second time that day a wave of relief rushes through Clarke, but it doesn't last long because Aeryn's eyes have gone wide and the girl moves her hand to cover her mouth.

Clarke lowers her head, she tries to say something but what could she say? She doesn't want to justify herself, there is no excuse for how she has been lying to the girl all this time.

" _You're the destroyer of the Mountain._ " Aeryn's voice is just a whisper and shock fills it.

There it is, her great sin; there it is, Aeryn can now see the murderer.

" _You're the reason our people are safe from the Mountain Men._ "

Oh Clarke did so not see this coming. " _What?_ " she looks up in disbelief.

Aeryn smiles sadly. " _I'm sorry. I know that for you it must have been horrible. But if it weren't for you our people would still be fearing the Mountain, probably without you the trikru Commander couldn't even have saved the ones of us in the Mountain._ Cristallo _is near the border, the Mountain Men didn't venture far in the Ice territory, but we were always in danger. Thank to you we aren't any more._ "

Clarke is left speechless. Of all the things she surely wasn't expecting this, more like something completely different. Aeryn is... grateful? To her? To Clarke? To a monster? Maybe Clarke doesn't know Ice language so well, maybe she totally misunderstood. Yeah, it must be like that.

" _I'm sorry for all you had to go through, for all you still are going through._ " Aeryn says sweetly before slowly reaching out for Clarke. She looks at Clarke for permission and when she sees that the sky girl still can't process what she's said, Aeryn gently pulls her into a warm, soft hug. Her touch is faint and careful not to scare Clarke but the girl flinches anyway. She's not used to this anymore, she hasn't received a real hug in such a long time.

But this is Aeryn who's hugging her and it's Aeryn who's forgiving her for lying, so Clarke lets herself fall in the girl's arms, just for this moment, just this time. She only allows herself to be held for a small moment, a short now that she shares with someone she suddenly realizes she cares about. Oh god, Clarke actually cares about Aeryn, this is bad. This is dangerous. She shouldn't be making true friends, she knows she will lose them sooner or later and it will be painful. But in this little now of theirs, she doesn't really care about the future, so she allows herself to shed some tears. She cries quietly, almost not breaking the silence, with Aeryn's hand caressing her back; she cries for herself, she cries for the girl she was before, she cries for her lost friends, she cries for what could have been. She even cries for Lexa, but she won't ever admit that, she can't.

" _If something can break, it also can be fixed_." Aeryn whispers quietly, not wanting to break the forgiving moment.

* * *

"Lexa..." Indra whispers only to herself.

* * *

Clarke isn't sure about when they broke the hug the night before, but she wakes up in the comfortable bed and she welcomes the foreign feeling in her heart. For once she actually knows that something is good. A small, little, invisibly important part of her life is good.

She told Aeryn her story, she told her what she did, she told her how she couldn't bare staying with her people after that. She told her how sometimes in the woods she has hoped she would die. And Aeryn listened, and maybe she didn't understand everything, but she stayed. She stayed at her side, she didn't judge her, she didn't offer forgiveness for what Clarke did, but she offered friendship, comfort, warmth. She offered faith where Clarke couldn't have faith in herself, she offered trust where Clarke believed to deserve only disappointment and silence. She granted a smile to the darkest part of Clarke. And it was enough.

Only for once, only for that night, it was enough.

When Clarke comes out of Asher's house, after talking to him and gaining his trust by telling him too her whole story, she finds Nyx waiting for her. Clarke is so not ready for this, but she gives Nyx a nod anyway and she follows the girl down the street toward the woods.

" _You lied. I understand that you would have been risking too much telling us the truth. But I endangered the people I care the most about, I took you to them and you knew how important they are for me, and you kept lying to me._ " Nyx is not looking at her, instead Clarke sees her back and she wishes she could see the storm in the brunette's eyes.

Clarke knows that saying something now would be useless, so she struggles to keep silent.

" _I was stupid, I just proved that Malaya was right. Just tell me one thing._ " Nyx slowly turns around. She stares Clarke in the eyes and the sky girl can see the hurt there, though Nyx is trying to keep it at bay. " _When did you plan to tell me? Or maybe you didn't plan to tell me at all?_ "

" _I wanted to tell you yesterday morning. No, hell, I wanted to tell you much earlier than that, but it felt stupid, I trusted you and that was the problem. Last time I trusted someone in so little time... Well I guess it's thank to her that I am the destroyer of the Mountain. After you introduced me to the rebels, after you showed me so much trust, I was going to tell you. I surely didn't plan on telling you like that._ " Clarke tries to keep her voice low and apologetic, but she knows it's just not good enough.

Nyx looks away from her, her gaze lost somewhere behind the trees, behind the world. " _As I said, I don't believe you're dangerous for us, I don't think you're here to harm us. That doesn't mean I trust you._ "

" _Thank you, Ny..._ "

" _Liri told me you trained yesterday. She told me you're not too bad, she wants you to go back today, she'll train you herself everyday until we leave. We should be ready to go in a week or so, I don't think it will take too long to organize. Tomorrow we'll decide where to go, where to start and how to approach the people in the villages._ " Nyx doesn't give her any time to say more, Clarke is starting to feel annoyed about this habit of hers.

" _You should come. We have a lot to discuss and you seem to be good with speeches._ " with that the girl turns her back at Clarke and starts walking further into the forest.

" _Nyx! Wait! I know you don't trust me, but, for what it's worth, I only lied about my identity and where I come from. All you know about me and about how I am it's true, I haven't lied about that. So I know you won't believe me now, but the things you knew about me before are still true. I just needed to tell you._ " she tells the trees in front of her, but she knows that Nyx has heard her.

Why is Clarke doing this? Letting her heart out for what? Trying to show a girl she merely knows that she cared enough to be honest about herself even when she was lying about her identity? Why? Why is Nyx important, why is Aeryn important? It's too soon. Too soon to care about people again, it shouldn't be that easy for Clarke to care about someone so soon. It's not right. But they have been so fair, so kind, so friendly and understanding to Clarke, how could she not care?

She really has a problem.

* * *

In that week Clarke trains like never before, Liri is tough and she never gives Clarke a break, but she's an amazing warrior and Clarke learns so much from her. Clarke can't say if Liri likes her of if she hates her, the warrior is so difficult to read that at some point Clarke just gives up trying.

With Malaya things have smoothed down a bit, the rebel still very openly dislikes Clarke, but sometimes the sky girl can catch a sparkle of respect in the other's look. She seems to keep an eye on Clarke, she's always near her when Clarke is at the rebels' shelter, she follows her like a shadow. Clarke decides she's content enough with the fact that the girl hasn't tried to kill her yet.

She also sees Faith again and the younger girl looks just as eager as the first time they met. Eager about what? Anything, Clarke imagines. The girl simply shines with life and looks like a tiny ball of power and excitement. This time Clarke also sees how the other rebels look at Faith, as if she were their hope, as if she were the little sister of everyone and Clarke realizes that the girl really has a gift. No matter who she's talking to, if she wants to make someone smile, she will succeed.

Clarke spends a lot of time with Chayim and Wit and from dinner to bed time she's always with Aeryn, trying to make it up to her for having lied. Her host doesn't change her attitude around Clarke and things would be just like before if it weren't for Mawiyah. As soon as the little girl knows about Clarke she doesn't stop asking her about the sky, about the war, about the Mountain Men and the reapers. Kind of about anything. Clarke feared Aeryn's sister's reaction, she feared the little girl would have hated Clarke for lying, but maybe she should have feared this kind of reaction more. The girl is just way too much excited about Clarke being the Sky Princess and Clarke wouldn't get a break from her. But it's good, it feels good to be accepted, in a way or another.

The only person Clarke misses during the week is Nyx, and she actually misses her more than she should. She does see the rebel at the meetings when they discuss about the journey, but she misses talking to her, sparring with her, just spending time with her. They don't talk about Clarke's lies again, but Clarke knows they will have time since they're going to travel together. Near the end of the week it gets easier, though. Nyx doesn't avoid her eyes so much anymore and maybe she doesn't trust Clarke, but the sky girl can see that she wants Clarke to earn her trust again. And Clarke will do her best. There's a weird connection between them and Clarke knows that Nyx is curious about it too. She just tries not to think about how she had felt an immediate connection with Lexa as well. She must not think about it.

And finally the day comes when they're about to leave. Clarke wakes in the bed in Aeryn's house and enjoys the comfort for some minutes before getting up. She gets dressed and gathers the few things she has to bring with her, she knows the rebels are bringing the majority of what she'll need so she just takes the knives Liri has given her, her gun with the little ammos that are left in her bag and a the backpack in which she has her sketchbook and little more.

When she meets Aeryn for a quick breakfast, the girl wears an unreadable look on her face and she seems lost in her thoughts even if she's staring at Clarke. They don't speak much and Clarke goes to say goodbye to Mawiyah who's still sleeping but who has insisted that Clarke came to her before leaving.

While Clarke is with the little girl, Aeryn puts something in her backpack before handing it to Clarke when she comes back.

That's it, this is when the journey begins, this is when Clarke starts to actually do something to help these people. To maybe redeem herself somehow. Or maybe not; helping these people, helping Aeryn and Nyx's people will be enough. Clarke stands in the threshold of the house and just stares in front of her for a while.

It feels like forever before Clarke turns back to greet Aeryn goodbye and the girl leans in to kiss her.

Aeryn's lips are soft, sweet and the pressure the girl applies is kind, the brush of her lips on Clarke's is caring and shy. She tastes like trust, faith, hope. For a moment Aeryn almost tastes like a second chance.


	13. Travelling on a hunted mind

**A/N: I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts. **

**I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

 **Here we go, finally!**

 **Someone who knows which film I'm referring to in this chapter?**

* * *

 **Chapter Twelve: Travelling on a hunted mind**

Lexa paces her tent. Clarke is alive. Lexa didn't kill her, the thought is relieving. But Clarke could be in danger, she could die in the woods, she could not survive the winter, and these thoughts still hunt Lexa.

She gave orders to search for the Skai Prisa. She sent scouts to find her, bring her to Polis, she needs to make sure Clarke is okay. She ordered to find her, but an uncomfortable feeling in her stomach tells her they won't.

It is as she can feel that Clarke is not really around anymore. And that's a nauseating thought.

Indra told her not to send anyone, she reminded her that it's none of their business, she argued that even the skaikru are not looking for their Prisa. The Commander's mind was screaming the same, but Lexa couldn't take it any more, she couldn't leave Clarke alone and in danger a second time. It has already been a mistake the first ti...

No, it wasn't a mistake. It wasn't. Why the hell is she questioning it?

She told Indra to mind her place, she reminded her general who is in command, but the woman hadn't stepped aside when she passed her and rushed out of the tent barking orders. Indra hasn't spoken about the Skai Prisa again. Lexa expected a lecture, but her general seems to understand better than anyone else, maybe even better than Luna.

She knows that Indra was right, she is aware that if the Skai Prisa were anyone else, she wouldn't have cared. But it is Clarke they're talking about. Clarke whose eyes remind her of the ocean the girl has never seen, but that at the same time are made of the sky she fell from. Clarke who is a true leader and bears the weight of death for her people even when she says that she can't do it, even when she says she can't take it any more. Clarke who breaks again and again even when she thinks there's nothing left to shutter. Because Clarke has so much in her and even if she doesn't know, nothing could destroy it all, it would take centuries.

Clarke who makes Lexa feel, who makes Lexa think maybe she knows what life is.

One time, Lexa remembers, the two leaders were in the Commander's tent arguing yet again about surviving, living, leading. Clarke was burning with passion in Lexa's memory, she was arguing that they couldn't lead their people well and give them life if they weren't living in the first place. She told Lexa that you can't save a life if you don't know what a life is. Then under Lexa's amused look the sky girl had started ranting about a movie from the old world. It was about a world where robots were able to think – Clarke had spent twenty minutes explaining Lexa what a robot is and why it should think – and this robot saved the leading character's life who was trapped in a car under water. The man's daughter was in there too and the father was begging for the robot to save her, but the robot chose to save the men because he had more chances to survive.

 _"Do you think the robot actually saved the man's life?"_ Clarke had asked her.

Lexa had been slightly taken aback. Of course it had saved the man's life, Clarke said it herself. But Clarke had argued that the may has survived, but his life had been his daughter. _"We can't save our people if we don't know what life is. And life is different from survival. Or should we become like robots ourselves? Should we wish to be similar to those machines who very much destroyed the world?"_

Lexa had furrowed her eyebrows at that. _"The men destroyed the world, Clarke. Not the machines, they used them to destroy..."_

 _"I wasn't talking about real machines. Also men can become machines."_

Recalling the episode, Lexa is still unsure of what the Sky Princess had wanted to say. But then Clarke had said something else and Lexa still feels warm and at the same time uneasy thinking about it. _"Our people deserve better. Our warriors deserve better, Lexa. Even Indra deserves better."_ a chuckle had escaped the sky girl's lips then. _"Hell, you deserve better!"_

Does she really? No, Lexa doesn't deserve anything more than death and war. She let her first love die, she didn't avenge her forging an alliance with her murderer instead; she left her second love to die as well, she betrayed the woman who made her feel again and live again. Now she's weak and she can't even lead her people the way they deserved. She's not worthy of anything.

* * *

The kiss. The kiss wouldn't leave her mind. Nyx and Malaya are discussing the plan again, the group already split in two, ready to part in different directions once enough far into the woods.

But Clarke's mind is else where, back with Aeryn, back at those lips. Did Aeryn...? Could the girl care about Clarke in a more than friendly way? Or maybe it was just a farewell kiss, maybe the girl just kissed her friend because she wasn't sure they would meet again.

But it was so soft, so caring, so shy. Aeryn wasn't sure about it, she wasn't sure if Clarke would have allowed it. It was hesitant, loving. Clarke hasn't been kissed in such a way in what feels like forever. It was even before Finn, it was a girl on the Ark.

It was nothing compared to Lexa's kiss, but she can't think about it now, she won't. Clarke is confused, but she will not let her mind wander to the Commander. Lexa left her, betrayed her, almost got her killed, Lexa is the reason she became a monster. Aeryn feels new. Somewhere she could start from.

But Clarke doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve a second chance, a new beginning. She's just looking for a good end helping these people. And there it is, she finally admits it. She's not looking for redemption, she knows she can't have it, she's only hoping for a good way to go. She only hopes that leaving this world helping Nyx's people will be enough.

There's a little stubborn part of her mind, though, which whispers that Clarke may even survive. She survived the Mountain's Men and the trikru before them, she could survive this too. And if she did, Aeryn could actually be a new beginning. Clarke already cares for the girl, she could come to love her. A quiet love, maybe not as passionate as the formers, but a peaceful one. It wouldn't be bad.

Clarke kicks those thoughts out of her mind. What they're starting here, marching in the forest, is much more dangerous that whatever she has done before.

More dangerous than taking down the Mountain? Maybe. Clarke is not a warrior, and now she will need to fight. She can't use her gun, she can't use technology, she's not going to pull a lever, she will have to fight with her new sword and knives and with her hands. She will have to build her own survival. But surviving is not her goal.

* * *

That evening they reach the first village near Cristallo. They're still all together and Malaya decides her group will take another path tomorrow, so they may want to enjoy this last night together.

They gather up for dinner out of the village and there's chatting, excited talking and last stories shared between friends. Clarke looks at them and realizes they remind her of her old friends. They remind her of when the Drop ship fell and they were alone, excited, scared, somehow happy, and most importantly together.

These people couldn't survive a war, but they will fight 'till their last breath for the family and friends they left at home. And as she hears them talking about the Queen, about how their nation was before, how they love the old stories and how they want to take them back, she understands that they won't fight to come back home. They won't fight to come back, they will fight to go on, they won't stop until they find what they're looking for, the heart of Ice, where they can still live like under King Kyr. But they will fight to go on.

Clarke is lost in thoughts and respect for those people when Nyx comes to her.

" _We'll sleep outside the village, even if I think it would be safe inside, it's better not to risk. Tomorrow Malaya and her group will leave, instead we're going to stay and talk to the people. As you said, we'll get them to fight with us._ "

Clarke just nods and the young warrior sits beside her.

" _I guess I would have done the same._ " the brunette whispers and Clarke can barely hear it.

" _What?_ " confusion takes place in Clarke's eyes and Nyx turns to look at her just for a moment before looking ahead in the darkness again.

" _Lying. I guess I would have lied like you did. It was the rational choice, it was too dangerous for you to tell the truth. Some of us, some clans, fear you. I know you hadn't got much choices. I'm not saying I like it, but I understand that you didn't do it to harm us in any way. This does not mean that I trust you right away, but I would have done the same._ " the girl's voice is still low but Clarke gets a warm feeling inside and finds herself smiling shyly. It's a ghost of a smile, but it's there and Clarke is grateful.

" _Thank you, Nyx._ "

The girls don't talk further and Clarke finds the silence comforting. Nyx's presence at her side is something she longs for and she's relieved the girl understands. Feeling the girl next to her is soothing and maybe Clarke will get some sleep tonight.


	14. Dangerous hope

**A/N: I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.**

 **I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.**

 **See what your support can do? 3 days ago I posted that note and here goes your chapter ;)**

 **Also... I'm looking for a beta to go over the story and help me with a few points and to get new ideas, so if you want to help me, contact me on tumblr my username is justawordunsaid** **or on twitter Sara_NobodyO**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Thirteen: Dangerous hope**

Nyx and Clarke just came back from patrolling, they haven't talked more but Nyx stops at Clarke's tent to wish her goodnight before retreating to get some sleep. She's there when Clarke searches her bag looking for some water and finds a little envelope she doesn't remember taking with her. She opens it and gasps slightly when she sees the little crystal in her hand. She recognises it from the waterfall, it was one of the blue crystals she saw under water.

Nyx recognises it as well and smiles. " _ _Aeryn really cares for you.__ "

Clarke looks up startled as if she forgot the warrior was even there. Nyx's comment troubles her and she wonders how true that sentence may be, the crystals looked very valuable and difficult to retrieve, but most of all they seemed sacred to the people of Cristallo. Aeryn's gift is not one to take lightly.

" _ _You don't look very happy about this.__ " Clarke can hear the concern in the other girl's voice.

" _ _Let's just say last time didn't go very well.__ " She then raises her eyes from the crystal and turns her gaze on Nyx. " _ _I'm just confused, I don't really know what to do.__ "

" _ _Well, you have time to think about it, our journey is not gonna be a short one.__ " Then surprisingly Nyx lays a hand on her shoulder and offers a little smile. " _ _You should sleep now, Clarke. Tomorrow we need to convince my people to help us, it's not going to be easy.__ " Nyx still calls her Daire most of the times, just to be safe, but hearing her real name spoken so softly makes Clarke feel a bit more at peace.

She nods to the girl and thanks her, a thank you full of meanings that the warrior seems to understand, and then she finally goes to bed, placing the crystal back in her bag.

* * *

Lexa's scouts report movement in the Sword Clan, an ally to the Ice Nation, and some generals want to take troops to the border just to be safe. Lexa, anyway, knows it would be seen as an attempt to attack and it could cause the enemy to attack sooner.

She feels so powerless and it incredibly frustrates her. She can't just do nothing while her enemies prepare for war. Still, all she does is send soldiers to the villages near the border. They are to be careful and try hard not to give away their presence to the Sword Nation's scouts. It's going to be difficult but she'd rather not give her enemies knowledge about how many resources she has and where they're positioned.

The clans are going to be at war again, and she's not ready to lose.

She knows the clans will not attack until the Ice Queen orders so and even if scouts have reported movements of soldiers in the Ice Nation, it was not about soldiers coming to the borders and no troops were spotted, instead her scouts reported movements toward the capital, to the inside of the lands, not to the outside. And Lexa thinks she knows what that means.

The Ice Nation has always been a very strong clan, they've always lead their allies in war, they've never avoided a fight. So everyone expects them to be at the head of the attack. But Lexa knows better than to underestimate the Queen.

Tecla knows what her enemies expect her to do, she knows they believe she's going to be at the head of the first warriors to attack. And she won't do that. Lexa knows she doesn't want to waste time, this war is not going to be like the previous one. The Queen is not just out for blood, she wants Lexa dead once and for all, she wants to conquer, she wants to win. The previous war was about war itself, this one is about victory.

And that's why Lexa believes the Queen will send the other clans first, she will make them attack from all sides, creating confusion, forcing her enemies to split, weakening them; and then, when Lexa's army will be divided, when the other clans will be just as divided, she's going to bring her whole army down to the Trikru's lands and she's going to destroy everything on her way, she's going to go on until every land, every clan that opposed her is in her possession, under her control, until everyone knows her power.

And Lexa will not fall for that.

* * *

It's not dawn yet when they go different ways the next morning. In the dim light that precedes the sunrise the group of friends says goodbye.

Malaya comes say goodbye to Nyx and she glares at Clarke. " _ _You better not screw this up, Princess__ ", then she addresses both of them and she shakes their arms, " _ _Have a safe journey__ ". They repeat the farewell and the warrior leaves with the nine rebels who are to go with her.

The other group leaves right after in the opposite direction, they're lead by Liri and the woman comes over to Clarke before leaving. She tells her to be safe and to hide her identity as best as she can, when Wit argues that they should let the people who are going to join them know who she is because it could encourage them to fight, Liri scowls at him. " _ _It would put her at a great danger. And all of you along with her__ ", then she adds more gently " _ _When we'll be all together, we'll tell those who are with us, those we know we can trust. But we don't know how the people could react now, and the Queen might want her if she knew the great leader of the Sky People, the slayer of the Mountain, the...__ " for a moment it seems like Liri is about to say yet another title, but then she covers it and goes on " _ _the one who defeated alone an enemy we weren't able to fight even united, is here. She could very much want her as a prisoner. She's only safe as long as no one knows she's in these lands. She was right at being careful with us about her identity. If I were her I probably wouldn't have told the truth so soon. I guess I'm glad she did though__ " she gives Clarke a thoughtful look, then she says her farewell as the others and leaves with her group. And Clarke is left thinking, pondering; she notices the worried expression that took over Wit's smile and she tries to reassure the boy promising him they'll be careful.

Liri must have spoken with Nyx as well, because the girl is looking over at Clarke and she wears the same worried expression as Wit, though hers is determined and doesn't show insecurity.

Clarke's group is now made of Nyx, Wit, Chayim, Faith, because the little girl wanted to be with her favourite warrior and the destroyer of the Mountain, and other five rebels Clarke has just started to know.

There is Meike, a tall girl with dirty blonde hair and glassy light blue eyes, that honestly are kind of scary, a slender body, she carries a slim sword on her right hip and knives attached to her belt, she looks even more deadly than Nyx, although Clarke has no doubts Nyx could take her, she saw them sparring after all. Rokh is a hunter, his muscular body speaks about fight with wild animals, his green eyes reflecting the cold forest, his hair a dusty light brown, he has an axe stripped to his back and carries long hunting knives on his hips. Xavier Clarke knows to be a fighter like Meike, he has a sword and some daggers, his features are gentle and if he weren't dressed as a warrior he would probably resemble a child, he easily did when they were in front of the fire the night before, spending those last hours with his friends before starting the dangerous journey, his long brown hair stops somewhere below his shoulders, his blue eyes filled with determination, Clarke knows him to be a kind person, a funny companion at dinner and someone who cares very much about his family and his people. Jivin and Goral stay little behind, watching the back of the group; the first is a hunter, his curly hair is cut short but still some curls sometime fall before his eyes while he walks, his heavy thick broadsword making almost no noise at his side; the second one, Goral, is a warrior, as weapon of choice he always wears two short swords, they're light and easy to carry and Clarke saw how good he is with those, he also stripped some throwing knives at his belt, his hand caress the sword as he walks, his clear green eyes never stilling, wary of any possible danger.

After briefly going over their plan to approach the people in the village again, they finally reach the first houses and their mission begins.


	15. Impulsive in love

**A/N: I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.**

 **I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.**

 **Also... I'm looking for a beta to go over the story and help me with a few points and to get new ideas, so if you want to help me, contact me on tumblr my username is justawordunsaid** **or on twitter Sara_NobodyO**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Fourteen: Impulsive in love**

When the scouts she sent to the borders to the Blood Clan come back with an enemy, she decides to send a first warning. A bloody one.

Lexa was going over some maps, trying to figure out Tecla's plans, when a guard comes to her, informing her that the scouts didn't come back alone. They found a scout of the Blood clan who had crossed the borders and was wandering on Trikru's land.

She interrogates him, but he won't give up any information, so she decides to send a message. Avah is a fierce general, one of the best warriors Lexa has, but she's also cold as ice, indifferent to other's pain, cruel without really intending to be cruel, she just doesn't care. So Lexa lets her handle the matter and the general cuts off his tongue and his hands, she ties him to a horse and sends him back with two warriors who are to see him to the borders then let him go. Of course they are to follow silently and, when the scout will have reached a village and people will have seen his tortured and mutilated body, they are to kill him from afar with an arrow.

The general's plan has the desired outcome because it both arises fear in the hearts of the common people who witness it and it enrages the leader, for it shows that Trikru's warrior have the power to enter their lands and kill their people without anyone seeing them or stopping them.

In the days that follow the intentions of their enemies finally become more evident. Scouts report warriors arriving at the borders in small groups, settling down in camps far from one another and mostly hidden behind villages. As other warriors arrive the first troupes start to form, but there seem to be no urgency in their collecting the army. Lexa takes it as a sign that the clans are still waiting for orders from the Ice Queen. They're preparing slowly, still trying not to draw attention, still trying to keep their actions hidden, hopefully not knowing that it's useless.

Lexa has more and more meetings, both with her generals and the generals of the allied clans who stayed in Polis after their leaders left to take control of their armies. They discuss how to move and Lexa has been right in thinking that the other clans would have believed their enemies to be waiting for Tecla to launch the first attack, just what the Queen would be counting on. They argue with her, they are not easily convinced of her assumption, but she knows she's right and she eventually gets them to see it too.

Now the main problem they're faced with is how to fight the clans allied with Ice without splitting up their forces too much. The Ice Queen can't find them divided and weakened when she strikes with her army, or that will be the end of them. They have to find a way to fight back the first attacks and still be strong enough to stand against Ice's army. How do they avoid the too many losses that would bring them straight to destruction?

There is an easy answer, but Lexa is not sure it is an affordable option. The Sky People could use the Mountain's weapons to keep the clans from doing any real damage, they could defend the western lands both from the north and the south, which would allow Lexa to send more warriors to the east and fight back the enemies with very little losses at all. All of that would mean that they could still have enough forces to fight Ice's army.

The Sky People with their weapons are such a great advantage that it would probably mean certain victory. But Lexa doesn't believe they would help. Camp Jaha is far easier to protect with the Mountain's weapon than an entire clan. Tecla would be crazy to attack them, she will probably try to form an alliance with them, only attacking if they refuse. They know this and they probably won't accept to help Lexa, unfortunately Tecla must know too.

They decide to try anyway, and Lexa chooses to send Indra accompanied by Eamon, the most diplomatic of her generals, to Camp Jaha in a few days.

* * *

It's been two weeks since they separated from the others and their small group has been moving from village to village with little rest. But even if their body are tired and sore from often sleeping on the unforgiving forest ground, they're in high spirits since they found so many people ready to fight at their side.

They've had some peculiar encounters on their way, the one that most bothers Clarke is meeting a man in the second village they've entered who recognised her as the leader of the Sky People. Though what bothers Clarke is not the mere fact that he recognised her, but that he called her _Wanheda_. He told them he had been among the prisoners in the Mountain and, as Aeryn had been, he was grateful to Clarke for erasing the threat of the Mountain Men.

 _Wanheda_ , _Commander of Death_ , that's how she was now called in trikru and, apparently, also other clan's lands. It's appropriate, Clarke thinks but it set her in a bad mood for the rest of the day.

Now they're approaching a village in the inside, they've come far from the borders and closer to the capital. Jivin knows someone from there and he believes they will find many to join their fight.

Nyx and Jivin are at the front, carefully leading the way, behind them Chayim and Wit are cheerfully whispering about how epic the battle against the Queen is going to be, Faith walks in the middle, shielded by all the others, continuously trying to ask Clarke questions about space and the Ark and how it was to walk the ground for the first time. The blonde sometimes answers with a funny memory from her childhood, sometimes falls silent chocking on her memories; she's opening up to the little girl a lot and Faith really seems to like her and she always seeks Clarke's company, which both surprises and warms the blonde.

Jivin and Nyx are discussing the best way to address the people of the village, Jivin totally convinced that most of the people who can fight will join them without hesitation. But when the first houses and huts come into sight something is clearly off. They don't see a soul walking around and Jivin is about to hurry forward when Nyx forces him back. She's not about to run into a desert road that screams danger from every open door. And the doors of the houses are all wide open, as if everyone had run out in a hurry and never bothered coming back. The silence gives Nyx goosebumps and she doesn't like any of what she's seeing one bit.

They carefully and quietly make their way to the road and finally enter the village. As they could see from afar, nobody is around, peering from some window Xavier says that all the houses and huts seem just as desert as the road. And then they see it. The devastation as they walk further into the village. Some things have been thrown out of houses and are smashed on the ground, small tables, chairs, various objects. Some doors are not just open, they're shattered as if someone had forced their way inside. Immediately upon seeing all the useless destruction they think about the soldiers and they wonder where the people are.

They knew that sometimes the soldiers forced people to join the army, but this is an entire village, or at least a good part of it. Why would they take all those people? And where would they take them? Because surely they didn't just kill them all. They find some bodies here and there, they're mostly young boys and girls who seem to have tried to fight back. But they don't see any other corpses around and the soldiers surely didn't take those people away just to kill them somewhere else. So the question is, what the hell happened?

They don't have to wonder for long though. As they keep walking slowly through all the mess, they start looking for survivors, someone, anyone who could have escaped the soldiers and be hidden somewhere. And they do find someone. Meike finds a little child hiding in a dark corner behind a raided house. She can't be more than five or six years old, dirt covers her face and makes her light bronze red hair look dull, light green eyes with straws of gold sparkle with rebelliousness contradicting the tears trailing down her cheeks.

Clarke and Wit take it upon themselves to talk with her and try to make her feel more at ease, safe. The girl's name is Astrid, she is terrified at first, but eventually she understands they're not soldiers and she tells them what happened.

She tells them how the soldiers came and how they were ready to fight back. She explains that the soldiers have been taking their people to make them fight in the army for weeks and that they weren't going to lose anybody this time, so they waited for the soldiers and fought as hard as they could. But they lost. The soldiers started taking hostages, they got their hands on children and old people and threatened to kill them if the others didn't surrender. They had no choice but to give in. The soldiers took everyone, they killed most of the older people and some of the children, they chose some women for themselves and took away everyone else. Astrid only knows that they took everyone to the centre of the village, where the biggest houses and buildings are, she doesn't know how many soldiers there are or where they keep the people who tried to fight back.

As Clarke and Wit stay with the little girl to reassure her that they're going to get her people back, the others start formulating a plan. Jivin wants to go check the situation right now, so that they can attack that same night, but Nyx tells him it's too dangerous and decides they will wait until nightfall. The sun is already about to set anyway so it won't be a long wait and they have to prepare themselves. They will have to free the people who can fight first or they won't stand a chance against the soldiers. There are just ten of them and someone will have to stay with Astrid, so their only chance is to take out those who guard the prisoners and free them so they can fight the other soldiers together. That is unless the fighters are with all the other people and guarded by too many soldiers.

As soon as dark comes they will go scout to be aware of what they will be facing, then, depending on how the situation is, they will attack that same night or wait for the next day.

Nyx and Wit are going to scout the area, Faith will stay behind with the child and the others will get ready to attack in case Nyx and Wit's report is positive.

After getting everything ready, while waiting for the others to come back, Clarke learns that Astrid is an orphan, she lived with an old man who saved her when her uncle was taken by the Mountain's Men. That happened two years ago, before she lived with her uncle after her parent's death when she wasn't even two years old. Her parents have been killed by the soldiers of the Queen, her mother once had been a warrior of King Kyr and she always rebelled against the Queen. Astrid has no memories of them and all she knows about her family is what the old man, who had been a friend of her father, has told her. Now he was dead too, killed by the soldiers while he covered her after telling her to run and hide.

All the sorrow of the child's life is met with a fierce fight back, all the pain in her voice while she opens up to Clarke is matched by rebellious passion. Clarke doesn't know that yet, but she won't be able to let that child be alone again. Rage towards the Queen already boils in her heart at the girl's story and she will make sure that she can't take anything more from Astrid.


	16. Loved ones

**A/N: And this chapter (long and in advance) should make up for all the late updates... This is THE Chapter so...I expect reviews for this one ;)**

 **I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.**

 **I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.**

 **Also... I'm looking for a beta to go over the story and help me with a few points and to get new ideas, so if you want to help me, contact me on tumblr my username is justawordunsaid** **or on twitter Sara_NobodyO**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Fifteen: Loved ones**

The soldiers guarding the people able to fight are no more than six and they can surely handle those. Nyx figures the main problem is that a lot of those prisoners are injured and won't be able to fight, she still counted a pretty good number of people who can though so she thinks they can win.

Clarke and Xavier will at first stay behind and help those who have the worst injuries, and join the fight later.

As they make their way to where the soldiers keep the prisoners, in a large room that must have been a store of sort, she thinks back to the last weeks. She was angry about Clarke lying to her, she understood though, what bothered her the most is that she had come to trust the stranger in very little time and thought they were actually bonding. So after hearing the truth she was pissed at herself for being childish and foolish, but then Clarke found a way to get close to her again in the little time they've spent on the road and Nyx can't help but feel like their friendship is an inevitable one. Clarke is strong, broken maybe, but still determined and passionate, she doesn't need anyone's help or protection and can pretty much handle herself in any situation. She's more than just a survivor, that girl says she fights for her people and now for some sort of redemption, she tells Nyx what brought her to victory is desperation, but the warrior knows better. She sees how Clarke fights for life, no matter what, no matter how broken she is, no matter how much she lost, no matter if people believe in her or not, she fights with all she has to stay alive. She survived a war and it's killing her, because survival is not enough, Nyx can see that in every sad smile, in every nostalgic glance at the sun set as if it held something she once had in her own eyes. Those tired, lost eyes, that still look up to the sky, at the stars, they still search for lights and colours in the forest, they still capture the dancing flame of a fire as if recalling the time when a fire burned in them too. Nyx has watched Clarke every day, she has seen the cracked, noticed the shattered pieces left around, but she also has caught a glimpse at something that not even Clarke herself knows it's there.

When people joined them in the villages they passed by, when their children cheered them as already heroes, when some of them stopped the group to proudly chant the old hymn of the Ice Nation in a confident whisper – Clarke had asked what it was and she had had Nyx repeating it to her again and again so that she could learn it by heart – Nyx saw the shallow ghost of hope hiding in the depth of her friend's eyes. And when Nyx understood what it was, looking at Clarke drawing for the children around a fire, she suddenly knew that they couldn't lose. She suddenly knew she would never allow that hope to be wiped out from Clarke's eyes, she would fight at her side and see it glow again.

Then, when she saw Clarke's passion reflected in the eyes of everyone she spoke to, one more thing came clear to her: that passion, the passion that Clarke seemed able to arise in each one of them, is what will bring them to victory. In that moment she saw all of them winning, she saw Chayim smiling at children in the capital, she saw Wit grinning broadly and showing off in front of other warriors, she saw Liri becoming a general and Mawiyah playing with other children without fearing the arrive of the soldiers. Then she saw Clarke standing in the middle of it all, silent, smiling back at her while Faith, in front of the two of them, cheerfully raises her sword, she saw Clarke quietly chant Ice hymn and she joined her in a whisper coming back to reality. Clarke had stared weirdly at her then, distracted from the conversation she was having with the people of the village by Nyx's soft spoken words. Nyx had grinned at her then and Clarke had sent her a small smile before lightly shaking her head and going back to speak to the people who wanted to join them.

So in those days of travelling from a village to another she hasn't just come to admire Clarke even more than before, she has also come to deeply care for her. And not because of the great asset she can be for them, but because of the person she is, because of all that magnificent, complicated being she is. Nyx is often left in awe when Clarke opens up and all the wounds and fears of her heart come into sight, in those moments she gets to see all the horrors that hunt Clarke, all the nightmares that keep her awake, all the monsters that chase her in the darkness of her restless mind, but she also sees the wonderful strength of her heart that still hasn't given up the caring, the hands that can still create art even after being soaked in so much blood, she sees what Clarke can't. She understands why Clarke never gives up, what makes her invincible. Clarke doesn't fight for herself, she fight for others, her desire to help is so powerful that overcomes any obstacle. And she cares so deeply for others because she is an artist, because being able to see the art in the world brings her to love in a way Nyx has rarely seen. And what kept her from dying in those woods after the Mountain, what gets her to fight for herself too is the fact that she knows there always are people who need help. When you start giving, you never stop. And it's too much to ask of anyone, most of people wouldn't stand all the weight Clarke has taken upon herself, but she's different. They say that only when you give all you get everything, Nyx imagines that it's true if you can survive the break, and Clarke can. Giving is Clarke's power, her care, her passion is what keeps her alive and what makes her strong. She saw that in the little time she has known her and she can only wonder how many times she will still see it in the next months.

And even knowing this, she still is worried, because Clarke may be able to win wars, but who will save her from the random fight she might not win? An accident, a stray arrow, a lucky shot, one too many opponent to fight alone... Nyx finds herself afraid of the fortuity of life. And it bothers her that Clarke will stay behind with Xavier.

Meanwhile Clarke is worried about Faith staying with Astrid. If backups were to arrive from that road they would surely found the girls and Faith alone wouldn't stand a chance against them. But she pushes her fears aside and focuses on the task at hand, they have almost reached the guards and they have to be concentrated to take them all out silently and quickly, before any other soldier catches up with what is going on.

She exchanges a quick glance with Nyx and sees the worry in her eyes, misguiding it for her same worry. She gives her a reassuring smile and the warrior forces herself to smile back, Clarke noticing her tension. She doesn't really get it, Nyx is never tense, focused yes, alert yes, but not tense or nervous, so why would she be now?

In the past couple of weeks they have managed to get closer again, maybe ever more so than before, and Clarke feels a strong connection with the girl, as if they knew each other without needing to learn each other. Seeing Nyx worried troubles Clarke, but she knows they're going to win this fight so she saves the conversation for later.

They attack all together, with perfect timing, everything goes smoothly and the prisoners are freed before the soldiers can realise what's happening. The first to notice are some guards who were chattering around a fire not too far away, and they're quickly taken care of. Unfortunately they manage to get some attention before being put down.

Nyx sends a glance back at Clarke, who's helping the injured, and gives a short nod before taking off to the main fight hoping her friend will be fine. Wit sends Clarke a wink before doing the same and the blonde is tempted to roll her eyes at him, sometimes he's such a child, Faith is probably more mature than him. She ignores him and the instinct to join them, and focuses on the girl she's trying to bandage with some old clothes.

Wit and Nyx go straight for the inn where the soldiers have settled, Jivin takes a small group to free the other prisoners, old people, children and those who couldn't fight.

The soldiers in the inn have been alerted by the screams from earlier and are starting to rush out the doors, meeting the rebel's swords and weapons. One comes running out and Rokh's axe meets his forehead with a sickening sound. After the first gruesome deaths the soldiers become more careful and make their exit in group, shielding one another. The rebels outnumber them, but the soldiers are more trained and generally have better weapons, so, their forces matched, the battle begins.

When Jivin and his group see the men guarding the prisoners he feels relieved and cheers the others up, there are only five soldiers standing guard and they are ten. He hears the screams of pain from the centre of the village and hopes they belong to the soldiers, he also hears Goral's war cry and feels a smirk tugging at his lips at the image of his friend whirling his swords and launching himself at some soldier.

They won that fight. Clarke and Xavier joined as soon as they could and they were just in time to be part of the victory.

Now the habitants have the situation under control and are arranging groups to help the injured ones, the healer and her assistants being a lot busy. Clarke offered to help but they insisted the whole group of travellers went to the inn to eat something and rest for what is left of the night.

Clarke spends the day after mainly with Astrid, Faith joining them frequently, and talking with the people of the village. Astrid is a sweet, spry child, she loves to show Clarke her secret corners in the village or to hear Clarke's stories of the Ark, Faith enjoying those just as much, she plays with Faith and it warms Clarke's heart to see that the child can still be so full of life despite all her losses. She decides then that she will do whatever she can to be there for the little girl, she will try to find her a family, and if she can't she will just keep the child herself. At that thought, Clarke frowns. She raising a child? Could she do that with all the blood on her hands, the death cries in her ears? But as she glances at Astrid again all those doubts fade away, she won't be a perfect big sister – mother? - but she will damn well try. The little girl laughing before her deserves all the love she has left and more. Maybe Clarke has finally found something precious enough, pure enough to be alive for, to redeem for.

They're offered food and shelter for as many nights as they plan to stay, but the group has already decided to resume their journey the next day. Chayim suggests the habitants leave the village and find shelter in another one, because it is likely that the soldiers will be back for revenge, most of them agrees and the ones who stood against the Queen's men ask if they could already move to the meeting place. Chayim and Nyx discuss about it, trying to find a solution, because they couldn't just send all those people to the village they plan to meet in already, it would draw too much unwanted attention, so they decide to point them to three different villages they know they can trust, all three of them near the capital and close to each others. The new rebels agree to do just that and they decide to make sure the others of their people get somewhere safe before heading to the villages Chayim pointed at them on an old map.

That night they celebrate, the people of the village cheer at them and Nyx lets her friends enjoy the party, though she doesn't join, looking over them from a balcony of the inn. She smiles as she watches Wit and Chayim dancing like drunk fools around a fire, laughing and mocking each other, she grins at Faith's antics as she plays games with the fire, throwing something she can't make out in the flames and waiting for it to crackle, happy that she gets more crackling sounds than Jivin who's next to her paying more attention to the girl at his right than her amused friend focused on the fire. She lets out a small laugh as Astrid challenges the fire to burn her and then retreats her fingers quickly when a small flick of the flame actually catches her.

Clarke chuckles at that too and Nyx turns to see the girl standing behind her. "When did you get so silent?" Nyx asks, masking her embarrassment at being caught distracted. Clarke looks at her knowingly and Nyx hangs her head jokingly. "Yeah, okay, I wasn't paying that much attention, I was enjoying watching them."

Clarke sits beside her and follows her gaze down to the people around the fire, they're smiling and joking, telling and chatting, showing off and flirting. "They do look happy."

Nyx watches Clarke closely for a moment, before casting her gaze back down. "You know, despite what you might have heard and what a lot of people think about us, we're a funny people, we like to joke and enjoy life, we like to lose ourselves in love and dance, our children are carefree and our parents joyful. Or, at least, we used to be like that. And yes, we are a closed off people, but we weren't that much before. I can't speak from experience, but they say that we once used to be a very welcoming and caring people. Yes, we've always looked harsh probably because we live in a harsh land, but there are stories according to which we once had many celebrations, festivals if that's how you would call them in English, known well out of our Nation that even brought people from other clans here to celebrate with us."

She takes a break to look at her people again and they both remain silent, Clarke waiting for her to say more. She loves this side of Nyx, the girl loves her people and talks about their history with pride, sadness sometimes, even regret, but always passion. She loves to see the girl like this: hopeful. There's that spark of light in her eyes when she talks about her people that leaves Clarke in awe and a bit in the blue. She can't say the same about her people, although she did fight for them until the very last moment, although she fiercely defended them, she can't talk with that pride in her voice.

"After the bombs the clans rose. It was hard, there was no time to enjoy life, no time to laugh, the clans soon started to fight each others and wars were added to the already too high number of threats people had to survive. We never learn, do we? We created the bombs that destroyed us, and yet the survivors started new wars, resumed killing each others. I wonder why humans seem so eager to be the end of one another, it almost looks like a need, something they can't live without." Nyx voice lowers and takes on a note of sadness and somehow a hint of anger can be heard behind it.

"But it can't be true, can it? It has to be because of our past, because we still haven't freed ourselves from a past of violence, but there must be a way, someday, to change it, to stop the wars, the killing, the useless, unneeded violence. If not, if this is how it'll always be, what are we doing here?" Clarke lets herself wonder about things she has chased away from her mind long ago, there was no time nor place for them during a war, but this time, even if they are at war once again, she lets herself ask, question, talk, be the one she once has been – or the shadow of that girl that fell from space – with Nyx.

"Maybe that's what life is about. Maybe life is about being strong enough to keep fighting for something even if all the evidences say it will never be. Fighting for it not to see it happen in our own life, but to keep it alive, because the mere concept of it is worth dying for in order to keep it burning in people's mind. A bit like love, don't you think? It's not about being loved back or being together with the person you love, it's just about loving, even if it's desperate, even if it will never bring you anywhere, you just love for love itself, you fight for it because love alone is worth everything, even if that love will never come true, even if it only stays a feeling in your heart." Nyx suddenly stops when she turns to Clarke and sees her expression.

Clarke is awestruck. Simply awestruck. She tries to open her mouth to say something but then closes it, because what could she say? That was just too unexpected and beautiful.

Nyx quickly shakes her head "Sorry, I got carried away I guess."

And then Clarke bursts out laughing.

"Wow, didn't know I had been so funny, but I'm happy I amuse you".

Clarke shakes her head trying to stop laughing. "No, no. That was … I don't think I have a word for it, actually. And then you apologized for saying something so beautiful and it was just ridiculous, because...please, just get carried away all you want. I think I'd like to know more about what you think about things like that, love and life, maybe death too, one day."

At that Nyx smiles. "Well I guess we can talk about that stuff some day or another... Maybe not in the middle of a war though" and she chuckles a bit, happy to have been able to bring some light to Clarke's eyes. "Anyway, love wasn't what I wanted to talk about, I was telling you about my people, or I was trying to", she chuckles some more and Clarke joins her.

"Well, as I said, I don't mind you getting carried away one bit. It was pretty awesome, not a lot of people are brave enough to believe or say things like that, at least not people I've known." Clarke thinks about one person in particular, but she doesn't want to let the thought of Lexa ruin her moment with Nyx, so she just pushes green eyes aside and tries to regain the smile she had on her face the whole time Nyx spoke. It's when she forces herself to push Lexa aside that she realises that Nyx talking about love didn't trigger her like she would have expected. She didn't feel pain or regret or sorrow, she was too captivated by the girl's words and by the truth in them. But now she knows she'll be thinking about what the rebel said again that night, and she will think of Lexa while she does. For now though she brings her attention back on Nyx.

"Well, anyway, when we started to get used to this life, wars lessened, they were less frequent, less violent. At some point, but I wouldn't know if this is actually history or somebody's dream, they say there has been peace. There wasn't an alliance like now, just a common agreement about not attacking other clans. Of course it was a short peace, if it has happened in the first place, but what I was trying to get to is that in that short period our people flourished. All clans did. We were great craftsmen, our jewels were the most fine of the clans, matched in beauty only by those of the Boat People but so very different from theirs. We were also good with waterworks, our fountains were the best of all, intricate, elegant, funny. We were a funny people, a bit closed off maybe, shy at first, but we love life. That much hasn't changed. We still love life and fight for it. You know, trikru pride themselves with being the strongest warriors, and they indeed are, but we are fighters first and what we fight for, the passion we put into it, it's what allow us to match their strength, to their skills and discipline, technique and might we oppose the power of fighting for what we love and believe. My people don't like to admit it, because they have grown too proud and distrusting, but trikru indeed are better warriors, though we are better fighters, we never give up if our heart is in our fight. Despite that we're also the clan that has seen the worst and most cruel leaders and warriors. Maybe opposites can coexist after all."

Clarke is left speechless once again. Everything she had been told about the Ice Nation...none of it seems true anymore. It already started to crumble after getting to know the people of Cristallo, but hearing what Nyx is saying changes things ever more and at a deeper level.

"So...most of the people in other clans hating you...they hate you because of your leaders, because they don't know you...?"

"As I said, this land gives birth to opposites and the violent and cruel ones are the ones the outside sees."

"Nyx... I'm sorry but, after what you told me, why didn't you fight? Why are you only rebelling now?" Clarke dares to ask because she just can't keep it inside.

The dark haired girl takes a deep breath. "We love life, we love fun, we love enjoying ourselves. But we have never had a lot of time to actually do it. Our history, going on from where I stopped, is not just signed by wars with the other clans, it's scarred by all too many inside conflicts. I doubt there's a clan that can beat us at this, we've been at war with ourselves so many times it broke us. It's our weakness I guess, sometimes we had to let cruel and violent people be in command in order not to be destroyed by the other clans. Many civil wars, if we can call them that, have been interrupted by outsiders' attacks. While my people were fighting against themselves they were attacked by the other clans and had to defend themselves, to do that they often gave up the fight or their freedom. Time after time that broke us. Why didn't we rebel earlier? Passion, Clarke. We have lost our passion."

For a moment Nyx just stares at Clarke, before whispering, pride and care showing in her voice and in her eyes, "That's why my people listen to you even if you're not one of them. That's what they all see in you, it's what I saw in you since the first time we met in that fight. They see the passion they have lost. When you spoke to the other rebels in Cristallo, you showed them what went missing, you gave them back a part of themselves. You put their heart back in their fight. I have been able to make them rise, to make them protect their own families, but it was mainly for pride and fear of the soldiers that they followed me, expect for those few who were with me since the beginning. But you made them ashamed and proud at the same time, you made them wish to fight like we once could, with our heart balanced on our sword."

"Stop. Don't say that. You have far more passion than me and you lead them since the start. You..." Clarke stops at Nyx's laugh.

"I'm not saying that I haven't got the same passion you have. I'm saying that my people only ever saw me fighting soldiers, the Queen's men who reached our village. It's quite not enough, they were too afraid to follow me into a battle against all those men. A few were enough to scare them, fighting an entire army was not something they were willing to do. But you fought the Mountain, and I'm not making a hero out of you, I know you don't feel like one, but what matters is that you fought something that not even the Queen defied. And you won because of that passion. They were ready to follow me because I had you by my side. This is what I'm saying, Clarke."

Clarke now has tears in her eyes. This girl is simply too much. She doesn't know what to say so she just reaches out with a hand and clasps Nyx's extended one on the floor. Nyx smiles at her and Clarke feels like laughing, she feels like smiling forever, she feels like crying and dancing. With a pang in her chest she realises she feels something that resembles happiness from afar. It's not happiness, but hope. She gasps at the understanding, she found her hope.

She lets a long comfortable silence settle between them and just enjoys Nyx's company. She missed this feeling, she can't explain how but it reminds her of how Wells made her feel. Somehow safe, comfortable, warm, as if she could just let her thoughts free to go where they want because no matter how dark they turned, Nyx could pull her back from them. She couldn't heal them - Clarke sadly thinks that there probably is only one woman who could do that, the very one who caused most of them - but she can save Clarke from drowning, and that's more than Clarke has had since what feels like forever.

Almost half an hour passes by, both of them still contently watching the people around the fire, but eventually Clarke speaks up.

"You've told me so much about yourself and your people, I guess I own you some pieces of my story too."

Nyx briefly looks at her before diverting her gaze again. "You don't have to."

"Yeah, I know." Clarke shrugs before carefully going on. "I want to though, so make it easy for me because I would never know where to start: ask me a question."

Nyx smiles, "How many questions have I got?"

Clarke chuckles, "Let's start with one and see how long it takes me to answer it."

Nix chuckles too before growing quiet, thinking. When she turns to look at Clarke she asks about the Mountain. From how she's watching Clarke the blonde knows that Nyx noticed how much she hated the subject and understood how much it must hunt her, she also gets that it's why Nyx asked. And with that careful, undemanding look she's asking if Clarke is comfortable enough to talk about it.

"Alright. Let's do this."

She tells Nyx everything, not just what happened, but also how it changed her, how it broke her, how the scars were burnt into the very pattern of her spirit. And Nyx is there, watching her the whole time, no pity, no fake understanding, no advice to offer, no "sorry"s, no wet eyes, no accusing glances, no useless forgiveness. She's just there. All she offers is herself, all she gives is an anchor. And for the first time, Clarke finds something to help her with her hunted soul, for the first time someone is able to break through all of it. Nyx is silent, she's not a loud presence, she just stands there, in the corner of Clarke's mind, reminding her of the little miracle of her simply being there, where no one else ever reached – even though that's kind of a little lie, because someone did and left ashes in her wake. Nyx doesn't restore or heal, but she's there and it's damn enough.

Another silence settles, Nyx's hand is tighter around Clarke's, not invading, not too tight, just there. Not letting go.

After another long time is again Nyx's time to speak.

"We won't take deals, Clarke." is just a whisper, as if Nyx were scared to say it.

Clarke smiles because she understands the other girl doesn't want to sound false or hypocrite, or judging. But there's no need for Nyx to be afraid, Clarke understands her as well. "If you had to choose between your people and me..."

Nyx doesn't let her finish. "Clarke I..."

"No. Listen." Clarke interrupts her as well. "If you had to do it, I hope you would choose your people." She goes on before Nyx can say what Clarke knows she was going to, "It's different now, Nyx. It wouldn't be like at the Mountain. That was a betrayal, my people had an alliance with the trikru, we have no alliance. I am here because I want to help, if I'll die here so be it. When I came and stumbled upon your village I had thought about death far too many times to count. You say I gave your people their passion back, but they did the same with me. I was lost, broken, I had no passion, my love for life was gone, and then you and your people brought it back", she takes a pause to look Nyx in the eyes. "If you had to choose between me and your people I hope you would choose your people, because that's what I would want", she lets a smile slip. "I have too much innocents' blood on my hand for it to be washed away. I couldn't stand any more people dying for me, but if my death could save someone, then it would be great. Please, Nyx, choose your people."

Nyx then broke the eyes contact and stared away into the darkness. "Let's not get to that, okay? Nobody chooses no one over anyone."

Clarke smiles at her but gives her hand a tug, when Nyx turns to her once again Clarke simply says "Please", a small smile still on her face, but not a sad one, more like a hopeful one.

Nyx brings her gaze back into nothingness but doesn't answer.

When it starts to be really late, they decide to get some sleep and greet each other goodnight. Clarke leaves the room ready to face the thoughts of Lexa that will surely come to her after all that talking. But when they do come, Nyx is still with her, at the back of her mind, and finally Clarke can see things more clearly, less smudged by pain. And she thinks back at what Nyx said of love being about love itself and nothing more. About how it was fighting for it even when you knew it could never make you happy or give you the person you love at your side. Maybe...

Just maybe...

Maybe...

Maybe Lex...

And sleep envelops her.

* * *

The morning after they leave the village. Clarke tried to find someone who could take care of Astrid, but she didn't find anyone, so they're bringing her along until the next village they're stopping by, there they will meet some relatives of Rokh and they will take care of her. Rokh said they shouldn't have any problems keeping her with them for a few months, although they do need to find her a definitive accommodation.

The child walks between Clarke and Faith, Nyx leading the way with Rokh, Jivin and Xavier at the rear. Astrid is quiet and silent in her moves, probably more silent than how Clarke had been when she started training with Nyx, which seems to amuse the dark haired rebel who jokes about it once in a while. Clarke doesn't mind the mocking and laughs along with the others, the cheerful mood being all too welcome.

Clarke and Nyx have just finished talking with the people in Rokh's uncle's village and they're heading to the inn meeting the others on the way. Rokh is staying at his uncle's place, Astrid is with him, but there was no space for all of them, so Clarke asked Faith to keep the child company and the others arranged to sleep in two different inn, across the road from one another. Rokh's uncle's house is just down that same road so they are fairly near each other, though it still bothers Clarke to sleep apart, split in three. Jivin and Xavier are in the same inn as Clarke and Nyx, while Wit, Chayim, Goral and Meike took the free rooms across the street. Clarke knows they're safe, the people have more than welcomed them, but she just can't seem to shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen.

Sleep doesn't come easily to her and when the noises begin she's on her feet in a second, still dressed from the day before, she grabs her weapons and carefully heads out. The noises come from the road and as they draw closer she makes out heavy marching and clangs of weapons. Nyx is already at the door of the inn when Clarke rushes down the stairs calling out for the others. Xavire and Jivin are soon by their side and they follow the girls outside.

And outside is hell. Soldiers are marching into town and threatening people to tell them where the rebels are. Someone betrayed them and sold them out, someone called the soldiers. Clarke's feeling was right.

The soldiers are breaking into houses and dragging people outside to question them and Clarke immediately thinks about Astrid and Faith. She sprints toward the house they're sleeping at, she runs hidden by the shadows, she has to fight a few soldiers on her way, but no one notices her.

Her mistake is not getting Nyx attention or telling her where she was going. The small group of rebels is already fighting soldiers, even though they're clearly outmatched, Nyx leading them in a fury of blows and strikes. Luckily they're soon joined by those in the village who said they would have fought the Queen with them. Now the fight is much more fair and Wit is sure they're going to win this one as they won the last.

Clarke has almost reached the house, still mostly unnoticed, the soldiers are moving up the road so there are just a few left where she is, which allows her to move faster without having to stop and fight off some men. All carefulness is thrown at the wind when she hears Astrid cry out and Faith yell furiously, she sprints forward, all caution forgotten, she runs down the side of the road, only half hidden by the shadows the moon casts upon her. But she's not fast enough.

When she arrives a soldier has Astrid in his grip and another one is holding Faith by the throat, the girl trying to claw at his face with her nails. She sands a knife right through the chest of the one holding Astrid and Rokh stumbles out of the house, three soldiers chasing after him, Clarke throws another knife and one of the three men falls crying out in pain. Rokh makes a quick job of the remaining two and reaches for Faith, but before either of them can get to the still struggling girl, a woman puts her sword at Faith's throat and stops everyone.

Clarke sucks in an angry breath at recognising the woman as one of the people rescued from the Mountain. The warrior suggests they surrender and Clarke sees too late Rokh slowly moving closer. She shakes her head at the rebel, but he's already pouncing at the woman's back.

The warrior turns around impossibly fast, overthrowing his sword to the ground and kicking him off his feet, sword pointed at his chest already drawing some blood. The other soldier now has his knife pressed against Faith's throat and Clarke surrenders, discarding her weapon slowly.

"The great Wanheda giving up fighting to save some children. And here my people thought you were so powerful. You want to save them so badly?, then you're coming with us, the Queen will be very pleased with your capture. She sent some of her men to hunt you down and the fools are still aimlessly wandering around in trikru lands, she'll be nicely surprised when instead of coming back with mere rebels, we'll bring her the mighty Wanheda, slayer of the Mountain. She can't wait to see you." the woman mocks causing Faith to rise again in anger.

She laughs at the girl's struggling and grips her chin painfully. "Such a fierce little beast, it would be fun to end your stupid life right now."

"Don't. Touch. Her."

The woman laughs again, "Oh, looks like I angered the great Wanheda. What are you going to do, Commander of Death?"

Clarke takes advantage of the soldiers' distraction when they laugh with her and throws herself at the man holding Astrid killing him instantly with a knife hidden in her sleeve. Then she quickly snatches his sword from his dying hand and she charges the soldier who has his knife against Faith's throat, she cuts a gash in his back and runs him through with the sword once Faith if free. But then she's not fast enough to prevent Faith from fighting against the woman who has finally reacted after the initial surprise.

The fight doesn't last long and soon the woman's sword is pressed against Faith's body, almost piercing her chest. The girl has an injured arm and a small wound on her left leg, her breathing is laboured and her eyes are furiously staring at the older woman hovering over her chuckling.

Clarke has no choice but to hand herself over and hope that Rokh will get Nyx and they'll manage to save the rest of the people. Two bear men tie her up and the woman threatens: "You try to rescue her, and the people in this village all die."

Clarke barely has time to say goodbye. She tells Faith to be strong and Astrid to hold on to the older girl, she then begs Rokh not to come for her, she pleads him to tell Nyx not to try and save her, to protect their people and take care of Astrid. She gives them a last smile before the two men drag her away.

The other watch her go, Rokh's eyes are hard, he's already blaming himself for not fighting back hard enough, tears are streaming down the girls' faces, Astrid hides her face against Faith's stomach and the girl feels strength fill her. She will not let Clarke down, she will be strong, she will take care of Astrid and then they will get their friend back. Nyx will get their girl from the sky back.

* * *

Indra and Eamon should already be at Camp Jaha, instead they're only leaving now, days late. And when the sun sets that same day Lexa receives the worst news she has ever had, all her fears spring back to life, her worst nightmare is becoming true.

She takes her horse and rushes out of the city without taking guards with her, ignoring her generals' reprimands. It will be completely dark soon, but she doesn't care. She has to catch up with Indra and Eamon before they reach Camp Jaha, and they have to get there as soon as possible. Then, with the Sky People's weapons, they will march against the Ice Nation and destroy everything standing in between Clarke and her.

The Ice Queen will soon have Clarke. Her _hodness_ has been captured and they're bringing her to Lexa's worst enemy. She sees Costia's death all over again, only this time the head sent to her room is Clarke's.


	17. Torn to pieces

**A/N: Again, not late! Yeah ;)**

 **I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.**

 **I'm sorry if there are mistakes, English is not my language.**

 **Also... I'm looking for a beta to go over the story and help me with a few points and to get new ideas, so if you want to help me, contact me on tumblr my username is justawordunsaid** **or on twitter Sara_NobodyO**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Sixteen: Torn to pieces**

Lexa rides without seeing anything, her horse leads the way on safe path, but the images before the brunette's eyes are too terrible for her to free herself. The Queen can't have Clarke, Lexa should have done something more than just send scouts for her, she should have sent her best warriors looking for her, taking her back safe. She knew Tecla was looking for Wanheda, she knew and she didn't do enough to prevent her from finding Clarke.

 _Wanheda_. That title hunts her too, because she knows it must hunt Clarke. If she had known all the regret, all the pain that losing Clarke and putting her in danger would have cost Lexa, she wouldn't have taken that deal. She should be preparing for a war, she should be studying plans to protect her people, instead she's blindly riding through the woods in the middle of the night. All because she's too broken to let the Commander take control, all the shattered pieces of her soul have finally pierced the Commander's armour and the girl beneath is fighting tooth and nail to overpower the Commander's spirit. And Lexa may feel weak, but she doesn't notice that, for what might very much be the first time, she is indeed overpowering the Commander, she's stronger than the Spirit, driven by something that she was taught to forget, something the Commander can't even begin to match in power.

Lexa wonders if Clarke felt like this when she was left to face the Mountain alone, she knows how much Clarke loved her friends and she can't help but wonder if this is what she put the sky girl through when she left her there. It wasn't only death and killing Clarke had to face, she also had to stand through this feeling of utter desperation. Lexa feels broken, empty, she feels nothing but the desperate need to find Clarke, she has never felt like this before. And realising that it's probably how Clarke felt when she abandoned her makes Lexa hate herself even more. She caused Clarke so much pain, but she vows that she won't ever do that again. If she finds Clarke alive, if she gets there in time to see the beautiful smile held in those blue eyes again she will never hurt, betray, leave the girl behind again. She will do anything in her power and more to get Clarke to forgive her, if that's even possible, she will stand through everything Clarke wants to throw at her, she will give herself up to the girl she's so desperate to save and to love.

* * *

The last soldier she killed the day they lost Clarke told her that troupes are coming to take care of the south villages and they won't be able to stop them. He told her the habitants' lives are in their hands, they can either surrender or run and hide, as long as they don't interfere with the Queen's plans, if they comply maybe some of their people will be spared. Rokh reported the warning from the woman who took Clarke and after the soldier's threat she knew they had the means to keep their promise. If they went after Clarke, innocent people would die. They didn't have time to protect the people from the village, warn the other rebels in Cristallo, Malaya and Liri so that they could help fight the incoming soldiers, and save Clarke all at the same time. Nyx had to make a choice. Clarke had already told her which one to make.

Faith was desperate and furious, she was angry at Nyx and the others for even wasting time discussing. She wanted to run after Clarke immediately, the group that took her wasn't numerous, they were ten at most and the rebels could have saved Clarke easily. But Nyx knew they would kill her before letting them get her back, if they couldn't take her to the Queen they would at least kill her. Chayim knew they didn't have time to go after Clarke if they wanted to protect the people and Wit argued angrily before giving in to the truth. Faith had stormed out the room then, leaving all the others stunned because they'd rarely ever seen her like that. Astrid cried, Rokh felt more and more guilty, Nyx was exhausted and Xavier tried to keep the group together.

Eventually Goral had started to discuss the plan to keep their people safe and get messages to Cristallo and the other south villages to protect themselves. They had no idea were Malaya and Liri could be, so sending messages to as many villages as they could was the best option.

To Nyx none of it felt real. She couldn't believe Clarke was actually gone.

It still doesn't feel real, as she rides into the forest with some others. Faith is right behind her, no one has been able to get her to stay away with Astrid and Nyx understands. Her mind hurts from thinking too much about the blonde and from being blank at the same time. She remembers feeling like this before, she's never been good at losing people, but at the time she couldn't protect them, she wasn't a rebel, she wasn't a warrior, now it hurts even more because she could have protected her friend. But she wasn't there to do so. She should have kept an eye out for Clarke and gone with her when she ran to Astrid. Hell, she should have known the blonde would have gone to the girl as soon as she saw the road was full of soldiers. Instead she lost herself in the fight and Clarke had been captured.

As she looks at Wit at her other side she remembers how excruciatingly slow the morning went while they decided what to do. She had left the room when the others had started discussing plans, outside she had found Faith angrily throwing punches at a tree at the side of the street. She remembers thinking about whether to approach her or not and deciding against it when the girl had let out a cry of rage. Faith needed to get it out so Nyx had left, walking slowly down the road. She had pondered about Clarke's words and the soldier's threats, she had considered every option, from a possible bluffing to a threat bigger than they thought. She had tortured herself with all the possible outcomes, she'd tried to convince herself to do as Clarke asked her to. But eventually she had had to come to terms with the fact that she is a rebel, not a soldier. She fights for what she believes in, not obeying orders, she fights for life, not survival, she fights with passion, not strategy alone. She fights for her people, not to win a war. And then she had had her answer.

She had gone back to the others and explained what she wanted to do, she had left them no options whatsoever, they could either follow her or not. They had followed.

Passion back in their eyes they had started over, discussing different plans and considering their chances at success. Then Meike had pointed something out and Nyx had cursed herself for not thinking about it before.

The soldier said troupes where coming no matter what, he said so in spirit of revenge while he spat out his last breaths. The warrior who took Clarke posed a threat to stop them from going after the girl, a possibility, not a certain fact. So what about those troupes? Both soldiers had seemed confident in back ups, but they had different ideas of when and why those back ups were to arrive. And suddenly Nyx had understood.

They were at war with the other clans, of course the Queen would send some men to the south, to the only short border to the trikru lands. Ice was surrounded by its allies, except for that short length of border south of Cristallo, the one Clarke crossed stumbling in their lands. It made sense that the Queen would want to be safe and send some minor troupes to guard it. But the troupes didn't pose a threat to the rebels themselves, they were simply a threat as any group of soldiers, and they didn't know about Clarke. Of course the woman could get them a message, but if they were smart she wouldn't have time to do so.

Nyx had decided then to send a message to Cristallo, the rebels who stayed there would be able to take care of the problem if they involved rebels from the other villages. She had divided their little team and left Meike, Goral, Jivin and Xavier with Chayim to handle the situation and organize the escape and eventual defence with the people of the village who joined them. They had to completely avoid those troupes, they couldn't fight them or the Queen would be informed of the threat they were starting to become to her throne. If they could gather the other rebels who joined them, they could all escort the other people in the villages to safe camps out of the soldiers' way. The soldiers would find the villages deserted and that could indeed be suspicious, but if they had some volunteers, possibly old people, staying back in the villages, they could pretend people moved from the borders to avoid the eventual battles that could soon happen there. It would make sense for old people to stay behind, and the soldiers would likely have no interest in killing them. People talk so it's surely not a secret that they're at war, even for those more isolated villages, and in time of war habitants do try to get away from the borders.

Nyx had then taken Faith, Wit and Rokh – who had been dead set on going with them, still feeling like it had somehow been his fault that Clarke was taken – and they had ridden off into the forests.

They assume the soldiers have horses and carts so they'll be slower than Nyx's group and this should allow the four friends to catch up with them before they reach the capital. They will have to do quick job of the soldiers and let no one escape or the consequences will be way more than what they can handle.

They've been riding no stop since the morning and they should probably take a break for the night, but as she suggests so she hears Faith grunting her disapproval and they sprint on for some more time. She knows the girl won't stop until it's too dark to ride safely and she understands all too well what brings her to push herself so much.

She falls back into her thoughts as they keep spurring the horses. Her mind is a dark place right now, all she can think about is what could happen, the worst scenarios dance in front of her eyes and she feels like she might go crazy before they even find Clarke. She has kept her rage at bait so far, but she's looking forward to let it all out on the soldiers.

 _I'm sorry Clarke. I can't do what you ask of me, I have to at least try and do the right thing._ She can't let the girl go, that's just not who she is, she doesn't leave friends behind. She became a rebel to avoid feeling so powerless in saving the people she cares about ever again and she's not going to back down now. It won't be easy to get Clarke back, they could lose, they could be taken, they could put everyone at risk, it could all blow up in their faces, but they have to at least try. Wit feels they own it to Clarke, Rokh feels it's the least he can do after letting the Queen's men take her, Faith just finds it unacceptable to leave a friend in danger and Nyx simply knows that she can't let her go. She would do it for anyone of her people, but she feels like it hurts more because it's Clarke and there's a strange connection between the two of them that Nyx is not ready to give up. She knows she wouldn't feel like this if it were Goral instead of Clarke, but she would feel the same if it were Faith, Wit, Chayim, Malaya, Aeryn... She knows what it means. Faith, Wit, Aeryn, those friends are her family and she never stops fighting for her family. Yet she just met Clarke, she shouldn't feel like this; but she can't ignore how her chest feels thigh, how her eyes burn against the cold air, how her whole body is strained in desire of killing each soldier who helped capture Clarke.

The horses couldn't be fast enough, she grunts in exasperation a couple of time, sensing the same tension emanating from Faith in waves. She knows the girl has really bounded with Clarke as well and she knows how emotional the young rebel gets when it comes to friends. She just hopes Faith won't get herself killed acting on the rage that sparkles in her eyes.

Faith couldn't believe that the others had even thought about not trying to save Clarke, she was so sure Nyx would have gone after her as soon as she knew that when she actually discussed about it the girl felt incredibly angry at her friends. It tasted a bit like betrayal at first when she watched Nyx just sit there and think about whether to go after Clarke or not. There was nothing to decide according to Faith, they simply don't leave friends behind, she learned it from Nyx herself.

Even now as she rides rage consumes her, she's still pissed at her friends and she can't wait until she finally has one of those soldiers through her sword. She's never been a violent person, she never liked violence or revenge, but right now she wants nothing more than to kill that woman who used her to take Clarke.

Though the person Faith is the most angry at is herself, Rokh blames himself, but so does she. If only she had been a better fighter, if only she had fought harder, if only she... But ifs count nothing now and all that counts is whether she'll be able to do better next time, she knows that and she promises herself she will. Even as she runs at her rescue she feels like she has let Clarke down, she promised her friend she would have taken care of Astrid, but that's not what she's doing. The child stayed behind with the others, Xavier vowing to keep her safe no matter what, but Faith feels like he's doing her job. She's sorry she left the little girl alone, but she couldn't stay behind, she needs to be with the group that's trying to save Clarke. Astrid will be fine with Xavier though, the boy is the best when it comes to children, so they won't have problems.

She wills the horse to go faster, knowing they'll soon have to stop for the night. She wishes they could ride in the darkness and reach Clarke as soon as possible, but she knows they would just get themselves killed instead of helping their friend.

When they do stop she helps Wit lighting a small fire and she tries to keep herself busy until there's nothing more to do except for sleep and she has to fight the tears that threaten to come back again. She has cried enough the first day, now she must be strong and rest so that she'll be ready to ride all day long tomorrow.

She stares at the fire before closing her eyes and watching the shadows of flames dance inside her eyelids. She thinks about Clarke's stories of space to calm herself and eventually she falls asleep.

Nyx is not that lucky, she's unable to sleep for most of night and keeps guard much longer than the others, taking Faith's turn too. Her conversation with Clarke on the balcony few days ago keeps coming back to her and she wonders, wonders, wonders if she's making the right choice. She wonders if this could ever be a wrong choice. And of course her mind keeps thinking about where Clarke is now, how she is, whether she's hurt or maybe starving, she's probably cold, surely tied up, she could be beaten, she could be injured, she could... Nyx wills herself to stop thinking because her mind is driving her crazy and to save Clarke she needs to be able to think clearly and be smart, not a mess of worry and anger.

When sleep finally grants her access to the unconscious world of darkness, it's a hunted sleep, a troubled one and in the morning she doesn't feel rested at all. She dreams of her brother killed by the soldiers, she dreams of Aeryn, she dreams of when she became a rebel with Malaya at her side, and she dreams of Clarke, she sees the blonde telling the rebels her true identity and then she sees the Queen killing her slowly. She wakes in sweat when the sun is yet to rise, but she decides going back to sleep is not an option so she starts to get ready for another awful day.


	18. Family guardians

**A/N: Not even checked for mistakes yet, just wanted to publish it as soon as I could!**

 **I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.**

 **Also... I'm looking for a beta to go over the story and help me with a few points and to get new ideas, so if you want to help me, contact me on tumblr my username is justawordunsaid** **or on twitter Sara_NobodyO**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Seventeen: Family guardians**

Abby has been sending out small teams looking for Clarke and now she finds out that it's too late, it's been too late for a while. And it is Lexa who tells her, the same Commander who betrayed them and left Clarke alone to face the Mountain Men, to face death and hunted choices.

The Commander barely stopped at the gate, demanding to see Chancellor Griffin, Indra and another warrior right behind her. Abby went to the gate reluctantly, her mind firmly set on not letting Lexa in. The trikru had let them be after the Mountain, they hadn't attacked, they hadn't moved against the Sky People in any way, but that doesn't mean Abby trusted their leader. Then Lexa told her about Clarke and suddenly she couldn't breath. Kane was sceptical, he said they shouldn't trust the Commander, but somehow Abby knew Lexa was telling the truth. Maybe it was the desperation in her eyes, maybe it was the way she was standing there, perfectly aware that they could decide to shoot her any time and perfectly willing to risk it; maybe it was the anger and pain, regret and rage in every little move of her body. Abby was used to see Lexa standing still, in control, barely moving in her regal posture, instead this Lexa looked restless, her body continuously shifting, her eyes a pool of emotions and chaos. So Abby knew, she knew Lexa was telling the truth, she knew Clarke had been captured.

Now they're sitting in the council room and Lexa is telling her about her scouts' report. Kane tries to reason, they can't be sure it was Clarke, they have no actual way to know for sure she's even in the Ice Nation. But Lexa is having none of it. She stands up, tall and deadly, and tells them that she will move against the Ice Nation with or without them, she will save Clarke no matter what it takes, she tells them she came to ask their help because their weapons could save Clarke way faster than her warriors.

But that's when Indra and Eamon step in, the woman hissing that they can't effort it, the man backing her up in a gentler way, remembering Lexa of the war they're about to face. Abby knows about the war, of course they all do, and she knows that Lexa's people will not take well the Commander going off to save the Sky Princess leaving her people alone. She knows that no matter what Lexa might be feeling toward Clarke, no matter how high that rage in her eyes might burn, she won't be able to save Clarke without their help. But it was never the plan not to help anyway.

Abby interrupts the generals offering her people's help in the war if they can get Clarke back together. The look Lexa gives her couldn't be more grateful.

The Chancellor reasons with the two generals telling them that they could use the Mountain's weapon, which would surely allow them to protect their lands, and she ignores Kane's attempts at stopping her.

Lexa and Abby are coming to an agreement when someone barges into the room.

"What is she doing here?" Bellamy angrily shouts as soon as he sees that the guard at the gate told him the truth about the Commander being in Arkadia.

Abby tries to calm him down, but he's standing right in front of Lexa yelling at her face and ignores the other woman. Lexa does her best to remain calm but she's quickly losing her patience and finally spats at him that Clarke is in danger and he won't help her just screaming like a child. The mention of Clarke finally shuts Bellamy up and it takes him a second before he's asking for explanations.

Kane briefs him on what Lexa came to tell them and on Abby's decision. Bellamy gets angry again at learning that Abby is making a deal with the trikru and tells the Chancellor they can save Clarke on their own, they have guns and missiles, they can get Clarke back without anyone's help, especially the help of someone who already betrayed them once.

But Abby and Lexa are dead set on their decision and no protest from any of the others can change their mind, they'll go and save the girl who matters so much to both of them.

Seeing the two women's resolution the others eventually give up trying to oppose them and Indra begrudgingly asks "What will you tell our people, Heda? How will you justify asking them to die for a stranger who does not belong to our own?"

"I bring to them something that will allow us to win the war. Yes, they may die in our attack to Ice, but the losses that would have come from the war that awaits will be considerably lessened by the Sky People's aid in battle. I bring them a deal that will save many lives, the Sky People's weapons and they're knowledge on how to use the Mountain's weapons will destroy our enemies' attempts at invading our lands. Furthermore if we can destroy the Queen's personal army and kill her, Ice will have no part in this war and the other clans will move without a leader. We could easily win a war that appeared since now fatal to us." Lexa manages to keep her voice firm, rational, even when all she can think about is saving Clarke. She knows Indra and Eamon expect her to at least stay in Polis with the army while sending warriors to Ice and she will wait until they leave to show them otherwise. She can see in Abby's eyes that the same thing will happen here, the Chancellor is not going to stay behind, but she hasn't told Kane yet.

Her answer seems to be enough for her generals, at least for now. Bellamy is still grumbling about how they should do this on their own and she decides to step in before Abby loses her patience. She tells him what kind of fight awaits Arkadia if the trikru were not able to protect their lands, she tells him what kind of forces they're up against and in the end the boy finally shuts up.

Later they discuss a plan, how to move, how many people to take with them, and Bellamy's suggestions and his knowledge about the Sky People's forces eventually turn out to be useful as they consider how to proceed.

Lexa rides off back to Polis that same day – not caring about the sun setting soon –, Eamon at her side, leaving Indra with Abby to help lead the way to the place where they agreed on meeting few days from then, Lexa will be leading a small army, just some troupes, and Abby will bring some of her best shooters and other fighters.

The Chancellor leaves it to Bellamy and Indra, supervised by Kane, to assemble the men who are going to follow them in Ice.

As she watches Lexa ride away she wonders if she made the right choice. Is trusting Lexa the right choice for her people, is it the right choice for Clarke? Bellamy doesn't believe Lexa actually cares about Clarke, he thinks she only wants to win her war and they are her best chance. But somehow, and Abby can't explain it, she feels like Lexa is just as desperate as she is to save Clarke. She believes the Commander about her daughter being captured by the Queen, she doesn't think it could be a lie to have their help, and for some reason she also thinks Lexa will do anything to get Clarke back. It doesn't mean that she forgives the Commander or likes her any better, but she believes they want the same thing for now.

Kane tried to make Bellamy reason once they were alone, he tried to make him see that an alliance with the trikru in this war is what's best for them, and deep down he knows the older man is right. But Clarke is gone, she's in danger, she's broken and he can't help but blame Lexa. He needs to blame Lexa, because otherwise he would blame himself, he let her go away, he didn't look for her soon enough, hard enough, he didn't even know she wasn't in trikru lands anymore, Lexa did. So if he wasn't blaming the Commander, he would be blaming himself, and he can't do that right now, he has to concentrate on keeping his people alive when a war is coming, he needs to focus on saving Clarke, he can't have the weight of it on his shoulders, so he puts it on Lexa and does the best she can to make things right now. He hopes it will be enough to make right of his mistake.

When Clarke left he wanted to stop her, follow her, save her from herself, but he let her go because that's what she wanted, needed. He hasn't stopped cursing himself for it, but he also knows Clarke wouldn't have let anyone stop her from going. And now she's in danger and he's too far away to do anything, he's powerless and hates the feeling.

He keeps his mind on Clarke as he chooses the men with Kane, his eyes avoiding Indra and the memories she brings back, the betrayal that broke Clarke. He chooses the best men they have, desperate to make sure they win this fight.

Abby asks Raven to make radios, they may not work where they're going, but she'll surely give it a try.

They'll leave soon, they'll meet with Lexa and her warriors and they will follow her in the Ice Nation, they will fight their way to Clarke, they will kill the Queen if need to, they will get their Princess back.

Or at least she hopes they will.

* * *

...

Meanwhile Nyx, Faith, Wit and Rokh have finally caught up with Clarke and the soldiers.

If they're going to attack, they have to do so that night, the day after will be too late, and so they stop when the soldiers do and they wait. And the wait allows Nyx to think too much.

This is when she makes the ultimate decision. Risk her people to save Clarke, a stranger, or keep her people safe and let a friend go. Let a friend die.

Can she make such a choice? Her people or this girl who's willing to risk anything for them? Her family or this stranger who fell in their lives and gave them a fight to win?

She feels sick thinking that one mistake could lead to the death of so many innocent people, her people. One soldier is enough, if one soldier manages to get away he will report to the Queen and the revenge will be unforgiving, gruesome. They're only four, the soldiers are nine, it's more than two soldiers for each of them, and the woman who leads them doesn't seem to be an easy fight.

And they have to kill them quickly, before any of them can get a hold of Clarke to blackmail them, if the soldiers think they're going to lose they won't hesitate to kill the blonde and everything will have been for nothing. It's going to be hard, they could easily lose the fight, and everything else with it.

She thinks about Faith, she can't let her die, but she knows she can't stop her from fighting now. She'll tell the girl to stay behind and get Clarke as soon as the others attack the Queen's men, but she knows right after that Faith will join the fight and Nyx won't be able to protect her if she's fighting the warrior who bested Rokh. Is this really the right thing to do? Would Clarke want her to do this, to endanger Faith's life, innocents' lives, her friends' lives? Nyx knows that it's not what Clarke would want. So why is she doing this, shouldn't they stop?

Clarke told her to let her go, to protect her people, and maybe, just maybe, Clarke...


	19. You are my people

**A/N: I don't really know how to explain this, but I believe what Nyx does and says in this chapter is what could give Clarke the strength to forgive Lexa someday. It's hard to explain it, but it's like when Lexa vowed to treat Clarke's people as her own... Nope, okay, I'm doing an awful job explaining it, so I hope you'll understand from the story as it goes on. Just know, that one Nyx's sentence at the end of the chapter is very important to me.**

 **I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.**

 **Also... I'm looking for a beta to go over the story and help me with a few points and to get new ideas, so if you want to help me, contact me on tumblr my username is justawordunsaid** **or on twitter Sara_NobodyO**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Eighteen: You are my people**

The waiting is over, now they have to act. They kept watching until the soldiers fell asleep, only two guards still awake to watch Clarke and one patrolling the area.

Nyx will take care of the patrol, leaving the guards to Wit and Rokh. She can do the job silently, but by the time her friends will have put down the two men, the other soldiers will be awake and fighting back. Faith is to free Clarke as soon as the guards are out, the blonde is held in a small tent, the woman who captured her resting in the tent next to it, probably wanting to be near but not near enough for Clarke to attempt at doing something.

After killing the patrol she will go right after the seemingly very strong warrior and Wit and Rokh will have to handle themselves against five men. Once Clarke is free, Faith will surely join the fight, no one could hold her back, but they don't know if Clarke will be able to fight, they know nothing of her conditions, she looked tired and worn out, but they couldn't see if she were injured in any way. And if Clarke is not able to fight they could easily end up in big troubles. They can't afford to lose or to let anyone get away.

So the atmosphere is tense and nervous as they get ready to fight, all of them have doubts, questions and worst case scenarios going on in their head, all but Faith, who's just excited and angry, furious and ready to show those assholes what happens to who takes her friends and threaten her people. Faith is ready to kick asses, Nyx is steadying herself to focus on the mission ahead, Wit is nervous and Rokh is determined not to fail this time.

Finally and all too soon Nyx gives the signal. She slips away first, going for her kill. Wit and Rokh follow suit, they wait until she has time to get a hold of the patrol before sneaking towards the guards unseen. It doesn't really work though, one of the men sees them and he's about to shout when Rokh speeds up and slams his axe into his skull. The shout dies out in a dying whimper, but it catches the attention of the other guard who manages to alert his companions before Wit engages him in a short fight. Wit has the upper hand and they take off to the soldiers emerging from the tents, Nyx already approaching the woman's tent.

As soon as Faith sees she has access to the small tent, she runs straight in, not expecting to find a warrior inside.

Nyx is face to face with the woman who bested Rokh and threatened Faith to get Clarke, their swords immediately collide as a snarl appears on the rebel's face. The warrior answering with a wicked smile.

Just before Faith barges in she hears Clarke trying to mumble something, but she doesn't pay it attention, thinking the girl is asking for help. As soon as she's in a men has his knife at her throat.

" _And who are you? Another friend of the not so impressive_ Wanheda _? She should have looked for better soldiers if she wanted an army for herself._ " the woman mocks as she strikes at Nyx, the brunette deflecting the blow and answering with a hit to the legs, which her opponent easily avoids.

Faith is so sick of being in this situation, really it's getting annoying how people keep pointing blades at her neck.

"Wanheda, _Commander of death. Destroyer of the Mountain wasn't dramatic enough?_ " Nyx indulges her as she shields herself from a powerful blow, striking back with a calculated hit that the warrior only partially deflects, some blood appearing on her shoulder.

Faith sees Clarke's wide eyes as she fights against her bindings to help the younger girl. The soldier holding her has a smirk on his face as he slides his hand around her throat in a tight grip. But before he can choke her or do anything else, Clarke manages to swipe him off of his feet with her legs still tied together. Falling he takes Faith with him, but she's ready and puts a knife in his side, the best she could reach. As he lies there a moment longer holding his wound, she quickly cuts Clarke's bindings, her hands shaking slightly before she steadies herself again, rage still burning even as she sighs relieved of having her friend back alive.

The woman laughs out loud and she answers as she manages to hit Nyx in the side, " _You know trikru, they are always dramatic._ "

Nyx keeps herself from wincing in pain as the blood floods out to meet fresh air, making her side cold. " _And why would the Queen want_ Wanheda _?_ " The woman really knows how to handle herself in a fight and the brunette hopes not all of the Queen's warrior fight like that.

Clarke kills the men who was starting to get up before giving Faith a quick hug and heading straight out of the tent, Faith just barely holding her back.

" _Are you hurt? Can you actually fight? Maybe we should find shelter among the trees, I can help the others..._ "

Clarke doesn't let her finish, she gives the hand that's holding hers a gentle squeeze and assures Faith that she can fight, she's a little weak and she might need someone to watch her back, but she's not going to sit this battle down. Faith grins at her and promises that she'll be the best fighting partner Clarke has ever had. That makes the blonde chuckle, God, she missed this girl.

The woman chuckles darkly as she catches Nyx attempt at cutting her stomach, " _Are you just trying to distract me, or are you trying to make me spill our Queen's plans?_ "

Nyx snarls at that and spits out disgusted " _She is not my Queen._ "

The wicked smile reappears deformed in anger, " _Oh but she is, dear. And she will soon be the Queen of much more lands, with_ Wanheda _'s power she will easily conquer the clans that refuse to recognise her as the rightful leader she is._ "

Faith and Clarke carefully get out the tent together, ready to fight and have each other's back.

"Wanheda _'s power? What are you talking about?_ " Nyx starts to feels uneasy, guessing where this is going.

"Wanheda _detroyed the Mountain alone, without the army and the Commander that betrayed her, who kills_ Wanheda _will have her power, and the Queen is gonna be the one to get it._ "

Nyx is hit by realization, no matter where they are, Clarke would always be in danger if people actually believed this non-sense about Wanheda's power. Anger takes over and she strikes harder, energy filling her again, she will kill this woman and no one will deliver Clarke to the Queen, no one will kill her in a foolish attempt to get some stupid power. Her strikes are stronger, clean, controlled and they finally reach their target more and more times. The woman mocks her again at seeing how the worry for her friend spurns the rebel on. But Nyx is gone, she doesn't waste any more time in words, she only fights and she fights well.

Clarke and Faith soon find Wit and Rokh barely holding up against four soldiers, instead of splitting to take a soldier each, they go around them and take the soldiers from behind, giving Wit and Rokh the opportunity to notice them. The first one is an easy kill as Clarke slams one of Faith's dagger into his chest, the second one is more of a fight but they manage to take him off their friends' back so Wit and Rokh can handle the remaining men on their own.

Nyx is on her back, the warrior managed to push her to the ground, but she doesn't know the ground is just as good a battlefield as the air for the forest girl. She ducks the blow with her sword and kicks the warrior's legs as hard as she can, she hits her in the back of her knees and the older woman falls to the ground, mouth out of words for the surprise, she actually thought Nyx was dead already.

Faith finally pushes the man down on the ground after Clarke stabs him in the gut clumsily and Rokh finishes him for her, not wanting the girl to have to carry the weight of taking lives. They all know Faith still hasn't killed anyone, and they all try to protect her from what they all went through, from what they know she will have to go through sooner or later, sooner more likely than later. He had just finished off his opponent and Wit is done soon as well.

They all release a relieved sigh before turning around to watch Nyx dragging her fight to an end.

The warrior is stumbling on her feet as Nyx draws her sword across the woman's back making her grit her teeth and let out a growl. Clarke slowly approaches her, the others right behind her just in case Nyx needs help, and she notices her friend is injured, she frowns at the blood slowly freezing on her hip and down her leg.

The woman strikes a few more times, then Nyx has the warrior's sword crashed to the ground and she uses the opening to bring her sword deep into her opponent's side and all the way through. The warrior sinks to the ground as Nyx withdraws her blade, slowly starting to bleed out, in the night dark blood starts soaking the soil.

As the fight ends Clarke is immediately at Nyx's side, applying pressure to her wound with a piece of cloth she ripped from one of the dead men's clothes. Nyx's eyes search Clarke for wounds and find some, but the blonde seems alright for now so she turns her attention to Faith and the guys, finding close to none injures on the girl and several cuts on the boys, but none that looks too bad. Eventually her gaze shifts back to the woman in front of her, her sword still pointed at the warrior's throat, just in case.

She looks sideways to Clarke, her eyes asking if she wants to make the kill, the blonde stares at the dying woman for a moment before she looks back at her friend and imperceptibly shakes her head.

Nyx asks the warrior if anyone else knew about Clarke being in the Ice Nation, the older woman spits at her feet, but Clarke says they didn't meet with anyone and the soldiers are all here, none has been sent to the Queen to tell the good news, they probably didn't want to risk her wrath had they failed. And that is so in favour of the rebels, they won't have to worry about the Queen finding out and seeking revenge.

The rebels have a lot more questions, but they know they won't get any answer from someone who looks quite very much loyal to the Queen. Nyx is about to ask who the woman is, but she eventually decides to let her die nameless. She's not a death that's going to weight down on Nyx, she won't have any regret on killing her and she will not give those who decided to follow the Queen the chance to die as a proud Ice person, this woman is not one of Nyx's people and doesn't deserve their respect or memory.

She looks at Clarke one last time before staring the woman in the eyes and slitting her throat without flinching as blood gushed from the wound and the warrior bleeds out holding her neck.

Nyx had felt the urge to further hurt the woman, to make her feel the same pain she had felt having to make a choice like that, a pain of different nature but equally intense, she had wanted to leash out at the woman as she was slumped there on the ground. But she's not cruel, she doesn't torture people, she's not like the Queen's men. So she will take the relief of seeing her unable to hurt her friends anymore and she will make it be enough.

As she turns around to her friends she looks tired, emotionally worn out, physically exhausted. But as Clarke is reaching out to help her – she still has a deep enough wound on her side – the tiredness leaves place to alarm and panic as Nyx catches sight of a soldier trying to escape.

He's limping and walking slowly, more dragging himself toward the trees than running, he glances behind his back, a look of fear and hatred in his eyes, and when he sees that they have noticed him he struggles to move faster.

Nyx reaches for her knife and is about to throw it, but Wit is faster and sends it in the man's back right a second after another knife appears sticking out from the soldier's neck. Someone has thrown a knife at him from the front and killed him right before Wit.

They all stiffen at the knowledge that someone else is there, they grip their weapons, ready to fight, no matter how dead tired they are.

It feels like an eternity before the man falls to the ground and reveals his killer's form in the dark. The figure approaches, Clarke steps in front of Faith instinctively, Nyx standing at her side, Rokh raises his axe with what strength he has left, ready to take out the knives if the axe becomes too heavy.

The figure moves under the moonlight and Wit's green eyes recognise her just as he feels Nyx relax at his left.

" _Don't worry, I took care of your little slip up. As always._ " Malaya's voice mocks, playfully annoying.

Clarke, Faith and Rokh let out a sigh of relief while Wit retorts without skipping a beat.

" _I had it under control_."

" _Sure you did, kid._ "

He hates when she does that, just because she has been fighting since before him, just because she was a better fighter, she would always call him kid and He. Hates. It. But that's why she does it, she knows how much it annoys him and Wit is not easily bothered.

" _How are you here?_ " Nyx asks.

Malaya shrugs. " _Actually it's just luck._ "

" _We didn't need luck, we were doing just fine._ " Wit insists.

Malaya sends him a pitiful smirk, but then she turns serious. " _What the hell happened?_ "

Nyx is too tired to deal with pissed Malaya and she's certain her friend will be pissed when she hears the story and when she learns about her decision, so she leaves it to Wit and Rokh to fill her in on the events and follows Clarke to get her wound bandaged.

The blonde searches the tents for medical supplies and finds some in the woman's tent so that's where she leads Nyx.

They hear arguing from outside, Faith trying to keep the others from fighting and raising their voices, but Clarke and Nyx both have been silent so far. When Nyx can't take it anymore she asks Clarke if she really is okay and her friend reassures her that indeed she is.

" _We have to cover this mess and find somewhere to rest. You're all dead tired and I'm worn out myself, we can't just leave the bodies here in the clearing, we're going to have to find a way to..._ "

Nyx stops her before she can start rambling. " _Clarke._ "

And it's not the same way Lexa says it, but it feels so good anyway.

" _Clarke._ " Nyx repeats gently.

Nyx doesn't roll the letters like Lexa does, she doesn't savour them and she isn't hard on the _k_ , but the name feels wrapped up in a safe hug, it's warm, it's gentle, it carries free given affection, it carries friendship and...

" _Clarke, hey, look at me._ "

Clarke looks up. Nyx doesn't say her name like Lexa did, not at all, but it definitely feels good, familiar and new at the same time. It feels like a name that could belong to her again.

" _It's okay. We're going to take care of this and we're going to rest. Malaya's group must be near and we can join them once we have moved the bodies. It's going to be okay._ "

Nyx's voice is warm and soft, but Clarke doesn't answer, she just nods and turns away, heading outside after a moment. Nyx follows frowning. Something's wrong, could Clarke be angry at her?

As Nyx said, they quickly take care of the bodies, simply hiding them from sight of who might enter the small clearing, and then Malaya leads them back to her group.

... ... ...

Malaya and her group went north, unlikely Nyx's group, and they stopped for the night not far from the village they had visited during the day. They were close enough to hear some noise from the fight and a couple of them went to check the forest, Malaya finding them when Nyx was taking care of her opponent. She watched from afar, keeping an eye on that one soldier who wasn't dying but struggling to stand on his feet, and when he tried to leave she lazily took care of him. He was coming her way so there was no need for her to hurry, though she was pissed at her friends for not making sure all the men were dead or actually dying. After Nyx and Clarke had gone to tent, Malaya started to put the still barely alive soldiers out of their misery, hissing at Wit and Rokh that they should have done that while Nyx took care of the woman, scolding them for taking the risk of those men being heard by anyone near.

Clarke keeps silent during the whole walk to the rebels' small camp, only answering her friends' worried questions, they keep asking her if she is alright, and she really wishes they would stop. Faith walks beside her, their shoulders touching when the younger girl walks a bit too close, and Clarke doesn't mind, she revels in the girl's presence, she has been worried for her and Astrid even more than for the others. She still hasn't dared asking about the little child, but she will have to at some point, as she will have to ask why they split and why they came to rescue her. Actually she doesn't need to ask that last question at all, but she had hoped they wouldn't risk so much to save her.

The whole time, while the soldiers took her from forest to forest, near villages one after the other, she has been torn inside. She hoped the rebels would go on without her and not attempt to save her; and she felt like Lexa's betrayal all over again. But Nyx hadn't betrayed her, none of them had, she is the one who asked them to let her go, she's the one who begged Nyx to choose her people. And still, in those nights alone, she would see herself in front of the Mountain again, the army and its Commander long gone.

So now she didn't know how to feel. A part of her wants to be angry, because she pleaded Nyx not to endanger her people, she begged her to take care of her people and let Clarke go in case something like that happened, and still her friend has ignored her wishes. But that's just the smallest part. Mostly, Clarke simply fails to give a name to the feeling, she has no idea how to call it. She's relieved, she's scared by the depth of what her friends' choice means, she's drunk happy from the care they all showed her, she's terrified by the idea of letting this people in her heart as they seem to have done with her. It feels like she could have a family again, and it scares the shit out of her, because what if she loses them? What if they betray her later on? What if...? What if...?

They have reached the small camp and Clarke is brought back to reality.

They get to eat something and finally Wit and Faith explained what happened, they start from the fight in the village, they tell about how the soldiers threatened to kill Faith and Astrid if Clarke didn't hand herself over, Faith proudly and passionately tells how she categorically refused to let Clarke go and how at some point Nyx simply declared that she was going after Clarke, the others could suit themselves, then Wit takes over explaining their plan and why they had split the group in two, he also tells Clarke Astrid is safe with Xavier and the girl feels like a weight has been lifted from her a little bit. He goes on describing the fight of that night as well, then it's Clarke's turn to talk. She hasn't got much to say really, it was pretty much just travelling on a cart, hidden from view and tied up, a soldier always guarding her. She also reveals to have met the woman before, she was among those rescued from the Mountain, and her name was Echo, the grounder who helped Bellamy in Mount Weather. That's why she had recognised Clarke.

She ends with a whispered "Thank you, guys".

They all go to rest after that, they decide they deserve to sleep well into morning, so Mahol and Zakay, from Malaya's group, offer to go get some breakfast for everyone in the morning and supplies for their worn out friends from the village they just left behind.

... ... ...

Sleep is being hard on Clarke and she can't find peace, she still struggles to get a hold of her emotions. It is so weird to feel this way, to be someone's first choice, even if she's still just a stranger in these lands.

She doesn't get to dwell too long on it though, because suddenly Nyx's voice comes from outside the tent.

She's tentative as she calls Clarke's name in a whisper, asking if she's still awake. She's about to turn and head back to the tent she shares with Malaya when Clarke comes out of the one she's sharing with Faith, the girl fast asleep behind her.

" _Hey, what are you doing up? You should catch some rest._ "

Nyx chuckles, " _Yeah, you too. But I wanted to talk to you._ "

Clarke looks away and for a moment they let the silence wash over them.

" _Is she asleep?_ "

When Clarke looks back at her, Nyx is looking in Faith's direction. Clarke nods, " _It wasn't easy to convince her to actually rest, but when she laid down properly she immediately fell asleep. She's worn out completely, but still fights to hold on to her energy._ "

Nyx chuckles lightly and a small smile appears on her features. She nods her head still smiling and then tries again " _Can we talk, Clarke?_ "

The blonde sighs but nods and they go sit around the long since dead fire.

"Are you angry?" Nyx's shifting to English is not lost to Clarke, she did it during their conversation in Astrid's village as well, it's just another way of showing care.

"I'm not angry, Nyx."

"Then why... I know you asked me to let you go but I couldn't. None of us could." the brunette is looking at her, but Clarke's gaze is lost into the darkness.

"Innocent people could have died. You guys could have died", she replies softly.

"I took care of those people, they're as safe as they may."

"Nyx..."

"Not everyone will betray you, Clarke." Nyx speaks softly, but firmly and Clarke can't come up with an answer. She wishes Nyx is right.

They are silent after that. Clarke trying not to drown into all the emotions going on inside her, Nyx building up the courage to say the next sentence.

"I did exactly what you asked me to, Clarke." she finally says, looking away while this time it's Clarke who stares at her profile.

"What do you mean?"

Nyx turns to look in her eyes again before whispering, slow and careful, hesitant and soft like a child who doesn't really know if her friend will accept her confession.

" _You are my people_ ".

One sentence and Clarke's world shatters.

Does Nyx even realises how much those words mean to Clarke? She probably does.

Clarke's eyes fill with tears and she can't hold herself together anymore, she crushes into Nyx's arms and finally lets hope burst into her heart. She lets herself believe. She lets herself feel. Her heart is hurting from all the emotion exploding in it, it needs time to readjust to all those feelings again – happy feelings – but Nyx didn't give it time, she sent an earthquake right into Clarke's heart and it can do nothing but surrenders to the joy, the care, the warmth. The layers of sorrow and pain and dull ache suddenly crack and start to fall away as it beats freely again, loud, strong, proud.

And suddenly she understands that maybe, maybe she could have a home again, with these people who may very much be her new people and family.

Faith would love that, Clarke's sure of it.

The pain is not gone, but she doesn't feel its grip so tight around her anymore.

And maybe Clarke will learn how to forgive herself.


	20. Our Princess

**A/N: It's been a year since I started writing this story!**

 **I hope you haven't forgotten the story of Ice...someone's coming ;)**

 **I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.**

 **Also... I'm looking for a beta to go over the story and help me with a few points and to get new ideas, so if you want to help me, contact me on tumblr my username is justawordunsaid** **or on twitter Sara_NobodyO**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Nineteen: Our Princess**

The morning after Malaya takes Nyx and Clarke away from their breakfast to brief them on their journey, more importantly on the last part of it. Apparently Malaya's group has moved faster than Nyx's and they've had a lot of success.

" _We arrived here about a week ago. The people around the capital, the poor ones especially, are more than ready to fight the Queen, so our job was quite easy and it didn't take long. A few days and all the villages around here were on our side, word spreads way faster here where villages are so close to each others, I feared the wrong ears would hear about us too, so I took two guys and went to the capital to check on things while the others went on talking to people and preparing them for what's to come._ "

She takes a break and waits to see if Nyx is angry at her for taking the risk of being found in the capital, but the brunette only seems concerned about what they saw in the city.

" _This war has gone over her head, the Queen is so worked up with her game of death that she probably wouldn't mind us even if we started talking about rebellion right in front of her doors. The defences of the city are low, from what we could understand she has her personal army not far from here, but she expects attacks from the south at most, if none at all, so if we manage to sneak rebels into the towns around here the army won't have time to get to Ice before we get to her._ "

Malaya is not one to look excited, nor is she foolish, she knows that it still won't be easy, though she can't help but feel somehow thrilled. She's wanted this for so long, and they may have finally found an opening to kill the Queen, she can't help the slight rise in her voice, the small spark in her eyes. It's been a long time since Nyx has seen her like that, she had got used to seeing her angry and always alert, but now she can make out some passion back in those green eyes that haven't spoken to her in a long while.

" _Why would the Queen be so stupid though? Why would she lower the defences of the city?_ " Clarke has to ask, because it simply looks too easy.

Nyx turns slowly towards her, her eyes starting to light up like Malaya's. " _Because, no matter how strong she thinks she is, that is exactly her weakness. She intends on leading the army, she always does in war, but she won't join her warriors until the last moment, because she wants to give the impression of being above all of this, she wants everyone to see that she's not afraid, she's not scared, she doesn't need an army to protect her. Her pride and arrogance will be her downfall, as they've been her_ _rise_ _to power._ "

" _Nyx is right. She got the power thanks to her cruelty, her arrogance and pride, she imposed herself and offered the same to those who would follow her. But she's overconfident and a fool in her useless display of power now. She's going_ _to_ _war against the south clans, against her_ _long time_ _enemy, the Trikru, and she's certain to win. She's not wrong in thinking that she can win this war, but she's a fool for not making sure she gets to start it. The Ice Nation is well protected from all sides by our allies, that's why she doesn't deem necessary to defend the city in time of war. She probably plans to have the other clans keep her enemies at bay, occupied, and them march with her white army, like the unforgiving ice-storm that kills everything that survived._ "

" _But if the wind doesn't rise to lead the storm..._ " Nyx grins for the first time after Clarke's capture.

" _If we kill her while she's still in the capital we free our people and we stop a war. It could mean peace with the other clans, even if Ice is the clan that started this._ " Malaya finishes for her.

It still doesn't sit right with Clarke, but she trusts both girls enough to follow through with whatever plan they're about to come up with. The two brunette rebels are both smiling by now, Nyx grinning widely, Malaya only barely showing her own grin. Clarke feels a sudden burst of confidence at witnessing the hope in their eyes and she smiles along with her new friends.

They discuss some more, Malaya reporting that the Queen still has her personal guards and soldiers are still walking around the city, but she also reports that they seem far more interested in tormenting the population than keeping order or safety in the streets. Nyx is already formulating a plan, Malaya's mind is working on a strategy and Clarke's finding ways to deal with possible gone-wrong situations.

The next day they leave Lidia, a girl from Malaya's group, and Zakay in the near village so that they can lead the rebels and receive any message they could need to send from Cristallo, all the while also keeping an eye on what's going on in the capital; and then they head back to Cristallo.

... ... ...

They don't get as far as Cristallo, because they learn on the way that the people from Cristallo had to move in order to avoid the troupes of soldiers headed to the border to the Trikru. They're only told that the rebels moved to Sorgente.

The last days of the journey are heavy with worry for the family and friends they left behind. Hopefully Chayim and the others managed to handle the situation and warned all the villages in time, hopefully Cristallo heard about the soldiers in time to evacuate, but the unknown is always in the back of their mind, suggesting the worst scenarios, whispering horrors behind their eyes.

Clarke feels sick wondering about Aeryn and Mawiyah, about the young rebels who stayed behind, about Asher and Ianthe, about the children she drew a lifetime ago. A lifetime she isn't ready to give up. She feels Nyx stiff and cold at her side, she sees the disruptive storm barely contained in her eyes and the worry floating behind it. She knows that if any of their friends is hurt, the Queen is going to pay for it.

* * *

They're going to get her back, they have to. It's not too late, it can't be. She can't lose her daughter...again. Abby only wants to take one of the cars they found and drive right into the Ice Nation's capital, but of course it would be foolish and accomplish nothing. But walking with her guards and Lexa's warriors all around her, slowly proceeding and having to stop when the dark falls, set up tents and rest for the night, is driving her crazy. All she wants is for Clarke to be safely in her arms, but her best chance at getting her back alive and in one piece is Lexa, so she steels herself and goes on, keeping Indra's pace.

She failed Clarke before even coming down to the ground, she failed her when she got Jake executed, she failed her on the ground, she failed her when she got captured by the Mountain Men and left it all to Clarke to save everyone, she failed her when she let her go. She was so preoccupied with everyone else's wounds that she didn't pay attention to her daughter's far deeper ones.

Of course Clarke was torn inside, haunted by what she had done. As a mother, she should have been there for her, search harder, she should have been able to find her and bring her home, make her feel safe and cared for. But she didn't, she only moves now, after _Lexa_ found out that Clarke is danger, after _Lexa_ moved to save her, after _Lexa_ offered to save Clarke, with or without their help. Only then, only now she moves, after the woman who betrayed her people and left her daughter to die makes the first move.

Abby feels awful, but she's more than determined to find her daughter and bring her home safely, it doesn't matter how many men of the Queen she has to kill, she'll do it gladly, she'll shoot them right between their eyes, no matter how much blood she gets on her hands, she will take it all to find her Clarke.

The day before leaving to meet with the grounder's small army, she cried all the tears she had, now her eyes are dry, her jaw set and her hands close to her guns.

She casts a glance in Lexa's direction but can only see flashes of her red as the grounder leader moves ahead with her warriors, marching among them and keeping herself near the front, as if she were continuously struggling not to run forward, not to mount her horse and gallop to Clarke. She doesn't look as calm and composed as when she was getting ready to attack Mount Weather, but she looks ever more determinate and there's death in her eyes that longs to hit its targets. Abby doesn't think that, despite everything, she's ever seen the Commander look so fierce and dangerous. But she doesn't let herself wonder too much about it, she dismisses it as the furor of war.

... ... ...

Bellamy is marching silently keeping an eye on his sister, walking ahead of him at Lincoln's side, not quite mixed with the grounders but still detached from the skaikru's guards. His mind keeps screaming, but he turns it all off and concentrate on the present task, finding Clarke and maybe killing the Queen while they're at it.

He's not ready to drown in his grief and regrets, so he keeps busy throwing distrustful looks at the grounders, but at the same time he distances himself from his own people not wanting to engage anyone in conversation. He stares at his sister, clearly displeased with her attempt at fitting in with the trikru's warriors, even if not as much as before. He wonders if Lincoln isn't uncomfortable being with people who consider him a traitor, if it were Bellamy he surely would be, given that he has to fight at their side. He already doesn't trust them to have his back, so he doesn't get why Lincoln would follow Octavia among the grounders' lines. But then, it is Octavia, so there's the answer itself.

He tortures himself with doubts, just to keep his mind from wandering to thoughts of Clarke. What if the grounders just lured them out there to kill them? They took a lot of guards from Arkadia, not enough to leave it defenceless, but still many. What if the actual army of the trikru is now attacking Arkadia while they'll have to fight this smaller one? They are outnumbered and not on the best battlefield in the forest, the grounders could kill them all. And with this mistrust in mind he keeps glancing venomously at the warriors marching ahead of them to distract himself from the pain and hurt that awaits for him in his head.

He concentrates on his hate for Lexa and her people to chase away images of Clarke being tortured, of Clarke caged in the Queen's prisons, of the Queen killing her. He needs to save his Princess.

... ... ...

Indra is aware of Octavia marching behind her, just far enough not to make it look like she's actually following the general, just close enough so that the trikru warrior knows perfectly that she's there. Every once in a while she starts to think about the girl who had been so promising before... and every time she does that she shakes herself out of it and focuses on her Commander instead.

Lexa has been unstoppable, she hasn't allowed any of her generals to change her mind, question or oppose her, she just demanded that her orders were obeyed. She left Avah in command of the army and to decide the strategy of the defence, and Eamon and Tansee to handle the capital and the other clans' leaders and delegates. She was calm and controlled when she explained the plan to the other generals, she made it look all about winning the war and killing the Queen, she made it clear that they needed to do this if they wanted to have the skaikru's help and she didn't let anyone argue when she declared she would have been going to Ice leading the small army. Every single one of the generals protested, but she didn't pay them any attention, only demanding obedience. Indra doesn't think she has ever seen her like that before. Which is why she's a lot worried.

It seems to her that the Commander would do anything for Clarke and Indra can't see any way that this could end well. She just hopes she can limit the damages.

... ... ...

Lexa is breathing fire with every intake of breath, it burns her lungs and sets her soul in flames. Only one thought in her clear mind. _Clarke._

* * *

When they finally arrive in Sorgente they immediately ask for their friends.

They are led to where the rebels are training and they find Liri sparring with a young girl they've never seen before. They assume she's one of the rebels of Sorgente, but then Liri introduces her.

" _This is Kyra._ "

Liri slowly looks Nyx, Malaya and Wit in the eyes.

" _This is the Princess._ "


	21. Lost girl

**A/N: Kyra's story! [bonus: I kinda imagine Kyra to look more or less like Princess Yue from The Last Airbender]**

 **I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.**

 **Also... I'm looking for a beta to go over the story and help me with a few points and to get new ideas, so if you want to help me, contact me on tumblr my username is justawordunsaid** **or on twitter Sara_NobodyO**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty: Lost girl**

They reach Sorgente about ten days later and are immediately greeted by the people, a rebel from Cristallo recognises them and they all rush to him to ask where the others are.

The village is big, quite bigger than Cristallo, but still isolated and away from the path of the soldiers, there are more huts and ruins of the old world buildings than in Cristallo where Clarke only saw few remains of what must have belonged to the world before the bombs. The people are kind and friendly, excited to see the ones they were told are the leaders, the ones who started all of this, they keep asking Nyx, Malaya and Wit questions, and they're eager to talk to Clarke.

But the group only promises to talk later and asks to see their friends first. The boy from Cristallo then leads them through streets and small passages between ruins until they come to a stop in front of an old building that still stands. The building is huge and the boy tells them it extends under ground with some kind of very large basement they've arranged as their safe place. It's hidden, there are lots of escape ways all starting from the basement and the rooms of the building overground are vast enough to offer many sparring places. They're training the young rebels of Sorgente and they're sleeping in the basement where they also keep their belongings so that they can either hide them in some of the bunkers communicating with the underground rooms or easily pick them up for a quick escape.

He then proceeds to explain the whole structure of the building, that communicates with other underground bunkers and must have been used as a safe building during some old war because the rooms are all huge and look like they could have been used as storage rooms for the village. But the group of friends is not really interested in the history of the building or all its uses right now.

" _Just take us to the others already_ " Mahol says breaking the boy out of his reverie. He nods quickly and hurries to the back of the building, informing them that the main doors are far harder to open because time ruined them and they could just collapse, so the rebels had to reinforce them and it's not really a quick job to open them now.

He gets them in from a small door on the back and they are greeted by many known faces, everyone happy to see them. Nyx immediately asks to be briefed on who's here and learns that Chayim and the rest of his group got there right after the rebels of Cristallo, he's the one who organized the whole building to put it to good use, he started the training of the ones in the village who wanted to fight and he sent the ones who couldn't fight to the safe camp where are settled all the people from Cristallo who couldn't fight either. Liri arrived with her group just a couple of days before Nyx and the others, she had other rebels with her and just told them to settle in the buildings with the others. It's a surprise that they all fit in the basement, even with the rebels from Sorgente staying in their own houses. Many suggested the new rebels could just settle in some of the houses of the people who left, but Liri had wanted them all in the building, saying she intended on training them hard.

Wit asks to see Chayim and a young girl takes them to him. The boy is training some young ones in a big room left to the hall they first found themselves in. He greets them with joy and goes to hug Clarke fiercely telling her he's happy she's alright. She hugs him back and lets the warmth of his words sink in for a moment. When he eventually lets go of her, he offers a big smile and tells her he was sure the others would have brought her back safe. Clarke smiles back and replies she's glad they did, because they seem to have a lot of work to do here. He then laughs and turns just in time to receive Wit's bear hug that almost knocks him out of balance. The two boys take some time greeting each other getting back on track with their usual playful bickering and then Chayim turns to Nyx.

" _Liri wants to see you. Well, all four of you_." he states seriously looking at Malaya, Wit and Clarke as well. " _She has some hell of a surprise._ "

He points them in the right direction and tackles Faith under his arm starting to ask her questions about how they saved Clarke. She's all too happy to answer and lets him lead her away toward the other rebels.

When they enter the smaller room Chayim pointed them to they are surprised to find it empty except for Liri sparring with a young girl. They immediately stop when the four friends walk in through the door. Liri nods at them, while the girl simply stares with dark deep blue eyes. Her posture is not the one of a warrior, more that of a wild fighter, her greyish white hair are messy and her clothes dirty, her eyes though are regal and fierce.

" _Welcome back._ " Liri says with a small warm smile.

They all smile at her, but before any of them can say anything, she turns serious and introduces the girl.

" _This is Kyra._ "

Liri slowly stares each one of them in the eyes, her look lingering shortly only on Clarke, but she offers the blonde a nod as further greeting, as to say she's glad to see her alive and well before her eyes settle back on Nyx making the girl almost nervous in anticipation.

" _This is the Princess._ "

For a few moments all they can do is stare first at Liri then at Kyra in disbelief. Wit opens his mouth to speak first but has to close it again and swallow because no words are coming out. Clarke senses more than sees, because she's still looking at the white haired girl like everyone else, Nyx suck in a short breath and go to speak, but Malaya beats her to it.

" _How can you be sure?_ " her voice is probably steadier than any of the others' would have been.

" _I recognise her. Hiel recognised her. He was sure._ "

The answer is simple and means close to nothing to Clarke, but it seems to matter a great deal to the others. Wit gasps softly, Malaya is oddly speechless and Nyx only whispers gently " _We always believed she was dead._ "

Liri smiles kindly then, " _She's not. She's been hiding all this time._ "

So this Hiel's opinion confirms that Kyra is in fact the Princess of Ice, Clarke will have to ask about him later, for now she's busy staring at the girl who still hasn't uttered a word.

Silence stretches for a long moment before Malaya finds her voice again, as always faster than anyone else. " _She's still the daughter of the Queen. Why did you bring her here?_ " though she fails to sound angry, surprise still dominating her tone.

Finally the girl speaks and Clarke is left speechless once again, Kyra's voice sounds like water spilling from rocks and there's a strength hidden somewhere in it that could equal that of a waterfall.

" _You thought I died because I escaped from my mother. I hid because I didn't know what to do to help my people, my mentor was supposed to help me, but he died making me escape. Though it looks like my people don't need my help against the Queen, you're already rising and fighting for yourself, and I only wish to aid you how I can._ " the words are controlled, forced almost, as if the girl isn't really used to speaking in that composed way.

" _That doesn't..._ " Malaya is about to retort, but Nyx cuts her sentence short.

" _Tell us your story._ " she only says.

The girl seems to both tense and relax at the same time, unsure about how she should feel about this. Then she shrugs and drop her forced composure to drop on the floor sitting down with her legs cross.

" _Alright_ _then, you might as well get comfortable._ " the voice still sounds like water, but it's more natural as the blue eyes darken even more while the girl thinks back to her past.

Clarke is the first to move and sit near Kyra, sitting half in front of her half at her side not to make her feel like she's under interrogation. But Malaya takes care of that and sits right in front of the girl, facing her with a look torn between distrust, disbelief, surprise and almost hope. Wit flips down on the other side and tries to give Kyra a friendly smile, but comes out more of an apologetic grimace. Nyx takes her place between Malaya and Clarke, and eventually Liri sits down between Wit and Kyra, near the girl's side as to reassure her somehow.

Kyra takes a deep breath and looks up at Liri who gives her a nod and a gentle " _Go on, tell them_ ".

The girl nods back and turns her eyes on Malaya, then quickly changes her mind and looks at Wit in search of a more friendly face.

" _The Queen named me after her lover who died murdering King Kyr. I was given the name of Michela, and that's how our people have always known me._ "

Clarke saw recognition in the eyes of her friends, and understands that the name sounded right in their ears.

" _I hated it. I hated him. So when I escaped I changed it and chose Kyra in my uncle's honor. By the time someone found me starving in the woods it wasn't really easy to recognise me, I was just a dirty beaten, hungry kid. The people living near the capital could have maybe wondered if I were the princess, but I went far from that place and when they found me I was already in the central lands of Ice, no one even thought that I could be the daughter the Queen was looking for. Just like that, I disappeared._

" _Since I was a child the Queen has wished for me to become like my sister, cruel, heartless, ruthless, arrogant, strong. But she gave me the wrong mentor. Tehav was loyal to King Kyr, but he stood by the Queen in order to survive._ " the girl pauses and chuckles sadly, her eyes holding regret, " _I yelled at him for it once. I told him he was just another traitor, a coward who wouldn't risk his life to stand up for his people and his dead King. I was so wrong, I regret telling him those things, but he understood, he was even proud of me for thinking that, he told me that I was right, that he didn't even deserve our people's forgiveness, but that he had a way to make it right now, teaching me, growing me in my uncle's ideals. I found out later that he stood by the Queen to save his family, I found out later that the only reason he didn't oppose her directly was his young child. His wife was as ready as he was to die for our people, but they couldn't give up their child's life. I felt so horrible for yelling at him then, for calling him a traitor, but he forgave me._ " thin tears are leaving the girl's blue eyes, but she wipes them away and goes to apologise.

" _I'm sorry, I'm not getting caught in the moment, I'm just trying to make you understand what kind of man he was because I need to tell you what he did._ "

Clarke reaches out to reassured the young girl but stops before touching her, hesitant. Wit offers a real smile this time and Nyx's eyes soften assuring the girl that she can take her time and say anything she needs to. Kyra looks at Nyx and then reaches out to take Clarke's offered hand, smiling gently at all three of them. Malaya's look is still halfway between surprised and wary but she gives a gentle nod to signal the girl to go on without worrying.

" _When I turned ten he let me in in what he and his wife were doing. There are still people loyal to Kyr among the Queen's court and some of them try to help the population as they can, sometimes they send food and supplies to those villages the soldiers have razed, sometimes they offer help to the poor people around the capital who can't afford seeing a healer. They have to be careful though and almost no one knows about them. Tehav and his wife were sort of coordinators of this thing. He did anything to be my teacher, in the hope that he could rise a princess different than the other one, a princess that would restore Kyr's kingdom and his fair ruling. And though I've never wanted to be princess, I learned for him, I learned so that one day I could maybe help my people. That day never came, I still don't want to be a princess and I have no idea how to take on my mother. But you can._ "

She pauses again and seems to gets her thoughts in order before going on.

" _By the time I turned twelve I couldn't take it anymore, I hated my mother, I hated my sister, I hated the way people looked at me, I hated the way I had to act around people when I was with my mother, I hated that I couldn't just yell 'I'm not like her! Stop hating me, I'm with you'. I wanted a way out, I was desperate to leave the capital, leave the Queen and her awful court. So he helped me. He still didn't think I was ready, so he planned on coming with me, he planned everything perfectly, he said he would have taken me to a safe place where someday I would have found the help I needed to save Ice. But nothing went according to plans._

" _He helped me escape but we were found. So he fought the guards while I ran before they could recognise me, he was captured and taken to the Queen. She probably questioned him and from what little I know he let her think he had tried to kidnap me to kill me, he didn't tell her anything. The Queen killed him and his whole family and believed me to be dead._ "

The next time she takes a break Wit's eyes are a bit shiny and Clarke's hand squeezing the girl's one.

" _I ran and survived in the forest for a while. I don't know how, the Queen had me trained so I guess that helped, but it was mostly luck, I had no idea where to go, but I knew I had to get away from the capital to I travelled south. Weeks or maybe months later, I still can't recall that period very well, some hunters from_ Fiume _found me hiding in the trees. The woman who first saw me then took me to an old couple who could take care of me. They fed me and restored me back to health, I've lived in that village for years, I've learned how to make small weapons with the smith of the village, sometimes I joined the hunters to bring home dinner, they taught me how to cook, how to heal, with them I learned the ways of our people, the way we live. I eventually settled as an helper of the healer, I love being able to cure people, to heal them as they have done with me. When I heard about my sister's death I didn't feel sorrow, regret, pain, I didn't miss her, I didn't grieve for her, I had a new life and I was happy to live it far from the people I grew up with._

" _Then the soldiers came and destroyed everything. They killed the people I'd learned to consider family and most of the habitants of the village. Some of us tried to fight back, but the woman who found me made me escape, she was the only one I've ever revealed my true identity to, and she said I was too important. She took me to another village, we stayed there for months before we heard about rebels in the Ice Nation. They were just whispered words, uttered quickly in the dark hours of the night, away from anyone who could be loyal to the Queen, but we heard them anyway. She wanted to join you so we set off to find you. We travelled from village to village, but no one would tell us where you came from, finally someone suggested we looked for you in_ Cristallo _so that's where we headed. We weren't far when we stopped the night at a village just a few days from yours. The soldiers came in the night, everyone was going to evacuate in the morning, believing they still had time, but the Queen's men took the village by surprise. She died fighting them and I joined a group of survivors._ "

Nyx's jaw was clenched hard and Clarke gently lays her free hand on the brunette's thigh. She looks over at Clarke and gives a small nod to assure her she's okay. Kyra doesn't miss the exchange and explains better what happened.

" _While I travelled with the survivors from the village I heard that someone blamed their own people for wanting to leave in the morning. They had been warned by a messenger that the soldiers were on their way to the border and they would have probably passed through their village, the messenger was a rebel from another village and prompted them to move as soon as possible. They decided to wait 'till the next day so that they could be prepared to leave, even if the hunters and the healer had been against it._ "

Nyx takes a breath to relax herself, she feels better knowing that it wasn't their fault for being late, though it doesn't erase the fact that so many people died.

Kyra looks at her and offers a shy " _I'm sorry_ " before Liri reassures her and tells her to go on. The girl glances one last apologetic look at Nyx before resuming her story.

" _When we arrived in_ Cristallo _they were getting ready to leave. Upon seeing us and hearing our story they decided to take us with them to a safe camp, we were to leave shortly. Old people were going to stay in the village, so as to offer some kind of cover in case the soldiers became suspicious and tried to demand explanations. That's when one of them recognised me. He was sitting on a chair in the street and painting, I had approached him to see what he was painting and recognised the landscape around the capital. I grew up with that sight and gasped when I saw it so amazingly reproduced on a sheet. That drew his attention and he asked me who I was, I didn't tell him about my origins, but he recognised me anyway. At first he didn't seem sure, he looked confused and eventually I confirmed his suspicious after hearing his own story. When I told him I was the princess he wasn't even surprised, he only looked relieved and happy to know I was alive. He sent someone to find a rebel, Ethan, and told him to take me to Liri, he told him who I was, but he told him not to say anything until he brought me to Liri._

" _Ethan did just that and when we left he kept me near and helped me fit in with the other rebels, he told me how it all began, and how some girl from another land came and made them see that it was time to rise against the Queen. He was still vague, not sure about how much I should have known, given that I'm the daughter of the Queen, Liri is the one who told me everything when we met here, days later._ "

When the last of the girl's words stops echoing in the room silence envelops them and no one dares to break it. Clarke is still holding Kyra's hand and she's moved by the story, although Wit is the only one with almost watery eyes. Nyx is staring intently at the girl, not able to formulate a coherent sentence just yet and Malaya looks thoughtful more than usual. Liri gives them the time they need to absorb the story and only gives Kyra a nod to let her know that she did fine, the girl looks a bit shy now but she raise her chin a bit at Liri's reassuring gesture.

" _I know you probably don't believe m..._ " she hesitantly says after long minutes of silence.

" _We believed her, why shouldn't we believe you?_ " surprisingly the sentence comes from Malaya, who glances a look at Clarke and for maybe the first time the blonde doesn't feel like the rebel is judging her or hating her, there might even be some kindness in it.

Since the words are not really meant as a question, Kyra just gives a grateful little smile and goes back waiting for some sort of reaction.

More minutes stretch out before the silence is broken again.

" _This is getting awkward._ " Wit talks for the first time, trying to lighten the atmosphere.


	22. Last celebration

**A/N: Another early update 'cause tomorrow I can't post anything as my friends are dragging me out to the gay pride... Enjoy this one and don't get too used at me updating weekily :P**

 **I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.**

 **Also... I'm looking for a beta to go over the story and help me with a few points and to get new ideas, so if you want to help me, contact me on tumblr my username is justawordunsaid** **or on twitter Sara_NobodyO**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty-One: Last celebrations**

" _This is getting awkward._ "

Wit's attempt at cheer them up with his light tone seems to work a bit when Kyra lets out a quiet laugh.

Nyx stands then and offers Kyra a hand to help her get up. She stares at her without letting go of her hand before giving a small smile and saying " _Welcome, Kyra._ "

She doesn't call her princess and Kyra looks relieved and grateful. She nods her head and mutters a " _Thank you_ " before Wit is cracking a joke about the rebels and Nyx turns to Liri just as Malaya inquires " _Who else knows?_ " looking at the older woman.

" _Chayim, Raoul and Goral and of course Ethan already knew. We haven't told Danae because we didn't want everybody to know._ "

" _And she would have talked, yep._ " Wit concludes.

" _Yeah. So, basically everyone we decided to have in charge, except for her, Meike and Adam._ " Liri confirms.

" _Why not Meike and Adam?_ "

Liri shrugs " _I haven't really got the chance and there's no immediate need for them to know anyway. We can decide if telling them or not._ "

" _What about the rebels from this village? Do they have someone to lead them?_ " Nyx asks.

" _Yes, a girl named Vera and a man called Euler._ " Then she adds before they can ask " _They don't know._ "

" _Are we planning on telling all the others?_ " Wit insists.

His question is met with silence as all women seem to be thinking about it.

" _I don't think it would be wise._ " eventually Malaya says out loud what everyone is thinking. " _A lot of people would hate her simply for being the Queen's daughter and there's no time to retell the story to every soul who joins us._ "

Nyx seems to consider it a bit longer but she then sighs and agrees with her friend. " _We can tell them when all of this is over._ "

Clarke keeps silent while they decide, but she agrees with Malaya, they don't know how everyone could react so it's best to keep it hidden for now.

"Okay _, I guess you're right._ "

Nyx is about to suggest they go eat something, since they still haven't eaten anything since that morning and the sun is almost setting, when Liri remembers something.

" _Oh, Asher knows too. He was taking a look at some minor wounds Kyra got fighting the soldiers and he saw the royal tattoo. He won't say anything though, we all know that. And Aeryn knows as well._ "

Clarke suddenly jumps up from where she was still sitting on the floor. " _Where is Aeryn? Is she here?_ " she asks a bit too eagerly.

Wit chuckles at her enthusiasm and Nyx shakes her head amused. Liri only smiles at her and says the girl must be somewhere in the kitchens probably helping cooking some food for dinner. Clarke almost springs to the door before restraining herself and asking " _Wait, why is she here? Shouldn't she be with Mawiyah at the safe camp?_ "

It's Liri's turn to chuckle. " _Mawiyah is indeed at the sfe camp, but there's no way to keep Aeryn away from this fight. She may accept to stay behind when the actual battle takes place, but I bet she'll come with us all the way to Ice and I doubt any of us could deter her._ "

Clarke smiles too then, of course Aeryn would want to come with them. The blonde tells them she'll see them later and goes find the azgeda girl who first welcomed her in her house. Behind her Wit whispers something she can't make out from the door, but she doesn't turn to ask.

Aeryn has just come out of the kitchens when Clarke finally finds her.

When she sees Clarke she's about to say something before she seems to catch herself and whispers "Clarke", she smiles widely at the blonde and Clarke can't help but smile back.

" _Hey_ " Clarke realises she doesn't know what to say and she kicks herself for being so eager to see her without preparing, suddenly the kiss comes back to her and she's stuck there unable to move.

But as soon as her worries start to take over her mind, she feels Aeryn's arms around her, the girl very much throws herself at Clarke and the blonde almost loses balance for a moment. When she steadies herself she hugs Aeryn back and relaxes in the girl's embrace.

" _I got your crystal_ " is what Clarke eventually whispers into Aeryn's hair.

The girl chuckles without breaking the hug and talks against Clarke's shoulder, " _You're back safe. When Chayim told us you were captured..._ " Aeryn trails off. " _But you're fine. I'm so glad you are_ ".

Clarke holds her tighter before letting go, she strokes her cheek and smiles again, " _Nyx and the others were right on time_ " she promises.

Aeryn nods, relieved, and then goes to ask something more. " _Were you badly hurt? Did they..._ "

" _No. I'm fine, they didn't get to do anything too bad. Don't worry._ " Clarke just puts her hands on the girl's arms to reassure her that she's there and she's okay. Aeryn nods again and then shakes her head before changing topic.

" _You should eat something. Dinner is ready, let's go, come on._ " she tugs Clarke along and leads the way to a huge room with so many tables that Clarke doesn't even try to count them, at each table there are group of twenty rebels or so, eating and chatting friendly.

Clarke thought Aeryn would have wanted to talk, but the girl seems just fine with them eating together with the others. They reach the table where Rokh is stuffing his stomach with every kind of food on the board and sit down trying to ignore the bear man eating as if it were the first after months. Aeryn scoffs at him quietly as she sits between Clarke and him.

From across the table Faith greets them enthusiastically and Chayim gives a short waves of his hand before going back to the food and gesturing them how good it is. Wit leans over Clarke and addresses Aeryn with a dopey smile " _If you had any part in this, just know that you're officially my favourite person._ "

Aeryn chuckles and shakes her head as Chayim's grumbling voice is heard from Faith's side " _I thought I were your favourite person._ "

Wit laughs out loud and Chayim grumbles again " _Traitor._ "

Faith pats him on the back and offers him another steak that keeps him busy for the following minutes as Nyx joins the conversation.

" _Well, it surely is wonderful to eat something properly cooked after the quickly prepared meals Rokh made us. Not that he's a bad cook, of course..._ " she trails off as she savours another piece of meat and lets out a playful moan that earns her a glare from Rokh.

Malaya is shaking her head amused at Nyx's side, but she eats in silence, until Wit provokes her and of course she has a _witty_ come back for him.

Clarke watches them, sometime speaking up when Chayim or Faith call her in, but mostly she just enjoys seeing them having fun, joking, playing pranks on each others and doing their best to annoy Malaya and Liri. They look happy, they look free, they don't look like people who are about to go to war. Or maybe they look exactly like people who are about to fight for their freedom and, knowing they could very much die soon, are making the most of the time they still have. At Liri's side, Kyra is silently watching too and Clarke wonders what she might be thinking, the girl's eyes let out nothing but a depth Clarke still can't decipher. The girl smiles at her and Clarke returns it, a bright smile she hasn't felt on her lips in a long time, but here she is with these people who bring the light back into her, who are ready to fight at each other's side, at her side.

At dinner that night she also gets to know Adam, Danae, Raoul and Ethan. They helped leading the rebels, Ethan and Adam brought them to Sorgente, Danae and Raoul had left with their own groups and came back with new people to join their fight. Ethan is a man in his thirties, he has a well shaped, strong body, messy short hair and a warm smile, he seems friendly and funny and playfully acts like a father scolding his children when Wit and Chayim start bickering at the table. Danae is a young woman about the same age, her blond hair falls on her back uncared for, her matt eyes make Clarke slightly uncomfortable as the woman seems a bit of a nosey person, though Faith says she's a great fighter, she's always talking and chatting with people around her and seems one of those people who would be comfortable in any environment. Adam is a sweet guy everyone seem to love, he's friendly and kind, and if Clarke didn't know any better she could easily imagine him being one of those boys in the books from the old world who were popular in school and always had everybody's attention. Raoul instead looks a lot shyer, even though Adam tries to make him join every conversation he prefers silence and only answers with a smile and little words, his hair sometimes falls in front of his eyes and the green in them almost disappears behind brown curls, but when they're uncovered by strands of hair they look deep and wise, calm and ancient like the forest, Clarke thinks she likes him better than the others she has just met, except maybe for Ethan, she really likes the man too.

Rokh and Goral are joking and laughing loudly when Liri interrupts their fun and says she'll have to steal of some them, she looks oddly serious, Clarke catches sight of Kyra already standing behind her and thinks she has an idea what the seriousness is about.

Liri nearly drags Goral, Chayim and Aeryn out of the doors, Nyx, Malaya, Clarke, Wit, Ethan and Raoul following behind, chuckling at the sight of their three friends being hauled out of the room. Kyra waits for them in the hallway and then Ethan takes the lead and takes them to the underground part of the building.

They see big and small rooms, all filled with beds, sometimes they see bunk beds that are obviously of the old world, sometimes makeshift bunk beds. They stop before seeing the whole extent of those rooms but they notice many doors leading to other spaces like the one they're in and they can only try to imagine all the beds necessary to accommodate all the rebels who have settled in the building.

They pass through one of the doors and immediately come to an halt in front of a closed door. Liri opens it gently, the door, ruined by time, makes a screeching noise and the woman lets them in. The room is small but still hosts three old bunk beds, one on every side of it, there's not much more other than the beds, only bags under the beds ready to be picked up in case they needed to run.

Liri sits on one of the beds and gestures for the others to do the same. Wit and Chayim jump on one of the top bunks while Raoul and Nyx quietly sit opposite to Liri, Ethan and Malaya settle down next to the woman, leaving Goral to sit on the bed under Wit and Chayim's bunk, smacking at their legs playfully dangling from above. Aeryn simply drops down on the floor and Clarke follows her example, after a moment Kyra sighs and does the same.

" _Remember that I told you Tehav, my mentor, wanted to take me somewhere he said I would have found help?_ " everyone in the room nods at the girl's words. " _I think I have an idea about where that is. Liri thinks I might be right._ "

They just wait for her to go on, but is Liri who talks next. " _The Moon Clan_ ".

" _The Moon Clan?_ " Chayim exclaims.

" _But... The Moon Clan allies with the Queen!_ " Goral protests.

Nyx is silent, waiting for wither Liri or Kyra to explain further, Ethan looks thoughtful and Clarke is confused.

" _The Moon Clan is an ally to the Ice Nation_ ", it's all Liri gives them for some long moments filled with other protests.

" _You suggest we ask someone, who has allied with the Queen all this time, for help?_ " Raoul remains calm but he looks a bit confused.

" _You think they would aid us just to get rid of the Queen? Could be. But if they don't like her why should they trust her daughter?_ " Wit joins in.

" _If they indeed don't like her, why being her allies all this time? The Moon Clan is powerful, the azgeda army may be stronger, but the Queen couldn't conquer those lands if she tried, no one ever managed to. They're safe, so why remaining allies with her when they could simply cut us out?_ " Chayim reasons.

They go on discussing for a couple of minutes before they are interrupt by the same person who always manages to silence them.

" _Why do you think they would help us?_ " Malaya finally asks.

" _As I said_ ", Liri resumes from where she was stopped, " _the Moon Clan is an ally to our Nation, not to our Queen. I always wondered why they would keep an alliance with her, as you said, Chayim, they could easily cut us out, the Queen couldn't do anything against them, and still they stayed. Why? Apparently Tehav had the answer._ "

Liri turns to Kyra who starts talking again. " _He said the Moon Clan didn't break the alliance for the sake of our people only. He told me that in the past Ice could count on their power to lead our warriors in battle, he told me stories of past glory, but then he said that the Moon Clan doesn't fight at our side anymore, not since the Queen took power. If once we had their support in war, now they only offer protection to our lands, to the capital. Tehav said the deal is that the Moon Clan will protect Ice from possible invasions, but will not aid the Queen in her battles. He was convinced the reason was that they don't support the Queen but the people, they don't stand by the Queen but by the Ice people._ "

" _And if that's true, they could accept to help us take back our Nation._ " Liri finishes for her.

Minutes stretches before someone talks.

" _We can't be sure of it._ " Malaya eventually whispers, as if she didn't really want to say it, as if she wanted to believe and hope, but her rational side won over the optimism.

Slowly, in a careful voice, Aeryn speaks from Clarke's side, " _But we could find out._ "

Nyx looks at Aeryn and weighs their options.

" _Actually, I'm almost sure they will help. Tehav met ambassadors of the Moon Clan during his life and he was sure they would have helped. I trust him, I know they will help._ " Kyra adds before Nyx can say anything. The brunette turns her eyes on her and keeps silent some longer.

" _It is true that the stories talk about how great Ice was in war when the Moon Clan was at our side, and indeed they haven't fought with us since Kyr's death._ " Ethan reasons.

Nyx turns to the woman when Clarke addresses Liri, " _What did you have in mind?_ "

" _We should get her there. A small group of rebels could accompany Kyra to the Moon Clan, they will hear her out. If they agree to help, if they even just offer some minor troupes, the victory would much more likely be ours._ "

Clarke nods, if it is as Kyra and Liri say, they should give it a try. She turns to Nyx to see if she has made up her mind and finds her nodding slowly.

" _We can try._ "

And just like that, with no one protesting any more, a decision is made.

" _Let's hope your mentor was right, then._ " Malaya comments.

Aeryn smiles reassuringly at Kyra and Clarke gives her a nod.

" _Now you should all rest. Some of you have just come back from a long journey, you must be dead tired. We will plan how to move tomorrow._ " Ethan ends the conversation and sends them all to sleep, they bid Liri and Kyra goodnight and walk away, Chayim and Wit head off to their own room and Aeryn shows Nyx and Malaya where they're going to sleep before pulling Clarke toward their room, across the hallway from the other girls.

Inside Clarke is surprised by two short arms locking around her neck enthusiastically.

" _You're alive!_ " a child's voice yells happily in her ear.

" _Astrid!_ " Clarke gasps loudly at realising the little girl is there.

On the other side of the room Faith chuckles softly, joined by Aeryn.

" _Why isn't she at the safe camp?_ " Clarke exclaims after she has hugged the child right back.

" _She was, but she desperately wanted to see you. There's still a small group of people of_ Sorgente _who need to get to the safe camp, she will leave with them as soon as possible._ " Aeryn explains gently.

" _I thought you were dead._ " the child says sheepishly.

Clarke lifts her in her arms again and assures her that she is very much alive, before setting her down and asking if she is okay. The child nods vigorously and spins around to show her that she is unharmed and well. The others laugh at the girl's antics and Clarke ruffles her hair with a wide smile. The child protests and tries to smack Clarke's hand away, but the blonde persists until Aeryn tackles her with Faith's help and they're all battling on a bed. They're laughing and playing, only stopping when Faith lets out a loud groan at bumping her head against the top bunk. They all burst out laughing and Faith pouts until Aeryn strokes her hair as if she were a child and Faith stands up indignantly.

Suddenly it downs on Clarke that they're laughing and playing right before leaving for a civil war and she surprises everyone, herself included, with laughing even harder. Her tummy aches and she can't stop laughing, she has tears in her eyes and she sees Aeryn staring at her with a fond smile. Faith and Astrid are laughing and playfully fighting on the floor now and Clarke reaches over to take Aeryn's hand, the laughter has trailed off and she leans in to whisper, " _Look at us, playing like children right before a war._ "

Aeryn doesn't lose her smile at the mention of war, she only tells Clarke in a hushed tone, as if she were revealing a secret, " _These are Ice people. This is how we are._ "

" _Remember when we were in_ Cristallo _and were having dinner together, and we told you it was a celebration that was once held every week? You asked what it was about._ "

Clarke feels a light being ignited in her at Aeryn's next words.

" _This, Clarke, is what our celebration is about._ "

… … … … …

They decide to send James, Ethan and other five rebels with Kyra to get her safely to the Moon Clan. James is a former commander of King Kyr, he's older than Liri and when they tell him the truth about Kyra they can almost see a flash of recognition in his eyes. Liri found him in a village not far from Sorgente and the two recognised each other, so he immediately joined her and followed her back to the rebels' primary base. Liri is sure Kyra will be safe with him and no one dares contradict her.

They also plan to move in a couple of days, they will march to Ice in separate parties, every group will have a sort of leader who will be in charge of the camp they will set once they reach the lands around Ice. They have the support of the villages all around the capital, but they still need to be careful not to be found out. Wit is confident they can manage, and for once Liri agrees with him.

The two days that follow are busy and tiring, Astrid leaves for the safe camp, Aeryn refuses to and states that they will need as many healers as they can find and she can be useful. Nyx wants to protest, but it's a lost cause so she eventually surrenders to her stubborn friend and just prays she doesn't get killed.

The huge building that served as their base is now a mess of rebels training, rebels preparing, stocking supplies, planning, arguing, sharpening blades...

The day before leaving, Faith demands that they have dinner outside, with fires and drinks. No one is able to refuse her so most of rebels are out in the open space of the old square, drinking, laughing, chatting, saying their goodbyes. The next time they meet will probably be in battle.

Faith is talking in front of the fire, pressed between Clarke and Malaya. They sit all around the fire, the faces Clarke has come to call friends. There are Wit and Chayim, bantering as usual, Malaya, less stoic than usual, Nyx, looking free and with a bright little smile in her lips, Aeryn, smiling widely and drinking beer, Goral and Rokh, spilling each other's drinks while Jivin and Xavier complain about them getting beer everywhere, there is Meike, scowling at them when she looks up from her conversation with Raoul, and Faith, of course, who won't stop trying to annoy Liri and Malaya. Ethan and Kyra are sitting with them as well and Clarke can see Adam and Danae not far from them.

Faith leans in to whisper something when she sees the blonde looking over at the two rebels. "Yep _,_ " she popped out the "p", " _they're a couple. An awful one, if you ask me._ "

" _What? Why?_ " Clarke questions chuckling.

" _Well_ " Faith slurs purposefully, then stops and thinks for a moment, " _Well, I guess they make a good pair, but I hate them both, so they are an awful couple, 'cause they're both awful, you know?_ "

Clarke laughs and the girl just shrugs and resume trying to get Liri's attention, before getting up and winking down at Clarke.

" _I'm going to see if that girl down there wants some more beer and some better fun than that bear of a man sitting with her_ ", she points to a young brunette sitting at a fire near who is laughing awkwardly at the man's joke, she takes a step forward and says " _Wish me luck_ " before trotting off in the brunette's direction.

Clarke shakes her head and lets out an amused " _Good luck_ ". Then she turns her attention back to Aeryn and Nyx, who are telling funny stories from each other's childhood.

Later that night Clarke finds herself staring at the fire, Aeryn barely awake at her side, Kyra nursing only the second beer near them, Xavier and Goral the only others still sitting there. Nyx was drag into a drunk sparring fight by Wit and Chayim, Malaya joining when one of the boys had hit her on the back of her head with an empty jug. Luckily it's a bare hands fight with only random objects as weapons. Clarke glances at them sometimes and laughs when Wit cowers from a charging Nyx, hiding behind Chayim.

At some point Faith flops down beside her, grin on her face, a nasty light in her eyes.

" _Gossip time!_ " she exclaims, clearly tipsy, if not drunk.

Clarke shakes her head, " _Nope, don't think I need that_ ".

" _You don't._ " grumbles Aeryn at her side, Clarke glancing her a grateful smile.

She tries to shuffle away from Faith's hand as the girl leans in with an evil smirk on her face. " _So. Let's start with something easy. You know Raoul, right?_ "

Clarke doesn't even deign to give her a nod.

" _Yup, you do. He has a huge crush on Meike. Remember Meike, huh? And she. Has a huge crush on him._ _Fun fact_ _? Everyone knows, except them._ "

Clarke sighs, defeated.

" _Aaand, what do you think about Wit and Chayim?_ " she waits expectantly for Clarke to say something, but doesn't seem bothered when the blonde stays silent. " _We've been betting on them since forever! I mean, I say they are together. Only few people say they're not. So our bets are mostly on when they'll come out as a couple._ " Then she seems to think hard about something and she leans in some more, Clarke can smell the alcohol in her breath. " _I think_ ", she slurs, " _that those two have threesomes with Xavier a lot of times!_ " she babbles out the last part very quickly before jumping up and running with Xavier hot on her heels.

" _I mean, I think you three would be SO cute together!_ " Clarke hears her yelling still trying to outrun the boy.

Goral laughs, stil sitting opposite to Clarke in front of the fire, " _Yeah, I can see them banging_ ". He groans when Chayim hits him with a mug still half full of beer.

Soon after Faith is at her side again. " _Okay so, first thing everyone knows: Liri and Ethan should be together. Second thing: Raoul and Meike are idiots and should get together. Third thing, well, it's not really something we know, it's more of a question: what is Malaya?_ "

Clarke scrunches up her face. " _What? Seriously, 'what'?_ "

Faith ignores her. " _Asexual? Or maybe she likes both males and females? I can't imagine her with a male, I can only imagine her hurting a male._ " she appears to be talking to herself now, " _But, I could totally see her with a woman! I mean, not in a romantic relationship or anything, just...well, having sex._ " And then she lights up again, " _Some people think she sleeps with Nyx!_ "

Now Clarke makes a disgusted face. Aeryn suddenly sits upright laughing hard, " _Nyx and Malaya? Seriously? Nyx?_ " she's laughing so hard she gets tears in her eyes. " _As far as I know, and I should know a lot, Nyx likes men!_ "

Faith looks disappointed. " _She can't like men. Come one, it's Nyx!_ "

Aeryn shakes her head, still laughing. " _Sorry, little one, I've never seen her with a girl and I highly doubt we'll ever do._ "

For a few minutes after that Faith falls silent, grumbling something to herself, then she comes up with something else. " _Well, I know who Malaya would be well paired with!_ "

Aeryn raises her eyebrow at her, Clarke hides her face into her hands, hoping she won't get hit by the warrior still fighting a few feet away because of what Faith is about to say.

" _Katarina!_ "

Clarke carefully looks up, expecting some flying objects directed their ways. When she deems it safe to lower her arms, she turns to Aeryn. " _Who's Katarina?_ "

Aeryn points to a tall slim brunette girl some fires away from them. " _She's a very good fighter and she spars with Malaya a lot._ " then she turns to look at Faith, " _You picked a good one this time. They could actually make a good couple, deadly couple, but still, good pairing you did there._ "

The two start to talk about how right Faith is and they start pick other couple out of their friends, so Clarke stands and moves to sit down with Xavier and Goral who pours her more beer.


	23. New assets

**A/N: Some people complain about the (absence of) clexa. Yes, this is a clexa fic, but it's not just about the relationship between Clarke and Lexa. Originally it was going to be way shorter and Clarke and Lexa were going to meet way sooner, but then the show completely disappointed me. So I decided to give the story more life, a longer life, I decided I wanted to explore the clans' reality, I wanted to focus on the beautiful world they offered us, the one they didn't give enough space to (in my humble opinion of course). That's why Clarke and Lexa still haven't met. I'm going to bring the Ice Queen storyline to a resolution before introducing the clexa relationship. The show killed off the Queen pretty damn quickly, it was pathetic. I want to give the Ice Nation a story, a life, a voice, so the clexa part will come later. But it will come. If you're not interested in the clans of "The 100"'s world, just take a break and only read the A/N in every chapter, I will warn you when the clexa reunion happens.**

 **And about Lexa's space in this fic, you're right, there's too little of her... problem is: this fic is already long and slow and the really important and interesting things happen in the Ice Nation with Clarke, where the new characters are, so if I were to describe in details Lexa's moves, how she leads the army, how she dealt with the other leaders, etc., it would come out even longer and slower... Sorry guys, I do wish I'll be able to give her more and more space in time, but this first part of the story is about the Ice Nation... our Commander will _come_ though (you're free to read that as you wish). **

**I mostly use the _italic_ for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.**

 **Also... I'm looking for a beta to go over the story and help me with a few points and to get new ideas, so if you want to help me, contact me on tumblr my username is justawordunsaid** **or on twitter Sara_NobodyO**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty-Two: New assets**

They found soldiers at the borders, they took care of them quite easily, but they noticed the soldiers weren't mere guards left to protect villages, they met two troupes that were meant to stop any attempt at invasion when the war started. They were surprised to see the Commander leading so many warriors, but prepared; what they didn't expect were the Sky People's weapons. They died before they could even think of sending a message to warn their Queen or ask for help.

Bellamy led his shooters well and Lexa was fierce at the head of her army, the soldiers had no chances whatsoever.

They travelled some further after that and now they're settling down for the night near a deserted village. As the warriors prepare the camp for the night and Indra organizes the turns for patrols and guards, Lexa looks out into the cold, unfamiliar forest.

They still have a long way ahead of them, but she feels a burst of confidence after the encounter with the soldiers, the Queen doesn't seem to be expecting an attack before the beginning of the war, she's probably sure of her victory already and doesn't suspect such a move from Lexa. She expects the Commander to be with her main army, ready to lead the defence with her generals, she surely never considered the possibility of Lexa attacking first, not Lexa the peace maker.

What Lexa can't understand, anyway, are the few little villages they met: they were deserted, they didn't see anyone in them, but they also looked destroyed. She can guess the people left to get as far from the borders as they could in time of war, it's normal, her people should be doing the same right now, but why would the villages be destroyed? It didn't make sense, there hasn't been any previous attack from the Trikru so it can't have been an attempt at invasion. The only explanation she can imagine is that the soldiers caused all the destruction. Knowing the Queen it wouldn't be that much of a surprise to find out her men tore apart villages of their own clan, but it still sounds too stupid to believe. Unless that were how the Queen kept power, by forcing the people into submission with violence and fear. That makes sense too and Lexa feels more rage building up inside her.

If that is how things are in Ice, it means that she let it happen, she was the leader of the Coalition, but she let these people be abused by their own Queen. She's always known the Queen to be cruel, she knew she had to be the same with her own people, but seeing those villages so utterly and poorly destroyed makes her wonder how much cruel she is with her people, she makes her wonder if maybe the Queen isn't even worse with her own people than how she is with the other clans.

If that is the case, maybe she can do more than save Clarke and win a war, maybe she can also save those people, and perhaps she can forge a new alliance with the Ice Nation.

But for now she lets her thoughts drift back to the blonde she came here for and she desperately hopes that Clarke is still alive.

* * *

Kyra's group is the first to leave next morning. Everyone recommends them to be extremely careful and wishes them luck with the mission only a few actually know about. What they told the rebels, having to justify Ethan and James' absence, is that their group is going to look for support from some important former allies of King Kyr, they say it was James' idea and no one questioned them. But then, no one would probably question Liri even if she said they were off looking for strawberries in the frozen lands.

Clarke reassures Kyra when the princess looks hesitant and Nyx promises her she can handle it. Malaya has given her new weapons and Liri even comes to hug the girl before she leaves.

The second party to leave is Liri's, they planned that Liri would be the first to arrive and her job was to keep a close eye on the capital, she would then move, once the others got there, to the north side of Ice and set camp there, so that she could easily intercept Ethan's messages before anyone could get them and then inform Nyx of the news.

Wit stays behind to organize messengers to send to the groups of rebels that won't go to the capital, but stay far enough to defend the villages that could be attacked in case the army were informed of the attack to Ice. Those who stay behind are less than the ones who are going to attack the capital and would have no chance against an army, it would probably be suicide, but they would be able to give the people time to get to safety and earn some time so that the other rebels could get there to help. It's probably the best and worst task of all, it could be completely harmless, or absolutely lethal. They already have a leader for those rebels, Hatan from Silenzio, a fair fighter and a good, smart man.

Chayim leaves after Liri with his own group. Next are Vera and Euler, leaders of Sorgente, splitting in two parties. Nyx, Clarke, Malaya, Goral, Aeryn, Faith and Xavier leave together, Malaya and Goral will go separate ways once they reach Ice, they're the largest group, but their way should be safe and the high number shouldn't be too much of a risk. Meike, Danae, Adam and Raoul follow in two different parties. After them Wit sends out small groups of rebels, designating a sort of headman for each of them. Wit leaves last with his group, heading to the south of Ice, they'll have to avoid the army and that's why he opted to take the small other groups directed to the south side with him, they make a big party, which could be a hazard, but they will split as soon as they've passed the army.

... ... . ... ...

The horses keep a slow pace because of the carts full of supplies they have with them, everyone in their big party has a horse, they didn't have horses for every rebel, so they decided the bigger groups that have to reach the capital as soon as possible should take them, they will then leave the horses at the villages where the smaller groups are to set camp, far enough from Ice to be safe, so that the rebels who aren't going to be immediately close to the city will be able to ride and get there faster when the attack begins.

As Clarke takes in the faces of her friends and the people following them, she feels a thrill run down her spine. She's marching to war again and, surprisingly, she feels strong at her friends' side, she's not alone this time and she's starting to hope she won't have to be truly alone again.

Faith rides at her side, excitement written all over her face, as well as concern and some kind of anxiety. She nods at Clarke and gives a small smile, trying to mask her enthusiasm and worry, Clarke notices them anyway and she gives the younger girl a warm smile of reassurance.

Nyx is riding ahead with Malaya and Aeryn is behind with Xavier, Clarke twists a little to look back at Aeryn and the girl sends a smile her way before returning her attention to the boy, Clarke smiles to herself and turns to look ahead again. The night before, when pretty much everyone in their group had disappeared somewhere with somebody – Malaya had, Chayim and Wit had, Xavier, Goral, Rokh, Jivin, Maike, they all had, Faith probably had, but Clarke couldn't be sure, maybe the girl just went to collapse on a bed –, Nyx was quiet sitting by the fire opposite to them, Liri had went somewhere they didn't know about, Clarke tried to talk to Aeryn about the kiss, but the light blonde girl didn't let her say anything, telling her they would talk after the battle, after the Queen's death, after they get their Nation back. Clarke is grateful for the time Aeryn gives her, because she still doesn't know what to tell her.

A part of her wants to give herself a chance with Aeryn, another part still hasn't forgotten about Lexa, even if the blonde continuously pushes the thought of the Commander in the furthest corner of her mind. If they win, _when_ they win, they'll probably have to make new alliances with the other clans, the Queen is at war with the south, they'll have to offer peace, and that means having to deal with Lexa. Of course, Clarke could simply let Nyx handle it, she could stay behind and start a home with Aeryn, but she can't avoid everyone forever.

Her mother will find out eventually that she had a part in the Ice rebellion, she will find out where Clarke is, and Clarke has no doubt Abby will come looking for her. She won't be able to avoid the family she left behind forever. She could still try to avoid Lexa, but the past will come back sooner or later. She wonders if Aeryn could be enough to keep her safe when it all crushes back on her. A part of her yells for her to believe that she can, the more rational part tells her she won't be able to completely and properly heal until she solves things with Lexa, until she gets a closure.

She wants to believe the brunette with war paint always on doesn't have anything to do with her closure, she wants to believe she can find peace without ever seeing Lexa again. But green eyes that still visit her at night tell a different story.

Clarke pushes the thoughts away, taking Aeryn's suggestion to leave all of that for when the battle is won and concentrate on the fight for now. That is something she can manage.

She comes back to reality and lets Goral's stories distract her. He's telling Faith about some girl he met when he was a teenager. She was his first girlfriend and he had such a huge crush on her that he never saw the cheating coming. Apparently she eventually cheated on him with another girl, some years older than them, and he lightly tells them that the same older girl is riding somewhere behind them. She also tells them that the girl ended up becoming his best friend.

" _How?_ " Faith gasps out while laughing softly. " _Someone who stole my girl would never become my best friend_."

He lets out a deep and low laugh, " _Yeah well, she did. She's awesome and she saved my life during a hunt, it was still one of my first hunts, I was fifteen, it was a year after the cheating thing, and she totally saved my ass._ "

" _Was she still with your crush?_ "

He shakes his head and chuckles, " _My crush turned out to be a less than wonderful person and cheated on her as well. I have no idea where she is now, I know she left the village with her father few years later._ "

Faith nods " _I guess it makes sense that you two became best friends then_ ".

He shakes his head again " _Why, 'cause we're fair? She kept stealing my crushes anyway._ "

" _Hey, you talking about me?_ " someone comes up behind them and they turn to see a beautiful girl, tall with mahogany hair and warm brown eyes.

She smiles at Goral and mocks him " _Not my fault you're a desperate case when it comes to girls, my friend._ "

He laughs and waves her off while Clarke chuckles and leans in toward Goral to whisper playfully " _Well, I can see why girls picked her over you. She's quite the catch._ "

Faith laughs loudly at Goral's fake hurt expression and the other girl chuckles to, winking jokingly at Clarke.

Clarke shrugs at him " _Sorry mate_ ".

Faith keeps laughing and Goral allows an amused smile to escape and betray the hurtful façade.

" _I'm Kora by the way._ " She smiles at Clarke and the blonde smiles back.

" _Faith_ ", the redhead jumps in, " _and that's Clarke, yep, the one who destr-_ "

" _She knows who Clarke is._ " Goral interrupts her.

" _So there's no need to call you Daire anymore?_ " Kora asks, keeping her eyes trained on Clarke.

The blonde shrugs, " _I highly doubt anyone could hear us right now who doesn't know yet._ "

Kora chuckles and agrees. She then spends the next half an hour chatting with Clarke, glaring at Goral every time he interrupts them. Faith asks for more stories from the boy and they all fall back into conversation.

* * *

They hear the noise before they see anything, Lexa's trained ears immediately recognise it as belonging to a fight, everybody soon catching up with her.

They could probably avoid it without problems, but the sound of swords clashing against one another is coming from a village near by and Lexa can't help but wonder back to those thoughts that came to her when they passed the deserted villages. She needs to know what's going on, so she stops everyone and decides to take a small party of warriors towards the village.

She doesn't allow any of the Sky People to join and only Octavia is stubborn enough to want to go. She remembers how Indra had seen a promising warrior in the girl and lets her come claiming that way the Sky People would have one of their own in the group to see for themselves. The girl's brother, Bellamy she reminds herself, protests, but the small brunette doesn't let him hold her back. Eventually Abby intervenes to make Bellamy back down and they can leave without further objections.

The scenario that greets them is that of armed men wearing the Ice Nation uniform attacking their own people. Lexa watches as the habitants of the village fight and hold their own against the trained soldiers, rage fills her at thinking that this could be going on since long before the break of the Coalition, fury makes its way in her mind as she realises she let this happen, never making sure the Queen was treating her people fairly.

She was the Commander of the Coalition, she brought the clans together to give them peace, she even offered protection from tyrants at times, when a whole clan asked for her help, yet she never knew about this. The Queen has been mistreating her people all this time and she just went along with what everybody thought: every Ice person was simply like that, cruel, ruthless, unworthy of mercy.

After Costia's death it had been difficult enough to seal a peace with them, and hating them had been easier than asking herself questions. She knew the Ice people couldn't all just be bad, she knew how different that clan's reputation had been when Kyr was King, and yet she felt safer hating them.

Now she feels disgusted by herself, always being one to feel responsible for everybody. But she can do something for that village and she's not going to ignore anything any more. So she throws herself into the battle, confident with her warriors right behind her and Indra at her side.

She makes sure she delivers death to every single soldier that meets her sword.

The fight is soon and easily won and they're left to face the Ice people they just helped, who are looking at them with suspicious eyes and still haven't lowered their weapons. Lexa takes a step forward to stand beside a body on the ground.

"Ai laik Leksa kom Trikru."

" _We know who you are. Trikru warriors, you are at war with the Queen, you come to conquer our lands._ " a boy, covered in blood, speaks, his sword pointing at Lexa's men.

" _You are right, I'm here for the Queen, but not for your lands. Why were soldiers of your own Nation attacking you?_ "

As the boy is going to speak again, some girl beats him to it. " _You wouldn't know, all your people think of us is that we're cruel savages. The Queen's men have been beating us, destroying our homes, killing our families since she took power._ "

Lexa clenches her jaw at the Ice girl words, but before the girl can say more, someone steps up from the small crow. He's a tall young man, his hair reaches below large shoulders and his brown eyes are trained on Lexa.

" _We are more than what your people learned to think of us from the Queen's men they've met. We have fought her soldiers for years, but this is still our clan and I warn you,_ Heda kom Trikru _, my people will be ready to fight you as we fight her if you're here to take our lands and win your war._ " his voice is calm and kind, but still clear and sure, final.

" _I never knew about how the Queen treats her own people, and I apologise for my people's assumptions about you. You are right, you are more than what the Queen's men showed us. Believe me when I say I'm not here for your lands. My only enemy among you is your Queen and her soldiers. I can give you your clan back._ " Lexa speaks loud and clear, she looks strong and confident as she promises to take care of every man who follows the Queen, who fights for her. But she's met with huffs from the Ice people.

Hatan gives a small smile. " _We don't need your warriors invading our lands. You have a reputation of being a fair Commander, but that's not a good enough reason for us to trust you._ "

Lexa is surprised and somewhat offended by the few chuckles she hears from the people in front of her. She expected them not to trust her at first, but no one has ever laughed at her after witnessing her warriors fight.

" _What I offer you is the possibility to be at peace after this war. I will kill your Queen, what comes after will be up to you, I do not desire to be at war with your people._ "

" _She is not our Queen_ " his voice is full of resentment and anger when he speaks. " _You think you can beat her on her own lands?_ "

Lexa's affirmation is sure and Hatan nods.

" _Let us speak then_ ". He guides her to a small house and she nods to Indra to let her know to stay behind.

She's pleasantly surprised when the two of them are the only ones in the room.

Hatan doesn't tell Lexa about the rebellion, he does however eventually tell her about the rebels, though he keeps the informations very general. He believes her and thinks they can trust her, but he's not going to be any less careful about it. It makes sense that she's here for the Queen, and he's already making a plan.

He can't reveal anything to her but he's supposed to lead the rebels who are going to keep an eye on the Queen's army, and wouldn't it be better if they could take all the soldiers out?

He tells her he can guide her to the army, she assures him they can handle it and he tells his rebels the new plan. He sends messengers to the other groups, telling them to follow the men he's sending them, telling them to stay behind and only intervene if he sends for them, telling them to take care of the people. He sends orders that some of the groups are stationed in villages near the army, just in case they needed help anyway. Then, hoping his trust is well placed, he gathers his rebels and follow Lexa back to her small army.

When he sees that the trikru Commander hasn't lied about the Sky People being with them, he feels more hope fill him. He knows the Sky People are the original family of the very woman who helped start all of this, he thinks that's assurance enough that this army won't attack his people, not when the Sky People know their princess is among the Ice rebels, and they will know sooner or later.

Between Heda's word and the presence of Clarke's people, he feels almost certain of his decision.

He marches at the Commander's side and leads an unexpected army to the oblivious warriors that wait not too far from the capital.

* * *

Kora flirts with Clarke more and more, they set camp for the night and the girl still shows up at times to drop a comment, a flirt, to start a short conversation, to help Clarke with the tent. She's playful and Clarke doesn't mind her too much, but someone could.

As they eat around a small fire, Faith begs Goral to tell them how his last love conquest went, having heard funny stories about the previous ones and hoping to have some more fun.

" _Actually, the last one went pretty amazingly, we're together now, she's at the safe camp. I cooked her dinner for our first date and she loved it. I didn't mess anything up and I made her laugh during the meal, then she suggested we took a walk under the stars and-_ "

" _How romantic_ " Kora coos.

" _Ah, shut up, you. The last time you tried to cook for a girl-_ "

The brunette shoves her hand over his mouth and he laughs, pushing it away. " _What, you don't want them to know you almost burned up a house?_ "

Faith starts laughing, " _You did?_ "

Kora grumbles something and shoves a laughing Goral lightly, not moving the bear men of an inch. " _At least I didn't push her into a lake_ " she retaliates.

Goral stops laughing immediately and protests " _It was an accident!_ "

Faith is quite enjoying herself and Clarke chuckles at her side.

" _Sure it was. I don't need to push girls into lakes to make them wet though_ " as she talks she leans a bit toward Clarke and winks at her. " _I never have problems doing that myself_ ".

Before Clarke can even laugh off the ridiculous flirt, Aeryn speaks up, coming to sit between Kora and Clarke, forcing the two apart. " _You may have never pushed a girl into a lake, but you sure got pushed into one._ "

Goral and Faith gasp out a " _What?_ " at the same time and Aeryn chuckles.

" _Don't. Say. It._ " Kora warns, her cheeks already starting to colour.

But Aeryn gives her an evil smile and reveals " _She got pushed into a lake after trying to flirt with the wrong person._ "

" _How do you even know that?_ " Kora pouts.

" _Well, Malaya is a friend and she has more sense of humour than people think_ ".

Faith is gone then, choking on her laughter, Goral has his head thrown back, his body shaking as he laughs hard, Nyx, who has been listening, shakes her head chuckling at the girl's mistake, Xavier and Rokh are laughing too from the other side of the fire and Clarke can't help but chuckle loudly. Kora looks like she could die of shame.

" _You used your dumb flirting on Malaya?_ " Goral mocks and laughs harder.

Kora is red from the embarrassment, she keeps her head low and Goral elbows her softly.

" _Come on, you always laugh at me, why can't we laugh at you?_ "

She glares at him and completely avoids Clarke's eyes.

" _Well, it does look unwise to flirt with Malaya_ " Clarke interjects gently.

" _Yeah, I learned the lesson_ " she grumbles from behind her hands.

Everybody starts laughing again and Aeryn leans in to whisper something in Clarke's ear while nobody can hear with all the noise they're making. " _Sweet revenge._ "

Clarke looks at her with wide eyes and sees the playful light in Aeryn's gaze. " _What?_ ", she whispers back. Aeryn smiles, " _She flirted with you long enough, don't you think?_ "

Clarke is left with her mouth open for a while, before she starts laughing and says "N _ever_ _pictured_ _you as the jealous type._ " Aeryn simply shrugs and grins making Clarke laugh harder.


	24. Of bards and lovers

**A/N: So...no Lexa in this one, but there's Octavia!**

 **kyoshiob69 : Oh well...I guess, sorry about this chapter then... Ops... :/**

 **Some questions: 1. Do you want Bellamy to be a positive character? 2. Would you like some more POV from Ice rebels, short sections like I did with Indra? 3. Do you want me to get in deeper with our rebel friends and their relationships?**

 **Spoiler tease: I just realised who Aeryn's gonna end up with after this Ice part of the story... How didn't I see that before? Oh well, you go on and try to guess who it is.**

 **I mostly use the italic for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.**

 **Also... I'm looking for a beta to go over the story and help me with a few points and to get new ideas, so if you want to help me, contact me on tumblr my username is justawordunsaid or on twitter Sara_NobodyO**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty-Three: Of bards and lovers**

When they leave the horses, they still have to walk for a whole day before they get to the capital. Goral's stories and Xavier's jokes keep them company, hold back their mind from wondering too much. The party of rebels is tense, Aeryn rides nervously at Clarke's side, Faith switches from being over talkative to being oddly and utterly silent, Nyx is riding ahead, sprinting as much as she can without distancing herself too much from the group.

Malaya is closed in her silence as always, but her posture is rigid and alert, Clarke can see the gears speeding in her head as the warrior concerns herself with what is to come. Kora has continued flirting even after Aeryn's hard blow, but she isn't anymore, she looks tense and on edge, she tries to laugh at Xavier and shoot back jokes, but the exchange is forced even while the boy tries to keep everyone's moral light.

Clarke silently lets her horse fall back a bit as she drops back at Malaya's side, Aeryn is the only one noticing and she throws Clarke a gentle look.

The brunette merely acknowledges Clarke with a look before turning back to watching the road ahead as if waiting for soldiers to jump out from trees. Clarke doesn't know how to start a conversation, doesn't even know if she should or if she would do better to just ride silently at her side as she feels Malaya would prefer.

" _I know you want to talk, sky girl_ "

Hearing Malaya's voice speak up first surprises Clarke and the way she addresses her reminds her of Indra somehow and she almost smiles noting once again the similarity between the two.

" _Do you, now?_ "

Malaya turns for a split second towards her, " _Isn't that what you always do?_ "

Clarke chuckles, " _I don't recall being too talkative with you_ "

Malaya shrugs, " _So? What is it?_ " the tone of her voice is not annoyed and Clarke is almost surprised to find it kind.

The blonde shakes her head, " _Actually, nothing. Xavier just cracked a really bad joke and Kora didn't help make it better_ ".

Shockingly that makes the Ice girl let out a small laugh. " _Yeah, those two think they're so funny_ ".

Clarke grins, " _I hear she thought she could be more than funny to you..._ "

Malaya looks at her with slight shock on her face, but then laughs again. " _Who told you?_ "

Clarke throws a look Aeryn's way and Malaya follows it shaking her head, a small smile lingering on her lips. " _Yeah, I knew it was a bad idea to tell Nyx and her_ ".

Clarke laughs, " _So you did throw her in a lake_ ".

Malaya shrugs again, Clarke knows it to be one of her favourite moves together with rolling her eyes and glaring. " _She asked for it_ ".

Clarke lets out a last chuckle, " _Yeah, I guess she had it coming_ ". They fall silent once again, but this time the silence is comfortable, an adjective she hasn't associated with Malaya and her before.

After a long while in which Clarke feels like maybe she can, one day, become friend with Malaya too, after all Aeryn is her friend and she wouldn't have thought that possible when she first met the brunette, Malaya speaks again.

" _What happens after? What will you do after this battle is won?_ "

" _I don't know_ ", she answers truthfully.

" _Are you going to stick around?_ ", this time the warrior sounds the smallest bit hopeful.

" _If I survive the fight, I'd love to. But I guess we'll see what happens_ ".

Malaya nods and waits a long moment before adding somehow in a lower voice " _I think you should. My people like you, and you seem to have found your place among us_ ".

The words leave Clarke open mouthed once again, this girl really is more than she looks as Aeryn told her more than once already.

" _Oh yeah? You wouldn't mind?_ "

Malaya shrugs and looks ahead once again, " _I mean, it's not like I can kick you out. Nyx would probably beat my ass._ "

Clarke grins and catches the small smile that sneaked on the brunette's face. It's not that bad to befriend Malaya.

They continue the ride in silence, Goral's current story reaching them from ahead.

He tells about heroes who are remembered in Ice's history for restoring the true ideals of their Nation and taking back their lands. He tells about a great victory against a queen that had been left in power too long to do as she pleased with her people. He tells about a great forgotten ally that returns to keep faith to an old alliance between justice and freedom. He tells about how they all win in Ice and get back their spirit as the Ice People.

Clarke spies Malaya's smile at hearing Goral already writing their fight in the memory of Ice. The blonde allows herself to keep her smile on her face too as she feels her friends finding their hope and enthusiasm in the loud voice of the storyteller.

* * *

Octavia falls into step with Hatan hoping to start a conversation with the man, her knowledge on the Ice Nation limited at what Lincoln told her, which, as Hatan himself said, is what his people learned from the Queen's men they've met. She wants to know more about these people, wants to understand their culture as she tried doing with the Trikru, she's still learning the ways of the ground and is curious about Ice, being it the first other clan she's come in contact with.

He doesn't seem to mind when she speeds up to walk at his side. He merely spares her a kind look before focusing on the path again.

She misses riding, they walk all day and she's dead tired, she wishes they could just jump on the horses they're bringing along and ride. But the horses wouldn't speed them up, since they have to keep the pace of the supplies carts, so they let them rest most of the day, making them keep a slow pace. They couldn't bring the Sky People's cars because they make too much noise and are not as easy as horses to conceal in case they need to hide.

So her feet are killing her, but as a good warrior she doesn't let any weariness show. She keeps Hatan's pace the whole day and eventually a conversation blooms.

They stop for lunch and she makes sure she sits near him, Bellamy approaches her offering her some food from their supplies, she looks down at it disappointed but takes it nonetheless, missing trikru's food. Hatan notices her distasteful expression and chuckles.

"You don't like your own food?"

She looks up at him and shrugs, " _We may be good at a lot of things, but cooking's not one of them._ " He addressed her in English, probably thinking she would appreciate it being a Sky person, but she answers in Trigedasleng, making it clear she's a grounder and she will use grounders' common language. He seems to take the clue as his next words are in Trigedasleng as well.

" _Here, try some of this_ ", he hands her a plate with meat and some sort of vegetables on it.

She doesn't know what it is, but trusts him and takes a bite from the piece of meat, humming in delight at the wonderful taste.

"Oh god _, this is amazing! What is it?_ "

Hatan shrugs, " _It's just some Ice fox, pretty good, huh?_ "

She hums again in response.

" _It's all in the way you cook it._ " he grins at her and she grins back, the gesture coming out a bit awkward as she's still eating, but that only makes him laugh as she shrugs apologetically.

" _So your people are good at cooking. I thought Trikru cooked meat better than anyone, but I must say, this pretty much stands up to them._ " she admits after swallowing what's in her mouth.

" _They say the best cooked meat actually comes from the Blood Clan and the Horse People. Though no one really goes to the Blood Clan for their cuisine anymore. They do go to the Horse People instead. Anyway, every clan has its speciality. The Boat People are obviously the best with fish, the Riven Clan's good at that too but what they're the best at is cheese, they make the most wonderful kinds of cheese. The Cloud People were once known for their baking, the Shadow People for the mutated plants that only grow in their lands and make for delightful appetisers._ "

Octavia drinks in all the words spilling from his mouth, eager to know more about all the clans. He seems to make no discrimination against any clan, not even the ones she heard to badly about.

" _Wait, why do those plants only grow in their lands?_ "

" _I'm not sure, but someone once told me the reason they only grow there is that that particular land, or most of it, was hit by multiple bombs and the concentration of radiations there was highest than anywhere else. But that's only an assumption, I doubt there's anybody left who could explain that to you._ "

She ponders about it. " _Considering the post-apocalyptic world we live in, that sounds even plausible._ "

" _Who knows, maybe that's the reason, or maybe those lands were different ever since before the bombs. Anyway those plants give lovely fruits, I've had the luck to try some of those and I must say, they are right, I'd never eaten anything quite like that before. Back to the clans, Trikru and Ice are known for their good cuisine, yes, but it's more like being great cooks than having a speciality, although we do have our particular plates._ "

Octavia grins at him as he finishes his speech about the clans' cooking and she starts to eat whatever it is that was put around the meat. It tastes watery and it's refreshing, it makes her thirst subside a bit and it has some kind of bittersweet flavour. " _What's this?_ " she finds herself asking.

He shrugs, " _Nothing special, I'd say it's our Ice version of wild salad. It's refreshing and actually pairs well with the meat you just ate._ "

She nods her approval and they finish their meal in silence before resuming the march with everyone else.

Octavia sees that he doesn't seem to mind not being with his group of rebels and instead marching with the other warriors and notices that when he rushes ahead to point the right direction for the warriors leading the way he always somehow falls back into step with her, or lets her catch up easily with him.

... ... . ... ...

When they set camp that night he comes to her after dinner with something dangling from his hand. He greets her as she's fixing her tent and hands her a pair of boots, they're high and the white fur with occasional dark smeared spots looks very warm and is soft at the touch.

She stares at him, " _What are these for?_ "

He offers a kind smile, " _I saw you weren't too comfortable with the road before, our soil is very different than the one you got used to. You could use these, they're pretty comfortable and much more helpful than the ones you're wearing._ "

She looks up at his eyes searching a reason for this gift but he's unreadable behind his kindness.

" _Just try them_ " he prompts her putting the boots in her hands.

As she bends down to put them on, he adds " _I did my best for the size, but I had to guess so..._ " he trails off as she straightens back up and looks down at her feet before walking a few steps.

The boots really are comfortable and warm, she kinda loves them already. " _The size is_ _alright._ _But I can't-_ "

He stops her raising a hand, he smiles and then he just walks away.

All she can do is call a "Mochof" after him.

* * *

" _They rode into the capital on horses, their mane white as the pure moon, warriors clad in silver armour drawing slim lethal swords and shouting silent battle cries with eyes full of truth. They joined ancient allies in respect of a vow to righteous people, Ice and Moon together broke chains and ropes freeing spirits long forgotten by the world._ " Goral's voice is heard all around the camp, every rebel is listening, hoping that the battle goes exactly as their friend is telling it.

It's night, they set camp some hours away from Ice, they met Liri as planned and they will say their goodbyes tomorrow before everyone takes their place. Liri didn't have much to report about the capital and she now joined them for dinner around the fire.

They set various camps, the one Clarke is in right now is the smallest one, the friends she made since her arrival in Ice are there and some others she just got to know recently. They all sit around very small fires and are now listening to Goral's story.

Clarke is flanked by Nyx and Aeryn on each side, Faith is right next to Goral and Malaya listens quietly from the other side of the fire, her eyes occasionally finding Nyx's or Clarke's.

" _The battle, that had lasted for hours already, came to an end only few hours after the arrival of the silver warriors,_ _painting_ _the sunset of red darkness and new hope. Loss were suffered on all sides, but the once feared soldiers were reduced to a few and held captive for the people to judge._ "

Aeryn nudges Clarke softly on the arm, " _He has everybody captivated_ ".

Clarke nods gently, " _Indeed. He has a way with words, not just making up the story itself, but the way he tells it._ "

Aeryn chuckles and a warm smile spreads on her face as she turns toward her big friend who's still speaking his magic. " _He's a poet._ "

Clarke looks over at her and smiles too at seeing the girl eyeing every one of her friends from behind a fire, she sees the concern and the love in her gaze and she reaches out placing a hand on her thigh. Aeryn covers it with her own hand without turning to look at Clarke and for a moment they just stay like that, until Aeryn's ready to let go of the nostalgic atmosphere.

She leans in closer to Clarke, " _So..._ " she whispers and Clarke can feels the warmth of her breath on her own cheek, " _you're_ _friends_ _with Malaya now, huh?_ "

Clarke closes her eyes to enjoy the feeling of the girl's voice in her ear and lets out a quiet chuckle. " _I guess_ ", she answers before adding " _I hope so_ ".

Aeryn elbows her playfully " _Well, she's staring at you without glaring, so I'd say you're almost best friends_ ". Both girls let out a short laugh before settling back in comfort silence and listening to the story once again.

" _Ice found its pride again and claimed its freedom, people sang their hymns again and children learned about our festivities properly. And on the day that followed the victory a new song was heard coming from the heart of the Ice sons and daughters._ "

Goral starts to sing and Clarke can't help but gape in wonder as his voice rings deep and beautiful over the camp, it's low and powerful like the roar of the earth before it trembles shaking everything on its surface as Goral is shaking the heart of his friends. He sings of beauty and freedom, he chants of passion and a spark of madness, of union and friendship, he frees notes in the air of love and fight, belief and bleeding hearts that healed each other in the liberation of their spirit.

Some tear up as he recalls the ones they lost and the injustice that stained the white snow with blood, the lost fights and the despair in violence. And they all smile at his promises of new dreams and loves, nights under clear skies and people to call home, a land to name theirs with no shame and forest no longer haunted by screams and cries.

Faith is drinking each one of Goral's words and her eyes don't leave him even once as he keeps alternating between singing and telling, adding verses to stories and rhetoric to songs.

Clarke looks over at Nyx and notices a strange expression on her face, her slightly watery eyes are far away and her lips occasionally tremble as if thoughts were shaking her from the inside, her gaze is lost looking at Goral and through him, into depths Clarke doesn't wonder about, her hands lie on her lap clenching and unclenching slowly but incessantly. Clarke leans in and place her hand over the brunette's ones and looks into unfocused eyes, " _We're going to make it, we will win_ " she assures before carefully, slowly as to let the girl free to pull back and a bit hesitantly she rests her head on Nyx's shoulder.

Aeryn still has her other hand held tight and after a while Clarke feels Nyx turning hers upward and squeezing the blonde's hand as she comes back from wherever her thoughts brought her. She smiles at the blonde resting against her and looks over at Malaya before turning her gaze on Aeryn and whispering for no one to really hear, " _Yes, we're going to make it._ "

Aeryn smiles at her and catches Malaya's own smile from where the brunette is observing Clarke and Nyx's forms gently pressed together. As she feels Faith lying back on her, resting her back against the older girl's side, Aeryn sees the family they're creating before any of the other girls can.

... ... . ... ...

Aeryn holds Clarke back before she can make her way to the tent she's supposed to sleep in. The sky girl turns around and looks at light eyes reflecting frozen water with a question in her own sea blue ones.

" _I have a feeling your bed will be occupied._ " A small shy smile unusually appears on the girl's face.

Clarke shakes her head chuckling, " _Oh yeah?_ "

The other girl only nods.

" _And you have nothing to do with that, right?_ "

Aeryn grins but still looks shy, which surprises Clarke and renders her curious. The Ice girl sure is often quiet and calm, she's like steady water gracefully moving in a small lake, but she's never shy.

Clarke resigns to simply follow her and Aeryn leads her in the tent she should be sharing with Faith, but the younger girl is nowhere to be seen, and Clarke has an idea where she's been sent.

Aeryn takes Clarke's hand hesitantly and leads her to one of the makeshift beds and has them sit down next to each other.

" _It's the last night we can spend somehow in_ _peace_ _, tomorrow it all begins for real. I mean...it's already real, of course, but tomorrow..._ "

Clarke puts a hand on Aeryn's leg to stop her rambling. " _Tomorrow there will be no coming back, tomorrow is_ _definitive_ _. I know, Aeryn, I know._ "

The girl looks at her and hesitantly reaches to tuck a strand of hair out of Clarke's face, Clarke kisses her hand and Aeryn leans in.

This time Clarke is the one who closes the distance and kisses her, it's soft and gentle, still oddly shy from Aeryn, but Clarke slides her hands on the Ice girl's hips and she looses up a bit, dipping her fingers in wild blonde locks.

When they break apart it takes Aeryn a moment to find her voice, " _I know we said we'd talk after the battle, and I do intend on waiting as long as you need, but..._ " she trails off and Clarke finishes for her.

" _But it doesn't mean we can't enjoy each other's company before that._ " she pauses and considers something. " _I need to be honest, I don't know what will happen after the battle, I don't know if I can-_ "

It's Aeryn's turn to interrupt now, the warm smile is confident again, " _It's okay Clarke. I don't expect anything of you, you know I like you and I know you like me to some level, it doesn't matter if we don't feel the exact same thing, we can enjoy a night. I will understand if you don't feel like starting a relationship of any sort after the war, but it's my people's way not to waste little moments of happiness. I learned to enjoy and live every little thing I get to feel and I just need to know you are as comfortable as I am with enjoying something that may even have no future._ " she chuckles a bit then, " _Of course, I would be very willingly to take it further once the war is over. But I will never expect anything from you, nothing but honesty, it's all that matters to me. My people use to take what comes their way without forcing it or wanting more when it's not offered, but we're not shy about our desires._ "

Clarke is looking at her in awe, wondering how she got so lucky to stumble upon such a wonderful girl, and she chuckles at the last sentence and mocks gently, " _Sure, you didn't look shy at all just some minutes ago._ "

Aeryn blushes suddenly and Clarke finds it adorable. " _You're right, I was, but I wasn't being shy about my desire for you, I was merely nervous about your reaction._ "

Clarke laughs softly and kisses her again. " _I like you, Aeryn. I don't know if I'll be able to take this anywhere, but I want you to know that no matter what, you are important to me. And this is important to me._ "

Aeryn smiles and lets the sweet depth of what they've been saying linger for a moment longer before attempting to lighten the mood. " _Of course I am, I introduced you to the best culture people have ever had. In Ice we are amazing poets and artists._ "

Clarke laughs, " _Ice People_ " she sighs " _so full of themselves_ ".

Aeryn feigns offence and tickles Clarke as payback.

" _Oh, not only the girl's a jealous one, she's also_ _vengeful_ _!_ "

As they laugh together they fall back on the bed, Aeryn on top of Clarke looking down at deep blue eyes. The laugh dies in their throat and they stare at each other for a short eternity before Aeryn leans down to kiss the blonde and Clarke's hands slowly start to roam.

Sometime along the way, among sighs and whispers and small moan and whimpers, their clothes start to follow from their body and hands touch bare skin, kisses take another path down necks and tongues trace collarbones.

At some point while Aeryn is kissing down Clarke's neck, the blonde flips them over and traps Aeryn underneath her, grinning as a drunk artist who has finally found something worth painting. She takes off the last pieces of clothing they forgot to discard and lets her hands learn the curves of the body in her arms. She caresses breasts and sucks on erected nipples, she descends to slim legs and takes a taste from between them that has Aeryn whimpering and slightly bucking her hips up into Clarke's hand that just made its way there too.

Clarke kisses her as she takes Aeryn over the edge, she holds her as her back arches and her breath is stolen by the beauty unravelling before her, mouth open in a loud cry, eyes shut tight, hands gripping the furs and legs shaking, her body trembling and shining with sweat. When Aeryn comes down from her high, Clarke gently leads her through her bliss with small kisses all over her face, until frozen eyes open full of care and desire and oh so soft and Clarke has her breath stolen by the lazy kiss Aeryn pulls her into.

And then Clarke is on her back, Aeryn slowly makes her way down her stomach, until moments later she has Clarke trembling for her mouth. The Ice girl is soft as well as strong as she keeps Clarke in her arms during her orgasm, kissing down her neck and sucking gently on her collarbone, until Clarke is finally coming down and Aeryn lays her head on the blonde's chest and traces small circles on her stomach.

They fall asleep tangled together in sweat and bliss after falling over the edge some more times and they both wake up to hair tickling their noses and mouths. They both wake up to different shades of blue and naked skin.

They both greet the new day with smiles on their faces and confidence in their heart.


	25. An old friend

**A/N: Three questions:**

 **1) Do you want Nyx to have a partner at some point, or do you like her more as the single kickass lady?**  
 **2) Would you rather have Ontari as a negative or positive character?**  
 **3) Life is getting really busy again, so would you rather get one long chapter once in a while or more frequent but also shorter chapters?**

 **Also... I was wondering: do you enjoy the small parts I write from Octavia's or Faith's POV like the ones in this chapter? Would you like it if I added more of those from other character's POVs too? Which characters would you want?**

 **Also, as for the relationships... do you want me to concentrate on the clexa (and Clarke's other relationships...that won't be many, promised) or would you like me to show the other characters' relationships too? Would you like to see a bit of Malaya and Katarina? Do you think Wit and Chayim are together? And if they were, would you like me to show that? What about Faith?**

 **I mostly use the italic for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.**

 **Also... I'm looking for a beta to go over the story and help me with a few points and to get new ideas, so if you want to help me, contact me on tumblr my username is justawordunsaid or on twitter Sara_NobodyO**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty-Four: An old friend**

Hatan and Lexa march side by side in silence, Lexa's eyes scanning the path, catching everything that moves, Hatan's ears picking up all the sounds of the forest letting him know what awaits them further on. Both rebel and trikru scouts are checking the way ahead, still having to report any obstacle.

Everything is going smoothly that day, maybe too smoothly for Lexa to relax, and Hatan keeps throwing glances at her which annoys the Commander greatly.

" _Ice wasn't always like this,_ Heda _._ " he tells her when they pass yet another destroyed village. " _At the time of King Kyr and Commander Sasha we still were a great Nation, our lands were rich, our leaders fair. Our people happy. We are not fighting for destroyed villages, we are fighting for the people we are, we are not rising for what we've lost, but for what we have. The Queen may oppress us, crash us, kill us, but we are Ice people, we are artists and lovers and we are fighters. Our bodies may be so no more, but our hearts are free. We are fighting because we still have what once made us great and we are sick of watching her ruin it and humiliate it. We do not stand here now for a ghost of the past, we stand for what still is alive._ "

His voice is quiet as they keep marching, the passion behind it lulling the words as if they rose from a serene lake. He almost sounds condescending, as if speaking to a kid who knows only what he has heard from other children, and yet his tone is not judging in the slightest and so Lexa can't hold a grudge even as she feels a little like a child being called out on a prejudice.

" _You will get your lands back._ " she promises just as quietly.

And he believes her as he thinks about his friends leading a small army to the capital right now. He also thinks about Clarke, the girl he only saw in Cristallo all those weeks ago, the one who ignited the passion in the heart of so many of his people, the Sky person who helped Nyx finally raise their people in a rebellion.

He still ponders whether he should tell the Skaikru that their Princess is with them, not prisoner of the Queen. But that would be saying too much and he can't risk his friends' lives, although he's developing trust in the Commander of Trikru, he can't tell them about their plans and Clarke is a too important part of them.

Lexa still feels like apologising for not being aware of what was going on in the Ice Nation, but Hatan has silenced her more than once on the subject, telling her there wouldn't have been much to do either way except going at war with the Queen. And Lexa feels that's exactly what she should have done.

After Costia's death she thought seeking peace was an act of strength, being able to put aside her feeling for her people's sake, but as she formed the Coalition accepting peace with the Ice Nation she already condemned some of the people she was supposed to take care of. But Hatan reassures her and after the first harsh words the Ice rebels welcomed them with, Lexa hasn't heard anything offensive any more from them, they look weary of her warriors, but they haven't accused her of anything again. The rebel at her side even comes to say that the Coalition was a sort of salvation for those who could leave, although it always felt too much of an exile for most of the Ice people, some chose to leave and they could thank to Lexa. He smiles at her and although she doesn't smile back it makes her feel better.

" _Maybe we'll have peace like when Kyr was alive_." he tells her and Lexa really hopes they can still find peace after this war even if the Coalition is broken and the clans divided. She hopes that killing the Queen and having a peace with the Ice Nation will prevent the other clans from moving against them. She even dares to hope that they can restore the Coalition, but she doesn't linger on that as Clarke comes into her mind yet again.

* * *

Faith is with Vera, the young leader of Sorgente, and a couple of other rebels, they're in the capital, walking around without drawing attention. They slide through crowds and look down empty alleys, no one really notices them, but they watch everything carefully.

Vera is silent at her side, guiding Faith through unknown streets following the man in front of them. Most of the young rebels have never been to Ice, so they organized scouting groups lead by those who remember something about the city, at least able not to get lost in the big town. The two redheads look at each other every once in a while, Faith angry at the utter misery they find at the borders of the city, down alleys flanked by poor, ruined huts and wretched houses, Vera's eyes reflecting a sadness from deep down her soul and a calm rage ready to flow down her long elegant sword.

Sometimes she has to tug Faith away from a particularly awful scene, the young girl longing to help. Vera reminds her they can't be seen, they can't risk anyone knowing or suspecting about them, and as she says so she hurriedly pulls her away from a soldier beating a boy for speaking up to him. Faith eventually relents as Alaric, the man guiding them, joins Vera in trying to talk her down, she lets them drag her away with clenched fists and a madly beating heart.

Vera's hood, pulled on to hide her ginger hair, shades her eyes but they shine with silent fury beneath it. She drags Faith away, but they will both exact justice.

Eventually they find themselves closer to the inside of the city, the risk of running into soldiers is higher, but that's exactly what they need to check, and although Nyx told Faith to stay out of trouble and not to venture too near the centre of the capital, the girl doesn't mind it one bit when Alaric takes them further inside. He doesn't let them get too close, but they scout the streets to see how many more soldiers they are to expect getting closer to the royal palace.

The buildings are less ruined, the houses look better and more solid, safer, but the people still look unhappy. The first members of rich families start to show and Faith's sad expression turns into a grimace as she looks at the people who betrayed their King, their Nation, their brothers, their principles, the very life of Ice. She can't help but stare at them, throwing cold glares at those who signed the downfall of the Ice Nation. None of them looks twice in her direction and Faith knows she should be relieved, instead she feels the desire to grab them, make them look her in the eyes, make them watch those people whose lives they've condemned and then make them suffer as they've made suffer their brothers.

But she schools her features and follows the others around the turn of the street, and then she stops dead in her track.

Some feet away stands a brunette, severe expression, sword attached to her back, leather covering every inch of her body, unforgiving eyes as hard as rock. She stands there, surveying some soldiers talking to a man in a shop.

Faith barely recognises her, she's only sure it's her because the others stop too and Alaric immediately drags them to hide behind a shop. Faith knows who the girl is, they used to play together, they used to know each other, they used to joke and laugh and run. Until the Queen had her kidnapped.

The black haired girl hasn't seen her and Faith takes her time to stare at the slightly tanned skin, she remembers how it was darker when they were children, the girl's origins not belonging to Ice. It is lighter now, probably because the girl has been living in the north all this time and the sun doesn't show itself often up there. Her eyes are as deep as Faith recalls, she imagines her hands to be hardened now, not soft as they were before, the hair is longer, but not too much longer, so she must cut it once in a while, Faith remembers how it used to grow fast and how it annoyed her friend.

Alaric is suggesting to go back, Vera and the other boy agreeing with him, but Faith is reluctant to leave. She feels the need to talk to that girl she once knew, but everyone seems to have already made their conclusions, she's with the Queen and they can't risk her recognising them.

Faith follows her friends back through the streets and only glances back once to see Ontari turning her way without noticing the retreating redhead. Faith stares at those coconut eyes now as cold as the winter wind and she walks away.

... ... . ... ...

That night Nyx puts together the informations every party of scouts has come back with and scribbles notes on a large map of the city. She's been informed of Ontari's presence in town and of the uniform she wore as a personal guard of the Queen. Most of the people from Cristallo knew Ontari, all of them remembering how the soldiers came, one day, to bring the kid to the Queen and no one saw her again in the village of Galaverna, they heard she was being educated in the capital, but no one had any idea of why the Queen would want her.

Jeanne, the leader of Gelo, one of the villages near which the rebels had set camp, that night tells them they are used to see Ontari bossing soldiers around, she says she has the reputation of being the Queen's right hand, together with another young man who acts as the prince.

Nyx stores this new knowledge of Roan, a strong warrior, unbeaten among the other guards, who is treated by the Queen as a son. She also gulps down the rage and sadness at finding out the fate of the little girl Faith used to play with back in their village and goes to sleep with a restless mind.

* * *

Octavia thinks she has found her second favourite clan. She walks side by side with a wild brunette as the rebel girl talks about her people and their traditions. Octavia likes how these Ice people think, they love parties, they love beer, they love food, they love fighting, they love making love. She can relate to all of that and she listens happily as Sylvia tells her short stories from adventures in the forests and recalls embarrassing memories from parties in the village.

Now she always sits with the Ice rebel at night while they eat and she greatly enjoys the beer they always seem to find in villages they pass by during the day. A boy who usually sits with Sylvia smugly tells her it's the best beer in the clans, no one making it as good and strong as the Ice people. And, even if she hates feeding his pride, Octavia can do nothing but agree. Lincoln laughs quietly as she mumbles something like "You should try Monty's moonshine though" before gulping down the rest of her beer.

* * *

The next days bring more positive news. Malaya and Goral found allies in two boys from the capital, Elia and his partner Livio, who trains as a soldier. Elia tells them how Livio was forced by his mother to join the soldiers as she wants him to become a guard of the Queen one day. But Livio can help, Livio is a good person and he opposes the Queen as Elia does.

Elia's sister was killed by the Queen's men after they raped her and his hate for the Queen has only being growing, but he's not a fighter, he couldn't even help his father when those same men came to take him away. When he heard about rebels wanting to take down the Queen, he was more than ready to help, he begged his mother, too ill to survive a war, to leave the capital and hide in one of the villages nearby when he heard about the arrival of the rebels and talked to his boyfriend to help them.

Nyx and Malaya consider the offer, they could really use a spy among the soldiers and the boy is known, the rebels from the other villages trust him, they tell them he's a brave kid who's been through too much. Malaya is still weary, but she wouldn't have taken the boy back to the camp if she didn't trust him. Nyx wants to trust Elia, but they both need to meet Livio first.

It's a dangerous bet and when Nyx tells Clarke about it the blonde is immediately against it, saying they can't risk having a soldier know about them. Apparently though, Livio already knows about the rebels and he hasn't talked, so Nyx is prone to give him a chance. Aeryn agrees with Clarke and they both watch with worried expressions when Nyx leaves the next day to meet Livio with Elia, Goral and Malaya. Xavier and Kora go with them, but it does nothing to ease Clarke's worry.

... ... . ... ...

As Nyx leaves camp and Clarke is called away to receive a message from Liri, Faith sneaks out of the camp, skilled at not being caught after her adventurous childhood. She has to see Ontari again.

She slips away through the streets of Ice, hood over her head, torn up clothes hiding daggers, head low and prying eyes scanning the way. She has no idea how to find Ontari, but as she strolls down her path she knows she will eventually run into the other girl, an odd, comforting certainty upon her troubled mind.

Passers-by don't spare her a second look as she makes her way to the richer part of the city, the more dangerous one. Nyx would kill her if she knew Faith is there and the girl really hopes she doesn't find out. She also hopes she doesn't get in trouble or end up in a fight, she's pretty sure Liri would happily join Nyx in making her life a nightmare. And she would ruin everything for the rebels.

This thought slows her walk, regret and guilt heaving down her steps. But she has to find Ontari, she can't just give up on her questions now, it really doesn't make sense that Ontari is now with the Queen. And, yes, Faith only knew her as a kid and the other girl sure can have changed, but Faith needs to hear for herself and not from peasants.

And finally there Ontari is, walking across a square flanked by royal guards. A young man is talking to her, he wears a royal uniform that is not the one of a guard and Faith thinks he might be the prince Nyx and Jeanne were talking about the night before.

She knows that following them around, as discretely as she might manage, is not going to work, they're trained warriors, they're going to catch her, so she lets a long distance fall between them and eventually she pursues, finding her direction according to the sound of their swords against their sides. It's not too hard, a lot of people are still throwing glances behind their backs after the guards pass by, other are quickly walking away in fear, some are still cowering when Faith passes along.

Eventually the guards stop, Roan leaves with half of the men and Faith feels almost safe enough to risk following closer. It doesn't take long then before Ontari notices her and she finds herself pinned roughly against a wall in a dirty alley. There's a knife pressed hard against her throat and Ontari is snarling at her, but no guards are at her side.

Faith gasps loudly when she sees all the scars that now adorn the other girl's face. She knows it is a very ancient tradition the Queen brought back, every warrior has his scars, they speak about him and his skills. The rebels chose Kyr's tradition, as it is also common in the other clans, to use tattoos instead, although every Ice person gets his burn scar when he becomes a warrior, even Faith has her own, as well as a tattoo she earned a year ago.

But Ontari's face is covered in scars, there are just so many and Faith doesn't know what to make of it. She keeps staring with utter sadness in her eyes and worry until the girl snarls again and Faith remembers that Ontari probably doesn't recognise her and is going to kill her if she doesn't talk soon.

So she tries, she tells her who she is and Ontari remembers, of course she remembers, and the knife starts to draw blood. Faith panics, knowing she can't get out of the warrior's grasp and she's going to die at the end of her once best friend.


	26. Trust

**A/N: This is a filling chapter, there's not much about anyone, it's more about developments between Lexa and Hatan's interaction. A couple more chapters and the war will begin, after the war, Lexa and Clarke can meet, who's happy?**

 **Who wants Faith to die?**

 **There must be so many mistakes in this one, I wrote it super quickly.**

 **I mostly use the italic for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.**

 **Also... I'm looking for a beta to go over the story and help me with a few points and to get new ideas, so if you want to help me, contact me on tumblr my username is justawordunsaid or on twitter Sara_NobodyO**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty-Five: Trust**

Lexa grows more and more anxious as time passes. She knows what people have been saying about Clarke, Wanheda. Some believe that who kills her will get her power, the strength of the Destroyer of the Mountain, and if that's why the Queen wants her, Clarke likely is already dead and Lexa will only reach Ice to exact revenge. Revenge for what? What right has she got to exact revenge for the death of the very person she was the first to betray and leave to die?

Abby looks as restless as Lexa is, and the Commander can't blame the woman for the glares she often sends her way.

Hatan seems to pick up on the atmosphere as one day he joins her at dinner and dares speak his mind.

" _There's something more personal for you about this war,_ Heda", the Ice people's bluntness showing in his forward approach.

She spends long minutes considering whether it'd be alright to tell him about Clarke.

" _Is it finally getting revenge?_ "

She turns to him, surprise barely showing on her face.

He smiles sadly, " _We know of how the Queen killed your lover to have revenger for her daughter's death_ ".

Maybe Lexa should let him believe that's the answer, but somehow she finds herself telling him about Clarke. She doesn't dare say anything about her feelings, although he seems to catch up on them, but she tells him how she betrayed Clarke at the Mountain and how she can't do it again. She then tries to cover it up claiming she made a deal with the Skaikru, the aid of their weapons in war in exchange for the Trikru's help in saving Clarke.

Hatan doesn't seem convinced by the political excuse, but he accepts her answer and, as a good Ice person, sees behind her words, through her eyes. He sees worry, fear, regret, sorrow and maybe something resembling love before Lexa puts her mask back on, impenetrable as always.

* * *

They decide to accept Livio's help, he seems trustworthy and even Malaya is convinced of their choice by the time they go back to the camp. Malaya, Xavier, Kora and Goral all leave in different directions while Nyx makes her way back to her camp and finds Clarke waiting for her.

" _Liri received a message from Kyra._ "

Nyx immediately follows her in her tent and Clarke tells her a messenger arrived shortly after she left that day, he reported a message from Kyra saying the Moon Clan will help, they're sending a small army that should be upon Ice in a week.

Nyx can't be more grateful as she sends message to Malaya to inform her of the good news before talking to Clarke about Livio and Elia.

Still the blonde doesn't agree with Nyx's decision to trust a soldier, but the choice has been made and she hopes for the best. Now they have to concentrate on scouting the city and organising the attack, they only have one week before the beginning of a war. They have to go through their plans and fix the few holes left by the uncertainty of the Moon Clan's help. So Clarke says no more and sits at the table with Nyx, discussing all the possible situations over and over.

But then Aeryn enters the tent, a worried expression clear on her pale face.

" _Faith is not in the camp, no one has seen her for hours_ ".

* * *

Octavia is marching with Hatan, showering him with questions about the clans. He laughs at the sky girl's curiosity but he always answers her with a kind smile and gentle voice.

" _The Boat People are famous for their parties maybe even more than for their sailing skills._ "

Octavia laughs and states that she absolutely has to visit their clan one day, Hatan shakes his head at the girl's lightness literally in the middle of an army but goes on nonetheless.

" _Cloud People are famous for their handiwork, they work the wood and make beautiful objects out of it._ "

" _And children's toys. They make the best games for children._ " Sylvia joins the conversation, her voice light.

" _Or they did. Even when the Coalition stood, the trade was not as happy as the stories tell, the Queen cast a shadow not only over our Nation, but over her allies too. The Cloud People haven't traded games in a long time._ "

" _They also say the Cloud People were musicians, they say their songs were wonderful and moving and that they could make musical instruments and play them in the most touching way._ " the girl adds, eyes lost in the forest.

Hatan looks sad for a moment. " _It is true what they say. I heard their songs when I was a child, my father took me on a journey across the clans nearby, we visited the Cloud People and heard their music, it truly is wonderful._ "

" _What happened to your father?_ " Octavia asks in a cautious voice.

Hatan shrugs, " _The soldiers killed him not long after we came back from that journey._ "

Sylvia nods and Octavia can't help but notice how normal it seems for them to say it "The soldiers killed him", as if it were the most likely explanation for someone's death.

" _Which other clans did you see?_ " she presses on, trying to change the subject and reverse the conversation to something happier.

He smiles then, and tells her about the Horse People, he didn't see much of their clan, they barely travelled inside their territory, but he talks about the best meat he ever tried and the green lands he has seen. Then he speaks of the Trikru, how his father lead him from the Horse People to the Tree Clan, barely visiting the Shadow People before going to the Sword Clan. It wasn't the perfect time to travel, the Coalition was not yet established, there was a great tension between Trikru and Azgeda and travelling in Horse and Tree lands probably wasn't the best idea, but his father wanted him to see as much as he could of the other clans, learn about them, understand their differences and respect them.

Sometimes Sylvia joins in, throwing a comment on Trikru's skills in hunting and the Shadow people's ability in planting setting traps as well as avoiding them.

" _The Shadow People also have good things_ " Hatan reprimands gently.

" _Yeah, for example they poison their knives so that they only need to cut you a little and you will start hallucinating and they will easily win the fight. Or maybe the poison will make you lose control over your movements and you will find it difficult to put a foot in front of the other and will not be able to fight back. Their lands are full of dangerous mutated plants and they are masters in using them._ " Sylvia shoots back.

Octavia thinks that maybe there is a clan she can avoid visiting, the Shadow People don't sound too nice.

Hatan shrugs again, " _They also have delicious fruits though, and some of those same plants you talk about can save a life, they can be used as poison or they can be used as remedy. Once the Shadow People and the Moon Clan had the best healers of the twelve clans. Where Moon has knowledge and resources, Shadow has the help of nature itself._ "

Sylvia grumbles something Octavia can't catch but it makes Hatan laugh and shakes his head at the fellow rebel.

" _I also saw the Moon Clan, probably the most magnificent of all._ " he says as lost in his own thoughts.

" _Why is that?_ "

He turns towards Octavia but only looks at her with amused eyes before telling her she will have to see for herself one day.

* * *

What are you suppose to do when you're dying? Are you supposed to plea your killer, are you supposed to hold on to pride and invite them to hell? Are you supposed to forgive them?

Faith doesn't know, thoughts are speeding through her mind and she can't get a hold on any of them. The knife cuts her skin and she can't bring herself to scream, she can only stare in brown eyes that are warm no longer.

She should have stayed at the camp, she should have listened to Nyx and Malaya when they said they all needed to avoid being seen by Ontari, she should have known better than to think that an old friendship could still mean something to the Queen's right hand. Now it's too late and she's going to die looking at scars that don't belong on the beautiful face in front of her.

She finds that her last thought then is not about Nyx, not about her family, not about the rebellion, not about lost friendship, it's about those scars and their reason to be there. What do they mean, how did Ontari get them? Are they proof of skills, or do they stand for deaths, could they be a punishment?

She holds on to the warrior's arms as the knife moves against her throat. She closes her eyes at the warm feeling of blood dripping down her neck.

* * *

Hatan watches as Lexa gets more and more restless, anxiety rolling off her in waves, the Commander's mask barely keeping the emotions from showing. He considers again telling her about Clarke. He could simply tell her the Sky Princess has not been captured and is safe with another group of rebels.

He doesn't because he fears that she will change her mind, but again she could change her mind now in order to safe the girl, she could want to avoid the Ice army and head straight to Ice for the Queen and Hatan can't allow that. He's not sure about what to do but when she finds her yelling at some warriors for a trivial matter he can see all her cracks and, as someone who knows loss and grief very well, he can't stand to watch the great Commander fall apart like that.

He's the only one who really notices, the other rebels catching up on something being wrong, but never thinking too much of it, they don't know the Commander, but he has heard how her people talk about her, how even other clans talk about her. He has heard the Trikru people living at the borders speaking of their Commander and he has heard the Horse people talking about her as well. The reverence, the respect, the love in their voices always left Hatan wishing he could meet this great Commander himself.

Maybe his trust is rushed and too easily given this time, but he believes Lexa and doesn't think she will betray their deal, he surely wants peace after this war and his people need it, so he makes a decision, he chooses to show his good faith in hope that his honesty will result in trust from the Commander as well.

He walks toward her tent that night, his head high, his mind firm on its decision, certain if still a little worried. But then he stops abruptly, shreds of a hushed but heated conversation reaching his ears.

He sees a few Sky guards talking around the remnants of a fire, their voices angry and resentful. Hatan hears a boy he doesn't know the name of talking about someone called Pike and looks as Bellamy, Octavia said he's her brother, hushes him and prevents him from saying more. He listens as Bellamy agrees with the other three boys, telling them he doesn't trust the grounders either, Hatan scowls as one of the boys accuses the rebels to be actually at the service of the Queen and Bellamy nods.

Then he hears something that makes him go pale, Bellamy assures his friends that as soon as they get Clarke and go back to Arkadia, they will put up the best protections from the grounders, the Mountain still has missiles and they know how to use them. He tells them Pike already has a team learning in details how the Mountain's weapons work and how resourceful they could be, he tells them not to worry because grounders will not be a threat.

Hatan leaves with an aching mind, his trust crushed, his mood turning dark. He trusts Clarke, he knows Nyx and Wit trust her, he learnt even Malaya came to trust the girl, but can he trust her people? He can't risk them knowing that she's with the rebels and threatening his friends to get to her. So he retreats to his tent without telling anything to anyone. It is best to leave it all to Clarke, she will surely be able to deal with her people better than him.


	27. Betrayed

**A/N: I am really not satisfied with this one. That's why it took me so long to post it. I don't like it, and I'm sorry I couldn't do better :/**

 **Anyway... How much would you hate me if something really bad happened to Nyx...?**

 **I mostly use the italic for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.**

 **Also... I'm looking for a beta to go over the story and help me with a few points and to get new ideas, so if you want to help me, contact me on tumblr my username is justawordunsaid or on twitter Sara_NobodyO**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty-Six: Betrayed**

But she opens her eyes again and death does not come that day. The knife retreats, although the grip doesn't loosen and brown hard eyes stare into her own gentler ones.

Faith struggles to talk, her throat hurting, but Ontari doesn't let her begin.

" _What are you doing here?_ " Ontari growls and her voice is so different from the gentle one Faith was used to.

She stumbles on her words, not knowing what to say. She didn't really plan that far, she thought that surviving would have meant that Ontari could still be on her side, though this Ontari looked anything but.

" _How did you get those scars?_ ", it's the most dumb thing she could've said, but it's the only thing that reaches her brain.

Ontari stares at her with hard eyes and shoves her against the wall one more time before taking a step back. Faith waits for a reaction that doesn't come. Ontari is silent, until she presses the knife back to Faith's throat and hisses a warning.

" _Stay far away from me, or you won't survive those same scars._ "

Ontari is gone before Faith can say much, but her last words still reach the retreating shadow. " _I miss you_ ".

... ... . ... ...

Faith can finally breath properly as she returns to the the main road, head bowed to hide herself, a grim expression on her face. On her way back she encounters other guards and look for a place to hide quickly, as she takes a turn into a small street, she feels someone grab her and usher her into a dark alley. Blond hair are barely hidden from the hood and she soon spots blue eyes that make her calm down.

Clarke's hand is still firm on her arm as Nyx jerks her away, furious eyes glaring at her.

Nobody says anything and Faith really can't stand the silence, so she starts to apologise, but Nyx cuts her off.

" _You've seen her._ "

It's not a question, and she knows she's not supposed to confirm it, so she just lowers her gaze looking at the floor. She knows it was reckless, she endangered everyone and she worried her friends, but she had to see the girl.

Nyx's eyes are hard and she doesn't say anything else as she steps out into the street again and leads them back.

As they walk in silence, Faith feels Clarke's hand sliding up her back, a small comfort as their friend marches in front of them, still deadly silent. Faith knows she's in for a lesson and she knows she needs to apologise to the others for worrying them, so, as they get back to camp, she starts with Clarke, figuring she's the easy one.

And Clarke is upset, she was scared for her young friend, but she understands somehow and Faith's heart feels a bit lighter.

Nyx talks to her, eventually, after dinner, and Faith promises to make it up to her. Nyx shakes her head and ruffles her hair as she used to do when Faith was younger.

That night Faith thinks it all over in her head. She finds she doesn't regret going to Ontari, and she acknowledges there's still hope in her heart, hope that her friend is not really lost to her.

She falls asleep thinking about brown eyes that used to be a comfortable place to her.

* * *

Hatan watches the Sky People with a troubled mind, he looks back to Octavia quietly talking with Sylvia and can't help but wonder. He likes the girl, but he knows she is Bellamy's sister and he can't trust the boy, so can he trust her?

His dark mood doesn't go unnoticed by his friends and he tries not to worry them, although it feels like lying not telling them what he overheard. Soon Cham is at his side, questioning his foul expression and Hatan can't hide anything from the man who's like a brother to him.

Cham looks very disturbed by it and Hatan immediately regrets saying anything. His friend doesn't speak for a long time, and when he does, Hatan doesn't like what comes out of his lips.

" _Obviously we can't trust her people, how do we know we can trust her?_ "

He believes in Clarke and Nyx, he doesn't like where Cham is taking the conversation.

" _We thought she had left her people after destroying the Mountain, because she couldn't face them, because she couldn't go back. Yet, here her people are, rushing to rescue her with their weapons from a dead world. How do we know she was not lying in the first place?_ "

Hatan growls at him then, he tells him to shut up and stop that nosense. He doesn't want to doubt Clarke, he has faith in Nyx, Wit, Aeryn, he trusts their judgement, and if even the stoic and cold Malaya accepted Clarke as one of them, he will not doubt her. But Cham's words trouble him as much as those of the Sky people.

" _Even if she is telling the truth and has nothing to do with their plans, she will have to choose. And do you really think she will not choose her family?_ " Cham falls quiet then, letting the words sink in and Hatan can't deny that the question is a valid one.

If Clarke were to choose a side between Sky and Ice, which would she choose? Is it really believable that she would think twice before choosing her people and family?

* * *

Livio betrays them.

Elia dies at the hands of the soldiers who ambush them in the small camp, the only one they told Livio about. Malaya insisted on making the boys believe most of the rebels where yet to arrive and now they're all grateful for it.

There is a fight, one they cannot win, they are highly outnumbered and the soldiers are not alone, royal guards are with them and they are the best warriors in Ice. Malaya struggles to hold her own as she pushes the other rebels to retreat.

Clarke manages to get a hold of Faith, pulling the girl away from the fight, Goral and Kora are fighting side to side, holding back the soldiers to give the others time to run. Few of them die, Xavier tries to save a young boy and almost gets killed as he's attacked by three soldiers, Jivin runs to help him and together they manage to put some distance between them and the soldiers.

Nyx, Rokh and Jeanne are still in the middle of the fight, Clarke rushes to help them and Malaya follows as soon as she has cleared an escape way to allow a quick retreat when they are all together.

Jeanne is badly wounded when Goral gets to her, leaving Xavier and Kora to protect the escape way. He has to pick her up because she can't run, he hands her to Xavier and turns just in time to see the worst happen.

Clarke is fighting off soldiers with Faith, a royal guard engages her in a fight and the blonde does her best to remember the sparring with Nyx and Liri's lessons. Faith is struggling, still refusing to run back to safety, she stubbornly fights her way out of a nasty situation and turns to see Clarke staring in shock at the same young man she saw Ontari with a few days ago.

The battle seems to stop, time halting with it, as everyone stares at the person between two pointing swords.

Everything proceeds in slow motion for Faith, she doesn't even realise she's screaming and kicking as Malaya and Clarke struggle to pull her back. The next thing she knows is that they're all retreating, the soldiers leaving with their prize.

Ontari avoids her eyes as Faith looks at her, betrayal, regret and fury written all over her face. She snarls at the dark haired warrior and swears to get revenge, she yells and tries to break free from her friends' hold, she tries to reach the girl who she can't believe she thought could still be her friend. She wants to kill her.

... ... . ... ...

Nyx is gone. Clarke is still in shock as she enters the tent with Malaya, Faith and Goral. Aeryn immediately goes over to them, terror flashing in her eyes at their expressions.

Clarke keeps seeing the scene, Nyx engaging Roan in a fight, none of them able to prevail although he was obviously way better trained than her, and then Ontari joining the fight. That's when Nyx lost.

Clarke remembers Malaya desperately trying to reach her friend, she remembers herself struggling to get rid of the soldiers she was still fighting to go help the brunette. But neither of them had been fast enough. Nyx lost her sword, Roan pointed his own at her chest, Ontari immediately raising hers at the rebel's back, discouraging her from attempting to reach for her daggers.

Clarke saw Xavier at the back of her eye getting a hold of a bow, knocking an arrow and never having the opportunity to let it fly at Roan or Ontari. Royal guards were upon him in seconds and his arrow struck one in the chest, never reaching the two warriors who were capturing Nyx. Goral was the one who had yelled to retreat, and Clarke barely recalls grasping at Faith and needing Malaya's help to keep the girl from following the soldiers. She remembers watching them tying Nyx, she remembers Ontari staring their way, a few royal guards laughing and they were gone. The way back to the bigger camp had passed in shock and denial.

They trusted the wrong people. Livio betrayed them, probably hoping to be accepted in the royal guard, Elia was dead and Nyx was captured. What could they do now?

She's forced back from her thoughts by Aeryn demanding an answer, but everyone is averting their eyes, none finding the words.

"Livio betrayed us. Elia is dead, some of our own are dead. Nyx was captured." she's surprised to hear her voice steady and hard, she also realises she's spoken in English, but Aeryn understood. As she sees Aeryn crumble in front of them, she feels a cold sensation washing over her, she feels oddly calm as ice cold reason pushes the pain back. It seems she never has time to grief when she needs to. She didn't get time to grief for Wells, she didn't get to grief for Finn at all, she was always forced to push the pain away and focus on what needed to be done. Her people needed her and she put aside her own feelings for them, she has to do the same now.

She will acknowledge the pain later, now Aeryn needs her, Faith needs her, Malaya, Goral, the rebels need her. Her people need her. Her family needs her, her friends are breaking and she has to be the one to hold them together. Nyx would want her to.


	28. Wanheda

**A/N: This chapter had me conflicted. There's an important scene here and** **I really wanted to write it like the rebels see it: in a blur, something that isn't clear until it's over. I hope it wasn't too bad.** **I'm thinking about going back to it in the next chapter through the character's memory and emotions so that I can portray the scene a little better, actually write about what happened. Would you like that? As always, let me know!**

 **Framed by "... ..." are Clarke's memories, just in case it got you confused.**

 **There must be SO many mistakes, but I was in a hurry to publish this *shy smile***

 **I mostly use the italic for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.**

 **Also... I'm looking for a beta to go over the story and help me with a few points and to get new ideas, so if you want to help me, contact me on tumblr my username is justawordunsaid or on twitter Sara_NobodyO**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty-Seven: Wanheda**

Clarke reaches the bed and breaks, she starts crying and sobbing, struggling to keep quiet as not to draw attention from outside. She knows Aeryn would immediately know what's going on and would come to her, and she doesn't want it. The Ice girl has lost a close friend, a family member, and although Clarke feels her chest constricted and it's hard to breath, she knows it would be selfish to take Aeryn's comfort when the girl must be grieving even more than her.

She has done everything she could, she has prepared the rebels for the attack, if they want to have a chance at saving Nyx they need to attack soon, they can't wait for the Moon warriors. They are going to get Nyx back, then they can attack, and if they don't manage to get her back, they will destroy the Queen's guard and kill the Queen for good. She knows that the rebels will stop at nothing now, they lost the woman they looked up to, the woman who pushed them to fight for their freedom, the woman who put her life on the line for years just to protect them. Now their feelings are what can give them the power to win. Clarke knows it, but she also knows that she cannot risk Nyx's life.

And that's why Malaya is the only one who knows the whole plan. Because she's the one Clarke trusts the most to see it done.

Now she allows herself to grief, now she allows herself to think about Nyx and the friendship they have built. She lets the memory lull her to sleep just to jerk her back to awareness.

She goes back to those few days before leaving Cristallo, when Nyx had trained with Clarke, Faith and Wit in the forest.

 _... ..._

 _Nyx is playing with Faith while training her, Wit laughing with Clarke, then Malaya joins in, scolding them for fooling around instead of practicing, and Nyx and Faith attack her, starting a game Wit soon joins. All three of them against Malaya, Clarke watching surprised at how Malaya plays along, faking a scowl on her face that doesn't hide the amusement in her eyes._

 _Wit calls for backups as Malaya manages to disarm him, he looks at Clarke pleading and she laughs, Faith attacks Malaya from behind, but the older rebel is quick and fights her off. Nyx jumps out of nowhere to aid Faith and Wit is suddenly on his feet again, trying to overpower Malaya with a small dagger, having lost his sword._

 _When Nyx is about to disarm Malaya, Clarke joins in, her sword clashing with the brunette's as she protects Malaya's back. Faith gives her a dumbfounded look and she throws her a wink before catching Nyx's smirk. She got distracted and the rebel is about to strike her, when Malaya switches them and blocks Nyx's blow, leaving her to fight off Wit and Faith._

 _They dance around each other until Clarke manages to disarm Wit and push him to the ground, with Faith cornered and forced into surrender by Malaya, the two allies approach Nyx together, Clarke's grin firmly in place and a smirk barely showing on Malaya's face. Nyx doesn't give, confidently twirling her sword at them. Soon Malaya disappears from sight and Clarke is left to fend for herself._

 _As Nyx is about to win, Clarke struggling under the fierce attack, the brunette sends Clarke a kiss before delivering the last blow that is suddenly blocked by Malaya, who managed to make Nyx lose track of her surroundings long enough to sneak behind her back, disarming her from behind._

 _Nyx is turning around in protest when Clarke points her sword at her chest, breathing heavily from the fight. Nyx looks at her in shock as if she expected Clarke to let her face Malaya for a last chance at winning, then she bursts out laughing._

 _Clarke lets her sword fall to the ground before she is tackled by a laughing Faith and Wit who scream in victory, claiming that they only needed to wait for her to be too tired and bring her down. Clarke has no strength left to push them off and is grateful when Malaya forcefully pulls them off her, smacking Wit on the head as Nyx goes to ruffle Faith's hair, the girl trying to escape the gesture._

 _The blonde stays on the ground, looking happily at her new friends, laughing together as a family, and she realises how lucky she is to be included in their dynamics._

 _... ..._

Clarke lets herself smile between tears.

 _... ..._

 _Aeryn wants to dance, and when she wants something she gets it. At first she forces Chayim to dance with her, but then declares that he's boring, so she pulls Faith up from her seat where she had been gossiping about everyone and they dance for a while, fooling around the fire happily. After a while though she tries to get Nyx and Clarke to join in. Clarke relents after a short while, because she knows better than refuse Aeryn, Nyx puts up more of a fight, but eventually she is dragged in the middle of the others by Aeryn and Wit, Clarke shrugging and pushing her from behind, shooting her a half-apologising look as Nyx glares at her._

 _Soon Clarke understands why Faith said it's so funny to watch Nyx dance, or, one would better say, attempt to._

 _After a few clumsy attempts at swinging her body around, the brunette rebel claims she hasn't had enough alcohol for this and retrieves a full glass from Kora, who's still sitting down. When she joins them again, she's dragging the other girl with her, hoping to share the embarrassment. But Kora smiles sweetly at her and start dancing all around her, making Nyx grunt annoyed._

"Why does every girl have to flirt with me? _" she slurs tipsy. All around people laugh, some of the women pointing out that she would do a great lesbian. Nyx flips them off and starts a very embarrassing dance with Goral as both of them are drunk, awful dancers._

 _Kora has found a girl and is all over her already, the girl not seeming to mind one bit, and Clarke is dancing with Faith, the girl urging her to move faster, wilder. Until the brunette from earlier approaches and Faith gets pushed toward her by a smirking Clarke._

 _There is a loud cheering as Katarina approaches Malaya and literally forces her up and into a dance. What shocks Clarke the most is how beautiful of a dancer Malaya is. The couple moves extremely gracefully, twirling around each other, the flame casting shadows to join them in the heavenly dancing. They move as if nobody else existed, lost in their world, eyes locked with each other, fierceness in their gaze and passion in their movements. They mesmerise everyone with their confident moves, then Aeryn joins them and the dance turns erotic, the three of them find their way comfortably around each other, hands brushing and bodies alight, it seems like they know each other's body in intimate ways and recall private dances in that more chaste one._

 _Clarke feels herself starting to heat up as Aeryn looks her way and throws her a lust-filled smile. The Ice girl then leaves her companions and reaches for Clarke's hand, pushing her body flush against the blonde's, her hands find their way into wild dirty hair and Clarke complies as Aeryn leads her into another dance. This time it's slow, Aeryn lets her swing gently as she twirls around Clarke, hands never leaving the blonde's body-_

"And I get the cute girl! _" they hear Faith shout, unaware of the loudness of her voice, she's facing Xavier and staring him off. The girl behind her, who just kissed Faith, is blushing profusely and trying to pull Faith away from her contest with the boy._

 _Xavier just laughs at her drunkenness and retorts "_ Well then, I'll just go get Wit and Chayim, they always like some good fun _", he wriggles his eyebrows at her and gets the reaction he wanted._

 _She lets go of the girl she has been eyeing all night and jumps up victoriously "_ I knew it! I knew you three banged each other! _"_

 _They all watch amused as Xavier pulls a girl close, kisses her gently and then turns to Faith again. "_ Looks like you lost your buddy for the night _", he laughs louder as she twirls around to see the girl walking away. She turns toward him shocked and can't seem to put a sentence together before she decides to cut it and runs after the girl._

 _They all laugh again as they watch a very drunk Faith try to convince the girl to come back._

"Who let her drink? _" Nyx asks from behind Clarke, her own drunkenness subsiding a little._

 _Xavier looks away and hurries off to another fire to join some friends and Goral attempts to take some silent steps back, but Nyx catches him and slaps him in the back of the head. He looks up at her and shrugs "_ Ops _"._

"Well, Faith was right about Katarina and Malaya apparently though _" Clarke says after a while, sitting again, Aeryn at her side with her head on Clarke's shoulder. Aeryn simply nods and Clarke tells her amused, "_ And I think you know a lot about it, huh? _"_

 _Aeryn just smiles up at her and plants a chaste kiss on Clarke's cheek before resting against her shoulder again, almost dozing off to sleep._

 _... ..._

As sleep is finally taking her, her brain conjures few last scenes.

 _... ..._

" _Not everyone. Not you"_

" _We won't take deals, Clarke."_

 _Lexa steps back, until her back hits the table, then green eyes struggle to focus, caught up in blue ones. Clarke can see all of her then._

 _Nyx's back hits a tree and she uses a branch to lift herself up and avoid Clarke's kick. Then, from that same branch, she smiles at Clarke and tells her she almost got her._

 _Lexa and Clarke talk about fighting skills, Lexa offers to train Clarke in hand to hand combat. They spend an afternoon fighting, Clarke is tired at the end of the day, but Lexa gives her a small smile and assures her she has done good. They eat together and later, when they are about to march against the Mountain, Lexa has an armour for her._

 _Nyx picks up a dagger, she's silent for a long time before she tells Clarke the weapon's story. It was her mother's. she tells Clarke about her family, she opens up as Clarke has done when she told her about her father, about Wells, about Lexa. At the end of the story, Nyx gives her the dagger._

 _Clarke doesn't take the armour._

 _Clarke accepts the dagger and ties it carefully at her side._

 _"I made this choice with my head and not my heart"_

"You are my people _"._

 _... ..._

Sleep finally takes her and dreams of happy moments and possibilities dance before her closed eyes, never to be reached.

* * *

The rebels follow her like they followed Nyx, they wait for her orders, slowly advancing on the royal palace. Silently, they take out soldiers in the streets near by, getting closer and closer, until they stop just outside the gardens that surround the palace. They avoid the guards, hide in the shadows, wait for Clarke's signal to attack.

They don't know they're alone, Clarke told them their friends from the other camps would join them soon, they don't know Clarke never meant for the attack to happen today.

They are ready to fight and die for their Nation, for their people, family, friends, they're ready to put their lives on the line for Nyx, for Clarke, ready to follow the Sky Princess to their death. They don't know she doesn't mean to be the one leading them to victory.

Clarke looks at the unkempt gardens, still able to see the gracefully powerful beauty that once was, she catches it in the light shining through stubborn leaves, that refuse to fall, the spirit of Ice still breathes beneath the darkness the Queen has cast upon the lands. She feels the power of this Nation roll off in waves of heat from the people behind her, the people who have her back right now, ready to fight.

She looks around, she can see the people she has come to call her own, they're all waiting for her to do something, waiting for a gesture, anything to tell them that the war has begun. But she doesn't do anything, she stares in all the eyes she can see, until her gaze meets Malaya's and there's a sadness, a hurt, there Clarke didn't expect.

Turning around she can see Xavier, Goral, Katarina, Rokh, Jivin, Chayim and Wit, they all came thinking they would get Nyx back fighting the guards, they know nothing of what Clarke has discussed with Malaya, they look at her and nod, smile, grin, each of them offering her support in their own way. Wit smiles reassuringly, Chayim grins at her, Xavier gives her thumbs up, Katarina offers a solemn nod, Jivin and Rokh smile, Goral sends a little wave. They are all there for her and Clarke feels comforted.

That morning, saying goodbye to Aeryn was hard, it felt like a small betrayal not telling the girl what she was really going to do. She left Malaya a message for the others, to say goodbye.

Aeryn had kissed her good luck, hugging her fiercely as Clarke weakly returned the embrace. The Ice girl had asked if she felt okay, saying she looked off, Clarke had tried to reassure her everything was alright, but the girl's expression when the rebels left the camp was haunted, and Clarke knew she was responsible for that.

Faith has hidden too well for Clarke to see her now, but she search anyway for a glimpse of bronze red hair, not finding any. She sighs, hoping Faith will forgive her, then she stands up and locks eyes with Malaya again. It's time.

... ... . ... ...

Malaya is the only one Clarke could be sure of, the only one Clarke could ask for help, the only one who doesn't waver as she hands Wanheda over to the Queen in exchange for their friend. She trades the person the Queen wants the most for the person they need the most, and Clarke mouths a "thank you" at her before letting the soldiers take her.

Nyx is yelling in protest, she's struggling against the men's hold as they lead her to Malaya, Faith is screaming too, urging her friends to fight, needing to save them both, but Goral holds her back, Rokh puts a hand on her shoulder, understanding. Malaya keeps a straight face, doesn't falter, stoic expression in place, she waits until Nyx is safe among their lines before ordering the retreat.

Her command is met with protests, the rebels want to attack, to take the city as they came here to do. But she shouts louder, she makes them listen, and most of them are too shocked, too happy to have Nyx back, too confused at Malaya's apparent betrayal of their Sky ally to do anything else than obey. They slowly retreat, the Queen watching them with triumph as Clarke is held by two men at her side.

Xavier and Katarina step up to help Nyx, who shrugs off Malaya's hand when the woman tries to support her. Wit and Chayim are silent and still at each other side, they don't move with the others, they watch Clarke nodding slightly at them and Wit can feel tears threatening to escape before Chayim drags him back, pulling him toward safety.

As they make their way back, Faith starts yelling at Malaya, the woman doesn't flinch as the younger girl shouts accuses at her.

... ... . ... ...

" _Why did you let her?_ " is all Nyx asks when they are finally alone in the tent.

Malaya steels herself, " _You are the one they need, without you there is no winning this war. She knows that._ "

Nyx lowers her head, anger still rushing through her as Aeryn silently enters the tent. She hugs Nyx, happy to have her friend back, but there are tears streaming down her cheeks as she checks Nyx's wounds.

" _It was her idea, wasn't it?_ " she whispers, not looking up from a bandaged arm.

Malaya simply nods, knowing the other girl doesn't really need a confirmation. " _The plan to attack still stands. But she wanted to wait for the Moon warriors if we could get Nyx back._ "

" _When should they arrive?_ " Aeryn asks again.

" _It shouldn't be long now. A couple of days maybe._ "

Silence falls then and it's only broken by Nyx as her voice fills with rage and determination. " _We are not waiting._ "

" _And what do you plan to do? We can't save her, Nyx. She knew that when she asked my help._ "

Nyx stands suddenly, shrugging off Aeryn's attempt at getting her to sit down again. " _I said, we are. Not. Waiting._ " she growls. " _I don't care if we can't save her, we are going to try._ "

Malaya snaps at her then, trying to make her see how stupid that would be, how foolish, how it would only make her sacrifice useless.

Faith comes in as they are fighting, almost yelling at each other as Aeryn keeps quiet, knowing better than to interfere. Faith doesn't care though, she comes to stand in between them and turns to Malaya.

Then she punches her in the face.

Malaya doesn't even stumble as her gaze turns gentler looking at the hurt in the young girl's eyes. Faith starts crying as she hugs Malaya tight. Malaya is shocked at the reaction and it takes her a while to return the embrace. As she looks up she sees that tears have started streaming on Nyx's face again too.

" _They are going to kill her tomorrow._ " Faith manages to get out between sobs. " _The Queen wants to do it in the square, she wants everyone to know she's the one who killed Wanheda_." her voice is rough and broken, the words barely making it out of her trembling lips. She turns around and buries her face in Nyx's chest, holding on for dear life.


	29. Civil War

**A/N: I finally have a BETA (Thank you S.!) ! Yay! So this chapter should be less of a mess than the others :)**

 **Framed by "... ..." are memories, just in case it got you confused.**

 **I apologise in advance for how badly I write battles, it's my writing weakness.**

 ***** Happy Spoiler *****

 **Clexa meeting in the next chapter!**

 **I mostly use the italic for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.**

 **Come find me on tumblr (username is justawordunsaid) or on twitter (Sara_NobodyO)**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty-Eight: Civil War**

... ...

 _The first time Nyx catches Clarke and Malaya training together, she finds them in a small clearing in the forest, Malaya trying to back the blonde against a tree, Clarke fighting back fiercely to keep up with the merciless assault of the rebel._

 _She watches them for a while before throwing two knives at their heads that miss their targets by little. Malaya looks annoyed at being caught sparring with the stranger girl, but Nyx grins and charges them both._

 _Clarke is the first one to engage in a fight and the two dance around each other, Nyx still smiling, Clarke focused on finding an opening to attack. Malaya eventually joins them and Nyx has fun facing the two together._

 _Malaya ends up being defeated by her friend, but as Nyx smiles smugly at her victory she finds Clarke's dagger at her neck and the blonde has a firm hold of her from behind her back. She surrenders laughing, shrugging off Malaya's pout and grinning up at Clarke who's beaming at her._

... ...

 _Clarke is telling Faith about space, the young girl is always excited and she soaks up everything Clarke lets her know. Yet Nyx can't help but hear the sad note behind Clarke's amused voice._

 _When she asks the girl about it later, Clarke tells her how she saw her father be killed for wanting the people to know the truth, she tells her about the council sending kids to a possible death to test the ground, tells her about how she hated her best friend for a long time without knowing the truth, tells her how said best friend died on the ground, tells her how the truth broke her, knowing her father died because of her mother. She tells her about dreaming of the ground when she was up there, about her drawings of forests, about how different it is to breathe real air, how much the Ark sometimes felt like a cage._

 _Nyx drinks every word and adds them to the messy sketch of this girl that she drew in her mind._

... ...

 _"Thank you"_

 _Nyx looks up at Clarke, tearing her gaze from their companions drinking or sleeping feet away. Only yesterday they didn't know if they could have saved Clarke, just the night before Nyx told Clarke she's her people. Now the sky girl has broken a comfortable silence thanking her and Nyx isn't sure what that's for. So she asks._

" _What you did, what you said yesterday, the way you live and fight..." Clarke trails off, unsure of what she wants to say. "You gave me back something I had lost", her voice returns after a break._

 _Silence again, then Clarke turns to look at the fire a few feet away and speaks slowly, quietly._

" _After Lexa betrayed me at the Mountain, when I killed all those innocent people I did the same thing she did. I thought I had no choice, she thought she had no choice, and what's the point if when it comes down to it we have no choice but to turn into the same monsters we're fighting? Why try if in the end there's no 'doing right'? I thought it all came down to that: let the people you love die, or turn into a monster to save them. And it was unbearable, because I couldn't regret it and yet I couldn't stop hating myself for it."_

 _Clarke stops again, as if checking whether she's making sense._

" _Lexa said that love is weakness, and after the Mountain I started believing it. If it weren't for love I would have been able to kill those people without it breaking me. But it broke me and I thought that meant love is, after all, weakness."_

 _Nyx is about to step in, but she holds back seeing that Clarke is not done._

" _You showed me that sometimes there is a third choice. You showed me that if there is a third choice, love is exactly what can make you win. You gave it back to me, Nyx: love is strength. You gave me my strength back."_

 _At that point Nyx can't do anything but smile and hug her friend tightly._

 _Later at night, Nyx thinks about how Clarke has called Lexa by name instead of "the Commander", she thinks about whether Clarke and Lexa had become close while fighting together just like the two of them now. She wonders if maybe they had become close in a more intimate way than the two of them and that makes her think about just how much Lexa's betrayal must have hurt Clarke, about what it meant to Clarke, how it must have meant more than just the betrayal of an ally. She falls asleep thinking about everything she knows Clarke has been through and everything she still doesn't know about the girl._

... ...

In her tent, Nyx recalls episodes from the journey, she remembers practising with Clarke back in Cristallo, the dagger she gave Clarke held firmly in her hands.

 _Love is strength_. If Clarke is right, Nyx will find a way to save her.

She twirls the dagger in her hand absently minded, making plans and discarding them quickly in her head. She turns the dagger between her fingers annoyed, upset because she can't seem to come up with a good enough plan, a plan that would ensure Clarke's safety.

The blade cuts through skin and she finally settle down, her mind silent, her body still, hands in her lap she just stares at the thin line of blood sliding down her finger.

She doesn't want to think about what happens if she can't save Clarke. She doesn't even know what to do after they take the capital, she has no idea how to rule her people. Clarke had to improvise herself leader when her people needed her and she saved them all, but Nyx wouldn't know where to start. She is a fighter, she can lead an army, but she cannot lead a country back to greatness.

There are leaders among the rebels, yes, but none of them has any idea how to start over. Clarke had to when they landed on the ground, a bunch of kids alone. She knows how to lead a clan, the skaikru are alive thanks to her, otherwise they would have died at the hands of the grounders. Clarke knows when to pick a fight and when to reach out for a compromise, she knows how to survive.

When the Queen falls, the Ice Nation will be weak, exposed to attacks from the other clans, and Nyx wouldn't know how to handle it in any other way than fighting, but fighting would get her people killed. Clarke knows how to raise a nation from the ground, she felt the strength in the girl. Clarke might think that the rebels need Nyx the most, but to survive they need Clarke. Nyx needs Clarke.

So she's going to get her back.

 **{previously}**

Aeryn can finally be alone with herself, she has made sure no one is injured and now she can finally give in to the tears. She broke down when Nyx was captured and Clarke was there with her. Now she can't even accept Nyx's support because her friend is busy making plans to have a chance at saving Clarke.

As she allows herself to think of the blonde, she recalls the episode with the children in Cristallo, she had watched Clarke for a while, keeping herself enough far behind that Clarke wouldn't notice her presence. She had watched her draw for them and later she had asked her what the two kids told her that would make her look so confused.

" _Her passion is the leader of many_ ", she understands it now.

Clarke is amazing, that day Aeryn could see how easily the kids liked her, how easily the children trusted a stranger. But Aeryn knows, it's easy to fall in love with someone like Clarke. She can see everyone is drawn to her, one way or another. She knows she herself is, she was drawn to the girl since the day she found her in the forest. Clarke almost killed her that day, but Aeryn offered her a safe place, a warm bed, an actual meal.

Now Aeryn looks for Clarke's sketchbook, wanting to look at the girl's art to try and feel close to her.

In Clarke's sketchbook she finds drawings of Faith playing with Astrid, Malaya fighting, Nyx looking over her people.

She even finds one of herself, Clarke drew her as she stands at the door of her home in Cristallo, probably the day the rebels left, right after Aeryn kissed her goodbye. She smiles at the beauty of the drawing, Clarke made her eyes shine and her features look smooth as the water of a silent lake.

Faith looks carefree and happy in Clarke's sketch, she's laughing and twirling Astrid around, they're in the forest, her brownish red hair alight with the sun.

Malaya looks like she's dancing with a sword in each hand, holding a perfect balance suspended in the air, her eyes dark and focused on something only visible to her, her hair flying around her head in perfect harmony with the wind.

As she looks at the drawing of Nyx, Aeryn can really see her friend, Clarke portrayed her perfectly. She's sitting in the dark, the dim light of a fire touching her face, Clarke drew her profile as she watches over the rebels celebrating around small fires, in her eyes dance reflexes of the flames, her lips are unconsciously turned upward in a small smile. Clarke caught the perfect moment, when in Nyx's eyes you can see all she's thinking, about her people, about her clan, about her friends and family, about what she thinks is her mission.

Then she finds the drawing of a brunette, green deep eyes staring up at her, charcoal surrounding and darkening them. The obviously beautiful face is stained with blood and dirt, the look in her eyes heartbreakingly cold and yet pained.

After a few drawings of rebels, there's the girl again. She's different this time, the drawing seems at peace, not a tormented mess of emotions, a sigh maybe, but a content one. It portrays the girl against a table, she's looking at someone in front of her, her hands grip the surface behind her tightly and her chin is raised defiantly. Her lips are pressed together as if she were afraid even a breath would escape and give her away, but her eyes are what capture Aeryn's attention once again. The same green, brighter, free from the shadow of the warpaint, although the charcoal is still there, it is as if in the previous drawing the eyes resembled a solid forest, while now they look like a lake reflecting crowns of trees and light. They are still conflicted, but there is a longing in them and a passion that strike Aeryn.

Of course, Aeryn knows who the girl is, the Commander of Trikru, she knows that the first drawing must portray her at the Mountain, when she betrayed the Sky People and Clarke. But the second drawing is so obviously intimate that Aeryn wonders what there was between them, or what could have been. Clarke never talked to her about her relationship with the Commander, but from this drawing Aeryn knows they were more then allies, or at least they were starting to be.

In the drawing, the Commander looks scared, although she's trying to look strong and unmovable, the emotions in her eyes dance on the surface, so visible and Aeryn marvels at how well Clarke managed to portray them. She doesn't have to wonder whether the drawing actually corresponds to the truth or not, she saw from the other ones that Clarke is very good at her art, she can portray someone's feeling on their face exactly how she sees them, and she's normally good at seeing through someone too.

She keeps skimming the sketchbook for other completed drawings and stops dead when she finds another drawing of her. This one is only a sketch, but it portrays Aeryn sleeping peacefully. She's covered by furs, but a bare shoulder peeking out suggests she's naked beneath them, as does the bare leg that sneaks out of the furs and reaches the edge of the makeshift bed. She's in a tent, so Clarke must have drawn her the night after they slept together.

Aeryn finds herself blushing as she looks at her own face, the only part of the sketch already completed, it's beautiful and it makes her feel warm to know that's how Clarke sees her. She has her eyes closed, but she looks so much at peace that it makes Aeryn long for that past day, wanting to go back to Clarke's warm that night, when her friends were still safe and the blonde girl from the sky was in her arms.

 **{that night}**

The camp is overly silent that night, nobody feels like talking, no laughter is heard, no smile, not a joke among the rebels who normally try to stay joyful despite what they're going through.

They are all thinking about that morning, when, confident they would succeed, they followed the Sky Princess into Ice, they sneaked easily in the city, silently killing guards until they were closed enough to the royal palace. They all thought the back ups would have soon arrived, convinced Clarke's plan was to attack fast enough to get a chance at saving Nyx. They were waiting to hear the sounds of battle from the rest of the city, but the noises were the common ones, the normal ones. No screams, no swords clanging, no battle cries, no alarms.

The next thing they know Malaya is handing Clarke over to the Queen. Most of them initially thought it was Malaya's idea, they thought she had betrayed their ally to get Nyx back. Then they found out there were no back ups coming from the other camps, and they slowly realised it was Clarke's plan all along.

Now they can't even celebrate having Nyx back, because they see it on the girl's face too: they need Clarke.

They keep glancing at the dying fire nobody is taking care of, around which are seated the ones who got to know Clarke best. Nyx is between Aeryn and Faith, Wit flanking the young rebel on her other side with Chayim right at his side, Xavier, Goral and Kora sit close, then Jivin and Rokh with Malaya who just stares into the fire, never raising her eyes to look at any of them.

Around the fire the silence is starting to be too much for Faith, she can't stand to see them just sitting there instead of trying to come up with a solution. Clarke found a way to save Nyx when the rebel was capture, she made a plan, she lead them, she didn't just sit there despairing.

She scans her friends around the fire, Nyx looks absent as if she weren't there, Aeryn still has the marks of the tears that fell for a long time that afternoon, she took care of everyone and then she went to break alone in Clarke's tent. Faith knows the two had got pretty close and she admires how Aeryn managed to keep it together long enough to make sure everyone was fine.

Except, none of them are fine. Kora has a hand on Goral's thigh and the big man is still swirling around the beer in his cup, not in the mood to drink. Chayim keeps looking at Wit and Nyx with a worried expression, the other boy is still and rigid in his seat, his fists are closed and he seems to be controlling his breathing. Xavier, unlike Goral, is drinking all the beer he can fit in his stomach, until at some point Jivin reaches out to snap the cup from his hands, the boy doesn't even react, he lowers his head and stares at the ground. Jivin and Rokh appear to be the ones dealing better, Rokh looks incredibly sad, but somehow Faith thinks he's the one who understands what Clarke did best, Jivin keeps opening his mouth as if to say something but then closes it, defeated by the oppressing silence. Malaya still hasn't looked up after she moved her gaze from her food to the fire, Aeryn is not really eating, still rolling her food around her plate and taking small bites, as if afraid that she'll throw up if she gets too much food in her stomach, Faith sympathises. Aeryn also looks very pale and Faith is afraid that the girl might get sick, she looks after everyone, but nobody thought about making sure she was okay.

... ... . ... ...

Wit is the one who loses it first. He attacks Malaya, at first throwing a mug at her when she doesn't answer his verbal provocations, than physically starting a fight with her.

The girl is startled out of her stillness by the object hitting her on the shoulder. She looks up to see Wit standing, furious eyes piercing through her. He accuses her to have never cared about Clarke, to have always wanted her gone.

" _Well you finally did it! She is gone!_ " he yells angrily.

She just looks up at him, not standing up and not retorting anything.

" _We could have saved Nyx together, Chayim was ready, I had the guards exactly were I needed them, I could have shot them before they could do anything. But it was too much of a great occasion, wasn't it? Get Nyx back and get rid of Clarke at the same time, how could you pass that on?_ "

" _Do you think the Queen would have just come out of her palace and taken Nyx with her, in plain sight if Clarke hadn't arranged that? Do you think you could have also shot the archers at the windows before they killed Nyx and half of us?_ "

Malaya still doesn't stand, but it's enough to piss Wit off even more. He launches on her and they roll on the ground.

They start fighting and everyone can see how sloppy Wit's movements are, how half-felt Malaya's defence is, she's just letting him get it out, not really fighting back. He keeps swinging at her, but none of his blows reaches the target, the hurt blinding him.

Faith knows Wit was the first one of them, after Aeryn, to meet Clarke, he was the first to fight at her side, the first of the rebels to become her friend, the first of them to trust her with their secret, the first to believe in her, the first rebel to really care about her. She also knows that Nyx got closer to Clarke than any of them, though, and that Aeryn should be the one allowed to actually grieve the girl.

Clarke is special, she can tell that herself, and she totally earned the trust and the friendship of the rebels, as well as most of the Ice people she has met. But Faith is surprised at how fast they all got attached to the sky girl, she can't even explained how she herself cares so much already. But they do, they all care a lot about Clarke and they all hope there were another way, they all hope she had told them about her plan, they all hope she had let them help.

Faith imagines Clarke was used to make sacrifices for her people, was used to fight harder than everyone else, was used to get hurt and risk her life. But she hopes she girl had told them.

As she looks up again, she notices that Wit and Malaya are still battling, half the time rolling on the ground. They should stop them, they should get Wit away from her, but nobody seems planning to. Nyx is still lost in whatever dark places she fell into, Chayim is watching his best friend with sad eyes and shaking his head, he's on his feet since Wit attacked Malaya, he seems to be always on the verge to do something, but he just keeps looking at the stumbling form of Wit defeated.

In the end it's Aeryn who stops the fight. She stands up slowly and makes her way near the two fighting rebels, she doesn't seem to care about getting hit by accident. She gets a hold of Wit the second he manages to pin Malaya to the ground and she roughly yanks him up before Malaya can turn them around.

" _Clarke knew what she was doing. She knew that was the only safe way to rescue Nyx. She did it for us, and what are we doing? Nothing. We should be planning the time of the attack, we should be training harder than ever, we should get ourselves ready, instead you fight your own friend._ "

Her voice is deadly calm and low, when she's done she pushes him aside towards Chayim who catches him before he stumbles and hits the ground, then she walks away leaving everyone to stare at her back.

Wit walks away too and sits against a tree in the dark. He knows he can't be mad at Malaya, it's not her fault and it doesn't mean that she doesn't care about Clarke, but he can't stop that little bit of resentment from making its way in his mind. She should have talked Clarke out of it, they should have shared their crazy plan, together they would have come up with something better, something safer.

He knows he's wrong, he knows Clarke did the only thing that could actually ensure Nyx's safety, but he struggles with it. He is happy that Nyx is back, she's his best friend and he doesn't know how he would have dealt if she had died. But he refuses to accept that the only way to save her was sacrificing another one of them. Last time they found a third way, they kept their people safe and rescued Clarke, why couldn't they have found a third option this time as well?

As he sits there in the dark he remembers fun moments together from just weeks ago. There was that time when they had a beer challenge. Clarke easily beat him and she left Xavier a drunk mess while she could still talking without slurring, she bested Goral and even outdrunk Kora, who always kicked the boys' asses. Meanwhile Chayim was watching over them laughing at their expense and Malaya was sending disapproving looks their way.

Clarke had won against Meike and Raoul, Liri didn't deign to join and Aeryn gracefully refused, complimenting Clarke for her resistance. Faith had been dying to participate and pouted the all time as Malaya kept holding her back.

Then Katarina had joined. Soon the smug looking Clarke turned into a sorry ass.

He wishes he could laugh at the memory.

 **{back at the fire}**

" _She's right_ ", Faith starts to say, but Nyx interrupts her as soon as she talks.

" _We attack tomorrow._ "

She stands up, looking at the people around her for the first time that night.

" _The Queen wants to kill Clarke in plain sight, she will do it in the public square for everyone to see. We attack then. There will be the whole Royal Guard, it will be way harder than how we planned, we won't have the help of the Moon soldiers. But I will lead the attack against the Queen tomorrow,_ " she turns her gaze around, catching the eyes of as many rebels as she can," _you can follow me, or you can wait for our allies._ "

She stands there then, challenging the forest and the dark, the silence and the odds all against them, she stands there, solid and lethal, the dark figure of a real fighter of Ice. Proud, strong, passionate, fierce, a warrior like their people used to be.

" _Clarke was never one of us,_ " everyone turns to Malaya, shocked that she might speak up against Nyx. " _she came into our lands only to find escape from the grief and the sorrow that would have drown her had she stayed with her people. She wasn't looking for a place to live, she was just surviving. She wasn't looking for friends, nor for the next battle, just waiting the next fight for survival in the wild nature. I doubt she intended to stay with Aeryn long when our friend first rescued her from our unforgiving forests._ "

She pauses, as if expecting somebody to attack her again before she can finish.

" _She thought she found a quiet, hard land where she could just slip away unnoticed. She told me that. Instead she is the one who saw the fire beneath the ice and she poked that fire to make it roar again. Why? She was not one of us, we weren't her people, she shouldn't have cared. But the first thing I learned about Clarke Griffin is that the girl is foolish and stubborn. Then I learned what she is foolish and stubborn about. She cares, I have no idea why, but she cares. It's dumb and it's like having a death wish, and when I told her that, she just laughed and flashed me a grin and told me that life should be about more than just surviving._

" _That was only a few weeks ago, she said after the Mountain she believed she had been wrong, life was just surviving for some people. She told me fighting with us made her believe again. A lot of people die to avoid someone else's death, a lot of people die going after somebody else's death, a great deal of people die chasing revenge. I think Clarke was never afraid of death, not for herself and not for others. I think what she hates is to see people not living, wasting their life, forgetting to live in their struggle to survive. It doesn't sit right with her, so she fights to change it. She doesn't risk her life to avoid another's death, she literally risks her life for another's_ life _._

" _And she was probably right: it doesn't make much sense. But Clarke saw the fire of our life, buried inside us, forgotten and mourned after what the Queen did to our Nation, and she fought for it. Because Clarke Griffin loves life, and it's such a dull thing to say out loud, but it makes sense with her._ "

She stops suddenly, as if realising that she's been talking too much and too fast. She looks around and tries to ignore Chayim's little smile that tells her they'll never let her get away with this sentimental crap. She sighs and decides not to make it clear that she doesn't _like_ Clarke, she just might admire her.

" _I didn't liked her, she was never one of us. But she became so, fighting at our side, putting herself on the line, leading us, pushing us to let the fire out. She is one of us now. She's an Ice rebel. And it should pain me to admit that she's probably family too at this point._ " she throws a look at Nyx and Faith and shakes her head, hiding the smile that threatened to surface.

" _We don't leave our own behind. Not even one._ "

Sensing the speech is over, the rebels raise their mugs still full of the beer they didn't feel like drinking and cheered together.

They are Ice people and their spirit is back.

* * *

The sun is high in the sky when the Queen herself walks into the square with the Royal Guard lined up all around her.

The black uniforms with gold stripes falling along the arms and the Queen's emblem embroidered on the front stand out, clearly separating the royal guards from the common soldiers dressed in the dark blue uniform of the Ice warriors. The original uniform had silver embroideries on the arms and the back, while the of Ice symbol stood proud on the front. None of the Queen's soldiers wore those uniforms any more, they represented the old alliance between the Moon Clan and the Ice Nation, the loyalty of the two leaders and the bond between their people.

The soldiers surround the square, living reminder of what Ice lost, they keep the people from leaving, forcing them to watch the execution.

The Queen walks in the square, proud and confident, she signals for Ontari and Roan to leave her side, sure of her safety with the skilled guards at her side. She theatrically addresses her people, ordering two guards to bring forward the prisoner.

The people let out sounds of disbelief, some of them turns away knowing what the Sky Princess was doing in the capital, some others cower in fear, believing the Queen when she say killing the Destroyer of the Mountain will transfer to her the woman's strength.

Wanheda walks into the square, head held high, a defiant look in her eyes, she is dirty and battered, but the Queen didn't want her bloodied and already dying, so she is mostly unharmed.

The people feel the power irradiating off of her, the ones of them who know what that woman did for their people seem to expect her to free herself at any moment and kill the Queen.

But Wanheda doesn't fight, she comes to face the Queen and smiles before spitting in her face. She's immediately wrestled to the ground, but the action stole some whispered cheering from the crowd, making the Queen furious.

But the Queen's fury has always been a silent one, even more lethal because of that, so she keeps going, ignoring the offending gesture. She shows Wanheda to the crowd, claiming she will kill her in front of them and send her head to Polis, so that the clans opposing her will cower in fear of the woman who killed Wanheda, the Commander of Death.

... ... . ... ...

Nyx is hiding with a few other rebels in the crowd, Chayim and she are going to get Clarke as soon as they have an opening, Rokh is in the crowd too with other rebels and they're going to give the people a way out of what it's soon going to become a battlefield surrounded by soldiers.

Malaya and Wit are close behind, hiding in the mostly empty streets they have cleared of soldiers. Liri, Goral, Katarina and Raoul lead the bigger waves of fighters who will be upon the soldiers as soon as the war begins. Euler, Vera, Adam and Meike are staying behind to slow down the back ups that will come from outside the city when the battle starts and the remaining rebels are taking care of the city outskirts. They left a small party near Liri's camp to wait for the Moon soldiers, should they arrive today.

Nyx thought if they can prevent the guards from sounding the alarm, they should have enough time to take care of the soldiers in the city before the back ups arrive. If they are fast enough and strike hard enough, they might be able to kill the Queen before the army outside the capital can learn what's happening.

Faith is not among the crowd, Nyx only allowed her to stay close behind with Malaya. She hides in a large worn out cloak, the hood falling over her eyes once in a while. Her hand trembles on the handle of the sword and she fights to stay put, not to run into the square. She has never seen the Queen before, and she can't quite make out her features from the distance, but she has never wanted to kill her as badly.

Suddenly she ducks behind a wall. Ontari approached the border of the square and Faith could swear she was looking right at her. But she can't have recognised, she could have barely seen her behind all those people, surely she couldn't make out who she was beneath the gigantic hood that kept her face hidden.

She carefully peeks around from behind the wall and breathes a sigh of relief when she sees that Ontari has moved on and has her back to her. And when the fear of being discovered fades, the rage comes back. It's Ontari's fault that Nyx was captured, which means it's her fault that Clarke is about to killed, and Faith wants to walk over to her and slit her throat right now. But she can't, so she settles to find her focus again and concentrate on what she's about to do.

It shouldn't be long now, the Queen is in the middle of her speech, if the soldiers expected an attack, they are not expecting it now that Clarke is securely in their hands and their Queen is surrounded by her personal guards. As the Queen goes on about how she will conquer the other clans and how the south will be hers to command, Faith's mind wanders to Nyx. What is she waiting for?

And as Faith is thinking that, and the Queen is profusely describing how she will kill the Commander of the Trikru and make their rich lands her own, Nyx sends the signal.

Everything stops for a second, they all keep quiet, perfectly still, ready to push forward and fight. The archers get the first move, the others wait for them to throw the first attack against the Royal Guard, Malaya's group comes immediately after, attacking the soldiers that surround the square, at that point Nyx and Chayim, with the cover of the second line of archers, will get Clarke, while Rokh and his group will protect the people as best as they can so that they can escape from the square. Wit's group will firstly offer cover to the people, letting them run to safety behind the lines of fighters, then they will join the battle.

In the outskirts Faith imagines the battle must have silently begun already, they didn't have to wait for the signal, as long as they could kill soldiers without nobody hearing and without letting anyone escape.

Now, seconds before the war some have been waiting for their whole lives, they remind themselves what they are fighting for. Not only the safety of their families, not only to get justice for dead relatives and friends, not just to regain control of their lands. Not for revenge, not to avoid someone's death, not to get back a safe life, a easy survival.

They fight for freedom, they fight for life, they fight to live, they fight for the passion no one can take away, not even the Queen. They fight because they are the Ice Nation.

The archers shoot their arrows and many royal guards fall, the rebels attack the soldiers from behind and take down more than half of them. The Queen's archers are already answering back, Rokh is fighting and shielding people from the flying arrows and the striking swords, Malaya has already kill more than twelve soldiers when Wit joins the great battle.

Nyx is running towards Clarke, who's fighting off the guards holding her while the Queen looks with a horror stricken face as her guards fall under the flying arrows. Royal guards are already shielding her, but her screams get lost in the noise of the battle as she tries to order the guards to take Clarke to her. Dagger in hand she tries to reach the sky princess, but her guards have to retreat as Malaya's rebels advance on them.

Nyx gets to Clarke just in time, she runs through the guard who's about to put a knife in her friend's stomach and kneels to quickly check on her. Clarke nods at her and they stand up, no words said, none needing to be said.

Clarke wouldn't have left Nyx die, Nyx wouldn't have let Clarke. They don't leave their own behind.

Nyx hands Clarke her sword and a belt with her other weapons and Clarke smiles at the dagger carefully tucked in its sheath. She takes it out and holds it in her right hand, as the left is already swinging the sword at the guards around her.

They hear screams and clashing sounds coming from the outskirts of the city and they know the battle is now raging everywhere.

Nyx and Clarke fight side to side, close to them Wit and Chayim do the same, Malaya is a death sentence dancing through the sea of guards and soldiers.

Soon they see Liri reaching the core of the battle, her armour shines of the past glory of Ice. She's wearing her old armour: dark blue, silver details and the Ice symbol, which is slightly different than the one adopted by the Queen, it's still a hand, but inside the hand is represented an eye with a gem instead of a pupil. Raoul is wearing a similar armour and he immediately falls in place at her side, the two of them starting to kill man after man.

Katarina is fighting not too far away, she is wearing an old uniform that Clarke knows to be her father's, close to her there are Goral and Kora, watching each other's back.

The battle has started and Faith is holding her own, but she realises only now all the strength she will need to resist for hours, they could be fighting all day and she understands now just how hard it's going to be for her.

Half an hour in she can't feel her arms any more, she thanks whatever gods she might believe in for her people's ability to make light but sharp swords. She can't imagine having to fight with Jivin's broadsword or Rokh's axe.

She doesn't know how long it has passed when she eventually finds herself on the ground, a soldier ready to strike her head off. She panics and struggles to get back, find a way out, she can't think about dying like that, she should have stayed close to Danae as she was told. She already almost died once in this city, and she escaped that fate, now she must do it again.

She sees a dagger on the ground, she thinks if she manages to roll on the side avoiding her opponent's sword, she might be fast enough to catch him by surprise and jab the blade in his side before he can raise the sword again.

She steels herself for the blow that she knows it's coming and she gets ready to avoid it, roll on her side, grab the dagger and thrust it in the soldier's side before his sword can leave the ground again.

But she doesn't get to do any of that because the sword falls, but it doesn't hit her, it hits the ground at her side, followed by the soldier holding it. His head instead rolls away in the dirt, blood spilling from the neck like a small waterfall of war.

She looks up to thank the rebel she expects to find and is struck at the sight of Ontari reaching out to yank her up and pull her aside.

She hasn't managed to react yet when the warrior finally makes her way to the back of a house, throwing aside whoever tried to stop her, rebels or soldiers.

When Faith finally breaks free from the gasp, she falls to the ground from the sudden release of her arm. Ontari is standing over her growling at her.

" _I told you to stay away!_ " she shouts at the girl on the ground.

Faith doesn't understand why she's still alive, but as Ontari's sword is lowered and her eyes turn upward to scan the battle they left behind, Faith sees her opening, the only opening she will get.

She jumps to her feet, quickly unsheathing one of Ontari's knives from her belt and goes to point it at the girl's throat, but her wrist is immediately taken in a vice like grip. Ontari snarls at her and twists her hand until she's forced to let the knife go. She watches as it falls to the ground with her only hope to kill the warrior.

" _Why are you here, Faith? Why couldn't you stay away!_ " Ontari's voice is angry, furious and her face is twisted with rage.

But what Faith notices is that Ontari used her name, so she must remember. If days ago that would have pleased the girl, now it makes her even more furious. She remembers, and yet she sides with the Queen.

" _Why? Because I'm not a fucking traitor! I fight for my people, I fight for my freedom! I didn't sell myself to the Queen, I didn't become a slave! I refuse to turn into death machine for her like you did!_ "

Ontari watches her with no interest. " _It's called survival._ "

" _Screw survival. It's called slavery, it's called defeat, it's called cowardice! I will never surrender my dignity, my freedom and I won't sacrifice my friends like you do! I am an Ice warrior and I care about my family. You're only a poor excuse of a fighter, barely a soldier, a puppet. You gave it all up for what? Huh? What did you give me up for?_ " Faith is shouting, if she can't kill Ontari, she will at least let her know what she thinks about her before the warrior kills her.

But she wasn't expecting to be slapped.

She looks up at the taller girl and she's shocked to see hurt in the other's eyes.

" _I didn't give you up._ " Ontari hisses before finding her voice again.

" _What choice did I have? Nobody came to save me when the Queen took me, I had to learn how to survive. I was lucky, she wanted me alive. But I didn't just betray my family, I had to survive._ "

Faith is still furious, she still hates her, yet she can't help but feel the need to correct her, never wanting the other to think they just abandoned her. " _We thought you were dead. We were sure. We looked for you, I looked for you for so long, but you were gone for good. Then I saw you here, a personal guard of the Queen! How could you?_ "

Ontari looks down for a second, almost as if she were tired and didn't want to argue. " _I hope you never learn that there are many things worse than death._ "

That gets Faith's attention. " _What do you mean?_ "

But Ontari shakes her head and seems to remember that there's a war going on just metres away from them. " _You need to leave. Now._ "

" _No. The Queen is going to die. We're going to win, we're going to-_ "

Ontari jerks her arm forward and roughly pushes her behind her, then rushes to run her sword through the soldier who caught them hiding. He dies before he can register what's happening. Faith is left to stare at how lethal Ontari looks right now.

" _You are never going to win. She's too strong._ " she snarls turning back to Faith.

" _You want us to win_ " the redhead realises. Ontari shakes her head, but Faith presses on. " _Yes. You do. Help us then, join us, it's not too late._ "

She doesn't know why she's yet again trying to get her old friend to resurface, but Ontari's face seems conflicted for a second and that's enough of an answer for Faith.

" _You didn't kill me the first time we met when you should have, you saved me now killing the very soldiers you should be fighting with. You don't want me dead._ "

Ontari growls at that, but she doesn't say anything. So Faith takes a chance.

She slowly and carefully makes her way to Ontari, stopping when the other raises her bloodied sword and waiting until she deems it safe enough to gently push the blade back down and taking the few steps that still separate them.

When she's in her space, she leans in and she hugs her, she doesn't let Ontari step away, forcing her to stay in the embrace, stiff as she might. Incredibly slowly she starts to turn them a little.

" _I still believe in you, Ontari._ " she whispers before sprinting forward, away from the hands that try to catch her.

Ontari, surprised by the hug, takes a second too long to recover and run after the girl, when she catches up, Faith is already back into the fight. She sees Ontari and smiles, " _If you don't want me to die, you'll have to fight with me and make sure I don't get myself killed_ ", she screams over the clashing of her own sword against her opponent's. Then she puts some more bodies between them so that Ontari can't attempt to drag her away again.

To her surprise, Ontari does have her back. She fights off rebels as well, but she kills any soldier getting too close to the fighting red headed rebel.

... ... . ... ...

The battle goes on for hours, soldiers have tried to reach the capital and the war rages outside as well as inside. They are deciding the fate of the Ice Nation, but some fight for death, some fight for life.

That day, Ice has its warriors back.


	30. Goral's song

**A/N: First of all, thanks to my beta :)**

 **I must say I'm disappointed with the last part of this chapter. I've been waiting to write the clexa meeting for a year and now it came in a very busy and messy period, so it didn't come out as I wished, but you've waited long enough so... A huge THANK YOU for bearing with me all through this never ending slow burn.**

 **This will be the last chapter for a while because I'm going away (gotta go to Glasgow) and I don't know when I'll be back writing, maybe before Christmas, maybe later.**

 **I mostly use the italic for sentences written in English but meant to be in another language, be it Trigedasleng or Italian. And if there are no " " it's someone's thoughts.**

 **Come find me on tumblr (username is justawordunsaid) or on twitter (Sara_NobodyO)**

 **If you like it, please leave a review! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter Twenty-Nine: Goral's song**

The battle in and outside the city has been going on for hours, they are now well into the afternoon and the rebels find themselves greatly outnumbered. The Queen has gone back to the palace, leaving a line of dead bodies behind her, and the Royal Guard is focused on defending it, making it impossible for the rebels to attempt to break in. More archers have come and are shooting from the safety of the palace, for the rebel archers is now very hard to put them down.

Outside the situation might be even worse, more soldiers keep coming and they didn't expect so many, Adam and Meike are struggling to keep fighting, their fighters are tired and worn out. There is still no sign of the army camped a few hours away from the capital though, and that would be a great thing if it weren't that their situation is becoming more and more desperate with the passing time.

The soldiers are trained to resist very long in battle, they have been to war, they are prepared for it, most of the rebels never took part in a real battle and soon they won't be able to hold a sword any longer. Some of them turned to alternative ways of fighting, small groups of rebels threw aside their swords in favour of daggers and, drawing the soldiers into the forest, they used the cover of trees to attack them on a more favourable ground.

The rebels are people who grew up in villages and forests, they know how to fight among the trees better than the soldiers, they know how to hide and how to surprise, they have better chances in the shadows of frozen woods.

So that's the strategy Meike opted for. Euler and Meike lead half of their group to lure the soldiers in the forest and kill them silently, while Adam and Vera stay with the rest of the rebels to protect the city walls and make sure no more soldiers can pass to go aid the Queen.

... ... . ... ...

Inside the walls the rebels who stayed behind have managed to conquer some terrain, pushing through to try and clear the rest of the city so that those who are fighting around the palace won't get surrounded by newcomers.

But in the centre of the capital the Queen's men are quickly gaining the upper hand.

Malaya has been injured and she struggles to fight, although refuses to leave the battle and find shelter somewhere. Nyx and Katarina are trying to cover her sides as she stubbornly keeps mowing soldiers on her path. Clarke and Chayim are in a similar formation with a badly hurt Wit in the middle, Raoul is bleeding profusely from a large wound and still trying to hold his own against a group of soldiers. Liri is the one dealing better, trained to resist long in war, she's still killing men fast and efficiently.

Clarke keeps scanning the fighting mass hoping to see her friends still alive. She has lost sight of Goral, Kora, and Xavier and she hopes they managed to stick together still, once in a while she catches sight of Rokh's axe, but she hasn't seen Jivin in too long. The last time she saw Faith was more than half an hour ago, at least Clarke believes so, and it's getting more and more difficult for her to look out for the others while keeping Wit and herself alive.

At some point, she catches red hair in the bloodied battlefield and she struggles to see as Faith is disarmed by two men, the expression on her face of someone too tired to fight back any longer. She shouts to get Liri's attention and point the woman in the girl's direction, but she knows it's too late as she herself attempts to fight her way to Faith, failing as three more men stand in her way.

She looks in horror as Faith keeps fighting with her daggers, clearly in disadvantage against two swords. Then, much to her utter surprise, a black-dressed warrior cuts through the soldiers, throwing them away from Faith without even looking at them. She realises in shock that the guard is Ontari, the one who should be the Queen's right hand according to the people of the capital, the one who fought Nyx at Roan's side.

As she keeps watching she notices that the guard actually has Faith's back, she looks as the young rebel turns away from Ontari to fight other soldiers and she follows, trying yet again to get near her.

Clarke has no time to think about the guard's reasons, Faith seems safe for now, so she goes back at Wit's side and resumes fighting with the two boys.

... ... . ... ...

Another hour passes and Nyx knows their chances at winning are less and less each passing minute. She watches her people fall, already a third of them is down, fatally injured or dead already, the ones still standing are bleeding and struggle to raise their weapons. She has lost sight of Clarke and Wit and Malaya's wound is only getting worse as she keeps striking as hard as she can.

She can't see Faith, Goral or Rokh, there is no sign of Xavier, the only one still clearly visible is Liri in her bloodied armour. She thanks the spirits for the ones of them who have been to a war before since they're the only one still fighting as hard as before. She herself can feel her body screaming in pain, her arms refuse to raise the sword any more times and she knows she will soon have to leave her sword in favour of lighter weapons, as many have done already.

She admires Katarina's resistance at her side, her fury, and her strength as she kills any soldier who gets too close to Malaya, but she got hit too and she's bleeding from her side and from her back, she won't resist much longer either.

Nyx is starting to consider the retreat. They won't have a second chance at taking the capital, if they retreat now the Queen will have the whole army waiting for them next time. She'd rather die on the battlefield, trying to rescue her Nation, but she has the responsibility of all the people fighting with her, she can't ask them all to die when they have no chance to win anymore.

The feeling of defeat makes her fight harder for a while, gives her the adrenaline she needs for a moment, but her mind is working fast considering whether to call for the retreat or not.

She hears the shallow sound of Clarke's voice from far into the battlefield, she can't make out what she's saying, but as she tries to get closer and she finally catches sight of her, she understands what she's doing. Clarke is trying to speak to the rebels, she's spurring them on, urging them to keep fighting, reminding them why they're fighting, who they are.

And Nyx remembers too, they are sons and daughters of Ice and they will live for their lands and their people.

Next, she hears Liri shout an old battle cry and she joins in the chanting of voice repeating it, answering to Liri's call of strength.

... ... . ... ...

Suddenly they hear new cries coming from around the city, silver warriors in shining armours are pouring into the capital unexpected and welcomed with shouts of joy.

 _~~ "They rode into the capital on horses, their mane white as the pure moon, warriors clad in silver armour drawing slim lethal swords and shouting silent battle cries with eyes full of truth. They joined ancient allies in respect of a vow to righteous people, Ice and Moon together broke chains and ropes freeing spirits long forgotten by the world." ~~_

Ethan leads the first line of warriors bursting into the battle, he's wearing a armour similar to Liri's one and shouting the same battle cry. Behind him, the silver warriors are slaughtering soldiers like puppets.

The Moon troupes paint the capital white and red with their armours and swords.

Just like Goral sang in his story. Two ancient allies take back a forgotten honour and a chained Nation.

 _~~ "Ice has found his roar again in the moonlight." ~~_

The rebels shout their welcome to their allies and fight with renewed energy, now certain again of their victory. The Queen will fall today, Ice is theirs to take.

 _~~ "The battle, that had lasted for hours already, came to an end only a few hours after the arrival of the silver warriors, painting the sunset of red darkness and new hope. Losses were suffered on all sides, but the once feared soldiers were reduced to a few and held captive for the people to judge." ~~_

It goes as Goral sang, many of his friends remembering the words as the silver soldiers trim through the Queen's men having left their horses behind and now making their way gracefully across the battlefield.

 _~~ "Ice found its pride again and claimed its freedom, people sang their hymns again and children learned about our festivities properly. And on the day that followed the victory, a new song was heard coming from the heart of the Ice sons and daughters." ~~_

Nyx and Clarke enter the royal palace flanked by Moon warriors, their shiny armours covered in the blood of their enemy, their swords unsheathed and ready to run through bodies.

They kill every soldier they can't subdue and leave a trail of death behind them. The Moon warriors are skilled fighters and make their way into the palace in a safe formation, ready to face any danger and put it down. They are quick and efficient, fresh against the tired soldiers.

Roan doesn't try to fight, he surrenders as soon as he sees the silver warriors and makes no attempt to stop them from getting to the Queen.

Her personal guard put down, the Queen finally fights her own battle, she manages to wound two warriors before Clarke's sword finds its way at her throat. With rage burning in her eyes, she keeps struggling until Nyx takes her weapon away and the warriors tie her up.

... ... . ... ...

They won.

Ice belongs to its people once again.

As Nyx and Clarke come out into the streets again, they see that the war is won and the Moon warriors are now assisting the injured, the other rebels glad for the help as they finally let go of the weapons and breathe air stained with death but smelling of hope nonetheless.

... ... . ... ...

Clarke is doing her best to aid the wounded fighters, even though among the Moon warriors there are more than one healers who are taking care of them already. Nyx has gone to Faith, as the girl is taking Ontari's defence trying to explain that in the end she fought against the soldiers. Chayim is trying to convince Wit to lie down and let the healer do his job, Katarina is not making a big deal out of it, simply forcing Malaya to sit and wait, her hand pressed against the wound both to stop the bleeding and keep the stubborn girl from standing up.

Liri is overseeing the capture of the soldiers who are still alive, she refuses to let someone take care of her wounds until the Queen's men are securely tied up and locked somewhere easy to guard. She has easily taken the lead, ordering around rebels and Moon soldiers alike, her blue armour proudly covered in blood.

Clarke still hasn't managed to check on everyone, she's still trying to catch a sign that her friends are all alive and not knowing puts her on edge. But at some point, a messenger runs into the square where they have settled to treat the injured ones.

An army is marching on Ice. The Trikru Commander leading it.

Clarke immediately runs to find Nyx and Liri joins them immediately after. None of them has any idea what to do, they can't fight another battle and Clarke doubts she can talk Lexa out of a war.

She reasons Lexa must be there for the Queen, she can't have known about the rebellion when she left Polis with her army. So maybe if they show her Ice is secured and not in the hands of the Queen anymore, she could refrain from attacking.

As they discuss how to face the new threat, Malaya joins them with Chayim failing to support her as she shrugs off his helping hand. She has the answer, simple and clear, they have an army, a white and blue army. They go welcome the Trikru army with their joined forces, Moon warriors and Ice rebels together, they show their strength, they fight for their lands again.

That seems to be the best option as they need protection in case Clarke's wrong and Lexa orders the attack anyway, but they still hope the Commander will not attack once she learns the Queen has fallen. Because the truth is, they would probably lose a battle against one of the strongest clans of the Coalition right now.

... ... . ... ...

Katarina fights Malaya when the girl wants to go with the small army, and she must win the argument because when she meets the others outside the capital, she's alone, only Chayim trailing after her.

They also had to fight to leave Faith in the capital, but the girl eventually gave in as she remembered Ontari being tied up and guarded by Moon warriors.

Only a small party of rebels leaves with the Moon army, Nyx, Clarke, Katarina, Chayim, Ethan, and Liri. They left Malaya in charge, knowing the girl, even though badly hurt, will not accept to just sit down and wait.

Nyx and Clarke are hurt too, minor injuries, but still wounds that could be trouble should they get into a fight, so they decide to stay in the rear and let Liri, Ethan, Katarina, and the Moon general lead their small army. Chayim chose to stay with the two girls and make sure their wounds don't get worse during the short trip.

They took the horses from the royal stables so that the rebels could ride like the Moon warriors and not slow down the party.

Not even an hour later, they are met with an army of both Trikru and Skaikru and Liri doesn't know what to think of it. She recognises the woman leading the army on a dark horse, the Commander of Trikru, the same one who betrayed Clarke. She feels Katarina tense at her side and reminds herself to keep an expression of indifference.

Lexa, on her side, is shocked to see such an extensive display of warriors, she notices the silver soldiers and recognises the Moon general. The rebels called for the old ally of their Nation, and apparently, Moon has answered.

" _I am not here to fight you_ ", she speaks loudly, " _My fight is only with the Queen._ "

Liri hears someone huff behind her, the rebels probably finding it hard to believe. She steps forward anyway.

" _The Queen has fallen, Ice belongs to its people once again. You can leave your weapons and set camp in peace, but if it's my people's blood you seek, you won't only have to fight the true warriors of Ice, but the noble soldiers of the Moon Clan as well._ "

" _The Queen has fallen?_ " Lexa repeats in disbelief, behind her words travel fast in whispers and gasps.

Of all the things they expected, they surely didn't think they would have come to find the Queen already defeated. As much as Lexa was happy to see the people of Ice rebelling against the Queen, she didn't believe they could have done it on their own.

They underestimated the rebels, they didn't seem prepared to Lexa and her trained warriors, but they proved stronger than expected.

...

In the rear, Clarke can barely hear Lexa's words, but she knows the Commander is talking loud and clear. Clarke is nervous and on edge, Nyx keeps glancing at her to make sure she's okay and Clarke always offers reassuring gestures, but she is not calm as she wants to appear.

There's a battle going on in her mind, about whether she should trust Lexa or not. As much as she wishes she could just be very objective and cautious about trusting the Commander, there is an insistent and annoying voice that keeps whispering she can trust Lexa, not the Commander maybe, but she can _trust Lexa._

She doesn't want to believe it, she just wants to let Liri handle it, to let the others decide if they should believe the Commander, she wants to let Nyx, Liri, Chayim, Ethan and the Moon general consider whether listening or not.

Yet the voice keeps talking and she can't shut it up.

 _The Queen has fallen. There is no threat to her people here, the rebels will gladly accept peace with the Trikru. The Commander doesn't need to attack you, you can reason with Lexa. You can trust Lexa._

 _But you never know when and by who the Commander might feel threatened. She's still the woman who claimed she could kill people she didn't like_. The other voice retorts, and Clarke feels like there is only that voice – clearer, louder, more reasonable, and yet somehow weaker – keeping her from falling.

 _She didn't kill Octavia, though._ This time she recognises the voice as her own, weighting the two discordant opinions.

 _She even killed cold blooded her own trusted warrior for doubting us._ The loud voice again.

 _Because she's fair. The same rules that apply for her allies and even for her enemies, also apply for her own people._

Clarke hates the whispering, calm voice, it's soothing, not intrusive like the other, it makes it so easy to give into what it says, and Clarke doesn't want to.

 _Ice has always been Trikru's worst enemy. She will never not feel threatened. We can't trust her._

Yet again the small, soothing voice makes so much sense, it's unbearable for Clarke to listen to it. _Lexa is reasonable. She's a peace maker, she doesn't want war, she doesn't wish for death and violence, she wants her people safe. We can guarantee her that we won't attack her clan, she won't attack us out of nothing._

Clarke knows Lexa only betrayed them because it was best for her people, and now, for the first time she truly wonders _what if_.

If Lexa hadn't betrayed them, what would have happened?

 _You wouldn't have met Nyx. And Faith. And Aeryn. Malaya, Wit, Chayim, Goral, Liri. None of them._ Says the small voice.

 _You would still have your family, you wouldn't have had to leave your friends. They wouldn't have looked at your like a murderer. You wouldn't feel like a monster._ Says the loud one.

 _Your friends have seen you as a murderer ever since Finn, ever since the bomb in TonDC. Raven never forgave you, Octavia hated you for TonDC. Your mother wouldn't have been happy with how you did things anyway. Innocents would have died anyway. You would still have blood on your hands and your people would still blame you for every single one of them who wouldn't have made it._ Retorts the low one, just a little bit edgy.

 _You would have had Lexa._ The loud one says calmly now.

And Clarke's thoughts stop racing for a moment. She would have had Lexa.

 _You were meant to visit Polis with her._

Lexa offered her in front of the Mountain.

 _You could have seen where that kiss brought you._

She could have had a different ending. Her feelings toward the Commander could have been so different.

 _Would you give up the family you have found for time with Lexa?_ The small voice comes back, shy now.

Clarke doesn't know. Would she give up Nyx, Faith, Aeryn, all the family she has now, for some time in Polis with Lexa? For the chance to explore the possibilities with Lexa? When she first ended up in Cristallo she would have given anything for that chance. But now?

 _They healed your spirit, but you wouldn't have needed it if Lexa hadn't betrayed you._ The loud voice presses gently.

 _Wouldn't have you? The Mountain broke you, but you started breaking when you landed on earth and had to take care of your people. You broke when you killed Finn, you broke when you watched your mother walk in TonDC when the missile was about to hit it, you broke so many times. You would have been broken anyway. Who would have healed you then?_

 _Lexa._ The loud voice says victoriously. _Lexa helped you bear the weight of leading your people, she would have helped you live with the weight of the blood as well._

Clarke can't deny it, Lexa would have been there for her. But she betrayed them and Clarke broke alone.

 _You can still have Lexa. You just need to find the strength to trust her again._ The small voice soothes. _And you can also still have Nyx, Faith, Aeryn, your new family. No need to choose that way._

And it's so appealing, but can Clarke truly trust Lexa again? Won't she always fear the next betrayal?

 _It's up to you_. The small voice reminds her.

And then all the voices go quiet and Clarke is left alone in her head. She can't trust Lexa yet, she can't risk so much again. But she will let Liri make the decision for her.

And Clarke doesn't need to admit that deep down she wishes Liri to trust Lexa, just this once.

...

Liri is still doubting the Commander's intentions when Hatan makes his way through lines of warriors and steps forward at Lexa's side.

He starts explaining everything very fast, guaranteeing them the Commander means no harm to the people of Ice. Soon a woman emerges from the crowd of Trikru warriors too, Liri immediately understands she's a Sky person, as her clothes give her away. She is followed by two boys and a brunette girl and immediately starts asking for Clarke.

Lexa turns and nods to the woman before addressing Liri again and asking about the Sky Princess.

" _We know she was taken by the Queen-_ "

Before Lexa can finish her sentence, Clarke steps forward, Nyx and Chayim right behind her.

Everyone stares in shock at the battered looking Clarke, still wearing bloodied clothes and sporting wounds that still need tending to.

"Clarke", Lexa whispers, unable to contain the emotions in her voice, there's relief, hope, disbelief, shock, happiness. "You're alive".

Lexa can't do anything but stare as the girl she thought she killed walks in front of her, very much alive.

Immense relief rushes through her. The regret, the sorrow, the guilt are momentarily shut up, they have no place in the outmost happiness Lexa is feeling right now.

She forgets all the self-hatred and allows the warmth of seeing Clarke wash her clean of the pain. For just one moment she lets her breath take in pure air, untainted by the emptiness that made it hard for her to breathe.

She looks up at blue eyes and finds them struggling to avoid her, a cold wind knocks the air out then, fear crushing down on her when Clarke can't even look at her.

But then green finally meets blue and Lexa shivers and feels her heart tremble in her chest, she watches as Clarke needs to steel herself after letting her gaze settle on Lexa's. Clarke seems eager to break the contact, but it also looks hard for her to do so. Lexa knows she cannot avert her eyes.

Clarke is alive.

Clarke survived the Queen. Lexa wasn't the cause of her death.

 _Clarke is strong_ , she reminds herself. _Of course she survived. She destroyed the Mountain, saved her people, and now she escaped the Queen, fooling death once more._

Lexa is barely aware that she's smiling, but she can't help it, her lips more upward and she could do nothing to stop it. It feels so good to finally be able to smile at Clarke after months of fear and regret. It feels so refreshing to look into those eyes once again, seeing the life there, feeling her own spirit roar in answer to the fire of Clarke's. After months of punishing herself, she can take a break, in the end, because Clarke is safe and her soul doesn't need to break any more.

Her heart beats furiously in her chest as she watches the woman she longs to take in her arms, to kneel before and beg for a forgiveness she can't ask.

She knows she cannot apologise to Clarke for the choice she made, but oh how she wishes she could. The Commander demands that she stays strong and confident in her decisions, the Spirit urges her never to betray her position for love. But Lexa knows, one day something will break and the girl who has been suppressing herself all this time will refuse to stay silent any longer.

She dreads the day when Lexa and the Commander will clash and fight for control. She fears she will not be strong enough, she is terrified of what could happen if she were strong enough.

For now, she simply revels in the balsam that is Clarke's presence, she lets Clarke soothe the ache in her soul.

"Clarke!" at the same time, Abby shouts and runs to her daughter.

Katarina and Chayim immediately move in front of Clarke protectively, halting the woman. Clarke reassures them it's okay and lets her mother hug her. To Abby's annoyance, Clarke breaks the embrace quickly to ask what she's doing with Lexa's army.

"She came to us saying the Queen had you. She promised she could get you back with our weapons' assistance." Abby dismisses quickly. "What are you doing? Why are you covered in blood? You need to tend to those wounds!"

Clarke shrugs, "Not all of that blood is mine", she catches Chayim smiling slightly at that. "And I will tend to those wounds, but we were in a hurry when a messenger came to tell us an army was marching against Ice."

At that, Hatan assures again that they can trust the Commander.

"Yeah, that's what I thought once too".

Lexa grits her teeth and notices how the dark haired girl behind Clarke steps closer to the blonde protectively.

"I thought you were dead. When the Commander told us the Queen had you..." Abby trails off, her hand reaching for Clarke's cheek.

"It's okay, Mom. I'm fine." Then she addresses Lexa for the first time. "How did you know the Queen had me?"

It has barely been a day, it was impossible for Lexa to know Clarke was in the Queen's hands.

"Some of my scouts reported seeing soldiers of the Queen holding you captive, Clarke, they said they were taking you to her." Lexa struggles to keep her voice from trembling. She thought Clarke would have been dead, she dared hoping, but she never actually believed she could find her alive. Yet, here she is, the woman who fell from space.

Clarke tries not to shiver at the way Lexa says her name, focusing on her words instead. Lexa must be referring to her capture during the journey. Of course, she couldn't know Nyx and the rebels saved her that time too. After all, she has been in the Queen's hands eventually, but they saved her again, right before Lexa could get to her, Clarke could laugh at it. But Lexa would have been late anyway, the Queen was already about to kill her when the rebels attacked.

"The soldiers didn't manage to bring me to her that time." she looks at Nyx behind her and the brunette gives her a supportive nod.

Clarke turns to her mother, "It's okay, I'm alright. The Queen has fallen".

"You attacked Ice and you won." Lexa's voice holds respect as she addresses the rebels once again.

"We did, Commander." Liri confirms.

"Maybe you could show us. I really want to see the Queen defeated and they have healers, they could help", Hatan interjects.

Liri glares daggers at him and speaks before Ethan gets a chance to accept.

"We are not going to lead an army of enemies into the capital."

"We don't have to be enemies. With the Queen defeated, there can be a new alliance between Azgeda and Trikru." Lexa offers. "And our healers would be happy to help."

Liri is about to refuse again, but Ethan whispers to her they could really use the healers.

"Clarke, we can help", Abby tries to reason with her daughter.

Clarke looks at Liri and Nyx, "My mother is a doctor, she can actually be a lot of help."

"What about the others?"

Lexa stares in shock as the rebels all look at Clarke and the brunette girl.

Clarke looks at Nyx, not wanting to trust Lexa, but having to admit that they could use help with the injured ones. The brunette stares right back at her, understanding the other's conflict, then nods to the blonde and addresses the Commander.

"You can enter the capital with your healers, no warriors, and no weapons."

Indra immediately protests, coming to a stop at Lexa's side and falling silent at the raised hand.

"My general will come with me, we will all leave our weapons." she negotiates.

Clarke nods her acceptance and Nyx voices the accord.

As Lexa gives order for the healers to step forward, take medical supplies and leave the weapons behind, Octavia and Bellamy run to meet Clarke.

"I'm glad you're alive", Octavia says, "and you have a lot of explaining to do!"

Clarke chuckles and greets Lincoln with a smile as he steps up behind Octavia, and promises she will tell them the whole story. Other Sky People step forward to greet Clarke and soon the party is ready to go back to the capital.

Indra is still trying to reason with her Commander, Lexa is ignoring her, and the Moon general offers to stay with the Moon troupes to guard the Trikru army.

... ... . ... ...

On the way back to Ice, Abby refuses to leave Clarke's side, Octavia and Lincoln follow behind with Bellamy, the boy greatly annoyed by how the rebels stay close to Clarke as if not trusting her people. Clarke insisted the Sky People left their weapons behind as well and he doesn't feel safe unarmed surrounded by so many grounders. He doesn't understand why she would do something like that, they are her friends, her family, why wouldn't she trust them?

Lexa struggles to deal with her feelings for the whole trip to the capital, Indra is finally quiet at her side and Hatan is the only cheerful one, he is in the front talking with other rebels, who are telling him about the battle.


	31. Hear me out - Author's Note

**Author's Note**

I will likely eliminate this note soon, but hear me out.

This story is probably going to be VERY long, too long. So I'm cutting it in at least two parts. The first part is finished, it ends with the clexa reunion and we can consider it a prequel to the next part in which Clarke and Lexa will be together facing threats and marvels. Clarke and Lexa will have time to get closer again because I decided not to send them back to Polis and Arkadia just yet, I want to explore one more thing in the Ice Nation and possibly introduce a character that might be important further on [honestly I say "might be" because I don't know the whole story yet, it's a journey for me as it is for you]. Also, I want Lexa to spend time in the Ice Nation and get to know the rebels.

This story started off as a fanfiction of medium length, I wanted Clarke to end up in the Ice Nation and I wanted her to be on more equal grounds when she meets Lexa again, I also wanted the angst and the pining, I wanted to leave them time to heal and understand better, I wanted Clarke to find herself on Earth and to see the two sides of Lexa – the woman and the Commander –, then I meant to reunite them and let Clarke forgive Lexa, let the two of them finish to heal together and find happiness. I did not mean to give life to so many new characters. But the authors never control their stories, they tell them but they don't make 'em up. The story unravels for us and we just write it down with the right (hopefully) words. And this story didn't want to be secluded and limited. Characters started to pop up and the Ice Nation demanded to be heard and its story to be told. And who am I to deny a story its voice?

I don't know how many of you still read this work, how many are still interested, I don't imagine a lot, but for those who are, the rebels' journey goes on and we're heading for the mountains… Hop on for the ride.

That said, I'm changing the status of this story as completed. I don't know when Part 2 will be out, but I hope I can be done with the first chapter soon. I'm moving in a couple of months, I'm going to live and study in Scotland and it'll be a hell of a journey, I have never lived on my own before and it's going to be in a country where people don't even speak my native language, it's going to be difficult and hella busy, but it's the beginning of my own journey and I'm as excited for it as I am terrified. That means I don't have much time to write, if any at all, but I will do my best.

Thanks to everyone who has read, a huge THANK YOU to everyone who has left comments and I hope to find you in the comments to the second part as well! It's been a beautiful journey with you guys, I hope you still want to follow me for the next one.

If you have questions or are too curious and want a spoiler or simply want to chat, you can always find me here: justawordunsaid . tumblr . com

I wish everyone a splendid and joyful New Year!

\- _FallingArtist_

P.S.

The title of Part 2 is probably going to be "Silver shore", if I don't change my mind.


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